anyone else?

[rmorti]

had this kind of feeling? I've come to the point where I am deffinetly visually drawn towards men more, whenever I am out and about I just notice them a lot more. However I fantasize and pleasure myself to thoughts of doing things with women, watching straight porn etc. If I try and do it about men or watch gay porn I just get a bit..bored and cant really get myself fully turned on.
Just feels like my visual aspect on men is because its still a new side to me, been with many women, loved every second, recent noticing of men means its more dominant visually until I try something? Cant help but feel I wont be able to maintain anything properly with girls until I check out this facination...

[DiamondDog]

No, I can't say that I'm the same way that you are.

I'm fairly attracted to men and there are some women who do turn my head but the only way I'd be interested in having sex with a woman would be if I was there having sex with another guy too as well as her, or if we were doing bondage and she was submissive, or maybe if she was forcing me to give her face and everything was clean (her vagina washed clean, and pubic hair shaven/trimmed very short).

The idea of having vanilla heterosexual vaginal sex with only a woman bores me; but I do miss cunnilingus. I would LOVE to double penetrate a woman with a guy though and I've had hot dreams about this.

I also like FTM, and I'm attracted to some MTF; but I'm mainly into FTM and it does not matter if the transman/transwoman is pre or post op.

I mainly fantasize about gay sex and uninhibited bisexual sex with both a man and a woman at the same time. I also have dreams about gay and bi sex and I prefer to watch gay/bi porn and hetero porn that's filmed for a gay man's perspective where it shows the man mainly. Even if I watch hetero porn I'll just wind up thinking about having sex with both the man and the woman.

I find sex and celebrating the erotic with men to be very enjoyable and I find it to be more powerful both sexually and romantically and more enjoyable than the sex I've had with women.

All I can say is that sex with men is A LOT more intense than sex with women. While I've been dominant and done SM with women before, and it's enjoyable it doesn't scratch the itch like sex and romance/a relationship with a man/men does.

I've had sex with men where I got endorphin rushes and anal sex wasn't even involved at all!

It was like I was tripping or dreaming but I was sober and wide awake and the whole experience was cathartic or dare I say "spiritual", and it was psychedelic in ways too.

I can't say that sex with women no matter how dominant/submissive, vanilla, and even if bondage/SM were done, that it's ever been that way at all.

Like for example while I get turned on and I do sometimes crave sex with women when I have sex with them my armpits don't get as ripe as they do when I have sex with men and I don't get as sweaty, aroused, or satisfied.

I'm also into BDSM but I don't feel like writing about it now and I've written about it on my profile on here and in other posts on this site.

When I was first coming out/discovering myself I never did what you're doing and thought about who I was attracted to visually as I've been looking at men for most of my life and I was attracted to men long before my attraction to women came about.

[void()]

I'm probably the wrong person to post a reply to you, but as no one else has it's settled. First lets have a clean slate between us. I'm possibly as close to being 100% bisexual as they come. It's not been a real secret from me as most of life has given me various experiences and insights. "Hey buddy you're bisexual, enjoy life" has basically been the whispering voice leading me onward.

That said, I'm not an issues type of person. I merely live a humble little life in a vast and mysterious cosmos that spans infinity. Each day I attempt to make ends meet, and each day Sisyphus and myself have lunch. Beyond that, I'm married to who I consider to be the greatest woman on the planet. Get a wife and she'll be your greatest woman on the planet, or damn well should be.

She loves me enough to understand me. And she will tolerate my bisexuality and what I call bi-amour of men, or specifically at present a loving boyfriend. Do I have sex with my wife and boyfriend? At present as distance and scheduling would have it, I cannot attend to my boyfriend in the flesh. That shall remedy itself soon enough, and I shall. I have passionate sex with my wife. She fulfills any need of a woman I have. She makes me happy, at times killing me and others making me live. :)

In short she is a damn good woman and I love her fully and unconditionally. She is the blessing the cosmos gave me. My boyfriend is a blessing also. I cherish them both. There's no first fiddle, nor a second one.

Now, we've a clear slate. I'm not inclined to watch porn much. I can admit to looking at some fuck picks on various sites, but they really don't hold my interest long. Not into masturbation either, obviously I love to lavish upon my loves and hence feel masturbation cheats them. I'm difficult to arouse anyway, but that's a horse of another color.

I'm attracted equally to men or women, however as I've one of each presently, my attraction to others is limited. I don't care much for one night stand deals, nor the whole "hi wanna fuck" mentality. At least get to know me before you allow me to ravish you. I may in fact murder axes or kill cereal, you never know.

