First post, not exactly sure what I am.

[blooz1955]

I have enjoyed seeing naked men and been turned on by the idea of them since I was a little kid. I had a couple of gay experiences with guys in high school, but never really pursued it after that except in my fantasies. I have never felt romantic about a man only sexual, always romantic but also very sexual toward women.
I got married, had kids, got divorced 20 years later, and now am re married to a wonderful beautiful woman who I told very soon after we met about anal sex and other male sex fantasies. She indulged me with toys and with her words.
Recently, I told her that I really love the idea of having actual sex with a man again. The reaction was similar to those I have read on this site, fear, hurt, a bit of mistrust perhaps. She worried that she was not what I really wanted and wondered if I could ever really be happy, sexually speaking, with just her. It was very hard on both of us and I was emotionally trashed by the hurt I had put on her.
It has been a year since I first told her I thought I was bisexual. She has gotten somewhat used to it and I have never been with a man. I will not cheat on her. I have discussed us having a 3some with a man and that is exciting but we have still only fantasized. Interestingly, she likes to pretend I am getting fucked and giving head to a man, but hates to use the term bisexual.
The thing is, I kind of like the "cleanliness" of the fantasy. No other emotions involved with another person. She is excited by the idea of me being fucked by another man and tells me so, I do not think we are ready for the reality of it though. We have talked about me trying sex with men while I am out of town, but I am not sure I would do anything even if she told me I could while on the road. It is kind of scary. What if it is not as perfect as the fantasies we have together?
So, what am I? Just a fucked up hetero who likes dildos in my ass? I really would like to make sense of it for myself and for my wife. I love reading the opinions of others on this site, so please give me some. Somewhere in them I hope to understand myself better.

[MarieDelta]

Welcome blooz,

1st remember that some fantasies are meant to remain just that.

Then decide if you really want to do this or not.

Some would say that we are all by default bisexual, I'm not sure I agree with them. I think that if you want to explore, you should take it slow and easy, maybe set up a date for some mutual masturbation with another male? Make it clear that it isn't to go any further or whatever as long as you are clear with whoever.

Lastly, play safe, there is no excuse to take home something nasty to the Mrs. -Condoms are cheap.

my :2cents:

[onewhocares]

Just wanted to welcome you to the site. I have found this is a great place to come and read others reflections of similar situations. I am in the same circumstance and I am here if your wife would like someone to talk with who has been there.

Belle

PS It may turn out that your wife will be accepting of this part of you and want to participate with you also. I know that is what happened to me.

[the mage]

I will say to you the same as any one....
If you are not eager to pursue this on your own for the first time, that being you and 1 man, no women, you are using her.
If you want men fine, but do not do it by using your wife to get it.
Find out first if its something you like the next day having done it on your own.
Then think of the complications and the FEELINGS involved in a 3 way.

[blooz1955]

I will say to you the same as any one....
If you are not eager to pursue this on your own for the first time, that being you and 1 man, no women, you are using her.
If you want men fine, but do not do it by using your wife to get it.
Find out first if its something you like the next day having done it on your own.
Then think of the complications and the FEELINGS involved in a 3 way.

Good Thoughts. I do not want to confuse or hurt her anymore than I have already done just be telling her I am the way I am.
I will have to think long on this before I ever do anything!

[julie]

So, what am I? Just a fucked up hetero who likes dildos in my ass?

i think you are just 'blooze', as unique and individual as the rest of us.

i feel deeply moved by your soul searching words blooze. your deep desire to be sensitive to your partners vulnerability, whilst not backing away from trying to make sense of your own deep seated desires. neither do you appear to underestimate just how amazing your relationship really is..... i feel a pang of envy at the clear mutuality and depth of your love for each other.

the possible consequences of turning fantasy into reality is a dilemma so many of us here can identify with..... i dont believe there are really any right or wrong answers to your questions blooze, only the bounds of how far you, yourself wish to test your relationship before crossing the line from enhancing the joy and trust you share, to risking destroying everything?

the bottom line is.... do you accept that where you two are now is probably as good as it( your relationship) gets, yet risk living with some simmering resentment towards your wifes limitations on your behaviour? or do you test to destruction and potentially lose all that you two have built up over the years?

...like 'daddy or chips?' its a toughie..........and i wish you both all the luck in the world in working through this to a mutual compromise that can hopefully help keep you feeling both secure enough and fulfilled.

hugs, julie x:female:

[parkwings]

When my relationship with a female got to the crossroads of serious commitment or not(with fidelity being a requirement) it was painfull, but we broke up.

I knew I could'nt forego men for the rest of my life, even though I love her.

It's a tough, yet very important decision.

That's the simple, short version for me, good luck to you!