Why do (some) women react negatively when faced with a bi BF/Husband?

[midwestseeker]

A very insightful thread posted here recently about first reactions from wives and gf's got me thinking; Does anyone have any theories or reasoning as to why the majority of first responses is anger or sadness etc?

I have a few of my own, but i want to wait to hear some others first.

Thanks.

[Azrael]

In my experience it's that a LOT of girls want to have their man all to themselves. They see you being honest about having stirrings as a threat to that, plain and simple.

[BicuriousIndy2]

I think it is more of women can compete if it is another woman but they don't have the same equipment as a man so mthey think they might loose him to a man.

I know a couple that the man does not have a problem with other men and his wife playing but get very angry just talking about two women getting together.

[shameless agitator]

IMHO it's simply that they fear the idea of a man being able to provide something that they can't. What happens if you like that better? I think we're also dealing with the stereotype that bisexuality is just a pitstop on the road to gay town.

[dafydd]

IMHO it's simply that they fear the idea of a man being able to provide something that they can't. What happens if you like that better? I think we're also dealing with the stereotype that bisexuality is just a pitstop on the road to gay town.

well said.

d

[Alice]

Hi, I am one of those wives.

Hubby has not and will not tell me about his bisexuality, but the computer and mobile phone trail have! Even faced with concrete proof i am told a load of lies. Sadly, although i have tried every approach possible, he seems to be in denial. I am now having to get therapy for my chronic depression because, firstly I had no idea about this before i married him and secondly because now that i do know, he seems quite happy to watch me deteriorate whilst pursueing his extra marital interests. In contrast, the majority of men and women on this site are open and honest, not only with themselves but with their partners/spouses.

I am lucky to have gained alot of insight from all of you and I still come here from time to time; it's like therapy to me.

I guess my answer is: However hard it may be to be honest with yourself/partner, i truly believe that honesty is the best policy and the only way to move forward. If my husband were honest with me, we could re-evaluate our marriage and hopefully build a stronger one, after all I loved him when i met him so why would i not love him now? All that is standing in the way of me loving him are his lies and deceit, not his sexuality. But sadly, while there is dishonesty and deceit, the marriage is crumbling away and however hard i try i seem powerless to stop it. Counselling has failed also.

Sorry for the long post, this is a wonderful community, i only wish he were more like you guys.

[Alice]

Hi, I am one of those wives.

Hubby has not and will not tell me about his bisexuality, but the computer and mobile phone trail have! Even faced with concrete proof i am told a load of lies. Sadly, although i have tried every approach possible, he seems to be in denial. I am now having to get therapy for my chronic depression because, firstly I had no idea about this before i married him and secondly because now that i do know, he seems quite happy to watch me deteriorate whilst pursueing his extra marital interests. In contrast, the majority of men and women on this site are open and honest, not only with themselves but with their partners/spouses.

I am lucky to have gained alot of insight from all of you and I still come here from time to time; it's like therapy to me.

I guess my answer is: However hard it may be to be honest with yourself/partner, i truly believe that honesty is the best policy and the only way to move forward. If my husband were honest with me, we could re-evaluate our marriage and hopefully build a stronger one, after all I loved him when i met him so why would i not love him now? All that is standing in the way of me loving him are his lies and deceit, not his sexuality. But sadly, while there is dishonesty and deceit, the marriage is crumbling away and however hard i try i seem powerless to stop it. Counselling has failed also.

Sorry for the long post, this is a wonderful community, i only wish he were more like you guys.

[BicuriousWA]

In my experience it's that a LOT of girls want to have their man all to themselves. They see you being honest about having stirrings as a threat to that, plain and simple.

I agree with you totally. That is probably the main reason my wife would have a problem with it along with her moral objections. Just the threat of infidelity would be a significant division in our relationship. She would leave me because of cheating and ridicule me for being bi. This part of my sexuality is kept hidden mainly because of that.

[Azrael]

I agree with you totally. That is probably the main reason my wife would have a problem with it along with her moral objections. Just the threat of infidelity would be a significant division in our relationship. She would leave me because of cheating and ridicule me for being bi. This part of my sexuality is kept hidden mainly because of that.

Careful w/that, it will make you INSANE. I speak from experience.

[guycurious]

Why is bisexuality a threat ?

1) As stated, a person (male or female) will feel threatened by the presence of another intimate partner.

2) Some wives may feel ashamed that their husband is not satisfied with their sex life.

3) CLOSED MINDED, possibly due to upbringing ?

I can remember curiousities back to when I was a child. I mostly buried them throughout my formative years (how I regret that but there were VERY limited avenues of exploration available). Within the past two years I started occassionally looking at picture of males, moved on to videos, etc. Finally I couldn't take the burden anymore so I told my wife. She said, "I know. I was just waiting for you to tell me."

Life is so much easier now.......Except, we are having the hardest time finding a decent bi male to partner with.....The search continues......

[welickit]

We never really gave the subject much thought before. In discussing it, my wife said that if she were to find herself in the situation where she was dating or intending to get married again, she would only consider a bisexual for a partner. :bipride:

[the mage]

The anger is due to your lies.....
Little else.

If you knew you were Bi when you met her you kept a HUGE secret that actually does endanger your partners life!!
(Been STD tested lately?)

If you came out to your partner when you met you'd not have the problem.

If a person cannot separate sex from love then your extra marital activities will doom your love.
If a person is Bi and active their partner must be able see it as physical play with a happy ending for all, instead of winners /losers as in sports.

[MarieDelta]

Often times when we marry someone we marry them for who we think they are.

It happens all too often in the trans community that a person will say "I'll never transition" or "I'll never want to be full time" when they first get married. Then as the years go by it becomes , "I must do this..."
The wives a rightly very hurt by all his, because this was not who they thought they married.

It's worse if you out yourself "after the fact". It's even worse when your wife finds out with out you telling her. She can feel cheated on and lied to. Rightly so, I might add.

A marriage (so we are told) is the most intimate realationship that two people can have, and this person has just betrayed your trust in them. Not only that but you have shown that you don't really trust them either.

You didn't trust them with yourself.

Don't get me wrong here, it's not easy to out yourself to someone who after learning about who you are, may leave. It must be done though, to maintain an honest and open relationship. They deserve the benefit of the doubt. You trust them engough to spend the rest of your life with them, better make sure you both know what you are getting.

anyway my two bits worth and then some,

Marie

[Gemini25]

Why is bisexuality a threat ?

1) As stated, a person (male or female) will feel threatened by the presence of another intimate partner.

2) Some wives may feel ashamed that their husband is not satisfied with their sex life.

3) CLOSED MINDED, possibly due to upbringing ?

I can remember curiousities back to when I was a child. I mostly buried them throughout my formative years (how I regret that but there were VERY limited avenues of exploration available). Within the past two years I started occassionally looking at picture of males, moved on to videos, etc. Finally I couldn't take the burden anymore so I told my wife. She said, "I know. I was just waiting for you to tell me."

Life is so much easier now.......Except, we are having the hardest time finding a decent bi male to partner with.....The search continues......

Very well put Guy, and congrats on being able to come out to your wife.

[jackies]

I am one of those wives as well...

It has been 9 months since the guy my husband had a fling with decided to call and tell me about it.

Here is why my reaction was what it was...

1. Lies, Lies, and more lies...how painful it is to be lied to by someone you give everything to and love so much. (BTW...the other guy was a friend and someone I also feel betrayed by)

2. I was completely underestimated...why couldn't he tell me??? (Side bar...I told him that I had a slight attraction to women long ago)

3. Will I ever ever ever be enough for him?

4. The pain was unbearable...days and weeks and months of wanting to die from the hurt.

5. Really...do you need a 5th? Feeling like he may have been pulled out of the closet and now I am hiding in it.


So we are on the road to recovery...yes...I stayed and am working on forgiveness after many many tears and lots of counceling.

My advice...TELL HER BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED...staying or leaving is her choice to make and if she loves you...you can make it work. If it's too late for that...TELL HER BEFORE YOU CHEAT...DO NOT LIE! Again...if she loves you...you can make it work...I would have. But now there is a very deep cut that is going to take alot to heal...not that it won't...but there will always be a scar there where there didn't have to be. I would have accepted it...as I am trying to do now...it's the infidelity that is hard to accept.

Just my opinion...


~Jackie

[Moto1]

TELL HER BEFORE YOU CHEAT...DO NOT LIE!

I think this is the root of the problem. There seems to be an assumption within the bisexual community that just because they are bisexual, they "have" to have multiple partners, and even that it is their "right". This is utter nonsense, and it turns people against us. You have no right to have partners outside of your marriage or long term relationship (without prior consent), it doesn't matter if it is a different gender, what you are doing is an abuse of trust, and you have no right to expect to be forgiven just because you are bisexual.

THAT is the main problem, in my opinion. Wether you are one of the people who disagree with the above statement or not, enough people DO disagree and say so that the image of bisexuals, to someone who has never met one before, is of someone who disagrees with the above statement, and is therefore potentially unfaithful.

Really it is up to us to change this negative reaction, it is due to us that it is happening at all.

[naive]

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20070622-000002.xml

interesting article on "Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature" (found some time ago on Digg) which covers stuff about polygamy and monogamy amongst other things. i don't think i'll go into my opinion of the matter other than that most of the points sound pretty convincing.

[the mage]

I think this is the root of the problem. There seems to be an assumption within the bisexual community that just because they are bisexual, they "have" to have multiple partners, and even that it is their "right". This is utter nonsense, and it turns people against us. You have no right to have partners outside of your marriage or long term relationship (without prior consent), it doesn't matter if it is a different gender, what you are doing is an abuse of trust, and you have no right to expect to be forgiven just because you are bisexual.

THAT is the main problem, in my opinion. Wether you are one of the people who disagree with the above statement or not, enough people DO disagree and say so that the image of bisexuals, to someone who has never met one before, is of someone who disagrees with the above statement, and is therefore potentially unfaithful.

Really it is up to us to change this negative reaction, it is due to us that it is happening at all.


......no.......................in the real world there is a catch 22 in effect here.

There are legions of men who really are not "bisexual" yet they play with men often. They are the users, the ones in their 40 and 50's who's wives gave up on their lousy sex life years ago, the ones that go to the porn shops and the parks and do nothing but get blow jobs. They are in fact the disease spreaders, the liars, the cheaters. who will deny forever their sexual activity to their spouses but in big picture they are called bisexual..
They live a sad life of lies ... to themselves and the ones they "love".

They and their fears and their activities give everyone who lives an honest open life a bad name.

It is NOT my job to make the rest of the world honest.

[jackies]

......no.......................in the real world there is a catch 22 in effect here.

There are legions of men who really are not "bisexual" yet they play with men often. They are the users, the ones in their 40 and 50's who's wives gave up on their lousy sex life years ago, the ones that go to the porn shops and the parks and do nothing but get blow jobs. They are in fact the disease spreaders, the liars, the cheaters. who will deny forever their sexual activity to their spouses but in big picture they are called bisexual..
They live a sad life of lies ... to themselves and the ones they "love".

They and their fears and their activities give everyone who lives an honest open life a bad name.

It is NOT my job to make the rest of the world honest.

My husband is bisexual...not a 40-50 yr old man with not sex. Actually we have sex all the time and we are only 30. But I can see your point.

[DiamondDog]

......no.......................in the real world there is a catch 22 in effect here.

There are legions of men who really are not "bisexual" yet they play with men often. They are the users, the ones in their 40 and 50's who's wives gave up on their lousy sex life years ago, the ones that go to the porn shops and the parks and do nothing but get blow jobs. They are in fact the disease spreaders, the liars, the cheaters. who will deny forever their sexual activity to their spouses but in big picture they are called bisexual..
They live a sad life of lies ... to themselves and the ones they "love".

They and their fears and their activities give everyone who lives an honest open life a bad name.

It is NOT my job to make the rest of the world honest.

how are those guys not bisexual? Sure some are closeted gay men and even if they call themselves "straight" it doesn't make them heterosexual.

They're having sex with men, are at least sexually attracted to women, and it's not like they're in prison and men are their only sexual outlet.

Also there are gay men who simply aren't into sucking cock and who don't do it especially if they're having sex with strangers.

Heterosexual men simply don't have sex with other men and if they want to cheat on their wives they'll do it with a female prostitute or another woman, and hetero guys certainly don't want to get blown by other men even if lots of men who are gay/bi wish this was true.

[parkwings]

diamond and mage, two of my favourite posters!

they've both doled out some good info,IMO

[shameless agitator]

I think this is the root of the problem. There seems to be an assumption within the bisexual community that just because they are bisexual, they "have" to have multiple partners, and even that it is their "right". This is utter nonsense, and it turns people against us. You have no right to have partners outside of your marriage or long term relationship (without prior consent), it doesn't matter if it is a different gender, what you are doing is an abuse of trust, and you have no right to expect to be forgiven just because you are bisexual.

THAT is the main problem, in my opinion. Wether you are one of the people who disagree with the above statement or not, enough people DO disagree and say so that the image of bisexuals, to someone who has never met one before, is of someone who disagrees with the above statement, and is therefore potentially unfaithful.

Really it is up to us to change this negative reaction, it is due to us that it is happening at all.Absolutely with you on this one Moto. Personally, I've decided that I want to be able to have partners of both genders and so for me, monogamy is simply out. Of course there are bi people who can and do remain monogamous, I'm just not one of them. I of course tell people this before I start dating them. Not to do so would be incredibly unfair and misleading. When I first posted on this thread the idea of someone knowing they were bi & not coming out to their partner hadn't even occurred to me. I find that completely reprehensible. If you can't tell the person you're with who you really are you shouldn't be with them in the first place. If you figure it out after you've gotten involved you absolutely owe it to them to tell them the truth and if they're not OK with you exploring this side of yourself, then your options are to remain monogamous regardless of your desires or to end the relationship. Cheating, IMO is <b>never</b> morally justifiable.

[Azrael]

Just have to add my own brand of flies to the compost heap.
I was engaged to a girl two years ago.
She was bi, and she helped me figure this out about myself.
Her mother gave me shit countless times about how I needed to quit pussyfooting around and choose a side, and decide if I was committed to her daughter or not. She pumped her daughter full of fear that I was going to leave her for another man. :( I was always faithful (to her and every other partner I've had in my life)l. Her little princess cheated on me twice with a girl who was my best friend at the time.
Tore me to fucking peices. Still pretty much is.
Point is, cheating is not a bisexual thing. It's a human thing. END OF FUCKING STORY!!!!!!!
:banghead:

[Mrs.F]

Here goes another wife who found out 2 yrs. ago that her husband was bisexual. 10 yrs. of marriage and I had no clue. The only thing I had noticed was we had just had a baby and our sex life was pretty much lul. I knew he was frustrated from that alone but suddenly he was just losing it and yelling, putting me down for not wanting sex and actually threatened to leave me. It wasn't long after that, that I found this site on his computer (by accident, I was not snoopoing). I was pissed, hurt and felt scared to death. How do I compete with a man? I will never be enough for him. I never once thought that he would cheat behind my back, that was not the case for me. My fear was that I just wasn't enough. And not understanding bisexuality at all, I did feel that he was going to find men more interesting at some point.

We talk about it alot now and are very open to new things. It's made our marriage stronger and whatever happens, happens together.

For me it was mostly FEAR.

[Mrs.F]

Just have to add my own brand of flies to the compost heap.
I was engaged to a girl two years ago.
She was bi, and she helped me figure this out about myself.
Her mother gave me shit countless times about how I needed to quit pussyfooting around and choose a side, and decide if I was committed to her daughter or not. She pumped her daughter full of fear that I was going to leave her for another man. :( I was always faithful (to her and every other partner I've had in my life)l. Her little princess cheated on me twice with a girl who was my best friend at the time.
Tore me to fucking peices. Still pretty much is.
Point is, cheating is not a bisexual thing. It's a human thing. END OF FUCKING STORY!!!!!!!
:banghead:

I agree....I don't think it has to do with being bisexual at all. Gay, straight, bi....it doesn't matter.

[truelove201]

I think this is the root of the problem. There seems to be an assumption within the bisexual community that just because they are bisexual, they "have" to have multiple partners, and even that it is their "right". This is utter nonsense, and it turns people against us. You have no right to have partners outside of your marriage or long term relationship (without prior consent), it doesn't matter if it is a different gender, what you are doing is an abuse of trust, and you have no right to expect to be forgiven just because you are bisexual.

THAT is the main problem, in my opinion. Wether you are one of the people who disagree with the above statement or not, enough people DO disagree and say so that the image of bisexuals, to someone who has never met one before, is of someone who disagrees with the above statement, and is therefore potentially unfaithful.

Really it is up to us to change this negative reaction, it is due to us that it is happening at all.


:female:This seems to come up regularly on this site. Is it infidelity if it is with the same sex? Monogomy is monogomy. We struggle to make sense of this ourselves. After months of going through our struggle I have come to terms with the fact that monogomy wouldn't be an issue had my husband had an opportunity to act on his desires prior to being with me. However...he was never able to admit his attraction to himself let alone anyone else and therefore never had an opportunity to explore his sexuality. I love this man so much and since he has come out to me I feel in many ways love him more. I accept who he is and ultimately want him to be happy. However I don't feel my happiness and security should be jeopardized in order to do so. So what do we do. We are still working through what that means to our marriage.

I believe ultimately the things that have been damaging thus far are not related to his sexuality however the deception and lies that he has built in the name of discovery. The truth is always the best approach. As with Jackie...I feel somewhat underestimated in that had he talked to me prior to an indiscretion he would have found love and acceptance. Instead he chose to use fear as an excuse to be selfish. Trust is a fragile thing and he is working on regaining mine however as Jackie also mentioned wounds heel but they leave scars. My advice to all is to be honest with yourself and your partners.

[yewtahjim]

The woman who became my wife, after four years of dating off and on, was the FIRST female who ever turned my sexual thoughts to being with her. From the age of 5 on up, I knew I enjoyed the sexual companionship of males, but there was something about her that attracted me soo strongly, I knew the rest of my life would be with her...PROVIDING she understood I had an attraction to men and it would not change and not go away...we had several talks about it, knowing that if she could not accept it, there would be no marriage....her qualifier for me...she did not want to know about it in general, if she had questions she would ask and I would answer honestly. She passed away two years ago after 53 years of marriage, during which time I had a small number of short-lived m/m affairs, mostly with friends, but did have a 30 year on-going relationship with a male family friend. He knew he was gay, but just couldn't live with it and eventually died of alcohol poisoning. So here I am, still with a desire and hunger to have a good m/m relationship, and both my "loves" are gone...so I read, and smile, and laugh with friends, and make love with the best male friend I have now, myself..*S* dont know this answers the question about why women get upset, but it does verify the suggestion earlier that IF you are going to marry, let her, or him know BEFORE.....NOT after you get all those legal entanglements in place and have to live a lie.

[Bisexualnewbie]

Hi everyone, I'm Bisexualnewbie's girlfriend and I had seen this thread and wanted to respond, so he graciously let me respond under his account, as I don't have an account myself (I'm str8). We met online and he told me that he was bi before we even met - to give me an "out", as most women don't seem to want to date a bi-man. I am of the mindset Live and Let Live...and I didn't let his orientation deter me from wanting to meet him face to face. However, I am happy that he was upfront about his orientation and didn't...can't say "lie" to me, but didn't NOT tell me. We've been together now for a year and a half - living together for almost a year - and I have to say, I would never trade him for anyone else and especially not because of his sexual orientation. That being said, if I were to find out after we were seeing each other exclusively, I think I would be very hurt that he couldn't or wouldn't trust me with that part of his *self*. And if he had cheated on me, well, that would just cut as deep I think. But, I don't think I would leave.

I think that *some* women react negatively BECAUSE they have been lied to, BECAUSE they have been cheated on - whether it is with a male or female, if you are "exclusive"/married/whatever and don't have an "open" relationship policy with each other, that's cheating in my view - THAT is the reason why they react so negatively, because of the lies and cheating - no trust. BUT, I also know of women who think *they* aren't enough to satisfy their b/f or husband and that makes the woman look bad (it doesn't). Or they have religious views anti-GLBT or just personal views that being bi is just a step from being gay...or even something that can be "fixed". I don't know...I find it a big turn-on for me and makes for AWESOME sex!:bigrin:

Thanks for letting me put in my :2cents:
~~Jenn

[the sacred night]

I haven't the slightest idea. I'd be ecstatic if I found out I was dating/married to a bisexual man.

[parkwings]

for bisexualnewbie: How do you two as a couple deal with the issue of man/man sex? Have y'all agreed to some sort of compromise??

[the mage]

In my life my Lady knows I play.
She does not take part.
It is play........ like football.... its just not for her, but she still lets me play.

[DiamondDog]

In my life my Lady knows I play.
She does not take part.
It is play........ like football.... its just not for her, but she still lets me play.

Is sex with men just release, or just sex for you?

For myself I don't want sex only with men and if I were in a relationship with a woman I'd probably break up with her and wind up having a more serious closed/exclusive romantic relationship with a guy.

I don't really even have relationships with women as sex with women for me for the most part, is just that, it's pretty much only sex.

If I were in a closed/exclusive/monogamous LTR with a woman I don't see it lasting and I'd go through periods where I'd be completely celibate since I wouldn't be attracted to her and this could last as long as half a year.

I also know that I probably wouldn't want to live with a woman; but being friends/fuck buddies would work.

[Alice]

Looking back, while we were dating, my husband was aware of the fact that i had alot of gay and bisexual friends when i was at college (before i met him). I think he felt comfortable with me knowing this but sadly perhaps not comfortable enough to tell me about himself? Now there is the fear of never being enough for him, fear of losing him and as he married me i expected monogamy of course!
If only he would tell me so i didn't worry so much.....:(

[Bisexualnewbie]

For Parkwings, Bisexualnewbie Answering
The question has not come up yet to be honest.
I have been bi for 12 yrs and in that time I've only been with 2 guys, both before dating Jenn.
So not really sure what would happen between us if it was to come up, I would not want to hurt Jenn's feelings and have her think that he could replace her in any way. Personally I am looking for a bi friend, just have not found a suitable guy and Jenn knows it and looks with when we are out or online, think too that I fall into Taylormade's definition of clumsily bi and am not outwardly bi so its hard for guys that may be to pick up on me.
:)

[julie]

Looking back, while we were dating, my husband was aware of the fact that i had alot of gay and bisexual friends when i was at college (before i met him). I think he felt comfortable with me knowing this but sadly perhaps not comfortable enough to tell me about himself? Now there is the fear of never being enough for him, fear of losing him and as he married me i expected monogamy of course!
If only he would tell me so i didn't worry so much.....:(

Dear Alice,

The story of my marriage has so many parallels with the story of yours. The only difference being I don't know if my husband ever acted out his desires..... but the lies, my deepening depression even the denial and bullying in the face of overwhelming evidence tell a story of two people in a marriage with very different values and agendas.

I left my husband five years ago..... these past five years have been the toughest of my life and i dont know how i survived them, but i did and now i can breathe once more.

I do know that the truth will set you free though Alice.... and the truth as you describe it seems to suggest that this man is unworthy of your love and loyalty. I suspect you know deep down that your depression will not get better until you remove yourself from this barrage of abuse and psychological violence..... and grieve for those hopes and dreams that will never be realised in this marriage.

You sound like a very beautiful person Alice..... Maybe its time to turn that unconditional love away from your husband and towards someone more deserving?... Maybe the time has come for you to begin to love yourself?

With love and much empathy

Julie x

[Irongiant34]

Well I have wonderful news. Not all women are this insecure about their men. My wife is a wonderful woman that not only accepted it but embraces it and thinks it's hot that I like being with guys. Men have to share in this responsibility by being completely honest as soon as possible. I remember being nervous and scared. We'd only been dating a couple of months but I knew I had found someone special and I wasn't going to jeperdize it by not being completely honest with her. She took it in stride and said as long as I don't one day announce to her I'm gay then she's more than ok with it. I was astounded, flabergasted, and I couldn't be happier. We got married last Novemeber and have been together almost 4 years now. I am sooooooo lucky!

[DiamondDog]

In my life my Lady knows I play.
She does not take part.
It is play........ like football.... its just not for her, but she still lets me play.

Also what would happen if you fell in love with a guy and left your wife for him?

[ForbiddenWindow]

Reading all this makes me feel guilty as hell, being a guy and all that, I've never really done anything nor do I want to try bisexuality yet, I guess FEAR does have a lot of say in a relationship. My GF not gay or whatever is straight. And I believe sincerely loves me. Because of this I have decided not to do anything yet, but just explore what my fantasies are.

My GF has openly stated that if I'm Bi or not or whatever. She also has reacted negatively and has thrust a breakup for a possible outcome. I'm scared that I'll loose her forever if I even remotely mention something. I guess devotion to a loved one does play a major roll in everything.

I love her back twice as much and will happily throw my bisexuality on the side for her.

Sometimes I just don't get women either.

[DiamondDog]

Reading all this makes me feel guilty as hell, being a guy and all that, I've never really done anything nor do I want to try bisexuality yet, I guess FEAR does have a lot of say in a relationship. My GF not gay or whatever is straight. And I believe sincerely loves me. Because of this I have decided not to do anything yet, but just explore what my fantasies are.

My GF has openly stated that if I'm Bi or not or whatever. She also has reacted negatively and has thrust a breakup for a possible outcome. I'm scared that I'll loose her forever if I even remotely mention something. I guess devotion to a loved one does play a major roll in everything.

I love her back twice as much and will happily throw my bisexuality on the side for her.

Sometimes I just don't get women either.
Why feel guilty just for being yourself in regards to your sexuality/gender?

You might as well tell her now since say if you don't tell and you wind up in a LTR with her and she finds out on her own or you tell her years later she'll get mad that you didn't tell her in the first place.

If she breaks up with you because of a small aspect of yourself such as your sexuality then she's not worth it and you're better off with someone else who you can be truthful with and who doesn't care about things like that, and is OK with you being in a monogamous closed/exclusive relationship with him/her.

[rmorti]

Well I just got "dumped" yesterday after telling my lady I may be bi, it hurts like hell. She did say she needed time to herself and we both need to sort our lives out, shes at uni in london, im sorting out a full time job, and we may see how we're doing at christmas. I dont think she split with me just over the bi thing as she has her own problems and I do want her to put her uni life first in london. anyway, it hurts but hey, spose now I can go out and experiment guilt free....:( still want her back though.

[the mage]

Is sex with men just release, or just sex for you?

I also know that I probably wouldn't want to live with a woman; but being friends/fuck buddies would work.

.............I've lived with a woman all my life. Just worked out that way.
I love woman physically and emotionally on a sort of general level that I do not have with men. I love being around women and am often the only man in the room with 4 of them at a time.
I'd love to be close with a man but so far have met only 1 who could understand that Bi is real stop on the road, not a waystation.
I openly confess to having wildly hot intensely sexual anonymous play but I do not seek it out for itself. I prefer an ongoing fuck buddy who is in fact gay or not in the closet bi. I lost that a couple years ago when he found a full time love and they stopped outside play, so I am playing on the road to finding it again.
I'm quite able to love more than 1 person at a time but you and that person must simply accept from the get go that my Lady is first, leaving her is not ever happening she will win, no contest, in any dispute.
10 years together now and I'd kill or die to defend her and our love.
She allows me to be me.... a rare thing that politicians and religions need to learn.

[DiamondDog]

.............I've lived with a woman all my life. Just worked out that way.
I love woman physically and emotionally on a sort of general level that I do not have with men. I love being around women and am often the only man in the room with 4 of them at a time.
I'd love to be close with a man but so far have met only 1 who could understand that Bi is real stop on the road, not a waystation.
I openly confess to having wildly hot intensely sexual anonymous play but I do not seek it out for itself. I prefer an ongoing fuck buddy who is in fact gay or not in the closet bi. I lost that a couple years ago when he found a full time love and they stopped outside play, so I am playing on the road to finding it again.
I'm quite able to love more than 1 person at a time but you and that person must simply accept from the get go that my Lady is first, leaving her is not ever happening she will win, no contest, in any dispute.
10 years together now and I'd kill or die to defend her and our love.
She allows me to be me.... a rare thing that politicians and religions need to learn.

That's good that you feel that way about your spouse.

Lots of people will enter into a relationship with a married/partnered couple or people who are already established in a relationship with someone else and then they'll wonder why they're not as important as that person's spouse/partner who they know better and have been in a relationship with for years with.

[MarieDelta]

Reading all this makes me feel guilty as hell, being a guy and all that, I've never really done anything nor do I want to try bisexuality yet, I guess FEAR does have a lot of say in a relationship. My GF not gay or whatever is straight. And I believe sincerely loves me. Because of this I have decided not to do anything yet, but just explore what my fantasies are.

My GF has openly stated that if I'm Bi or not or whatever. She also has reacted negatively and has thrust a breakup for a possible outcome. I'm scared that I'll loose her forever if I even remotely mention something. I guess devotion to a loved one does play a major roll in everything.

