Fell inlove with a friend

[holydragoon]

Ok guys i need some good advise on this one. almost 10 months ago I came out to my best friend as being bisexual by telling him i had feelings for him. His response at the time was expected, confused and embarrassed. Things were pretty good for a long time. He was extra nice to me during the times we met during the days. However, as soon as he knew a few more people knew about it, things started to change. His mood towards we switched contantly and i started losing him as a friend more and more. Keep in mind that this happened over an 8 month period (very slow and painful). Over the summer I tried to"fix" our long lost friendship and by doing so i screwed it up even more. He called me many nasty things ( i did too) and told me that it would be best if we do not talk to each other, that way we will both be happy.... i said sure and since then we havent talked... But thats not what i wanted...

I have talked to some poeple about this, and one thing they have all asked me is whether i really like him or not... to be honest im not sure anymore. i feel so confused. maybe i love him so much i hate him?! :( or maybe im a spoiled brat that just wants what he cannot get? these are some things other people suggested....
I cant really know, cause i cant talk to him... im so depressed over the whole situation. what do u guys think i should do? have you ever fallen inlove with a best friend (same or opposite gender)?

The Swede :flag3:

[Damon]

Before I learned about the rules of attraction and the difference between a "wuss" and a "man" I constantly kept falling into the friends-zone with women while still lusting/longing for them.

I'm not going to get into any details but I learned a very important lesson.

Actions are more effective than words. Hearing that your same-sex friend fancies you is a little more daunting than that same friend merely demonstrating his/her affection for you. I'm not saying kiss the person, but simple things like playful nudges, inconsequential gifts here and there but not to the point of pursuit, sheesh flirt with the person and read his/her responses.. That way there is always the possibility that if he/she is not willing then you can always drift back just a little bit leaving them to think that it was just a misinterpretation on their part. (lol this could evidentally lead them to pay more attention to you leaving your natural charm to win their hearts) :)

And to answer your question. Yes. I have fallen in love with my best friend before and thankfully I stood my ground for I later realised that i mis-understood a huge appreciation for our friendship, with love.

Damon

[Ratchick]

OUch!
Who hasn't had this happen to them?
I hope it resolves for you, maybe it wont. I came-out to a "Crush" I had at Girl Scout camp once. Painful experience.

I hope yours turnsout better then mine.
RC

[holydragoon]

wow Damon sounds like you know how to get someone's attention quiet well ;) I'm gonna follow your advise and see how things go. I DO want his attention. I mean we all want attention from the ones we love... I just hope he wont slip away any further!

thank you for ur response :)
:bipride:

[hadra]

HolyD, I think Damon was in fact giving you an alternative, lower-risk way of finding out if a friend is interested in more than friendship, rather than taking the step of openly declaring your feelings. At this point, it's seems clear from what your friend has said that he doesn't recriprocate your feelings and in fact is uncomfortable with people knowing about it. It's too bad that other people's awareness of your feelings caused him to retreat, but I have to ask, how did they find out? Did you confess your feelings to others, and if so, did you talk to him to find out how he'd feel about it first, or even to warn him? That might have saved you some heartache.

Using Damon's approach now would I fear only add fuel to the fire. Sometimes our friends can't handle same-sex attractions, and there's little we can do about it but pull back to "just friends" and hope the friendship can survive. I went through this with a friend a couple of years ago, and it was difficult, because I let the "does-she-like-me-doesn't-she" thing go on far too long without talking to her openly about it. I let my expectations get raised too high by her natural flirtiness, and when it all crashed, I was hurt and angry, and we almost lost a good friendship over it. But this friend is a lesbian, so I didn't have the added complication of homophobia that you have with your friend.

It was hard, but I just had to swallow my feelings and get over them in time. In the end, I got a great friendship out of it!

Best of luck,
Hadra

[holydragoon]

Well the thing is. It happened months ago. But i think he was the one, out of his insecureness, that told someone first. The only person he knew that knew it already, was one more. I dont know, maybe that was enough for him to get scared. I guess your right about the whole swallowing my feelings business. I though i had done that over the summer, and things were fine until one moment when all feelings just came back again. Lika a slap in the face. However, he just got a girlfriend now so i think i should stay in my own zone. Although my heart does not wante this. :(

thank u for ur help :male: :flag1:

[Damon]

Forgive me I meant for my advice to be taken in general not just specifically for the person that has already been scared away.. It's silly to think that anything would bring this person back to except his own realisation..

But use my advice for people in general should you be meet with a similar situation again..

It works soo much better. People are afraid of hearing and saying things these days.. but doing things is usually a little easier for everyone.

Good Luck

Have Fun

Damon

[holydragoon]

No need to apologize. I will do that if I emd up in a similar situation. Hopefully it wont happen again/ I have to learn to seperate feelings of love from friendship. :rolleyes:

Love ya all ;)

[RainbowBright]

i have fallen for a friend, and in fact that is how i finaly accepted what i am. she knows that i like her.. we flirt back and forth, but i dont think anything will happen. we are both really shy about starting things and neither has the guts to start anything. for now we are just having fun hanging out together, and getting to know each other better and in a different way than if i hadnt fallen for her. although.. dreams of a different way cant be stopped...

RainbowBright :tong: