Don't know what to do

[funkycat36]

Hi - I know that I am the only person that can solve my dilemma but I am so confused and I thought you might be able to offer some words of wisdom.

I have been with my g/friend for 3 yrs. For the last 12 mths I have struggled as I have become sexually attracted to men after thinking I was a lesbian for 8 years. My g/f knows all about this and just says I need to decide who I want to be with. But I can't decide.

I love her but there is a part of me that wants to try out these new feelings. She is not open to me exploring so its a decision of stay and ignore them or leave and try them out. I slept with men for 9 years so its not like I have not been there before. What do I do? If I leave I think I will regret it as part of me feels she is the love of my life but if I stay am I missing out?

Help.

[naive]

everyone will agree that only u can make the decision of what u will end up doing. but that never is enough when u really need advice.

i can't directly relate to ur situation but i can draw parallels to bisexuality in general. if u really are bi, then u should ideally be with someone that accepts who u are. if u really love her, and she loves u, then she should trust that u will come back to her if/once u satisfy ur curiosity. if u really think that if/once u do, then it is out of ur system and u will go back to her, then ur relationship should be stronger for it. but if u actually think that once u go back to men, then u can't stay committed to her then u need to be honest with her about that as well.

if u know that she is the type of person that won't accept u as bi, then u need to ask urself what is more important to u. testing ur curiosity or remaining faithful to someone that u love but who denies ur true identity? since u have already been with me before, u should know what ur "missing out" on, and is that more important to u than the love that u have now?

[funkycat36]

Thanks for your response. I don't know anyone in my situation and I feel so alone so any suggestions are gratefully rcvd.

This is so painfull as so much is at stake. I never really enjoyed sleeping with men so I don't know why I am having all these feelings now.

I am trying to be open and trust that the answer will come but its so hard.

[allbimyself]

Unfortunately, fluctuating desires are common among some bisexuals. Your desire for men may continue to grow or it may recede without fulfillment. This leaves you with no easy answers. The question you have to ask yourself, and continue to ask yourself as these feelings grow, shrink and otherwise change, is if the desire is stronger than your desire to maintain your relationship.

Yes, it would be easier if your partner gave you the freedom to explore, but then she'd be a different person that you may not have the same feelings for. Keep in mind that these difficulties are not limited to bisexuals, str8 and gay people have them, too, we just have to deal with an added dimension affecting our desires. Rarely are our committed partners ever EXACTLY that which we desire at all times for anyone, bi, str8 or gay. This means that the gender of the person you desire being different than your partner really isn't a factor. How would you expect her to feel if your desire was for another woman but with larger or smaller breasts and a different hair color/style? It really is that simple to her.

Perhaps you could analyze why you have a desire for men and see if there is someway that your partner could provide that. I know that doesn't always work, but it can at other times.

Good Luck.