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View Full Version : How to tell the differences between 2 kinds of love??



deletetacount123
Sep 5, 2007, 7:00 PM
I was just thinking the other day, and got to thinking of one of my friends.
After a lot of thinking, I started to wonder just how I REALLY felt about her.

Did I love her just as a friend or is it more than that??

I started thinking why I felt that way and there are so many confused signals, hints and stuff.
She says shes straight but at a time wondered if she was bisexual. Then she decided she was to boy crazy to consider being with a woman.

Ive known her since first day of Highschool..... (so 12 years now), we became friends really quickly. At first it was more of "staring when the other isn't looking" matches... finally started sitting in the empty seat next to mine writiing me notes ( we were note passing yes. lol)

After awhile we became close friends.... she would even bake me cookies and give me a container full of them at school the following day!

I remember being at her house sleeping over once... she had went to have a shower, comes back out in a towel cause she forgot something. And I don't know, I couldn't take my eyes off her. She just looked VERY pretty right there in her towel, partly wet hair (Im guessing she stepped in, realized she forgot something and steped out).

I think thats when I knew I had a crush on her course I never did anything about it. I liked our friendship to much.

Then the last year of highschool.... she was going throuigh this stage where she was seeing what kind of friends she wanted and hung around people I didn't like. Finally after hurting my feelings I told her "You know what?? Just stop being a pretend friend to me all of a sudden." (cause she was playing the hanging out with me cause her other friends were busy thing then when she was with them.. pretended she didn't know me game.)
Then I told her I didn't want to hang out with her anymore and she was welcome to email me when she "grew up" and acted her age.

2 years later, she emails me.
The best line I remember best was:
"I really realize you're one of my better friends and I want us to be friends again. I really regret what I did to you. Im really am sorry and I mean it."

Since I believe in second chances, we were friends again :)

We talk a lot online... we haven't seen each other in person since 1998 (when we had the fight) but we talk all the time online and shared pictures.

I came out to her as a lesbian in 2006 and she was like "I always thought you were." Then admitted to wondering if she was bisexual or not back in school.

Thing is, she seems to get jealous when I go on about some girl I like or Im talking to another girl.... at one point I invited her in a 3 way chat in MSN... she was nice then got really cold.... and the other girl hadn't done anything but to be nice and friendly. When I asked my friend, she said she wasn't jealous and didn't mean to sound that way.

BUT she does this A LOT.... every time I talk about another girl. Ya, I guess she and I have flirted sometimes but it was innocent kind of flirting.

She has a bf... and well, I feel jealous lol
Im nice and give her advice when she askes but sometimes inside Im like thinking bad things... like hoping they break up. lol

ANYWAY.
She surprises me by mentioning a birthday present she wants to get me that won;t be released till later this year (telling me so I don't buy it myself when the time comes lol) and I was surprised.
Its a DVD TV series of my favortie show "The L Word" (season 4 is released in October)... Now, its not her kind of show, and in the past all presents from her have either been Victorian Era items (which I LOVE) or yummy sweets (homemade cookies, chocolates or candy she knows I like)
So I was a bit surprised. Yes, she knew it was my favortie show, I talk about it to much and the fact I collect season dvds of my shows but still.... I didn't expect this from her. lol
I don't know... I guess its just one of those things you get so used to someone getting you and then they surprise you with something you never expected them to do.

I don't know anymore what I feel for her.....
I love our friendship... I know I love her like a friend. :) Nothing wrong with that.

But deep down I keep wondering if its something more?? does she have feelings for me too but doesn't know if she wants to do anything?
Could she still be having bisexual wonderings but since she has a bf, isn't thinking much about it?
(Shes not into poly... shes like me.. one person a time)

I love the way she says my name in real life, some people might think its annoying but I just like it, and I only let her say it that way. lol
I once got a email from her address with nothing but "I Love You" (this was years ago, before she had a bf) in it..... I asked her if it was meant for someone else? and she was like "I didn't sent that!!" and changed the subject fast. BUT heres the thing... shes VERY protective of her acct... no one but her uses her email, only she knows the password and its not a easy to guess one. So it has to have come from her.... maybe she got embarrassed cause I reponsed differently.
Shes like that sometimes, getting embarrassed over something cause somehting didn't go her way (or not as she planned) and would say she didn't do that and change the subject OR just ignore it and change the subject as if it never happened.

Im not gonna say anything to her my feelings..... but I just wondered if theres really something more than friends going on between us that is lurking about but nothing is being done??
Is there really something else but we both have this protective sheld up?

Maybe Im just thinking to much over this lol

Has this ever happened to anyone else??

Tasha

LoveLion
Sep 6, 2007, 2:16 AM
It looks like there could be a bit there, but not enough to go on at the moment. If I had to make a snap judgment at the moment, I would guess that she is straight, but thats only with the info that you gave me (and know so far). Ive been in a similar situation (kinda), when I really liked a guy who I knew had been with men in the past, but was now "Straight". Nothing ever came of it, and he actually turned out to be a real asshole when I came out so w/e. If you havent seen her since 1998 and dont live in the same are, theres not much chance for a relationship at this time anyways right? So I say, dont worry about it to much, dont get hung up on her. If something happens down the road and you end up in the same town and she's single again, then hey, who knows! But at the moment it seems impractical. Keep your ears and eyes open for hints, but its probably best to look for love else wear at the moment. (I sound like a fortune cookie :P)

DiamondDog
Sep 6, 2007, 3:00 AM
Read Plato's Symposium.
Avoid Aristotelian logic. ;)

GreenEyedLady(GEL)
Sep 6, 2007, 5:18 AM
Tasha, my goodness your such a sweetie. Wish I could just hug you and hug you and hug you :bigrin: Life just shouldn't be so confusing and hard . But it is, and we know it is. All we want is to love and be loved. My :2cents: Dont F___ your friends :) Very rarely does it turn out the way we'd like.

MarieDelta
Sep 6, 2007, 10:56 AM
Good friends are hard to find, sex partners are easy to find.

Do it if:

Your sure that your friendship can withstand it

you don't care if the friendship ends

You absolutely must because she is driving you out of your mind.


Don't do it if:

You want her to remain your good friend

you aren't sure the relationship is strong enough to withstand a change of this magnitude

You get the slightest hint that she isn't willing to even try bi

That's my :2cents:

deletetacount123
Sep 6, 2007, 1:04 PM
Ya, I think shes more of those girls who THINKS about it but wouldn't do anything with the same sex.
On Facebook she recently changed the "interested in" to "women and men" and I was teasing her "Are you a bisexual now?!?" lol she said "NOOOOO I didn't mean it like that..... Im not into that sort of thing... I just want female friends too."

I think I'll rather her and me just be friends :) We're close, a comfortable close maybe thats enough :)

MarieDelta, sex parnters are NOT easy to find!! YOU LIE!!!!!!!!! :)
Otherwise I wouldn't be inexperienced. lol

GEL = Why do I get the feeling theres more to "hug hug hug" ? lol

And Lovelion... I agree :) I do live in BC now and shes in Ontario still so thats provs apart now lol
How come you never message me on Facebook? :P lol

Skater Boy
Sep 6, 2007, 2:02 PM
Tasha, a book recommendation for you... its called "The Art Of Loving" and expains the difference between the various types of love (amongst other things):

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Art-Loving-Classics-Personal-Development/dp/1855385058/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/203-1817516-7577512?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1189101608&sr=8-1

MarieDelta
Sep 6, 2007, 2:03 PM
MarieDelta, sex parnters are NOT easy to find!! YOU LIE!!!!!!!!! :)
Otherwise I wouldn't be inexperienced. lol


Maybe you should get those tops?

:bigrin:(j/k)

Sex partners are all over the place, provided you aren't too picky LMAO

I'd take a good friend over a sex buddy any day. A good friend will help you when you are down, sex buddies may or may not.

shameless agitator
Sep 7, 2007, 3:58 AM
Tasha, it sounds to me like your friend may be curious but even if she is bi or lesbian, she is simply unavailable unless/until she's ready to admit it at least to herself. Chasing after straight girls can only bring you heartache

brunette
Sep 7, 2007, 4:01 PM
i agree with both GEL and shameless.

unfortunately, most people tell their stories like this and already know the answer. she is your friend, and without clear signals, i wouldn't encourage any further activity than that.

deletetacount123
Sep 7, 2007, 7:24 PM
i agree with both GEL and shameless.

unfortunately, most people tell their stories like this and already know the answer. she is your friend, and without clear signals, i wouldn't encourage any further activity than that.

ya. sometimes it helps when you type it out and re-read what you wrote then you know the answer yourself :) Thats why I typed it lol

I guess it is a bad habit of not taking my own advice. I need to hear someone else lol Im GOOD at giving advice... but I never listen to my own.

Oh well :) Ya, I get mixed signals from her.... like shes curious but probably doesn't want to do anything or is scared and backs down. Im happy with the friendship we have already anyway :)