How to let a girl you fancy know you're bi?

[jamie63]

:)

Hi gang!
.........Have a right old quandry here. There's a girl i quite fancy asking out, but am not too sure on how to go around letting her know im bi ! What the hell do i do?
Any help/advice is greatly appreciated!!

tim

[Cesca]

Im a naturally reserved person Jamie and its alien to me to ask people out. I find it so difficult. I suppose its being a girl and the expectation of being asked out. I know things are different now than when our parents were young but it still doesnt come easy to me. So I cant really answer your question except to say that I came out as bi some time ago and to a great extent it solved my problem. Now Im known as bisexual women find me. Its also something which Ive found gives men an added incentive to ask me out too. Im not sure it helps your problem but good luck with it.

[allbimyself]

Jamie,

I don't know as you need to tell her right away. My rule has always been that I would come out BEFORE sex. That works pretty well for me as I believe that if I can't trust that person enough to tell them about my orientation, then I probably shouldn't be having sex with them.

Just my US$0.01 (after taxes)

[darkeyes]

Ya cheapskate Allbi... least ya didn say the dreaded 2 cents worth.. tee hee:tong:

[DiamondDog]

Just tell her before you date her, or as you're getting to know her.

If she rejects you or whatever she's not worth your time.

[shameless agitator]

I think everybody kind of missed the fact that Jamie signed the original post as Tim. So she's thinking you're gay right? You have a couple of options that I can see. You could just tell her. I mean if she doesn't have a problem with you being gay, she shouldn't have one with you being bi iether right? If you wanted a little more subtle approach you could just make comments in passing about women you find attractive. Iether way I would let her know and give her a chance to wrap her head around it before asking her out.

[allbimyself]

So she's thinking you're gay right?Not saying you are wrong, but I certainly fail to see how you got there.

[Skater Boy]

It doesn't have to be the VERY FIRST thing you tell her, obviously. The "Hi, my name's Tim, and I'm Bisexual" approach may actually work well on some occasions, but on others people may see it as too much information, too soon. I would tell her as soon as you feel that you know her well enough to do so. In other words, get the formalities out of the way with first, and then use the most comfortable and opportune moment to tell her. If she herself steers the conversation towards sex/sexuality, that might be a good indication that enough bonding has been done between the two of you to start discussing such issues comfortably. Sooner rather than later is probably best though, because any "big surprises" that come AFTER the initial get-to-know-eachother stage can sometimes have a nasty habit of jarring the relationship, and often irredeemably so.

When it comes to crunch time, I would just be direct. Perhaps introduce the theme of sex/sexuality (if she hasn't already) and then use that to lead into your "Declaration Of Bisexuality". Be as tactful as you want in doing this, but a certain amount of directness is required imo, so that she fully understands what you're trying to say, and doesn't get the impression your leading her in circles.

There are various other approaches to the delivery of the statement. Some are even non-verbal. But what will work best pretty much depends on the individual you're dealing with, and so I'm afraid you'll just have to play it by ear to some extent. Good luck! :)

HTH :2cents:

[shameless agitator]

Not saying you are wrong, but I certainly fail to see how you got there.Not quite sure how I got there iether. Was thinking of coming out as being necessary to let her know he was interested I guess. Probably because I originally made the assumption that jamie was female.

[jamie63]

.............thanx for the advice folks, i think i'll take it slowly and step by step. Probaly get the feelers on the ground first to see if she'd like to out for a drink, then take if from there. I know she's interested in me too, but i really don't want to blow it so to speak!


tim

[softfruit]

I'm with skater-boy on the indirect thing; talking about who's hot in films and including the boys in it a little, not so much as to give "completely gay" signals but enough to test the waters in terms of how she reacts to boys who like boys.

Good luck :)

[TaylorMade]

All those things are cool... but I just admit I posted to say hello to a fellow Sagittarian.

*Taylor*