Clumsily Bi. . .

[TaylorMade]

Any ladies or guys have this problem?

With the opposite sex, you're golden. You have no problem attracting them, keeping their attention, seducing them and bringing them into your bed and into your life. That's not a problem.

But with the same sex - - you're a dud. You don't attract alot of attention if any, at all. . .no one responds to your calls or ads. You vent your sexual tension alone- - though all your same sex partners say you ARE great in bed (though it's a miracle you got them there).

I call it being clumsily bi. I know the rest of you are out there.

*Taylor*

[MarieDelta]

Prior to begining my transition I was shy / awkward with everyone. Now that I am more comfortable in my own skin it's not so bad.

It also helps to know that people aren't going to judge you for who you are.

Most people are past that.

[wildgal70]

I don't generally attract other girls, tho I'm fairly open about being bi. I have a few girl friends that I know are bi, but we are more just friends than anything else. I make out with just one girl, the rest of them are only friends to me.
I just "go with the flow" when it comes to meeting girls for that reason. There is this one female who visits me and my guy often, and he wants me to make a move on her sooo bad, but I'm scared to because I'm not getting any signals that she wants me to do anything like that, and I respect personal space. I know she's bi, too because we've talked about our sexuality before, but I think she wants us to be just friends. I think my man just wants to score with her, lol.

[the mage]

So..........

you decided you are BI!
Now you sure will get sex (you thought) cause you doubled the size of the pool!

Not that simple is it??..

Welcome to the confusing world of closets and fetish and tops and bottoms and no one wears a score card!!

I've been in a relationship with a woman my whole adult life so never went hunting, but I do love to play with men. It seems though that I come across to gays as all straight, no vibe at all, very annoying when you really wanna meet to play sometimes...

Combine that type of thing with all the other guys who are in the closet till the dicks pop out and you get the big picture.

Lousy dirty sex is indeed easy to find.
Love making with a person is more difficult to achieve.

[Herbwoman39]

Having been off the market for 10 years and only realizing my bisexual side 2+ years ago, I get it completely. With hubby I know all the dance steps and we glide seamlessly across the floor.

With women, I have two left feet and they're both in my mouth. I cannot read signals to save my life. Subtlety is not something I seem to be able to recognize. For instance, what is it with women who love to play with breasts but don't want to kiss??? (yes, I had a very interesting Labor Day weekend).

She liked to touch and even bite, but wouldn't kiss saying something about building anticipation. Can someone explain this to me please??

[anne27]

Dating.. women.. argh! *rips out hairs from head*

[DiamondDog]

Reverse the genders and I'm that way.

I have no problem dating, making friends, having relationships with, and attracting hot men.

But unless it's very obvious that a woman is flirting with me I don't know it.

I'll have friends tell me that a nice looking woman is checking me out or is interested in me and I have no idea about it.

Of course I'm not really into dating/having long term relationships with women, and I doubt that most women want a relationship with me.

[Sarasvati]

Frankly 'tis hard to believe that you TM have any such problems.

If we could squash the globe into Miami you would not be short of offers.

So digging around for possible explanations, could it be that other females are turned away because of your similar liking for men? Perhaps they feel suspicious about your potential interest in men too. Perhaps they expect to feel possessive about you and feel ill at ease about potential male rivals. Your more balanced approach may not be to their taste.

Probably I am wrong, but it must be something subtly psychological that is obstructing you TM.

It sure ain't personality, intelligence or looks.

[Azrael]

Reverse the genders and I'm that way.

I have no problem dating, making friends, having relationships with, and attracting hot men.

But unless it's very obvious that a woman is flirting with me I don't know it.

I'll have friends tell me that a nice looking woman is checking me out or is interested in me and I have no idea about it.


That's how I roll. Guys- easy to tell if they're interested. If you're a woman, you could be smashing the side of my head with a cinderblock and all I'd say is "You tryin' to tell me somethin'?". I get it eventually, but nowhere NEAR as easily. But ironically enough, I've had more famale than male lovers. Bah, par for the course I guess. No point trying to make sense of it, I just go w/it.
C'est la vie :tong:

[TaylorMade]

So..........

you decided you are BI!
Now you sure will get sex (you thought) cause you doubled the size of the pool!

Not that simple is it??..

Welcome to the confusing world of closets and fetish and tops and bottoms and no one wears a score card!!

I've been in a relationship with a woman my whole adult life so never went hunting, but I do love to play with men. It seems though that I come across to gays as all straight, no vibe at all, very annoying when you really wanna meet to play sometimes...

Combine that type of thing with all the other guys who are in the closet till the dicks pop out and you get the big picture.

Lousy dirty sex is indeed easy to find.
Love making with a person is more difficult to achieve.

