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shameless agitator
Aug 26, 2007, 9:56 PM
The thing I want most in the world & the thing that scares me more than anything else in the world (same thing) seems to be happening. My ex (not that that's really a good term for what we are to each other, but the closest thing there is in common parlance) seems to be asking me if I want to give it another try. We've been doing this off and on for 16 years now & have a 13 year old son. The happiest times of my life have been when we were together & things were going well. The most miserable times have been when we were & they weren't. Anyway, here's what's happening. She sent me a message on myspace saying to check out "tangled up in blue" on the playlist on her profile & think about it. I told her before I knew how to respond I needed to know just what she wanted me to think about. She just asked "Since when are you this careful?" and said it reminded her of us and she wanted to know my thoughts now. Here are the lyrics

Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',
I was layin' in bed
Wond'rin' if she'd changed at all
If her hair was still red.
Her folks they said our lives together
Sure was gonna be rough
They never did like Mama's homemade dress
Papa's bankbook wasn't big enough.
And I was standin' on the side of the road
Rain fallin' on my shoes
Heading out for the East Coast
Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through,
Tangled up in blue.

She was married when we first met
Soon to be divorced
I helped her out of a jam, I guess,
But I used a little too much force.
We drove that car as far as we could
Abandoned it out West
Split up on a dark sad night
Both agreeing it was best.
She turned around to look at me
As I was walkin' away
I heard her say over my shoulder,
"We'll meet again someday on the avenue,"
Tangled up in blue.

I had a job in the great north woods
Working as a cook for a spell
But I never did like it all that much
And one day the ax just fell.
So I drifted down to New Orleans
Where I happened to be employed
Workin' for a while on a fishin' boat
Right outside of Delacroix.
But all the while I was alone
The past was close behind,
I seen a lot of women
But she never escaped my mind, and I just grew
Tangled up in blue.

She was workin' in a topless place
And I stopped in for a beer,
I just kept lookin' at the side of her face
In the spotlight so clear.
And later on as the crowd thinned out
I's just about to do the same,
She was standing there in back of my chair
Said to me, "Don't I know your name?"
I muttered somethin' underneath my breath,
She studied the lines on my face.
I must admit I felt a little uneasy
When she bent down to tie the laces of my shoe,
Tangled up in blue.

She lit a burner on the stove and offered me a pipe
"I thought you'd never say hello," she said
"You look like the silent type."
Then she opened up a book of poems
And handed it to me
Written by an Italian poet
From the thirteenth century.
And every one of them words rang true
And glowed like burnin' coal
Pourin' off of every page
Like it was written in my soul from me to you,
Tangled up in blue.

I lived with them on Montague Street
In a basement down the stairs,
There was music in the cafes at night
And revolution in the air.
Then he started into dealing with slaves
And something inside of him died.
She had to sell everything she owned
And froze up inside.
And when finally the bottom fell out
I became withdrawn,
The only thing I knew how to do
Was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew,
Tangled up in blue.

So now I'm goin' back again,
I got to get to her somehow.
All the people we used to know
They're an illusion to me now.
Some are mathematicians
Some are carpenter's wives.
Don't know how it all got started,
I don't know what they're doin' with their lives.
But me, I'm still on the road
Headin' for another joint
We always did feel the same,
We just saw it from a different point of view,
Tangled up in blue.

I told her if she's asking me what I think she is, my only concern would be making sure she's serious & we need to talk in person. I'm confused and terrified. Advice anybody?

elian
Aug 26, 2007, 10:15 PM
Bob Dylan?

Hon,

It's very interesting that someone can relate how they are feeling using the lyrics in a song - but unless she is asking you what you think of the song don't you think direct communication would be better? I'm not therapist by any means but communicating can be hard enough when you KNOW what you want to say .. let alone when she lets you guess what she's talking about.

Unless that song has sentimental value for the both of you, I'm a little confused by it - almost like she's afraid to come out and say what she's thinking? Seems a little immature..not trying to be rude. I mean some people are driven by emotions and some are more driven by logic.

DIRECT communication with lots of listening .. that usually works a lot better.

As long as you wouldn't be going back to the same situations, with the same triggers and the same problems and repeating the past over again.. Maybe if you were just friends for a while?

I'm not really qualified to give any advice on this topic. You know ex better than I do .. so your mileage may vary.

-E

shameless agitator
Aug 26, 2007, 10:58 PM
Yeah, it's a Dylan, though she has a cover. No particular attachment to this song for us, though we do frequently use music or poems to express ourselves to each other. Like I said, I told her my big concern would be making sure she was serious and that we should talk in person (which could be kind of difficult right now with my car being dead). Since then she's responded to a comment I left on her profile, but not to that message. I just sent her another one asking if that was in fact what she was getting at, but haven't heard back yet.

Doggie_Wood
Aug 27, 2007, 6:36 AM
Aaaaw Shit is right man.

My ex did virtually the same thing to me (years ago). And we also had a child.
But the main difference is that I went by the age old addage;

Fool me once - shame on you.....
Fool me twice - shame on me.....

After my recent divorce 5 years ago (different woman), three days after guess who called and just wanted to be "friends". You guessed it!

I told her - friends, OK - anything else - no way! I haven't heard from her since.

DiamondDog
Aug 27, 2007, 6:40 AM
Talk to her in person.
Have her go to you, since you don't have a car.
Or just see if there's another way you can both get together.
You know her a lot better than strangers on the internet do.

HighEnergy
Aug 27, 2007, 8:53 AM
I'm reading a book called Facing Love Addiction. Check it out and see if it speaks to you. Sometimes having more insight into our relationships can help us heal them. Whatever happens, good luck. There really is nothing like a good relationship but it's the hardest work you'll ever do.

the mage
Aug 27, 2007, 9:00 AM
YOU CAN'T GO BACK.

the mage
Aug 27, 2007, 9:02 AM
YOU CAN'T GO BACK.

In time or love.

The old wounds will rekindle as as well as the good memories.

I'm a huge fan of Bob but gawd he is not.
Its just a song....

shameless agitator
Aug 27, 2007, 5:31 PM
I appreciate everybody's input & more than anything just knowing that you're there for me on this. She still hasn't said it straight out, but I am pretty sure that's what she's getting at. Gonna try to get together this weekend and talk. I think what I'm going to do is tell her I'm willing to try if she's really serious this time (we've kinda done some half assed attempts in the past), but I need a couple good faith gestures from her. We are waaaayyy past the point of dating and seeing where things go (we've been friends+ for 10 years or so now), so iether I move in or we go get a bigger place together & we go public about the fact that we're back together. I've told her this last time she wanted to do this. I don't think she'll be willing to go whole hog like that & I'm going to ask her not to bring the subject up again until she is, because it tears me up too much.

shameless agitator
Aug 28, 2007, 12:49 AM
So........... I'm an idiot. I was reading way too much into it apparently. She says it just reminded her of us & had no idea I would take it that way. Of course she would know very well what I meant about wanting to be sure she was serious, so she could just be saving face, but iether way it's not gonna happen. A bit relieved and disappointed at teh same time.

Doggie_Wood
Aug 28, 2007, 11:55 AM
My heart goes out to ya shameless. It seems that sometimes an exSO can really play with yer head and emotions with out trying to (or are they trying to).
The wounds and scars left thereof on the heart are slow to completely heal and are tendered sore at the slightest touch.
I am relieved that you are relieved from the stress and anxiety of it all.
Time heals all wounds (so they say). As well it might, but the scars forever remind us.
Good Luck to you my freind.

:doggie:

shameless agitator
Aug 28, 2007, 9:22 PM
Thanks Dogwood. I appreciate it.

ambi53mm
Aug 29, 2007, 7:13 AM
Another Dylan lyric says it best..

"No I ain't gonna work on Maggie's farm no more"
:2cents:

Ambi:)

shameless agitator
Aug 29, 2007, 4:39 PM
Which reminds me of the song that comes to mind most when I think about her "Maggie May"