Hey, I'm new. (this is a little long... forgive me)

[heavyfnmetal]

Hello out there in internet land. I'm new to this site (obviously), and hope to gain some semblance of an education of sorts. I apologize for the length of this post, but this situation is all still kind of new to me. I have a lot on my mind.

As some sort of introduction... I'm bi to some extent, and pretty much have been my entire life. Only I didn't know what those feelings were exactly until I was about 12. I denied it and ignored it until I was about 15 or 16. At that point I denied it but acknowledged that those feelings did in fact exist in me. I didn't really accept it until I was about 19 or 20 and still, at 24, have some difficulty understanding/accepting it.

My attraction to males lies mainly in the effeminate type of male. Which made my friend (who I came out to recently) jokingly ask "emo kids? some of them are kinda hot..."

I recently came out to a very close, straight male friend of mine (first coming out ever, for me), and he was cool with it. He even noticed that I was freaking out and gave me a hug to try and get me to chill out a little. I'm not exactly big on hugging, especially from guys, but it did make me feel a bit better knowing that he actually cares, and isn't totally freaked out or disgusted by it. I really appreciated the support. It's really weird for me to be the one doing the talking and being the one actually admitting to needing some kind of support.

Now I have to decide whether or not to come out to the rest of my friends and family... that won't be any kind of nightmare at all... *sarcasm*. I have a fear of rejection... kind of. I fear being rejected by my friends and family. I'm not a big "social" person, I have a small, close group of friends, so my relationships with them are meaningful. To lose one or some or all would be pretty painful... not that I wouldn't get over it in time, but I'd rather not go through that.

I've never acted on my feelings toward males, but the thoughts still roll around in my head from time to time. I've always known what "attractive" is... like what a female might find attractive in a male. It's weird... going through life, hanging out with my friends, and if one them points to a guy and says something to the effect of "he has pretty eyes" or something like that, a lot of the time I'd be thinking "she's right", or "yeah, he does".

I'm still a little freaked out about the fact that I actually came out. I'm glad that it went well though. Now I just have to figure out where to go with this or what to do next.

Enough rambling for now, there's probably more I'd like to say, but I fear if I haven't lost you already, I just might if I continue.

[Skater Boy]

Welcome, dude! Always good to have a few more metalheads on board. You should fill in your profile information and maybe add some photos so that we can all read/see what you're like.

Skaterboy \m/

[slipperybird]

Welcome!
Hey, I really didn't think it was that long, just interesting.
If you'd write more, I'd definitely read it ;)

[arana]

Welcome to the group! There are lots of interesting, friendly and helpful people here so I hope you enjoy your stay and gain the knowledge you hope to find.

As far as "coming out"...don't stress it. Unless you're planning on having sex with one or all of them soon there's really no rush. True friends will love you just the same once they find out. Your one friend has already proven that.

Best of luck to you!

[AdamKadmon43]

Hi ... nice to meet ya.

Welcome aboard.

(And please do not believe anything that they say about me in here. I am actually NOT a fruitcake and an asshole and a social misfit. They are just being viscious and spiteful and vindictive.)

:) :) Just kidding. :) :)

Glad to have you in our little community. You will find here, for the most part, some the world's nicest, kindest and most understanding people. I rarely ever agree with a damn thing that any of them ever have to say, but they are nice anyhow. :tongue:

Adam

[LWynn4]

welcome to Shangri-la, juggalo

[kitten]

Welcome! Glad you found us!

and thanks for sharing your story.
As Arana said, take your time. Coming out to yourself is a big step. I am open to only a few and figured if I wasn't going to tell them about my sex life if I was hetero - why would I tell them about my preferences as a bi person? That helped me decide who needed to know.
Honestly , it turned out, very few.

This site is a great place to be when you need to talk, ask questions or just hang out!

see ya around the site,

[Ophelia]

Hi there!

I agree with pretty much everybody else. I can relate to a lot of what you said and I understand what's like to know what you are inside and the issue of telling others in the hopes they will accept you for that.

(wave) Welcome to the party, Heavy. Hope to see more posts from you.

[shameless agitator]

Welcome to the family man. Headbangers unite! While I would agree with the others that you should take your time & only come out when you're comfortable, I would encourage you to do so at some point. I'll put my soapbox away for now and stay away from the social poilitcs, but if you want the people you care about to really accept you, don't you want them to know who you really are? Not that your sexuality defines you, but it is a big part.:2cents:

[Azrael]

\M/ HAIL!!!!! \M/
Nice to see another metalhead among us!!!!
I look forward to picking your brain :bigrin:
Any time u need to talk about whatever, I'm available.
Welcome to the family.

