Okay i finally got the guts Here are some Poems tell me what you think!

[AlaskanGirl]

-------------Flash back --------
Fire burned as she reached out,
no one heard the small girls cry.

Her thoughts were hot with frear
here throat hot as a dry summer drought.
here thoughts were innocent about dying.

ANother small cry,
forced a ferce rafe as the girls eyes faught,
She found here sister of 3 years her junior.
A tear slipped from her eyes,
all she wanted was to die.

She moved around her once home,
and wonke in the bright of day.

Just another flash back she thought with a shutter.

___________________to my baby sister that died in our house fire.

*im only going to post one more. If you all want more i will think about posting more. but for now two will work....

-------------------Balence---------------------------------------

the clouds father,
but no release.
My hear over flowes,
but no drops are spilt.
Why do things always stop half way?

where is the thunder
who makes my heart,
skip and fear light my eyes.
giving me an excuse to curl to my lover?

Or the lightning who gives us strangth,
for she makes you stop in your tracks.
watching her as she strikes the ground,
almost in a lovers way.

the rain is the release from the pressures of the gods,
for even they need to shed their immortal tears.
when their tears are shedd then the sadness and happiness,
in my heart shall spill and balence shall be returned.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Well everyone i hope you enjoyed this. Please tell others to read it and have them post their thoughts.. im actually thinking about maybe publishing.. i was told im good. if i get enough good and constructive maybe i will make this a new deal. With big hugs and lots of kisses to my friends. and my family (they know who they are)
LOVE
AG

[summereclypse]

I love the first one! Both are great, but the first is my fave!:cool:

[AlaskanGirl]

thanks babe means alot comming from you!!!!


I love the first one! Both are great, but the first is my fave!:cool:

[Herbwoman39]

Please take this as constructive criticism. While I like the symbolism I am wondering if the spelling of certain words is intentional. The non-standard spelling draws attention away from the real meaning behind the poems. You may want to reconsider the spelling.

:2cents:

[MarieDelta]

Great work! loved them both :)

I agree with HW about the spelling...

other than that Great!

Thanks for posting these!

More please

[qchamp]

I understand both of those poems. Personally I couldnt care less abotu spelling, I know what ya ment.


Those are both beautiful sweetheart. Just like you!


Hope you post some of the ones you've read to me.


Your Hunnie.


Tim

[Skater Boy]

Not bad, not bad. Very personal... especially the first one. I enjoyed them, but as others have said... if you do decide to publish them in any way, you should run them through a spell-checker and/or dictionary first.

Btw, if anyone esle wants to share some of THEIR OWN poetry, it would be more than welcome...

[scottie]

excellent hunni-i told you everyone would love them
keep then comming
xxx

[AlaskanGirl]

:rolleyes:thanks everyone... i thought most of you knew that i couldn't spell LMAO! But thanks anyways. :bigrin: ;)

[naive]

:rolleyes:thanks everyone... i thought most of you knew that i couldn't spell LMAO! But thanks anyways. :bigrin: ;)

when words are the brushes with which you use to paint your masterpiece, it pays to know how to hold the brush :bigrin:

i'm far from creative, but i couldn't get past the spelling even though the message was very good.

[AlaskanGirl]

LMAO... okie dokie i will remember that for the next batch i put up.

[MarieDelta]

Something of mine:

Untitled:


Break me down into syllables and beats

My arms separate from my body

Just like a dolls, they fall apart

Each individual sings it’s own song



Break me down into syllables and beats

My head is torn, lips from eyes, nose from ears

The whole is not more than the sum of the parts

As separate kingdoms we are born

[phoenix11664]

Marie Delta,
I like your poem. But it feels incomplete to me. The last line doesn't give me any sense of resolution or closure. I feel like there's something more there . My favorite lines: "My arms separate from my body.../
My head is torn, lips from eyes, nose from ears." I can definitely relate to the feeling. I feel like that a lot lately. I could almost see this as a song.

Alaskan Girl,
I like your second poem the best. My favorite lines: "Why do things always stop half way?/ *the entire second stanza*/the last two lines." This feels like a complete poem to me and I like how the main theme is summed up in the last line of the first stanza. I like the image of two lover curled up during a storm. Id' like to see what would happen if you added more lightning imagery/used more figurative language appealing to the senses. There is one part where the wording took me out of the poem ("almost in a lovers way"). My feeling is that there is a stronger image there, something more visual or concrete.

I agree with others that the spelling took me out of the first poem. Because I can't decipher some of the words, I'm not completely sure what's happening in the poem as I read it. I feel like the last line is a little too on-the-nose. I think your audience will be able to put together what's happening without your having to state it so specifically.

I encourage both of you to keep writing and keep posting your stuff.

[AlaskanGirl]

I like your second poem the best. My favorite lines: "Why do things always stop half way?/ *the entire second stanza*/the last two lines." This feels like a complete poem to me and I like how the main theme is summed up in the last line of the first stanza. There is one part where the wording took me out of the poem ("almost in a lovers way"). My feeling is that there is a stronger image there, something more visual or concrete.



Thank you phoenix. its good encouragement to tell everyone to continue writing. Those are my feelings when i see these things. Those are how i veiw life. Everything has a balence when its tipped over then nothing would be the same. You dont get the same feelings as you listen to the thunder with out the lightning. You know someone once asked me where i got the idea for this poem. I use to go out and watch the night sky in new mexico. I saw these things. Thats how i saw this peom. As the happiness and the sadness in the sky.

[AdamKadmon43]

I would like to take this opportunity to post one of my favorite poems.

It was written for me my by my own dear mother when I was very young.

It has always been a great inspiration for me and I thought that perhaps I should share it with everyone else.

So here it is.

The Robin
.... by Mother "only half a word" Kadmon

As I awoke this morning, when all new things are born,
A robin perched upon my window sill to greet the coming dawn.

I listened to it quietly as it sang its gentle lull,
Then I quickly closed the window....

And crushed its fucking skull.



Just kidding.... please do not report me to PETA.

Adam

[DiamondDog]

I would like to take this opportunity to post one of my favorite poems.

It was written for me my by my own dear mother when I was very young.

It has always been a great inspiration for me and I thought that perhaps I should share it with everyone else.

So here it is.

The Robin
.... by Mother "only half a word" Kadmon

As I awoke this morning, when all new things are born,
A robin perched upon my window sill to greet the coming dawn.

I listened to it quietly as it sang its gentle lull,
Then I quickly closed the window....

And crushed its fucking skull.



Just kidding.... please do not report me to PETA.

Adam

LMAO!
Adam, that was funny!

[AlaskanGirl]

LMAO that was totally screwed Adam. BUT FUNNY AS HELL!!!!!!:tong::tong::tong::tong:

[Reeve]

Wow, we've got some really good poetry here :)
Guess I'll post some of mine, pretty much all of my poetry that I've written in the past year or so are on my blog but I'll post one of my favorites.

Maelstrom
---------------

A beautiful tempest of light and sound,
Cascading and swirling around,
Millions of points moving too quickly,
I can't even see the ground.

Torrents of sensations captivate,
Drawing me into the sea,
I'm losing sight of where I began,
And losing sight of me.

It's a wonderful place to visit,
I only wish I could get away,
This is my Eden, my home, and my prison,
My mind, and I'm here to stay.