I actually wasn't sure I was gonna get anything outside of grief when it drawned on me - -"lawdamercy, I'm bi!"... and it's coming up on 10 years I've been at this, 5 of those enthusiastically.

What gets me are the people outside of Miami or the college world, who say, you're in college, it's probably so easy for you to get a woman... Pshaw. Notsofast. Do you REALLY want to hook up with a drunken sorority chick who calls you a dyke the next morning and runs out, threatening to have her boyfriend beat your ass? Or pay too much money for watered down drinks only to find couples searching for a third or voyeuristic guys?

<Sigh... there needs to a book for dating... and not that "Straight girl's guide to picking up chicks because that shit didn't work there either.

*Taylor*

[TaylorMade]

Frankly 'tis hard to believe that you TM have any such problems.

If we could squash the globe into Miami you would not be short of offers.

So digging around for possible explanations, could it be that other females are turned away because of your similar liking for men? Perhaps they feel suspicious about your potential interest in men too. Perhaps they expect to feel possessive about you and feel ill at ease about potential male rivals. Your more balanced approach may not be to their taste.

Probably I am wrong, but it must be something subtly psychological that is obstructing you TM.

It sure ain't personality, intelligence or looks.

Believe it.

Part of me thinks that I probably feel defeated before I start... thinking that it's hard to compete with all those Gisele Bundchen types on the beach and that honestly, I am not good looking enough to survive in this city. It's hard because these South American hotties are everywhere. . .makes it hard for me to make headway with men sometimes (but I make it with them because...frankly, I don't care if a guy has money or not, just that he's easy going, likes football, and is decent looking), and damn near impossible to make it with women.

Anyhow, I'm gonna try going to a club tomorrow night. I think I can make it work... there'll be alot of women...law of averages says someone's due to find me interesting.

*Taylor*

[deeTM]

Actually, I have a problem meeting both. Probably just too shy for my own good. I also have a trouble noticing when I'm being flirted with. Maybe I'm just dense, lol. :bigrin:

[jem_is_bi]

Even as an older man, I have no problem with men. Men are easy.
Women, I do not even attempt to figure out what they want. When, I was younger and more into women. I would just try to meet and get something going with as many as possible. Usually, I had a success rate between 1 in 10 to 1 in 20. Never asked why I succeeded, never kept they as girl friends for more than a year. Usually, they dumped me.

Taylor, you’re a female, so you should understand the woman’s angle (whatever that is) on romance and sex better than any male. Use your female understanding of female desires to your advantage with the females you want to attract. I know it is not that simple, but you should have better odds of success than me.


JEM

[TaylorMade]

Even as an older man, I have no problem with men. Men are easy.
Women, I do not even attempt to figure out what they want. When, I was younger and more into women. I would just try to meet and get something going with as many as possible. Usually, I had a success rate between 1 in 10 to 1 in 20. Never asked why I succeeded, never kept they as girl friends for more than a year. Usually, they dumped me.

Taylor, you’re a female, so you should understand the woman’s angle (whatever that is) on romance and sex better than any male. Use your female understanding of female desires to your advantage with the females you want to attract. I know it is not that simple, but you should have better odds of success than me.


JEM

That's the thing... I. Don't. Understand. Women. I know what women want sexually, it seems, but emotionally, I'm as lost as a ...erm, baby in a titty bar. I don't have an 'angle'. . .I just am. . .which possibly isn't enough.

*Taylor*

[Cantaloupe Island]

Actually I'm the other way around.... well it's a little more complex. I feel very comfortable around girls for being chatty or making friends. However, when it comes to the romantic front, girls are scary. Whereas, with straight guys, I don't make friends with them as well, however I feel much more sexually comfortable around gay/bi boys. It's probably because I realized I was bi later on in life, and was much more mature by then, so I understood how to pursue relationships better. Whereas, I've always been attracted to girls, and hence my more historic clumsiness. :tongue:

[shameless agitator]

I can definitely relate. I've been chalking it up to the fact that people generally assume I'm straight and that even when that's been dealt with, I just don't know how to flirt with men. I've been learning how to flirt with women since about age ten, but the game's played differently with guys and I never got a copy of the rule book

[LEBBW1968]

Oh... I'm a very clumsy bi! lmao! :D

I don't have much luck with men or women! Think it is just timing. Everyone senses that I am not ready to date right now so they stay away. But it would sure be nice just to get laid! :bibounce:

[darkeyes]

That's the thing... I. Don't. Understand. Women. I know what women want sexually, it seems, but emotionally, I'm as lost as a ...erm, baby in a titty bar. I don't have an 'angle'. . .I just am. . .which possibly isn't enough.

*Taylor*

Taylor hun. We can all be a bit awkward when it comes to making the 1st tentative moves. But Im not sure Id call it clumsy baby. Awkward, nervous, scared... unsure. Spesh when it comes 2 making moves on our own sex. Im no different from anyone in this little matter.. but Ive written about it before and its not a big secret..and its not infallable.. and that is 2 study the body language of the intended prey. Initially at that early stage before you even speak.. but especially when contact has been made.. the way the eyes are, if they hold eye contact or not how they sit, or stand in relation to you, whether they touch, how they touch, when they touch, why they touch, their hand movements, how they speak, not what they say, how they hold their mouth, their head, so much which gives out signals they are interested...

Being women its easy peasy to land a guy.. no need for body language there to land them, maybe to suss them out as people, but not to land them. We have the bits they want.. with women its a lot more difficult, ( and a hell of a lot more fun) and I know this is like teaching your grannie to suck eggs. I dont mean go overboard and stare ..but just to observe in the normal way as you chat. Its amazing the information the brain processes as you chat.

Instinctively Im not one to move in and do all the work.. Ive always preferred to let them think Im the prey... if the brain has processed the gen properly your own body language will draw them in... your own body language will begin to affect theirs, and all things being equal... a luffly time is had by all!!

None of it is perfect.. dont be too self-concious.. a wrong word, a touch at the wrong time... a wrong look, even cross your legs the wrong way at the wrong time, and it can blow it big time. We all misread signals..God knows Ive blown it before now. But in the main hun it works for me... oops.. soz.. worked...eyes pryin!! tee hee

Your a dead sexy and yummie lookin woman Taylor... an a bit of the above.. allied 2 inner confidence, and your natural dishiness.. I doubt you would have any problems.. dont lose entirely what you call your "bi-clumsiness".. that is another ally which can be a great asset in snaring the intended "victim"..:tong:

[Sarasvati]

Hey TM, is tonight the night for your next encounter?

Hope all goes well.

[TaylorMade]

Hey TM, is tonight the night for your next encounter?

Hope all goes well.

Yup... tonight, I'm going to this event: Cherry Pie - - It's worth a shot,right? (http://www.pandoraevents.com/cherrypie_sandals.htm)

*Taylor*

[deeTM]

I can definitely relate. I've been chalking it up to the fact that people generally assume I'm straight and that even when that's been dealt with, I just don't know how to flirt with men. I've been learning how to flirt with women since about age ten, but the game's played differently with guys and I never got a copy of the rule book

There's a rule book? Damn! I didn't get a copy either.

[DiamondDog]

I can definitely relate. I've been chalking it up to the fact that people generally assume I'm straight and that even when that's been dealt with, I just don't know how to flirt with men. I've been learning how to flirt with women since about age ten, but the game's played differently with guys and I never got a copy of the rule book


There's a rule book? Damn! I didn't get a copy either.

Flirting with men is very easy for me; but I've been doing it for awhile and it comes naturally to me.

I can do it in any environment and I can look at men and tell if they're gay/bi or if they're even into me, or if it's just a hetero guy being friendly and cordial even without speaking to them or even if we don't talk about anything sexual at all.

Heh I've even flirted and been flirted with men in wal-mart and in all types of environments.

[naive]

Flirting with men is very easy for me; but I've been doing it for awhile and it comes naturally to me.

I can do it in any environment and I can look at men and tell if they're gay/bi or if they're even into me, or if it's just a hetero guy being friendly and cordial even without speaking to them or even if we don't talk about anything sexual at all.

Heh I've even flirted and been flirted with men in wal-mart and in all types of environments.

i really need to get out more :bigrin:

[TaylorMade]

What an emotional torture chamber that was... I felt awkward and alone, like in high school... almost every chick was coupled up... only two women danced with me... one had a girlfriend so basically it was b/c her partner didn't dance anything but salsa. One was goofy, cute, gave me a kiss when I left and was nice to everyone. Her, I'd date... but I sense I'd be relegated to the friend zone.

I'm not even sure I actually should pursue women, since it's obvious they don't want me.

If it weren't for my luck with men, I'd have nothing at all.

*Taylor*

[Sarasvati]

I'm softening babe, feel like Moby Dick, harpooned by your tale of woe!!!

"When an Empress loses her dominion the tiniest tear falls with the strength of a hammer. Yet still, as she wanders the nomad in inhospitable terrains, the bright glow of her shining glory - that she in her sorrow herself does not see -crowns all those who be blest to witness her". Quoted from a Medieval source

[jem_is_bi]

What an emotional torture chamber that was... I felt awkward and alone, like in high school... almost every chick was coupled up... only two women danced with me... one had a girlfriend so basically it was b/c her partner didn't dance anything but salsa. One was goofy, cute, gave me a kiss when I left and was nice to everyone. Her, I'd date... but I sense I'd be relegated to the friend zone.