-Tom


'When night falls
she cloaks the world
in impenetrable darkness.
A chill rises
from the soil
and contaminates the air
suddenly...
life has new meaning.'
-Burzum

[TaylorMade]

Hey... Your friend is a good dude. :)

As to your family... take your time, as you become comfortable... let it be up to you if you want to come out. :)

But, yeah... your friend is a good dude.

*Taylor*

[heavyfnmetal]

Thanks for all the positive responses, I really appreciate what you've all responded with. So far this place doesn't seem too bad, and it's nice to have an entire community of people similar to myself at my fingertips.

Currently, well... not right at the very minute, I'm trying to devise a plan to tell a few of my close friends about myself in a way that won't make them freak out or... whatever kind of negative reaction they might react with.

I'd like to tell my mother as well, but like... how do I tell her I like guys (not as much as I like girls, but still)? She's always been pretty tolerant about homosexuality, but that was in people that weren't her son. She knows I'm pretty fuckin' weird, but in our family, it's expected. No one in our family is right in the head, not even on my dads side. But sexuality is a bigger issue than just being odd...

She knows I have and have had gay or bi friends in the past, she knows I'm "tolerant". She's had gay friends, I've known them... she was cool with them. But, like I said before, I'm her son... it's gonna be different, I can't feel it.

Anyway, you've all been great, thanks for the replies, metal rules, I'm down with the clown (down for life, yo)... and stuff.

[Skater Boy]

Here's a song to help inspire you on your journey. Its Maiden's "The Prisoner"... I find the lyrics are somewhat liberating:

I'm on the run, kill to eat
You're starving now you're dead on your feet
Going all the way, nature's beast
Do what I want and do as I please

Run, fight, to breathe, it's tough
Now you see me, now you don't
Break the walls... I'm coming out

Not a prisoner I'm a free man
And my blood is my own now
Don't care where the past was
I know where I'm going ... out

If you kill me, it's self defense
If I kill you then I call it vengeance
Spit in your eye I will defy
You'll be afraid when I call out your name

Run, fight, to breathe, it's tough
Now you see me now you don't
Break the walls... I'm coming out

Not a prisoner I'm a free man
And my blood is my own now
Don't care where the past was
I know where I'm going ... out

I'm not a number I'm a free man
I'll live my life how I want to
You'd better scratch me from your black book
Cos I'll run rings round you

(its on the 666 album, btw).

[izzfan]

Welcome Heavyfnmetal - great to have another heavy metal fan on the forum. Rock on! [Brilliant idea posting the maiden lyrics Skater Boy. Maiden are by far one of the best bands ever]

As for the whole 'coming out' thing, there are numerous ways to approach this:

- are you sure you want to come out? It seems unlikely in your situation but sometimes coming out can cause more harm than good. Coming out is always something that must be thought about carefully because once you've done it you can't undo it.

-One way of coming out is to discuss recent events which relate to LGBT stuff [like the ENDA in America and the controversy about it being split into 2 bills.... look at Marie Delta's thread about it for more info] with your friends/family in general conversation and drop subtle hints about your sexuality within the conversation, this can lead to coming out or at least lessens the 'shock factor' if you come out later .

- If you do come out, make it clear about your sexuality as they may get the wrong idea and think that you are 100% gay rather than biseuxal, this can lead to all sorts of misunderstandings.

- Have lots of literature and information about bisexuality ready in case your friends and/or family hold inaccurate/stereotypical views about bisexuality

- A pre-emptive coming out is always better than just showing up with another bloke that you fancy/have asked out and saying "hello, I'd like you to meet my boyfriend" - that is one way NOT to come out.

- Everyone's parents react differently to their kids coming out so I guess it is an induvidual matter. If you do come out give them time to come to terms with it - however, although your mum might disapprove at first, from what you've said it doesn't seem likely that she would react too badly if you came out [although I'm only basing this on what you've written].

- choose a good time to come out [eg: don't come out if your mum is under a lot of stress about anything etc... wait until you think it is a good time to come out]

Anyway, good luck whatever you decide to do

Izzfan :flag2:

[heavyfnmetal]

Maiden lyrics... fuckin' awesome. Iron Maiden is friggen epic, I really should get into them more.

And thanks for options and ideas there, Izzfan. This place is turning out to be pretty helpful.