I think I'm saying basically to you, although not fully addressed to you, folks ought to be bisexual on a site catering to bisexuals. If they aren't it sort of defeats the whole notion, non? And i don't get this whole thing of being curious. You either are or aren't in my humble opinion as stinky as it may be. Also, what's up with all the melodrama? You're bisexual? So fucking what? Lots of folks are, and they live on and usually don't make such a fuss. It's nothing new under the sun baby.

My apologies if this seems harsh, but at times someone must stand up in the back row and say something. And rmorti, understand this is not an attack on you personally. I'm just tired of seeing lots of 'crap' basically on a bisexual site. I think bisexuality ought to incur some bit of intelligence, decorum, maturity. From what I see, we've a long way to go. Just my humble opinion, again.

Thanks for reading.

[Skater Boy]

I think I'm saying basically... folks ought to be bisexual on a site catering to bisexuals. If they aren't it sort of defeats the whole notion, non?


And i don't get this whole thing of being curious.

I think bisexuality ought to incur some bit of intelligence, decorum, maturity. From what I see, we've a long way to go.

Sorry dude, I disagree! What exactly IS bisexuality? To me, it just means having some sort of physical or mental attraction to BOTH sexes. Yes, some people are "truer" bisexuals than others, but what does it matter? Some people's lustful feelings are more one-sided than another's... again... no big deal. Everyone's slightly different, and thats the way it should be.

If you're a male, and you really have NO inclination AT ALL to have sexual intercourse with another man, then perhaps you're not Bisexual in the strictest sense... but it doesn't make much difference.

What matters is what YOU WANT. Overcome your fears and achieve your desires... thats MY aim in life anyway. If that means chasing a whim, or paying attention to how I view the people around me, then so be it.

There is NO CORRELATION between bisexuality and intelligence. Period. And discovering one's sexual orientation often has NOTHING to do with IQ. Decorum and maturity? Again- PERSONAL qualities that are NOT related to one's sexuality.

"Bi-Curious": Adjective: A (usually heterosexual) person who has never had a gay or lesbian experience, but wouldn't shut out the possibility in the future.

"Bi-Serious": Adjective: A person who is definitely bisexual as opposed to other states of Bisexuality.

Definitions according to my Dictionary of Gay Slang. Read both. Bi-curiousness is a recognized state, and there is no requirement to be labelled as "Bi-serious" (or even 100% heterosexual) before one is ready.

And as for the "requirement" that all the folk that use this website be strictly bisexual, thats just BS... what about Darkeyes and TashaSW, etc. Are they not welcome?

I agree that Rmorti's posts are becoming slightly repetitive. But thats not my problem... I'd rather ignore it than flame him. The guy is obviously confused about some issues, and if he wasn't he probably wouldn't be here.

No offense Void Dweller... the above spoken with respect, but sincerity. :)

[DiamondDog]

I agree with SkaterBoy.

Everyone is at their own level and if posting here helps them accept themself or learn more about themselves more power to them. I do get annoyed at some posters who post the EXACT same topics all the time, the homophobic posters, hedonistic party bisexuals, or people who ask about sexual things that you can't really explain in words but have to be experienced; but it's all part of a journey and I'm glad that people like this are here as everyone's different and it may help them to accept themselves or think about themselves in a new way that they never have before.

Accepting oneself doesn't happen overnight and sometimes it can be confusing or take time.

While I've known about my bisexuality/non-heterosexuality since I was a teenager and earlier than that and people tell me I'm at ease with myself I wasn't always this way and that's human nature.

You could take a person who is the world's person who is totally and perfectly at ease with themself and their queerness/bisexuality/non-heterosexuality they wouldn't be immune to a heterosexist society, self loathing, or anything else like this.

I don't care if people who aren't bisexual post here.

It doesn't matter to me if they are gay, lesbian, or heterosexual as we should be accepting of people who aren't bisexual as it's not a big deal and they can learn things about bisexuality that they don't know or it can help to clear up myths/wrong assumptions that they might have. Plus it's being just like the bigoted/biphobic hetero/gay people who get mad when bisexuals show up in a gay male space or at an event that's marketed as being GLBT inclusive.

VoidDweller-Don't torture yourself with the Puritanical opinion full of self loathing that masturbation is somhow "cheating" your partners out of something since you should learn to love yourself as much as you love them and by masturbating you do this. Namaste.

[shameless agitator]

Well Morti, I can feel ya on this one. It was like that for me at first too. I would get the occasional twinge when I saw a good looking guy & would definitely notice them, but my fantasy life still centered primarily around women. One question you may want to ask yourself is if this has anything to do with internalized homophobia? Anyway that's kind of started to change for me as I've had some limited sexual experience with men & just given myself a chance to get used to the whole idea. Now my fantasies tend to involve mmf scenarios and if there's one thing i want to do more than any other it would be to bottom for another man. Part of that is probably because I haven't been able to do that yet. The one chance I've had so far he was just too damn big, but I'm gonna keep trying. ; )

[rmorti]

sorry i have posted about this a lot. Ill stop trying to speculate and more aim for a solution to my personal issue. check out the opposite side of the coin, go to a few gay bars, try and get some form of encounter sorted, learn more about myself. Cheers for all the support and such and apologies for the repetative-ness, I do it about anything I can work myself up on and panic about so many apologies again. I'll prob post one more about this kind of topic when i've reached some form of conclusion otherwise just contribute to the other topics :)

[Skater Boy]

well all I really got from this topic is I need to stop posting because your all bored of my topic of confusion. Fair enough, I won't post anymore "repetative" stuff and just keep it to myself. I am only posting a lot about it because Im still scared of it and trying to understand tha changes. Nevermind eh. thanks anyway. sorry to everyone I have bored.

It ain't like that, amigo. We're all keen to help newbies. But some of your threads did seem to share a similar theme. I think there's only so much that we can advise you on, and the rest needs to be figured out by you. After all, most of us here (apart from one or two that I know of) are not qualified in psychological issues. And we do get quite a few newbies (other than you) who ask very similar questions. Anyway, I hope you find the answers you're looking for, and don't be deterred from visiting this site and making potentially valuable contributions.

[rmorti]

the post I last wrote was melodramatic so check the re write lol. felt like a bit of a pratt. I know where your all coming from, new people, same kind of worries, scared, adventurous etc and ive made about 5 of the same topic. Ill just contribute to other topics now and as I said, post one more when i've reached a conclusion and found my true self.:) thanks again.

[void()]

Bravo Skater Boy!

Excellent counterpoints you post, though I do wish to clear up things from this end.

1. I was not flaming rmorti. I was attempting to debate and further promote conversation on the ideas they posted. That's happened obviously.
Sometimes we need big hammers, others scalpels. My apologies for using a hammer this time.

2. I'm not implying the site should be bisexuals only. Merely pointing out a view or opinion I have about not really understanding, pardon my cliche, fence setters. Yeah, we're all fence setters to a degree, I know. However, we are here on a bisexual site, themes of bisexuality prevail.

Each of us is as you say different. It's my difference to not understand folks visiting the site, 'just to look'. That reminds me of something akin to that guy on tv, oh hell Springer, or P.T. Barnum "Come see the freaks!"

Sorry, I'm not really here to be entertainment for onlookers. Though, I know to a degree that happens and it's fine to that degree. The whole mess dealing with drama boggles I suppose. Not a big fan of it.

That again, is my difference. We are all different and that's fine. Everyone is welcome here, and I'm not saying anyone isn't.

3. I wasn't meaning to imply that being bisexual required having intelligence, or lacking intelligence. My pet rock is bisexual, and I'm not sure it has much intelligence, or it may be a genius. Doesn't matter.

4. As you put it, what does it matter. Most here are bisexual. In the end though, death cares not of flags. Don't take me incorrectly. I am not making any threats. I am stating the obvious truth, we all die and the world keeps going onward. Life continues onward too.

We're bisexual or bi-amorous, so what?

There's more to life than sex and sexuality. Must we always state with melodrama "hey I am bisexual ..." proceeding every sentence on a site themed to bisexuals? Or "hey man if your bisexual how come you ain't horny?"

Don't get me wrong, again. I love being bisexual and bi-amorous, and I love good sex. But, there is far more to life than just those two issues.

For example, nephews and nieces. I'm going back to WV this weekend to see my two nephews. One is in the BSA and we're camping out at his great granddad's. There's also my crappy job at a supermarket where I laugh at silly folks buying crap for crappy prices. I'm putting in an application for a chicken packing plant, it'll pay more and offer better hours, benefits.

There's folks dying in the streets of America, in her hospital beds. Education is truly not free. All sorts of various issues crop to mind, these two are but examples. We needn't discuss them, but it establishes my view.

We're bisexuals on a site for bisexuals. So what? We forget we're human too?

Humans have lives and life has funny ways. That's all I'm saying really.

Run it slow.

[shameless agitator]

I have to agree with ya void on the whole bi-curious thing. It doesn't seem that difficult to me. I'm curious about something else though. Do you murder axes and kill cereal? I loved that line.

