Nobody Gets Me

[Promising Galahad]

Its all very frusterating at times. There was a girl who I use to work with. She was very attractive and all the guys use to hit on her. Her and I had alot in common and as it turns out she assumed I was gay.I never bring up my sexuality unless I know the person. For a couple weeks we went to lunch and even saw each other outside of work.At the time I was having trouble with a guy I was very interested in so it was nice talking to her about it. One day the subject came up and she asked me when I knew I was gay. I told her about ten years now but I am not gay. I am bisexual. She got defensive and a little angry. Turns out she thought this was my way of getting to know her.She thought I was after only one thing and only pretended to be her friend. Word got out that I was 'confused'.

Not all but some of my gay friends think I am in denial and am afraid to come out.They think bisexuals will screw anything that moves and that we can not be trusted at all.Most my gay friends have a story about how a bisexual they know broke someone they know up. Of course, its always the bisexuals fault never the cheater who is either gay or happens to be bisexual. I have always heard no one breaks up a happy relationship (but according to my friends, bisexuals do) There was a friend a couple years ago who I really liked.He was gay.He came out to his parents and they kicked him out. I felt so bad for him. None of our gay friends took him in.He later told me I was the last person he went to because he knew I was bi and figures I would turn him away. I told him that was nuts and he stayed with me for about 5 weeks til he got on his feet.Another time was in the winter.This was in January and one of the coldest nights of the year. He was dropped off by some friends at the mall where his car was parked at about one o'clock in the morning.His card was dead.He called around and no one was either picking up the phone and wanted to help him out.He called me and I went to pick him up.When I got there he was practically frozen. I gave him alot of support when his parents kicked him out and him and I became closer.I was about 6 years older than him and kind of felt like a mentor to him.We talked about very personal stuff and we got closer and closer.I was seriosuly thinking about turning our friendship into something more and judging by his actions and body language it seemed like he felt the same way.

One night we were at a friends house on his deck having dinner.My bisexuality came up.The conversation turned rather ugly, alot of negative sterotypes about bisexuals came up,lots of things about me came up that were not true and I really got hurt.I was hurt that these people who knew me thought I was the kind of person they were describing.I had listened to all these guys talk about the guys they slept with who they never saw again. All these one night stands and tricks they had. I do not judge them at all. Yet they all turn on me and make me feel like this cheap whore who sleeps around with anything that moves. Funny thing is, they all had me won over. I went about a year without having anyone in my life and here they are almost every weekend with a new boy toy.The highlight of the evening was when this friend of mine who I thought was a real close friend told the others with me right there that he could never,ever be in a relationship with a bisexual.They can't be trusted. He then went on naming all these opinions and passing them off as facts. He was surprised I got so upset. He appologized for misleading me but made it very clear that bi guys are truly sick and that I needed to either come out or get some help.A couple of my gay friends have actually suggested I get some therapy because they feel my bisexuality is not something I am born with but a choice I am making. These gay men have no clue that they are acting just like these homophobes who bash gays who think homosexuality is a choice. What kills me is I am very active in the gay community.I sponsor several friends every year with the annual AIDS walk and I support the gya and lesbian film festivals as well. I have been known to just loose it when I witness or even read anything close to being homophobic.I do not tolerate homophia or anything remotely close to a hate crime or any type of gay bashing whatsoever (I even got after a co worker who kept using the phrase, 'Thats so gay') So, there is a little bit of betrayal I feel within the gay community when I go out of my way to fight for gay rights and show my support for the gay community and then I get pissed on by them

I am at a point where my sexuality is off limits when meeting new people.I hate how everyone around me tells me what I am thinking and how they know what I feel.Who I sleep with should be no ones business.Why is who I am attracted to everyone's business? Why does everyone have something to say about who I love and sleep with? Because of all this I have trouble meeting people.

Theres a certain actor on a tv show who I am in love with.I tell alot of my friends that this is who my dream man is.This guy is 'my type' and how I think he is just perfect. However, we went to the movies the other night and there is a certain actress in the movie who I think is just stunning and beautiful.Even though she's been around for awhile I had never seen or heard of her.I thought she was funny,a good actress, but most of all really hot. I felt the same way towards this actress as I do towards this other actor on tv. None of my friends can grasp this. I have the exact same feelings towards both (physically of course) Because of that one of my 'so called friends' said they don't want to hear about any of my crushes or love interests til I figure out exactly who I am. This really hurt me and even though no one else said anything their silence sort of told me they agreed with him. Since then this friend has called me twice on my cell and three times on my home number not to mention the two emails he has sent.I have not responded to any. He has not appologized at all and this last email he sent he asked what my problem was and said I was acting like a baby.As a matter of fact I have not answered any of the emails or calls of my friends who were there when he said this.

I honestly feel I need to get rid of these people.They are not friends and they are only holding me back and bringing me down.Anyway, I just needed to rant. Thanks for listening!

[Azrael]

I honestly feel I need to get rid of these people.They are not friends and they are only holding me back and bringing me down.Anyway, I just needed to rant. Thanks for listening!
There it is. You know what to do.
Strength and honor, bro.

[scorpio9]

Sounds like it's time that you started moving into better circles. Nothing wrong with you. People who feel the need to pick people apart and try to act "superior" are 2nd rate in my book. Leave them to their little world and explore the rest of the world. You sound intelligent and I'm sure you'll have no problem finding a better class of friends. Good luck.

[HighEnergy]

Thank you for your post. My bi former partner has always said that he suffered as much if not more descrimination from gay folks than straight folks. The only difference was the gay folks were inclined to beat the tar out of him. From your post, I can see he wasn't kidding.

I do hope you can find folks who love and accept you as you are.

[TaylorMade]

Aw god, PG. . . I'm a serious hardass, but damn! Your post broke my heart. I am convinced that out of all the sexual minorities, bisexuals and transgendereds get the worst bit of it.

You DO need new friends.

*Taylor*

[Promising Galahad]

Hey thanks for the support. I was afraid I would come off sounding like I was whining too much. I could write a book about all the crap I've had to put up with. I am truly embarassed when looking back at how much of this I actually took from these people.

Bottom line is this. Who I sleep with should only involve me and the person I am sleeping with.Not my friends or any of the other gossip hounds who feel the need to label me. Thanks again for the support!

[Azrael]

Do you have any idea how many whiny posts I've made here?
Christ! I'm sick of me :bigrin:
Seriously, though. You know what's best for you and what you need to be happy. Fuck all the naysayers, this is the Promising Galahad show here!
If u ever need to gripe about whatever, I'm available. I've been there.
If u like, shoot me a PM or an email or hit me up on the great satan www.myspace.com/azraelspeaks
karmic bliss to you!

[Skater Boy]

Bleargh! Which is easier? Changing your friends or changing your sexuality? ;)

No, wait, which one is even possible? ;)

[LoveLion]

There is nothing more frustrating then when gays bash bis. You think a group like homosexuals would know better, especially after fighting for their own rights and recognition so hard. I cant even conceive how a gay person could act this way to a bi without realizing its exactly the same way they were treated years ago, but still many gays do act like this. Has the gay community and culture grow to a point where they now look down on us? Is the modern homosexual who lives with alot less percussion then those past simple oblivious to the hardships others put them and their people through? Or is it that now that they are a larger group they feel they can pick on a smaller one? Gays and Bis should be sticking together to fight intolerance against both are people. You think them of all people would be able to relate and sympathize to the bi cause. Being ostracized by the straight community is bad enough, but having the gay community reject you as well just isolates bis even further. It should be the GLBT community not a separate world for each of those four letters.

[Diana_TS]

This is a problem I feel also. I have been to many gay bars and clubs in my lifetime, and have always felt at home. However everyone assumed I was 100 percent gay, and I never said otherwise, nor did I ever hook up with anyone in them, or have ever misrepresented myself to a person I have every had a relationship with, sexual or otherwise.

I am perfectly happy now to admit that I am a gay male, married to a wonderful straight wife, and will have to stay in the closet. I long to let my feelings free but from my experience find that gay men have almost the same degree of bias against bi's as straights have against gays.

I enjoy being around gays, and wish I could enter into that lifestyle, but do not like bias whether from straights or gays. There are always the exception to the rule and I hope to find those exceptions.

