I could use some advice.

[imaginarymarra]

I've just discovered my orientation this year, after previously assuming myself to be lesbian. In all honesty, I'm less than proud of this. I don't know how to explain it, except to say that I was perfectly happy thinking I was actually gay, and don't really feel like I fit in very well with the whole bi thing. I am extremely monogamous, don't particularly enjoy BDSM (truthfully, as an abuse survivor, I'm actually repulsed by it- but that's not meant to judge anyone here who enjoys it; so, please don't take personal offense), and, although I've gotten out of a serious het relationship earlier this year, I do lean way further toward women. In fact, all I really want, at this point, is a permanent, stable female partner. What do I do about identifying? Bi is the honest answer, but it doesn't feel like it fits (ditto "pansexual"- it's just not me). Lesbian is what I feel inside, but it's not always where my actual life experiences have led. Am I a traitor to all of you for not particularly wanting to be bisexual? Have any of you ever initially gone through something like this (whether you're male or female)? Does it just take time adjusting to the realization that you're capable of loving either gender? Or is it the much-ballyhooed "internalized biphobia" I've heard so much about? What should I do?

[RebekaLee]

I've just discovered my orientation this year, after previously assuming myself to be lesbian. In all honesty, I'm less than proud of this. I don't know how to explain it, except to say that I was perfectly happy thinking I was actually gay, and don't really feel like I fit in very well with the whole bi thing. I am extremely monogamous, don't particularly enjoy BDSM (truthfully, as an abuse survivor, I'm actually repulsed by it- but that's not meant to judge anyone here who enjoys it; so, please don't take personal offense), and, although I've gotten out of a serious het relationship earlier this year, I do lean way further toward women. In fact, all I really want, at this point, is a permanent, stable female partner. What do I do about identifying? Bi is the honest answer, but it doesn't feel like it fits (ditto "pansexual"- it's just not me). Lesbian is what I feel inside, but it's not always where my actual life experiences have led. Am I a traitor to all of you for not particularly wanting to be bisexual? Have any of you ever initially gone through something like this (whether you're male or female)? Does it just take time adjusting to the realization that you're capable of loving either gender? Or is it the much-ballyhooed "internalized biphobia" I've heard so much about? What should I do?

you my dear are gonna get all sorts of advice from ppl in here. but since no one has posted yet...then i'm gonna go ahead and put the little bit i know (or think i know) in. ;)
just so ya know, i do'nt even know what i am...questioning your sexuality sucks. at first i thought i couldn't be bi b/c i am the monogamous type...like you said in your post. but after spending time on this site, and in the chat room getting to know ppl i realized thats not what its all about. and actually, i think its a wonderful feeling to be open to loving either gender. gives you more opportunity. :)
i hope you find what you need while on this site... remember you're not alone! good luck!
---rebeka

[kcunderwhere]

Well, imaginarymarra, I guess I'll chime in, too (although I am a little confused why you mentioned BDSM in your post... :upside: )

This progression might sound weird, but I have known since I was 4 or 5 that I had (what turned out to be) transsexual tendencies. From 11 or 12 I was secretly cross-dressing. By 13-14 I was experimenting with anal sex. By 18 I was going out in public dressed. However, I never had any desire to be with a man. I actually thought it kind of disgusting!

I remained with that attitude until I was into my mid-20's. Somewhere along the way, I began to have desires for men - but only when in my "female" persona.

Then, as I approched 30, I began fantasizing about being with men as a man. Currently, I would say I am 50/50 in my desires for men and women, irregardless if I am the "male" me or the "female" me.

I guess to answer your question - I "grew" into my bisexuality (via an unusual course). I honestly don't believe my aversion to being "gay" during my younger years was a prejudicial thing...I just think people can mature and change in many ways. I am perfectly comfortable with my bisexuality now. :yinyang:

Hope my story is able to give you a little comfort about your situation... :upside:

[arana]

My label maker is running low, couldn't we all just be happysexuals and love everyone? :three: