Flaunt level

[LoveLion]

Well Iv done it, Iv finally left home and moved to Uni in Toronto. I was looking forward to getting out of my little conservative town and moving to an open minded Uni were I could meet some other bi/gay people and maybe have some kind of human connection (romantic or otherwise). The trouble is that I dont seem very queer upon first glance. I dont look or act or talk "gay", im just me, the same me as before I came out. The thing is, I want to show that Im queer, but at the same time I dont want to force myself to flaunt it cuz thats not me. In my home town always felt awkward whenever someone I knew found out I was queer because they had thought me straight for some time. So now Im starting to meet all new people and I figure its a good chance to introduce myself into this new community as queer, that way I can not have the awkwardness of discussing it in front of people who think Im straight and so I can meet other gays and Bis. But so far I think I am starting to come off straight. So I guess my question is what is the right level of "flaunting it", or is there a way that I can let people know without changng th way I act or doing the whole "Hi im David, Im taking Design and Im Queer!" thing. Any suggestions?

[biwords]

I suppose you could wear a pink triangle or something. But why worry? no need to rush -- as people get to know you they'll, well, get to know you. In terms of meeting other gay/bi guys, in Toronto you'll have more opportunities than you'll know what to do with, beginning with the campus LGBT organization(s). As for flaunting it, not everyone you speak to will be comfortable with that, so taking it slowly and in a relaxed way may be an act of consideration for others, too. Anyway, that's the best I can do past 2:00 a.m. -- not being 19! Best wishes as always, and congrats on the move and on beginning university.

[dafydd]

Well Iv done it, Iv finally left home and moved to Uni in Toronto. I was looking forward to getting out of my little conservative town and moving to an open minded Uni were I could meet some other bi/gay people and maybe have some kind of human connection (romantic or otherwise). The trouble is that I dont seem very queer upon first glance. I dont look or act or talk "gay", im just me, the same me as before I came out. The thing is, I want to show that Im queer, but at the same time I dont want to force myself to flaunt it cuz thats not me. In my home town always felt awkward whenever someone I knew found out I was queer because they had thought me straight for some time. So now Im starting to meet all new people and I figure its a good chance to introduce myself into this new community as queer, that way I can not have the awkwardness of discussing it in front of people who think Im straight and so I can meet other gays and Bis. But so far I think I am starting to come off straight. So I guess my question is what is the right level of "flaunting it", or is there a way that I can let people know without changng th way I act or doing the whole "Hi im David, Im taking Design and Im Queer!" thing. Any suggestions?

hi,
I don't think you should worry. "Build it and they will come". What I mean i just be yourself. And use your gaydar. Yes you have it. Drop little hints into conversations about cute film guys you like to people who you suss as cool. Feed litttle tidbits to people you think might be queer themselves. Slowly reveal yourself bit by bit. my goodness, that's the best part, you don't want people knowing everything about you right away do you?!

D

[dafydd]

Well Iv done it, Iv finally left home and moved to Uni in Toronto. I was looking forward to getting out of my little conservative town and moving to an open minded Uni were I could meet some other bi/gay people and maybe have some kind of human connection (romantic or otherwise). The trouble is that I dont seem very queer upon first glance. I dont look or act or talk "gay", im just me, the same me as before I came out. The thing is, I want to show that Im queer, but at the same time I dont want to force myself to flaunt it cuz thats not me.

But lovelion, (cool name) I really dislike the word flaunt because it implies that gay guys who wear they're heart on their sleeve are "pushing it in peoples faces" and that's the first retort of the bigot. "I don't care what they do as long as they do it behind closed doors" etc.

d

[shameless agitator]

I think Biwords has the right idea (funny how often I'm saying that lately). You don't really need to advertise, people will generally get the idea after they've known you for a while. If you wanna go out and hook up that would be the time for pins & T-shirts. I like "stealth" T-shirts a lot of the time. I ordered one that says cover me with honey and throw me too the bears. Like minded folks just grin & the straights are generally clueless.

[the mage]

Well Assuming U of T campus, all you have to do is walk 5 minutes east to Church St to the gay village to meet tons of like minded people!!

If you're at York it'll take a subway ride ..but,,,you're closer to my place!!..... hint hint...

[DiamondDog]

You're in DESIGN.
That's a dead giveaway/stereotype right there!

[Skater Boy]

You're in DESIGN.
That's a dead giveaway/stereotype right there!

Mmm ONLY if its FASHION design. And even then, these days there are LOTS of straight people studying/working in the industry. I studied design at artschool, and it was quite a heterosexual environment.

btw, if it transpires that you are "The Only Gay In The University" (so to speak), then you must, ofcourse, don "The Uniform":

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y97/JBASHORUN/_40871181_rubbershorts.203.jpg

... and mince around making catty remarks! ;-)

[LoveLion]

haha thanks for the advice and the funny comments. No, its not fashion design, but rather simply Design (everything form ads, cd covers, books, mag layouts, logos, package design, 3d design and on and on). I am at York, so its a bit of a ride to the gay village (or the Gaybourhood as Iv heard it called). I like the idea of an inside shirt or pin.

PS. Could you be a little more specific on the location of the gay villiage. (ie Street A (how far down the street) to Street B)

[biwords]

haha thanks for the advice and the funny comments. No, its not fashion design, but rather simply Design (everything form ads, cd covers, books, mag layouts, logos, package design, 3d design and on and on). I am at York, so its a bit of a ride to the gay village (or the Gaybourhood as Iv heard it called). I like the idea of an inside shirt or pin.

PS. Could you be a little more specific on the location of the gay villiage. (ie Street A (how far down the street) to Street B)

Certainly it takes in Church and Wellesley (walk east from Wellesley subway station) and south to College and Wellesley. It probably extends a little north and a little south from there, as well as west and east. But go to Church and Wellesley first. Or email me at cohepa@rogers.com and we'll go together. You shouldn't miss the Stag Shop and Priape, if only to look. Best wishes as always, Paul.

[the mage]

Well ya know I used to belong to the gaytoronto web board and we had get togethers at Pegasus on Church St. once a month. It was a social, not sexual meeting... there seems to be a few of us from the GTA here.. how bout it?


It is a long ride from york campus, but worth it to you if your new to the scene.

[LoveLion]

Hey guys. Thanks for all the generous offers, I might have to take you up on one. Just wanted to add that I went to the village for the first time last night. Turns out that part of Frosh week was a tour of Downtown TO. If you were downtown yesterday you probably herd us screaming and chanting. Anyways, later in the evening the main group broke of into about 8 different tours of acctivities. One of them was the "Rainbow Tour" aka "The lets talk about sex tour". So a group of 27 of us first walked Queen st. and visit the famous Condom Shack. Then we headed over to the villiage and ate at Zelda's which was a great. The food was wonderful and the atmosphere was just as good (we did noise it up a bit with some frosh cheers near the end). Then we did a walk around and ended up at Seduction, which is the most amazing stag shop I have ever seen. It was like I was 4 again and going to Toys R Us for the first time. The villiage looks really cool and I met some other really cool gay guys. I would like to know more about the different clubs and bars down there and which would be best for Uni students. I am going to try and start planning regular "Rainbow nights" where a group of us goes down there for an evening. I need to know more of the attractions though. So far I am thinking Comedy night at Zelda's (every sat), Buddies in Bad Times, and some clubbing or pub crawl. I would love for some of you TO natives to show me some more things to do down there to fill up a few different trips down there.

[Gemini25]

Well Iv done it, Iv finally left home and moved to Uni in Toronto. I was looking forward to getting out of my little conservative town and moving to an open minded Uni were I could meet some other bi/gay people and maybe have some kind of human connection (romantic or otherwise). The trouble is that I dont seem very queer upon first glance. I dont look or act or talk "gay", im just me, the same me as before I came out. The thing is, I want to show that Im queer, but at the same time I dont want to force myself to flaunt it cuz thats not me.

First Congratulations on moving to University. The first thing that came to my mind as I was reading your post is that there should be a GLBT pride/support group of some kind on campus that you could join, and with that you could express yourself in a open and friendly environment. Other things you could do is go to pride shops in the area or pride websites, and purchase pins, patches, stickers, and other GLBT pride things if you were wanting to, and comfortable enough to express yourself that way. As for having to make everyone aware that you are gay is a very personal thing. I have friends that are very out and pround of who and what they are, and just their personality alone lets people know they are gay, and I have friends that are more reserved who are proud of who and what they are, but aren't as flambouyant and so people may think they are straight. As for letting everyone know your oreintation, I do believe you have to be comfortable with yourself first, and you don't need to put it out in everyones face. Let them get to know you the person first, then all the rest will follow. Another good way to express yourself is to go to the Gay Pride events and meet new people there as well. But of course thats just my:2cents: