crush on my best friend... [Archive]

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laurasaurus

Aug 30, 2007, 4:47 AM

hello all, this is my first post here. i've been reading quite a few posts tonight and decided to join. :bigrin:

anywho, i am a female who just recently came out (to myself as well, since i was in denial for a while) to two of my very best friends... who are also bi. currently, i'm in a relationship with a boy and it's been wonderful... recently, tho, i've been crushing on my best friend. i know she's bi so that's not the issue here. first, is that i'm afraid that if i act on my feelings my relationship with my boyfriend will end. plus, i don't want to hurt the amazing friendship my best friend and i already have. and there's a strong possibility that my other close friend has a crush on one of us as well. so i'm afraid this will end badly no matter what the outcome may be.

these past couple of days with my best friend have been great. she and i have been hanging out in my room watching movies. we've had tickling fests the past 2 nights and that leads to wrestling and whatnot. tonight there was playful biting but that's as far as it went... gawd i want to kiss her so bad. but of course i'm thinking of my current bf and our other friend's feelings. and i also don't know if my best friend feels the same way about me. i'm not sure why i decided to post this, other than it feels better to get it off my chest. and maybe i can get some advice along the way. thanks for reading!

Cesca

Aug 30, 2007, 7:32 AM

I think I know exactly how you feel Laura. My crush is on my best friend who also happens to be my cousin. She is a few years older than me and we were raised at opposite ends of the country, but ever since I can remember she has always been my protector and confidante. So much so that it would be hard not to have a crush on her. She isnt beautiful or anything like that but she is attractive and sexy and has a sense of fun and also simple good sense which makes her so attractive. We are very close and we do all sorts of things together, especially now we live closer to each other, but I have resisted the temptation to plant a big smacker on her lips. I so often have nearly done just that. She knows cos she guessed (am I that shallow and obvious?) and laughs about and chides me gently about it but she isnt into women so thats me out. Its probably just as well. My mother has palpitations now about my sexuality as it is. I hate to think how she would be if I started going about with her niece.

deletetacount123

Aug 30, 2007, 1:23 PM

I have a crush on my best friend too who never seems to notice it lol and you know what?? Should I brag about some other girl I like to her... she replys with a VERY JEALOUS tone in her voice or messages.... when I ask her about that, shes like "Oh... did it sound that way? I didn't mean that!" .
But shes happy with her bf so Im not gonna do anything :)
But sometimes Im not sure on her end...... I don't know, it seems like shes boy crazy, loves her bf. but she seems not want me to have a gf.... but try to talk to her she'll tell you shes not into "THAT" lol
Oh well.

Annnnnnnd

My cousin..... since Im adopted we're not blood related however. But we're sooooooooooooooo close. We share everything together.
Shes probably bisexual in thoughts only cause she has told me she always wondered what it would be like to make love to a woman and she knows they cuddle better and all :)
Just out of random talk, and teasing her... I asked her if she would ever date me. She says "no, cause I'll be to scared we'll drive each other crazy then not be close anymore." Understandable I guess :)

She got married back in July.... but from what Im hearing, she and her newly husband are getting into all kinds of fights :(
Im trying to get her to come to BC to visit :) (Shes back in Ont still)
But ya... I don't think we'll ever date.... my mom and her dad may not approve of it at all. lol
But being cousins, we get away with saying "I Love Yous" :)

This family has a lot of love. :) lol not uncommon to hear family members say it to each other. and the hugs!!!!!!

Tasha

laurasaurus

Aug 30, 2007, 3:53 PM

thanks for the comments and the stories, guys. :) you know, i've noticed quite a few people's posts on this site about how close they are to their cousins. my cousins who were close to my age are male so i can't really relate. i always had really good female friends growing up tho. i was raised in a christian home so i always told myself that feelings towards girls was wrong and sinful. i am so glad i'm old enough to question and choose my own religion now. :bigrin:

my best friend and i may be driving down to los angeles together this long weekend and going to disneyland! *sigh* hopefully it won't be just me who'll think of it as a quasi-date. :tong:

darkeyes

Aug 30, 2007, 4:06 PM

I think I may have written before on this suject but am not quite sure. My best friend is a beautiful and really yummie woman, but there is no way I would endanger our friendship by trying me luck. We have often shared a bed, she is bisexual also, but we are first and foremost friends. I intend to keep that friendship. We both have our own partners who we love dearly, and that knowledge alone keeps me from even trying it on. For some, it may be that they think the freindship could be taken a stage further. Maybe it they are right. Im my case, she is just too dear to me to even think of risking a friendship which means so much to both of us.

laurasaurus

Aug 31, 2007, 2:50 AM

i agree with you, darkeyes. that's one reason i wanted to post this... i wanted advice. :bigrin: so tonight was great. my best friend and i went out for japanese food with a hetero-couple. she startled me when she said if the military allowed same-sex marriages she would marry me and we'd live off base together. in addition to this comment, later we laid on my bed watching movies and she kept grabbing my butt and tickling me. :tong: i didn't kiss her but i swear she was going to kiss me. i'm afraid of jeopardizing our friendship but if she wants to take it to the next level, i'll be right there waiting. :)

shameless agitator

Aug 31, 2007, 4:22 AM

I guess I have to be the one to point out the obvious here. If she's "playfully biting" you and grabbing your butt, she's interested. What to do about that is going to take some careful consideration on your part. As you pointed out, there are other people involved. I think you owe it to your BF to come out to him whether you decide to do any thing with your friend or not. That's just me, I think you should always be open with your partner. What happens from there could effect a lot of things. If he's not okay with you sleeping with your friend are you willing to break up over it or go behind his back? Just because it's a girl doesn't mean it's not cheating if your agreement is monogamy. As far as the friend who may or may not have a crush on one of you, well, she can just learn to cope. That just leaves the question of your friendship. Ask yourself these questions. Do you think a relationship with her could work? Do you even want a relationship with her? If anything does happen, you need to make sure you're both on the same page on this one. If one person is thinking of it as a casual hook up & the other is seeing white picket fences it could get ugly. Lastly ask yourself if you were to sleep with and/or date her, how likely would this be to screw up the friendship & is the potential gain worth the risk? The closest I'm going to come to advising you, is Like I said I think you need to come out to your boy friend regardless & I would say that if you're only looking at your friend sexually & not romantically, then it wouldn't be worth risking the damage you could do to your friendship.

the mage

Aug 31, 2007, 8:32 AM

laurasaurus

Aug 31, 2007, 10:37 AM

actually, i just came out to my bf yesterday and he was very accepting. the only issue is our agreement of monogamy. i understand that even tho my best friend is female it still would be considered cheating. that's one reason why i'm trying to figure this one out before i act. i know that my relationship with my bf is not a forever one but i hate to break his heart. plus, since i'm in the military i won't be stationed in the same place all the time.

as far as how i'm interested in my best friend, it seems to be a more romantic interest than a sexual one. i do want to kiss her but the prospect of being with her for the rest of my life is more important to me. i know that if this goes wrongly it could blow up in our faces. she already disapproves of my current boyfriend, saying that he's not the right one for me. and then she goes and says we're heterosexual life partners, her and me. i pointed out that we're not exactly heterosexual and she said that if i wanted to take the relationship to the next level, just let her know. understand that the last was spoken with a very joking tone and i'm not good at differentiating the difference between seriousness and joking. *sigh*

thank you for your advice guys, it really helps. i'm still not anywhere near finding a decision but at least i can get outsiders opinions on the matter. :)

laurasaurus

Sep 1, 2007, 2:54 AM

UPDATE:
so tonight, given the courage via a few drinks, i confessed to my best friend. i told her how i felt and was elated that she felt the same way. we both are worried about how a new turn in our relationship would effect our friendship, so i told her i would wait. she, on the other hand, suggested we try it out anyways! :eek: i'm so happy i could cry like a baby. lol.

Azrael

Sep 1, 2007, 5:50 AM

I tend to agree with the general idea of coming out to your boyfriend.
Unless you plan to deny your self the right to be your self because of HIS feelings holding you back, for the rest of your life.

Your girlfriend wants you.
You want her.

He has no say.

Live your life first. If he loves you he will ride along with you.
So you're saying if a lover wants you to themself that automatically means they don't really love you? That reasoning is seriously flawed. C'mon, mage, you're smarter than this. Don't get me wrong, I was in a similar situation a few times. It doesn't mean they don't love you. It's a little more complex than that. Some people are hard wired for monogamy, some are not.

Dreamcast

Sep 1, 2007, 5:41 PM

dafydd

Sep 1, 2007, 8:53 PM

laurasaurus

Sep 2, 2007, 2:57 AM

you're so lucky. that never happens with my crushes.

yeah i know. it's definitely a first for me. that's one reason why i don't want to screw this one up.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Sep 4, 2007, 6:38 PM

Laura,
I too had a similar delimma. I had someone that I cared for more than I had ever cared to admit, or tell him. I was like you, afraid that if I disclosed these factors that he would either misunderstand, or let me know in his sweet gentle way that he didnt return these feelings. So for years I didnt tell him, until recently. I gave him an off handed term of affection that most people do with people they are fond of, and dont think another thing about it, which is "Love ya my friend" and I'm afraid I came very close to hurting our friendship by it. I guess he heard more than just me giving an complimentary thing....He heard "I love you" Not just luv ya type of thing. He knew I Meant it.
It took alot of heartfelt communication to clear everything up, but I did finally confess what had been in my heart for a long time.
We have the situation rectified, and are still good friends.
My point is, if you DO feel something for someone, dont do as I did...all it does is cause confusion, and hurt feelings, and the person you love may never know if you yourself do not come out and tell him/her. :}
Cat