I feel much more comfortable with bi males or females, and lesbians, as they all seem to accept me as bi or gay now that I have admitted to myself that "Yes I am Gay and not ashamed".

So to make a long post short, I would look for other friends, and you are on the right site to find them. Good Luck:grouphug:

[Promising Galahad]

When I meet new gay men I just let them assume I am gay.Its easier that way.Not sure why, but it seems like younger gay men seem to be the most hateful towards bisexuals.I would think they'd be more laid back and with it.I find that older gay men are more understanding.Go figure.

[Azrael]

When I meet new gay men I just let them assume I am gay.Its easier that way.Not sure why, but it seems like younger gay men seem to be the most hateful towards bisexuals.I would think they'd be more laid back and with it.I find that older gay men are more understanding.Go figure.

When young guys first come out, they're all about being gay, especially if they don't have a very strong sense of identity. My ex b/f was a pretty average guy before he declared. Since then he's slowly slid into total camp. I liked him better when he was just himself.
As for the older men, been there, done that, learned from it. Older men are where it's at, sometimes, for this very reason.

[Danielle B]

There it is. You know what to do.
Strength and honor, bro.

Haha... that same sentence in his post leaped off the screen at me, too.

Definitely get some new friends who don't judge you and presume to know you better than you know yourself.

[The Barefoot Contess]

In July, I was in San Francisco, at a conference held at the LBGTA center, in which Marina Gatto spoke about her activism for LGBT rights. After the conference, my friend Robey asked her how she fought divisions "within oppressed communities" themselves: why is there so so much homophobia within the black community? why do some homosexuals bash bisexuals? It would make sense for marginalized people to understand the oppression of other minorities, but for some reason, we keep having to jump the same hurdles over and over again. She did not know really how to address the question, but agreed that that is one of the big problems not only within LGBT, but withing other groups as well.
Being oppressed does not mean you will not become oppressor. The reasons for such behavior escape my amateur understanding of human psychology, but I think it is a reality that we have to fight to change. The stronger and more united the community is, the better results its struggle will have. If someone bashes you for being bisexual, it tells more about their own problems, fears, and insecurities than about you at all. Never forget that.

[DiamondDog]

If someone bashes you for being bisexual, it tells more about their own problems, fears, and insecurities than about you at all. Never forget that.

Very well said.

I have come to the idea that biphobic people are really upset by fluidity and lack of clear dichotomy. It upsets their world view. They are also terribly hung up and have internalized puritian beliefs. This helps me have compassion for them and not take it so personally. ;)

Some of my hetero friends think that I'm gay and I have no problem with it since I know what I am, and I'm not that label obsessed like they are.

Yes biphobia/homophobia sucks but you can either ignore it or just say a snappy comeback.

It doesn't matter what other people think you are as long as you accept/love yourself and you know who you really are as a person.

[LoveLion]

I guess the most we can do is spread the word of tolerance, make sure to maintain our own personal tolerance and hope for the bet from the rest.

[CHOCOLATECITY32]

it is said that trust the ppl u feel comfortable around...but we as bisexuals r not crazy or confused the majority of us know what we want i feel that ppl get affended when they r around us b/c we r open 2 both sexes and they r 2 just one.......plus it makes me sad and heartbroken b/c ppl rejects us a 100% there is this neighbor that i met and we click like black and white but when i was honest with her and told her i was bisexual she had a dishonest look of her face and i could feel the rejection vibe when i talk 2 her and i also notices that when she leaves it's like a fast walk.......bisexual's r friendly openminded ppl who r not confused or lost but we r comfortable ppl who know what we were getting into b4 it was recongizeable......ppl get hurt b/c they do not understand the real picture plus i agree if no one understands chocolate city no one gets me..........

[biwords]

Bonus: getting rid of false friends opens up time and energy for true ones. At the same time, some of the people who've said dumb things to you may, on reflection, decide that they were wrong to do so; but the initiative lies with them to make it up to you, if you're open to that. Very best wishes to you.

[The Barefoot Contess]

Bonus: getting rid of false friends opens up time and energy for true ones.

So true! Life is way to short to spend it with people who are not worthy, and to let extraordinary people pass by.