deletetacount123
Sep 5, 2007, 7:00 PM
I was just thinking the other day, and got to thinking of one of my friends.
After a lot of thinking, I started to wonder just how I REALLY felt about her.
Did I love her just as a friend or is it more than that??
I started thinking why I felt that way and there are so many confused signals, hints and stuff.
She says shes straight but at a time wondered if she was bisexual. Then she decided she was to boy crazy to consider being with a woman.
Ive known her since first day of Highschool..... (so 12 years now), we became friends really quickly. At first it was more of "staring when the other isn't looking" matches... finally started sitting in the empty seat next to mine writiing me notes ( we were note passing yes. lol)
After awhile we became close friends.... she would even bake me cookies and give me a container full of them at school the following day!
I remember being at her house sleeping over once... she had went to have a shower, comes back out in a towel cause she forgot something. And I don't know, I couldn't take my eyes off her. She just looked VERY pretty right there in her towel, partly wet hair (Im guessing she stepped in, realized she forgot something and steped out).
I think thats when I knew I had a crush on her course I never did anything about it. I liked our friendship to much.
Then the last year of highschool.... she was going throuigh this stage where she was seeing what kind of friends she wanted and hung around people I didn't like. Finally after hurting my feelings I told her "You know what?? Just stop being a pretend friend to me all of a sudden." (cause she was playing the hanging out with me cause her other friends were busy thing then when she was with them.. pretended she didn't know me game.)
Then I told her I didn't want to hang out with her anymore and she was welcome to email me when she "grew up" and acted her age.
2 years later, she emails me.
The best line I remember best was:
"I really realize you're one of my better friends and I want us to be friends again. I really regret what I did to you. Im really am sorry and I mean it."
Since I believe in second chances, we were friends again :)
We talk a lot online... we haven't seen each other in person since 1998 (when we had the fight) but we talk all the time online and shared pictures.
I came out to her as a lesbian in 2006 and she was like "I always thought you were." Then admitted to wondering if she was bisexual or not back in school.
Thing is, she seems to get jealous when I go on about some girl I like or Im talking to another girl.... at one point I invited her in a 3 way chat in MSN... she was nice then got really cold.... and the other girl hadn't done anything but to be nice and friendly. When I asked my friend, she said she wasn't jealous and didn't mean to sound that way.
BUT she does this A LOT.... every time I talk about another girl. Ya, I guess she and I have flirted sometimes but it was innocent kind of flirting.
She has a bf... and well, I feel jealous lol
Im nice and give her advice when she askes but sometimes inside Im like thinking bad things... like hoping they break up. lol
ANYWAY.
She surprises me by mentioning a birthday present she wants to get me that won;t be released till later this year (telling me so I don't buy it myself when the time comes lol) and I was surprised.
Its a DVD TV series of my favortie show "The L Word" (season 4 is released in October)... Now, its not her kind of show, and in the past all presents from her have either been Victorian Era items (which I LOVE) or yummy sweets (homemade cookies, chocolates or candy she knows I like)
So I was a bit surprised. Yes, she knew it was my favortie show, I talk about it to much and the fact I collect season dvds of my shows but still.... I didn't expect this from her. lol
I don't know... I guess its just one of those things you get so used to someone getting you and then they surprise you with something you never expected them to do.
I don't know anymore what I feel for her.....
I love our friendship... I know I love her like a friend. :) Nothing wrong with that.
But deep down I keep wondering if its something more?? does she have feelings for me too but doesn't know if she wants to do anything?
Could she still be having bisexual wonderings but since she has a bf, isn't thinking much about it?
(Shes not into poly... shes like me.. one person a time)
I love the way she says my name in real life, some people might think its annoying but I just like it, and I only let her say it that way. lol
I once got a email from her address with nothing but "I Love You" (this was years ago, before she had a bf) in it..... I asked her if it was meant for someone else? and she was like "I didn't sent that!!" and changed the subject fast. BUT heres the thing... shes VERY protective of her acct... no one but her uses her email, only she knows the password and its not a easy to guess one. So it has to have come from her.... maybe she got embarrassed cause I reponsed differently.
Shes like that sometimes, getting embarrassed over something cause somehting didn't go her way (or not as she planned) and would say she didn't do that and change the subject OR just ignore it and change the subject as if it never happened.
Im not gonna say anything to her my feelings..... but I just wondered if theres really something more than friends going on between us that is lurking about but nothing is being done??
Is there really something else but we both have this protective sheld up?
Maybe Im just thinking to much over this lol
Has this ever happened to anyone else??
Tasha
After a lot of thinking, I started to wonder just how I REALLY felt about her.
Did I love her just as a friend or is it more than that??
I started thinking why I felt that way and there are so many confused signals, hints and stuff.
She says shes straight but at a time wondered if she was bisexual. Then she decided she was to boy crazy to consider being with a woman.
Ive known her since first day of Highschool..... (so 12 years now), we became friends really quickly. At first it was more of "staring when the other isn't looking" matches... finally started sitting in the empty seat next to mine writiing me notes ( we were note passing yes. lol)
After awhile we became close friends.... she would even bake me cookies and give me a container full of them at school the following day!
I remember being at her house sleeping over once... she had went to have a shower, comes back out in a towel cause she forgot something. And I don't know, I couldn't take my eyes off her. She just looked VERY pretty right there in her towel, partly wet hair (Im guessing she stepped in, realized she forgot something and steped out).
I think thats when I knew I had a crush on her course I never did anything about it. I liked our friendship to much.
Then the last year of highschool.... she was going throuigh this stage where she was seeing what kind of friends she wanted and hung around people I didn't like. Finally after hurting my feelings I told her "You know what?? Just stop being a pretend friend to me all of a sudden." (cause she was playing the hanging out with me cause her other friends were busy thing then when she was with them.. pretended she didn't know me game.)
Then I told her I didn't want to hang out with her anymore and she was welcome to email me when she "grew up" and acted her age.
2 years later, she emails me.
The best line I remember best was:
"I really realize you're one of my better friends and I want us to be friends again. I really regret what I did to you. Im really am sorry and I mean it."
Since I believe in second chances, we were friends again :)
We talk a lot online... we haven't seen each other in person since 1998 (when we had the fight) but we talk all the time online and shared pictures.
I came out to her as a lesbian in 2006 and she was like "I always thought you were." Then admitted to wondering if she was bisexual or not back in school.
Thing is, she seems to get jealous when I go on about some girl I like or Im talking to another girl.... at one point I invited her in a 3 way chat in MSN... she was nice then got really cold.... and the other girl hadn't done anything but to be nice and friendly. When I asked my friend, she said she wasn't jealous and didn't mean to sound that way.
BUT she does this A LOT.... every time I talk about another girl. Ya, I guess she and I have flirted sometimes but it was innocent kind of flirting.
She has a bf... and well, I feel jealous lol
Im nice and give her advice when she askes but sometimes inside Im like thinking bad things... like hoping they break up. lol
ANYWAY.
She surprises me by mentioning a birthday present she wants to get me that won;t be released till later this year (telling me so I don't buy it myself when the time comes lol) and I was surprised.
Its a DVD TV series of my favortie show "The L Word" (season 4 is released in October)... Now, its not her kind of show, and in the past all presents from her have either been Victorian Era items (which I LOVE) or yummy sweets (homemade cookies, chocolates or candy she knows I like)
So I was a bit surprised. Yes, she knew it was my favortie show, I talk about it to much and the fact I collect season dvds of my shows but still.... I didn't expect this from her. lol
I don't know... I guess its just one of those things you get so used to someone getting you and then they surprise you with something you never expected them to do.
I don't know anymore what I feel for her.....
I love our friendship... I know I love her like a friend. :) Nothing wrong with that.
But deep down I keep wondering if its something more?? does she have feelings for me too but doesn't know if she wants to do anything?
Could she still be having bisexual wonderings but since she has a bf, isn't thinking much about it?
(Shes not into poly... shes like me.. one person a time)
I love the way she says my name in real life, some people might think its annoying but I just like it, and I only let her say it that way. lol
I once got a email from her address with nothing but "I Love You" (this was years ago, before she had a bf) in it..... I asked her if it was meant for someone else? and she was like "I didn't sent that!!" and changed the subject fast. BUT heres the thing... shes VERY protective of her acct... no one but her uses her email, only she knows the password and its not a easy to guess one. So it has to have come from her.... maybe she got embarrassed cause I reponsed differently.
Shes like that sometimes, getting embarrassed over something cause somehting didn't go her way (or not as she planned) and would say she didn't do that and change the subject OR just ignore it and change the subject as if it never happened.
Im not gonna say anything to her my feelings..... but I just wondered if theres really something more than friends going on between us that is lurking about but nothing is being done??
Is there really something else but we both have this protective sheld up?
Maybe Im just thinking to much over this lol
Has this ever happened to anyone else??
Tasha