I love her back twice as much and will happily throw my bisexuality on the side for her.

Sometimes I just don't get women either.

I feel you here hon,[Although I don't get men sometimes LOL.]


Let me say this though. Being bi will not "go away" no matter how hard you try to make it.

You need to be honest with yourself. anyway much love

Marie

[Germanicus]

Perhaps some women just think its "unmanly" - whatever "manly" behaviour is ...

[LovinCoupleAlways]

*raises hand* I am one of those wives who reacted negatively....at first. Though, I hope I can be excused for that, see, he didn't tell me. A friend of mine thought I should join a fetish site to 'liven up your sex life since you complain about it all the time' (her words, lol.). And then I discovered that my sweet husband had an account there....and then I found at least three to five other sites he was a part of, and it was the other sites that flipped the switch on my temper. He was looking for someone to play with, and he hadn't said one word to me about even being bisexual.

So, yeah, my initial reaction was anger, fear, and jealousy, and some self-hate ('why am i not enough for him' ran through my head a lot). Then, after a lot of fighting and silence, and him having told me, after I confronted him, that he'd been hiding this side of himself for a year or two, I found a topic on the fetish site that started it all about cheating. It was a discussion about what constitutes cheating and one woman's response really smacked me in the head and made me think. She talked about the little things that show love, the pleasure that can be had in sharing experiences. And that was when I realized that he wasn't looking to replace me as I had assumed, he just wanted to experience things, to know about this side of himself. And I realized that this woman was right, he shows his love to me in the little things he does, how even when we were fighting and on the verge of ending our marriage over all of this, he still brought me home smokes and coffee without me having to ask.

I realized that I really could let him go and have his fun. My initial reaction was negative only because he didn't tell me what was going on. We'd been having a lot of issues that we both now agree were caused by the fight inside of himself, he wanted to tell me but was afraid and he felt guilty about looking so he kept it all hidden but it was pulling us apart.

Now though, a little over a year later, as I sit here now, he spent this past Saturday with a playmate. And shared the details with me next day and we both enjoyed his telling me. The pleasure he experienced telling me everything that happened turned me on like crazy. Though I did have to convince him to trust that I was alright with the details...he's still worried that the details might upset me, but trully, the look on his face as he closes his eyes laying on the bed beside and tells me what all happened, it is beautiful and I get turned on just remembering our talking about it. He is happy that he can have a playmate and I am happy to share in his pleasure and experiences afterwards....though that doesn't stop us from hoping to find a man to join us both at some point...lol.

Don't let your wife or girlfriend find out on her own. It almost tore us apart. We are lucky that we were able to pull together and work it out and be closer now than we were before. For me, it was the hiding and lieing that hurt me, if he had told me about it and trusted me when he accepted this part of himself, I don't think I would have reacted so negatively.

[wrbi01]

I was one of the lucky ones who ended up with a wife that when she found out she said "its part of you" and I still love you. Some of her actions in our marrage are what finally made me come to the relization that I was in fact Bisexual. I had argued with it for years and years but remained deticated to her. Then about three and a half years ago for some reason she just stopped having sex with me. I had no idea what was going on or why but was tired of being the one to always ask or make the first move. Needless to say we have had sex 2 times in the past three and a half years and its always after I tell her "if your not going to tell me the problem or go see a Doctor about the problem then as much as I love you I am going to have sex and you just wont know about it." After our last talk, the one I informed her of my bisexuality, she was very accepting of it and even went with me to purchase a few toys of my own and wants to be there for my first time. She says it excites her.... sooo... kinda worked out for the best... Im still looking for the right guy.... (cant believe I just said that)... and maybe even still a girlfriend/lover but things will come together somehow. She knows where I stand and thats the most important thing to me.
:flag1:

[Papelucho]

Also, I think that some women don't make the distinction between honest bisexuals and dishonest bisexuals. It seems some girls I've told considered themselves lucky to have found out early. There are a lot of bad stories out there about men cheating on their wives with men, and that makes it harder for the rest of us. I think.

But it all depends on the person! Nothing better than a girl or guy who accepts you for who you are, and totally worth the trouble. A great place to meet women is the gay bar...:tongue: