The Advocate: Half the battle of being bisexual is proving he exists.

[glantern954]

http://www.advocate.com/exclusive_detail_ektid49066.asp

[anne27]

Very good and well written article! Thanks for posting that GL.

[fortyniner1]

Great article! Thanks for providing us this timely story. By the way, I am a big GL fan too!!

[mistymockingbird]

Love it. Thanks for sharing.

[DiamondDog]

interesting article.

I liked his puns and jokes but I haven't had any trouble with people like he has had.

But I do get tired and bored of the "poor us" victim mentality that some bisexuals have where they just sit around and feel bad that nobody gets us, or that we're invisible.

[shameless agitator]

Great article. Thanks GL. Sometimes it's just nice to hear that somebody else has been through the same bullshit.

[glantern954]

I have felt like the writer of this does at times. But with so many gay people using bisexuality to transition to being homosexual I can see where many could believe that it is probably the case for everyone.

As long as we keep our bisexuality hidden, the longer this perception will continue. I think there is definetly a lot more we could be doing as a community to be taken seriously, myself included.

I think for most of us, it really isn't that important as long as we maintain long term opposite-sex relationships. What do we have to gain by being more public about our sexual orientation? I can think of a few things, but most of them aren't worth risking a career, or the love of a partent, or the respect of a friend. Unless of course we choose a long term relationship with a same-sex partner. Then the benefit may be worth the risks.

As frustrating as it may be, even taking the time to defend your sexuality at least makes you visible to someone who may have only known ex-"bisexuals". Why should gay people acknowledge and accept us when all we do is contradict the notion that their sexual orientation is not a choice?

I apologize if this is a bit of a ramble or if if it comes off wrong. I have been in a weird place about this lately. I spent the last 3 years of my life making a significant effort to come out and to promote bi-visibilty only to finally learn that the stuff we are un-happy about really isn't important enough for most of us to do anything about. I'm stating that as an observation, not as a criticizm.

I started to write this when I posted the article, I just didn't have the energy to write the words at the time.

|o|

[glantern954]

Great article! Thanks for providing us this timely story. By the way, I am a big GL fan too!!


Ahh, but WHICH GL? :)

[fortyniner1]

My favorite is Hal Jordan, because I grew up with him. I do like Kyle Rayner, and I am not that crazy about the Parallax theme now. I do not care for Guy Gardner, but I do like John Stewart and I simply love Kilowog, ya poozer!

[glantern954]

My favorite is Hal Jordan, because I grew up with him. I do like Kyle Rayner, and I am not that crazy about the Parallax theme now. I do not care for Guy Gardner, but I do like John Stewart and I simply love Kilowog, ya poozer!

Exactly the same here.

[naive]

Why should gay people acknowledge and accept us when all we do is contradict the notion that their sexual orientation is not a choice?


are u claiming that bisexuality is a choice? or do u mean that as bis we have greater choice because there are roughly twice as many people that we can be attracted to?

for me personally, i don't think that i chose to be attracted to both men and women. i would find it much easier if i were monosexual but i'm not gonna lie to myself anymore. if i had a "choice", i would much rather choose a life where i wouldn't have to go through any biphobia.

[glantern954]

No. I'm not saying bisexuality is a choice. But it is easier for us to choose who we end up with, for whatever reason. Even if that reason is homophobia.


are u claiming that bisexuality is a choice? or do u mean that as bis we have greater choice because there are roughly twice as many people that we can be attracted to?

for me personally, i don't think that i chose to be attracted to both men and women. i would find it much easier if i were monosexual but i'm not gonna lie to myself anymore. if i had a "choice", i would much rather choose a life where i wouldn't have to go through any biphobia.

[Azrael]

Great article, even if it made me sad :(

[calvink2005]

Thanks - what a good read, right on the money.:2cents:

[folk2punk]

I think the best part is his comparisson to Alice and the Unicorn. I'll believe (respect) you if you do the same for me. This is an important key to any self-identity. Whether its sexuality, or the car you drive.

[DiamondDog]

I think he should have taken a more militant tone in his article.

One where he should have said, this is how I am fuck everyone who does not understand it, I'm not going to feel bad about something natural to me, or let other people who don't get it or understand me drag me down.

He should have at least written about positive viewpoints too instead of just negative ones.

Not ALL gay men hate bisexuals or don't understand people who aren't homosexual, and many of my best friends are gay men and they understand me, and I've never had issues with gay men not understanding me or not accepting me.

Also I've dated and had relationships with gay men and it's not a big deal that I'm romantically and sexually attracted to men but not purely homosexual like they are.

I'm sure he's been involved with gay men in the past who are like this, so why not write about them too?

He's involved with a gay man since he referenced his homosexual boyfriend in the article. So why not write about how they met, what he's like/how he's accepting, or their current relationship?

Also if he has a boyfriend why is he taking other men out on blind dates? Was it even a date or was it just picking out a clueless gay man he met online and meeting in reality?

He didn't really write a lot of details about what they did, where they went, or what other things they talked about. It was a blind date with a stranger he met on MySpace and the way he described the guy it's no wonder they didn't go on a 2nd date or have a relationship as friends. I wouldn't even want to take a guy like that on a date, and most of the blind dates I've been on have been complete failures or I'm not compatible with the other person and it's just another experience.

Is he even sure that the gay man he met up with didn't want to date him simply because he's bisexual? Did both people even consider it to be a date?

I've met up with guys for coffee who I've met online but I make it clear that it's just meeting up, that it's not a date.

Some of the gay guy's questions weren't that offensive.

Questions like asking him if he prefered one gender over the other or what sex with a woman is like, how are those offensive?

Yeah the question about experimentation was kinda crass but I've asked the same thing to people who I've dated who say that they're into bondage/SM yet don't know what they're doing or just lie about how they're very experienced when they're new at it.

I did think that it was funny yet weird how the author of the article said that all the hetero women he knows think that hetero men are secretly bisexual or omnisexual, and how he thinks that hetero men aren't really that secure in their heterosexuality and just get drunk and have sex with men and how this somehow doesn't count.

He is right about one thing though, I have had some gay/bi men fetishize me since they tell me that having sex with me is the closest thing to having sex with a real heterosexual guy. I would even do some role play where I play a hetero cop that they've captured and tied up and they're interrogating, or where I'm watching TV and ignoring them and then we have sex since that's their #1 fantasy.

Does it really even matter how other people view us?

I don't care if people think I'm gay since it's not like it matters and I don't always pass as heterosexual anyway (however one even does that?), and I don't care if other people don't understand me since I understand myself better than anyone else ever will.

[parkwings]

I don't care if people think I'm gay since it's not like it matters and I don't always pass as heterosexual anyway (however one even does that?), and I don't care if other people don't understand me since I understand myself better than anyone else ever will.[/QUOTE]

good point