regrets

[naive]

i've never really liked this term because having regrets means that you've made a mistake in your life and that you wish something was different. if you exclude the hindsight, its almost like wishing the impossible, like being a different age or race. and when you tell someone your regrets, you're either made to feel stupid for making that stupid decision or stupid for wishing for something different rather than accepting how it is.

despite this, i can't really escape the fact that i've had some in my life. so what's my point? well i'm spilling my guts here because i've regretted not questioning my sexuality earlier in life. i feel like i've wasted years by ignoring my true feelings and that if i didn't, i'd be a different person now, at a different stage in my life.

but then again, i may have needed to be a particular age to properly understand myself because hindsight also allows us to see our changes in maturity. its not like i hate the person that i am now, i just wonder how things may be different.

i'm not sure what i was after in the responses, anything would be good. use your own interpretation.

[onewhocares]

Well. first I am happy that you feel comfortable to express your thoughts and feelings here. I have found much insight, understanding and education by others experiances here.

I am a firm believer in the theory that things happen for a reason. I think that you have to go through things to get to the stage that you are. Perhaps had you questioned your sexuality at an earilier age, the wisdom of actually knowing what you want would not be there. Everything, education, life experiance and so much more go into making the person you are today. Never regret doing things that lead you towards becoming a better person. Never be ashamed of your sexuality it is part of the wonderful person you are.

Belle

[shameless agitator]

The first thing I did when I read this was look at your profile to see how old you were. I gotta tell ya at 21 you've got a lot of us beat. I was 32 by the time I finally figured it out. I know people who were in their 40s 50s and even 60s. There are a lot of people out there who will never figure it out. The important thing is that you know now and what you choose to do about it. You've barely begun the journey that is adulthood. A couple extra years to figure out your sexuality amounts to hitting a pothole. Trust me, there will be much bigger wrecks to regret before it's over

[DiamondDog]

Age has nothing to do with it.

You're still the same person you've always been but you've just discovered yourself and are more aware of yourself now.

I came out at 16 before I was really that active with anyone and it's not like it's any easier for me but I'm glad that I understood myself at an early age unlike coming out at 40 or 50 and getting a nasty divorce from a husband/wife.

[naive]

i guess i just feel like an old soul that's missed out on a lot of the things. i think the regret lies more in the fact that i know that i was attracted to guys years ago, but was never honest with myself (rather than how old i am now).

and belle, there's no way i could be ashamed of my sexuality now. i'm relishing the liberating feeling :flag1:

[dafydd]

i guess i just feel like an old soul that's missed out on a lot of the things. i think the regret lies more in the fact that i know that i was attracted to guys years ago, but was never honest with myself (rather than how old i am now).

and belle, there's no way i could be ashamed of my sexuality now. i'm relishing the liberating feeling :flag1:


Just don't feel like you have to fuck as many people as possible to make up for lost time. You could get yourself in all sorts of trouble.
Also, it's maybe a better time in your life to explore these feelings. Perhaps that would have been impossible for you years ago.

d

[Lisa (va)]

There really should be no reason to have regrets. Through life we are continually making choices, some better than others. Rejoice in those choices you feel were good. The not so good choices just learn from them instead of regretting them ( a wise lovely man taught me this)

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[Herbwoman39]

You're actually pretty lucky hon. I didn't start consciously acknowledging my bisexual self until I was 38. You've still got plenty of time. But like Dafydd said, don't feel like you need to nail anything that moves in order to make up for "lost time". Same-sex sex can still be bad if it's not with the right person :)

[Skater Boy]

You're actually pretty lucky hon. I didn't start consciously acknowledging my bisexual self until I was 38. You've still got plenty of time. But like Dafydd said, don't feel like you need to nail anything that moves in order to make up for "lost time". Same-sex sex can still be bad if it's not with the right person :)

I agree. I didn't consciously admit to my Bisexual side until half-way through my second decade. You are still young, amigo. Don't beat yourself up over things you cannot change. Life is all about self-discovery, and everyone has their own pace at which this is done. The important thing is to make the most of any opportunities that arise from here on. And by that I DON'T mean that you have to over-compensate by "nailing anything that moves"... just be self-aware and selectively indulge in your pleasures as you see fit.

[Germanicus]

Regrets are an occupational hazard of life. I think its impossible to live life and not experience regret, especially for any situation in which one has had some emotional investment/involvement.

Sometimes I think it is "useful" to acknowledge regrets because its a recognition of that emotional investment/involvement and, perhaps, an opportunity to see that one could have behaved differently (that presupposes that a different option was available or one was aware of it). A learning opportunity, perhaps ...

However, regrets can have a dark seductive power that can undermine one's own self-esteem, respect, etc, since there is the urge to re-analyse constantly situations which led to those regrets. And that is destructive and purposeless.

I've spent a lot of this year re-visiting regrets - past and present, real and perceived, mine and others - and realise consciously that the former (acknowlegment) is better than the latter (analysis). My regrets have not disappeared, but they have been relegated to the past, which is where they belong.

[dafydd]

I have only one regret. And he won't speak to me anymore.
heart breakers get their hearts broken too.

d

[naive]

I have only one regret. And he won't speak to me anymore.
heart breakers get their hearts broken too.

d

that's sad. but interesting to know that u consider urself a heart breaker ;)

[dafydd]

that's sad. but interesting to know that u consider urself a heart breaker ;)

lol..one or two times perhaps....
...but it's not a badge of honour :(

d

[MarieDelta]

I think the biggest thing to help cope with regrets is to realize that we acted on the knowledge that we had at the time, and did the best we were able to at that time.

We can't always see into the dark corners of ourselves, especially when society , our parents, friends, and lovers would rather have us "be normal".


So remember that you are human, and were doing the best youcould at the time.


M

[deeTM]

I agree it's not good to constantly analyze your regrets. However, sometimes what you regret is right in front of you everyday. It can't be avoided and it's up to you/me/us to either wallow in it or move on.

Do I have regrets? Yes, I have regrets.

Let's move on, shall we?

Yes, let's...

[naive]

Let's move on, shall we?

Yes, let's...

done and done!

[biwords]

I was 83 before I acknowledged my bisexual feelings, but the following year I met Eduardo, the 18-year-old towel boy at the Cabana Club, and we haven't looked back since.

OK, seriously this time?.....

To regret lost time at the age of 21 is something you'll laugh about one day. That may not help now, but it's true.

Regrets? I've had a few.....thousand. And one big one, a career decision I made at 22 that I'm still recovering from. A day doesn't go by when I don't have to consciously push away the dead weight of regret and just get on with things. And I don't always succeed. However, I'll keep a couple of the excellent posts above in mind, and I invite anyone else who has tips on dealing with regrets to share them here.