I'm not even sure I actually should pursue women, since it's obvious they don't want me.

If it weren't for my luck with men, I'd have nothing at all.

*Taylor*


Taylor! I highly recommend that you make friends with the woman you liked. Even if she was only interested in friendship, she could talk highly about you and introduce you other friends of hers. Seems like a great opportunity to add a circle of friends with mutual desires.

Big fires start small.

JEM

[shameless agitator]

This whole concept is getting more frustrating. Since I've decided I want my next relationship to be with a man it seems women are coming out of the woodwork. Wound up in bed with my female room mate last night. While it was pretty fucking amazing (and vice versa), not exactly what I'm looking for. Now I get to figure out how to make sure we don't wind up with any unrealistic expectations. Especially since we've been talking about moving together

[TaylorMade]

This whole concept is getting more frustrating. Since I've decided I want my next relationship to be with a man it seems women are coming out of the woodwork. Wound up in bed with my female room mate last night. While it was pretty fucking amazing (and vice versa), not exactly what I'm looking for. Now I get to figure out how to make sure we don't wind up with any unrealistic expectations. Especially since we've been talking about moving together

You too, huh? One of my old classmates/part-time FB's is coming back from abroad soon, and I KNOW we'll probably end up in bed. That sounds cool and all, but - -he's a straight guy, not a lesbian woman.

As if.

*Taylor*

[KR2007]

I too am having some problems attracting the same sex. I hadn't before, but now that I am pursing it, its becoming hard. I guess I have to meet some more ppl who are interested in what i am (sexually)

[deeTM]

Flirting with men is very easy for me; but I've been doing it for awhile and it comes naturally to me.

I can do it in any environment and I can look at men and tell if they're gay/bi or if they're even into me, or if it's just a hetero guy being friendly and cordial even without speaking to them or even if we don't talk about anything sexual at all.

Heh I've even flirted and been flirted with men in wal-mart and in all types of environments.

I think I just need to hang out with you DiamondDog. I probably just need to be thumped on the head from time to time, lol.

[3naib]

Taylor- I so hear ya girl, loud and clear and I have to say, its NOT you, you are not imagining things, women in grrl circles are REALLY confusing with signals.

When I was seeking my 1st relationships with women, I could go out to a dyke bar wearing a wet t-shirt that said "take me home and fuck me pleeeeze" and would never get a sideways glance.
When I'd go grocery shopping with my dyke friends, they would have to point out that a woman was checking me out, and I still would not get it.

Women's cruising signals are so subtle and confusing, I gave up. I've since had relationships with women over the last (omg- 15yrs!?!) most of whom were friends first, and some were far deeper emotionally without much nooky at all, some were very casual and explosive.

I feel your confusion and pain.... all I can think is that perhaps Sarasvati is on to something... perhaps when we want something so badly, we unconsciously send out confusing signals of our own.

Despite that being a likely truth, its just CONFUSING to flirt with women. All the opposite sex signals are not true and the game (ew I hate that- but it is a game) has utterly different rules.

Being well-spoken, intelligent, honest, sexy, and emotionally available (by visibly wearing your heart on your sleeve- which I can tell by having the pleasure of reading so many of your posts) is probably enough to scare the bejezuz off the minxes in the club grrl scene.

Every year at the Gay Alliance picnic, I would be astonished and feel betrayed by the outpouring of all these beautiful, educated, coupled, healthy, committed lesbians- and then I realized it was an exclusive, elitist Card-Carrying-Virginia-Woolf Club. I've been invited to the pot-luck dinners, and hob-knobbed with the intelligencia, only to leave feeling saddened by the homogenization of it.

To me, being Bi is about loving people. Its inclusive, even in its monogamous forms.

Sorry you're feeling so stuck.

I would say, what about some other sources for women to convene? (checking out the local GLBTIFLMNOP resources in your area?)

(((hug)))

[TaylorMade]

I am feeling you on the


I would be astonished and feel betrayed by the outpouring of all these beautiful, educated, coupled, healthy, committed lesbians- and then I realized it was an exclusive, elitist Card-Carrying-Virginia-Woolf Club. I've been invited to the pot-luck dinners, and hob-knobbed with the intelligencia, only to leave feeling saddened by the homogenization of it.


In that club, I felt like I was in 8th grade wearing the lame ass Christmas sweater at the holiday dance. I told myself I don't EVER want to feel that way again. . .I'm leaning strongly towards not going back. It's too emotionally torturous and not worth the drive. Who would drive an hour in a part of the city they don't know well to be emotionally tortured? I doubt anyone who read this thread would...unless that's their fetish. :cool:

I think I'm going to give the local bi social a try(I'll have to miss class for it, but it'll be worth it!)... after hanging out with lesbians, it should feel less like an after school special, but with chicks making out.

*Taylor*