[void()]

Yes I've murdered a few axes, splitting wood and crack a handle. It's a real tragedy. And i kill cereal by drowning it in milk. :)

[naive]

i was glad to see someone in a similar position as i am but it seems you've been a member for a while now (over a year?) and it looks like you've been at a standstill. so i can also understand why some people are a bit tired of the repetitive posts (especially if they haven't actually changed over the year). i've only been here about a week but i'll try to limit my newbie posts for everyone's sake.

rmorti, have i misread something but are you single but still have your ex as a fuck buddy? it seems that you have a perfect opportunity to explore your curiosities with someone your attracted to but are no longer firmly attached to. i, for one, would like to know about your progress, just so i can hear about a new perspective. at least it will be something new :)

[rmorti]

I want to explore it naive but its a bit odd. some days I wake up and have what I call a "gay day" where I have no time for women, vise verse too with girls over man and idea of doing something with a man makes me sick and then in between. I will explore, its the only way to truely learn about myself.
The one bit of advice that is deffinetly ever worth listening to regardless of opinion is go with the flow and DONT think about it. I thought about ti all 24/7 for quite some time and i could of mentally affected me into this state for all I know.
Yeah we are single but messing around with each other, although it gets a bit old and feel I want a new girl, but then some days I love her to bits for letting it be so relaxed.
I will deffinetly give you a heads up when ive done something about it and found a little bit more about myself, Ill do it by Pm if you like, save the repetativeness :P
One thing for me that seems to affect me is, when I see a man who is gay or at least you can tell with decent accuracy, i lose interest, its like I enjoy looking at straight men but when it comes to someone with possible intimacy I just shut down. anyway, hopefully Ill meet a gay/bi man i feel comfy with and go from there...
and I aint been a member for a year? not even half a year? where did yo get that? or did you mean someone else? let me know how your doing yourself anyway, its a scary yet fun time.

[Skater Boy]

There's more to life than sex and sexuality. Must we always state with melodrama "hey I am bisexual ..." proceeding every sentence on a site themed to bisexuals? Or "hey man if your bisexual how come you ain't horny?"

Don't get me wrong, again. I love being bisexual and bi-amorous, and I love good sex. But, there is far more to life than just those two issues.

For example, nephews and nieces. I'm going back to WV this weekend to see my two nephews. One is in the BSA and we're camping out at his great granddad's. There's also my crappy job at a supermarket where I laugh at silly folks buying crap for crappy prices. I'm putting in an application for a chicken packing plant, it'll pay more and offer better hours, benefits.

There's folks dying in the streets of America, in her hospital beds. Education is truly not free. All sorts of various issues crop to mind, these two are but examples. We needn't discuss them, but it establishes my view.

We're bisexuals on a site for bisexuals. So what? We forget we're human too?

Humans have lives and life has funny ways. That's all I'm saying really.

Run it slow.

Void:

Yes, there IS more to life than sex and sexuality. But when a person is confused, or having doubts about their sexuality, it often doesn't seem that way. And I think you're forgetting just how deeply sexuality permeates and influences our psyches (aren't you into psychology?). Even if your everyday actions were completely free from influence by your own sexuality, just how long do you think it would be before you came across something that reminded you of sex, sexuality and the way they influence both the individual and society as whole? Sex is one of our primary drives, amigo. and its fairly inescapable... at least for a teenager or young person living in an urban area of Western society. Point taken though... this isn't necessarily a good thing.

Melodrama? Whose melodrama are you referring to? I, personally, do not consider myself melodramatic. But as said, if you're insecure or uncertain about your sexuality, you'll probably express this in some way. And where is better to do that than a relatively anonymous internet forum full of members who have, for the most part, been through similar experiences?

"hey man, if you're bisexual, why ain't you horny?"... Not sure what you mean by this. But it sounds like someone is asking a question from a position of ignorance. Ignorance is best either ignored or corrected. the choice is yours as to which you opt to do.

[EDIT: If you're referring to Rmort's original post, tbh, I don't think he knows a whole lot about Bisexuality, and was ultimately seeking to clarify his own position. whether he went about this in the right way, is another matter]

Ah, the world's shortcomings. Yes, I'm familiar with many of them. I know full well that this world isn't perfect. I do make an effort to help others when I can. But does this concern and generosity solve all of my personal and psychological issues? Probably not. At least not all of them. It does ease my conscience and make me feel better, though.

I think what you're saying is that sexuality is only a small part of the picture, and some people are failing to see the larger part.

Thats true enough. But remember that resources such as this website are the first port of call for many people who are questioning, or just getting used to their sexuality. Some of those people are not in an evironment that allows them to ask questions to those around them. And we often have no idea what the rest of their lives are like.

Yes, life DOES have a funny way of solving problems. Life itself can also be an alternate form of psychotherapy. Most people's problems will emerge and, given time and a bit of life experience, solve themselves. If internet forums don't answer one's questions, then life itself may, and failing that, there is always therapy to consider.

I ran it slow, and I think I understand what you said. But please correct me if I've misinterpreted your words.

[void()]

Agreed, sexuality is as hunger one of the human beings core needs. Yes I'm into psychology, or shall be quite soon. That is, if I don't shoot myself in the foot in the meantime.

Mere opinion, but sexuality to me breaks down into being a type or form of hunger. And I concur with you, it does have a vast and varied effect on folks. No, I wasn't saying everyone should be brand A or brand B.

Sorry, I see in subtle hues of gray or grey if you like. I'm too Jungian minded for that. However, the writer inside me has another view.

Void switches his proverbial ball caps, as in reality he seldom wears hats at all.

Joseph Campbell has created a lovely black and white world. He expresses there is evil and good without any real middle ground. Lucas borrowed greatly from him in creating Star Wars, of course Lucas was not and is not alone.

Why can it not all be black and white? Well, I hop over to Daddy Aristotle who suggests the infamous rule of three. Our protagonist must face three ever increasing challenges to beat the bad guys. The protagonist will learn three vital lessons. Therefore, a protagonist gains sight of three different views.

Void switches ball caps again, this one saying psychologist.

The human mind can process or hold onto seven different items at once. That was proven out somewhere recently, have read it in various sources non-inclusive of the internet and the internet. So, folks can possibly and reasonably see three different views at the same time.

This means you can scrunch together duality and quantum physics, though I'd hazard to avoid doing so as you'd most likely read _Flatland_ and genuinely create several universes at once. The result of this would be perilous insanity. Not that I have any experience in such matters, but am relying upon hearsay. (Void hopes everyone buys that, offers a few bridges for sell with it.)

Given we are capable of this, then does it not stand to reason Chewbacca was an Ewok?

Seriously, though ... the melodrama comes from people who appear to think everyone else visiting this site ought to be Dear Gabby and have ready made solutions at the wave of a wand.

Now, before the bullet reaches my foot allow me to present kevlar socks. I too have been guilty of presenting melodrama, as I've described. We all do it at times and it's fine up to a point. Seeing it every time you log in gets tiresome, doing it every time you log in is tiresome, too.

All right, I should have relied on Ocam's. "Live and let live, choose to be happy and not a victim. You'll be happy, but not a victim." Or perhaps, Richard Bach says it better, "argue for your limitations and they are your limits." I could continue with such axioms, but to no point. And that is saddening.

I try to not place limits, but I too am human. Think I'll limit to listening to mod files that are truly beautiful music.

And DiamondDog, it's not torture if self imposed out of desire to savor time with others. Nor is it a Quaker in disguise. I love myself, but that does not mean I need to masturbate. But then, we may be talking about different types of love, probably are.

[AdamKadmon43]

........ And i kill cereal by drowning it in milk. :)
I have become quite taken by a new cereal they have come out with here called Queerios..... You pour on milk and they eat each other.

Just kidding.

Adam

[naive]

first up, very funny adam.

next, sorry rmorti. recently got into an accident and am a bit muddled with times. i know now it has only been a couple of months. as for wanting what u cant have (straight men), i can totally understand that point of view.

for me, even after only one week, i've gone through many phases. i hoped joining the site would clear things up for me but with the flood of all this new information almost overwhelmed me at the start. now i think i've passed my "hyper-confused" state and have settled into a comfy relaxed state, thanks, in the most part, to the very helpful posts.

i used try to redirect my thoughts whenever i saw an attractive guy. now i feel im free to let my mind wander and see where the fantasy takes me. i can admit that i did (or still do) have some internalised homophobia but that is certainly changing.

as for the psychological stuff, i think i'll leave that to the experts...

[Skater Boy]

The human mind can process or hold onto seven different items at once. That was proven out somewhere recently, have read it in various sources non-inclusive of the internet and the internet. So, folks can possibly and reasonably see three different views at the same time.

Seriously, though ... the melodrama comes from people who appear to think everyone else visiting this site ought to be Dear Gabby and have ready made solutions at the wave of a wand.


If I remember rightly, the "7 piece" theory was first proposed by George Miller in his "The Magic Number" paper. I am familiar with the concept.

As for the melodrama... as said, some people consider their sexuality one of the most important componenets of their personal identity. And if you begin to question your sexuality, sometimes that can bring your whole identity into question. I agree that forum members don't have all the answers, though. But its cheaper to make posts here than it is to visit a psychotherapist.

:2cents: