BF bisexual? Yes or No or Maybe

[sweetpea6706]

This is my first post and I'm hoping I joined the right forum to discuss this.

There is more to this story but I'm going to be brief. If anyone responds I will answer their questions then.

I am in a two year relationship with my BF. We moved in together about 1 year ago. Throughout our relationship I always wondered if he might be bisexual {because of certain signs} and he always and still does deny it. Well, a few months ago, during sex, he finally admitted he had a year long relationship with another male. It was sexual. I was taken back a bit and also angry he had lied to me for months even after I questioned him about it. Also, I believe he should have told me before my son and I moved in. The thing is he will not admit he is bisexual. I know he is still attracted to men. Like I said there are signs he is bisexual. He is open about how watching two men going down on each-other makes him hard, he likes the gay and tranny porn and many times during sex he likes to talk about stiff units. The last example tells me he is getting off on thinking about another man's stiffness.

I really don't think I'm wrong about him being bisexual. I would appreciate any thoughts on this matter.

[MarieDelta]

Hi Sweetpea,

You know sometimes it's hard to recognize behavior in ourselves that we clearly recognize in others. We'll do thus and such, but say to our selves I'm not(gay/les/bi/trans/ queer) because I'm not like 'so and so'. Or I don't (insert stereotype here).

It's easy to fool ourselves into thinking that it was a onetime thing or that it was just that once. Or that we can change or be cured or...

Partly I guess because society has such expectations, we tend to internalise that. And partly because we also internalise homo/bi/trans phobia.

So what am I saying here?

I don't think your bf is lying to you, he may not realise that he has any bi inclinations at all. If you insist that he is lying to you you may push him away from you.

Reasons I don't think he is consciously lying to you:
*He is willing to discuss hard units with you during sex.
*He exhibits all those signs that you've interpreted as being bisexual.
*He did eventually tell you about his relationship with another man.

If he were consciously lying to you don't you think he would have gone to greater lengths to do it? I sure would have.

The best thing you can do for him would be to help him learn to accept himself.

that's just my :2cents:

wishing you two all the best

marie

[timewarp2nite]

I'm curious as to what your real concern is? Is that that he whether he is or isn't bi or that he didn't tell you?

Yes, I would say he is certainly bi. Now let's take one issue at a time. Is the fact that he is bi really a problem for you? Do you feel differently about him knowing he is bi? You have believed it to be true for some time. Now you know. Did the way you feel about him change because he is bi? If so, I find that unfortunate, but to me it says this isn't the right relationship for you. If your feelings are not affected by the knowledge he is bi, consider ways to integrate his bi-ness into your relationship - an MMF threesome could offer a great way to provide additional satisfaction to both of you, if you are open-minded enough to explore with him.

Now, going back to the other issue - his not telling you -- is that perhaps what is really bothering you the most? Consider a couple thoughts -- did he consider that too personal to share earlier in the relationship? Did he perhaps feel you weren't ready to handle it and was waiting for the right time? If this is someone you love and you don't have other reasons to believe he is deceitful to you, I would look at this more as an instance where he didn't feel comfortable sharing that side of himself. Now, with your help he has. If you care for him, now that you have helped bring his bi-ness out into the open, I believe you have a responsilbility to support him in his further explorations of his sexuality. If you can't do that, set him free.

timewarp2nite (the female half)

[Skater Boy]

I'm not so sure... if he's had a YEAR LONG sexual relationship with a male, then IMHO that would mean that he at least has SOME homosexual leanings. However, he ADMITTED to having the relationship, so that must mean he has accepted it, at least on some level. Perhaps the guy is confused? Or bisexual, but doesn't realize it yet. Or, finally, its even possible that he found out during the year-long M/M sexual relationship that he was NOT attracted to men. There's a number of possibilities.

A agree with Marie, though... best thing you can do is to try and help him discover and accept himself. Hopefully then you'll BOTH know for sure.

:2cents:

[Trinity-Fl]

Whether he is bi or not is not the real issue here. (IMHO) :) I think the issue is trust. If he admits to a year long relationship then you must assume that he's in some sort of relationship now. My current significant other was with a man for 24 years only to find out he was seeing other men for the whole time. And denied it until she caught him.

So,,, if tonight he says, "Yes! I', bi!" What does that accomplish except to further prove that he's not been honest about it all these months. Will it all be better? Would you want to share these encounters with him? And what about current relationships? Is he involved with someone or is he catching "afternoon meetings" on the side?

There are several people on the site who post often and I think their input would be valuable.

CC

[Skater Boy]

I would look at this more as an instance where he didn't feel comfortable sharing that side of himself. Now, with your help he has. If you care for him, now that you have helped bring his bi-ness out into the open, I believe you have a responsilbility to support him in his further explorations of his sexuality. If you can't do that, set him free.


But if he keeps DENYING his sexuality, no-one will get anywhere. He really needs to be honest about his preferences. The best she can do is to make him feel comfortable to do so.

[Skater Boy]

Whether he is bi or not is not the real issue here.

Agreed. Trust is paramount in a relationship. BUT give him a chance to get his head straight (no pun intended) just incase he is "confused". If, afterwards, he doesn't tell the truth, then set YOURSELF free.

[MarieDelta]

Agreed. Trust is paramount in a relationship. BUT give him a chance to get his head straight (no pun intended) just incase he is "confused". If, afterwards, he doesn't tell the truth, then set YOURSELF free.


Agreed! I think it's wise to give others the benefit of the doubt when in relationships.

Something like: Never attribute to evil that which can be attributed to stupidity (or in this case denial.)

It's impotant to note as well that as we age our understanding of ourselves changes.

:)

[sweetpea6706]

My feelings for him have not changed. At the beginning, when he first told me, I was angry {I guess} that he hadn't admitted it before. I had brought it up many times. But, as timewarp2nite says maybe he was waiting for the right time. I can agree with that.

My real concern here is I would like for him to at least admit he has bi inclinations as MarieDelta put it. Without something from him I don't think we will be moving forward with our relationship.

I am trying to help him further explore his sexuality. He just recently {the other night} bought himself stockings and a two piece little outfit. I thought they were for me LOL! He proceeded to put them on himself and I was laughing to myself. I thought they were for ME. He also bought home a strapon. I have never used one before but I am willing. So, I guess this is a sign he is opening up more? We never used these kind of toys before.

[Herbwoman39]

The good thing is that he was honest. Perhaps he denied the relationship initially because he was afraid of what sort of reaction he would get from you. Not all women are accepting of bisexuality in men. So of course he's going to be a little scared to tell you. Heck, I was stark raving terrified when I told my husband.

He must trust you though because he talks so openly about "stiff units". It could be that he's just afraid of losing you. It's a natural reaction to deny when confronted with things that may get us "in trouble" especially if we have not come to terms with it ourselves.

Really, to me it sounds like he's a good guy. The question is, will the idea that he's bisexual diminish how you feel about him? Relationships are work, there's no doubt about that. This is just something for you both to work though together.

[sweetpea6706]

Thank You Everyone! I did not think I would get this kind of response. Your insights have been very helpful.

[MarieDelta]

He just recently {the other night} bought himself stockings and a two piece little outfit. I thought they were for me LOL! He proceeded to put them on himself and I was laughing to myself. I thought they were for ME. He also bought home a strapon. I have never used one before but I am willing. So, I guess this is a sign he is opening up more? We never used these kind of toys before.

Ohhh myy this is a whole new can of worms GF!

Ummm have you ever thought that maybe he has bi and trans inclinations?

Maybe being with a guy as "a guy" wasn't what he wanted?

Oh god. This just screams at me that he's not just bi, but trans as well.

Several things:

I would urge you to get him into therapy with a qualified gender therapist as soon as possible.

Also check out "My Husband Betty" both the book (http://www.amazon.com/My-Husband-Betty-Love-Crossdresser/dp/1560255153) and the website/blog (http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/) / forum. (http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/community/) Helen Boyd is very knowlegeable about these issues as well as the posters on that forum.

How do you feel about relationships with women? Because you may be having one...

If either of you feel the need to talk to someone you can PM me anytime.

All the best ,

Marie

[Skater Boy]

lol, well, if he bought HIMSELF stockings (and put them on in front of you), then IMHO he's trying to tell you "something"! Hey, I would just go with the flow... sounds like if you're gentle and accepting, he'll show his true colors soon enough.

Marie's the expert on Trans issues though... so you might wanna listen to what she's got to say.

[sweetpea6706]

OMG Marie...I never thought of that. Although my best friend who introduced us says she thinks he is a girl because of the way he acts and other things she noticed. She says she would have never introduced us if she knew then what she knows now.

I would love to talk more. I had mentioned in my first post that there was more to the story.

[MarieDelta]

Marie's the expert on Trans issues though... so you might wanna listen to what she's got to say.

That's sweet of you to say Skater Boy. If I am an expert it is because it's been forced on me. If you (or many others on this site) had to deal with this issue , you'd be just as much an expert as I.

Luv ya, Skater Boy.

marie

[LoveLion]

Several things come to mind when I think about this situation.

First off concerning his refusal to claim he is Bi: Most of us here would look at your BF and say, yes, he is bi. However most of us here are very liberal when it comes to sorting out the categories or putting up the labels. It could just be that he doesnt define Bisexual the same way you do. In his mind he could think that one would have to be actively sleeping with both men and women at the same time to be Bi. Or it could be he thinks that Bi means that one would have to harbor romantic feelings for both men and women beyond sexual urges. It might help you to ask him what he thinks it means o be bi, so you can better understand things form his point of view.

As for his not telling you: I wouldnt take any offense to this. Telling someone something like that isnt easy, and Im sure it was difficult enough for him to tell you. He probably lied to you because he was afraid the news would ruin your relationship. In this situation I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt

Thirdly: Time after time on this site I have seen people coming around proposing a certain situation. That is, that they are finding themselves sexually attracted to the same sex, but feel no real romantic connection to them. Another common situation related to this one is where someone will say they are sexually attracted to the same sex, but immediately after ejaculating while having sex with or fantasising (while masterbating), they get a feeling of wrongness and disgust (I was once like that). Now, it is pretty clear that you husband does have some sexual attraction to men, and from the way he talks about "stiff units" (or whatever it was) and is buying things like strap ons for you to use on him, it seems to me that he may he trying to live out his homosexual fantasies with you. Basically it seems to me like he is trying to kind of turn you into a man during sex, but then has the comfort of you being a women afterwards. In doing this he gets some of the pleasures of his homosexual fantasies, while avoiding his discomfort and awkwardness of being in a romantic relationship with a man. The only thing that makes me doubt this is that he was in a long term relation ship with a man, which disputes what I have said. However, the discomfort I speak of could have been in that relationship as well and it could have taken him a year to break free of that relationship and turn back to women.

So now the big question: what to do about it? I think gender therapy is a little bit of a drastic step at this point. I think that would say to him you think all this is a major problem that you are willing to spend alot of money to fix. It also says that you think there is something wrong with him. One option would be to simply go with it. If you can bring yourself to accept the fact that he has attraction to men that not makes you an incredibly accepting and loving person, but can also bring all new elements to the bedroom. You could also see this as an opportunity to get him to explore some of your fantasies with you. Besides, when it comes to things like this, you really dont have much chance changing him or erasing these feelings. If it does bother you, then you may have to sit down with him and have a talk about ways he can vent these homosexual urges in another way (gay porn when your not around, open up your relationship, etc.). The new toys could also just be an attempt to spicen things up, or a fetish phase (I know I go through phases of different fetishes).

Thats the way I see it, hope its some help!

[MarieDelta]

I think gender therapy is a little bit of a drastic step at this point. !


With all due respect, I disagree. I'm not saying that he needs therapy of anykind, but then I can't say that we're getting the whole story. I'm NOT qualified to diagnose someone based on what they've written on a forum.

Why then would I ask someone to get their bf into a gender therapist?

Because they (gender therapists) *are* qualified to deal with this issue. I would rather spend a bit of money now than have my heart completely broken later, wouldn't you?

Yes, it may be just a fetish, but I can't tell that from here and, with all due respect, neither can you.

I'd rather spend a few bucks and be safe, than get into something that is only going to cause pain for everyone in the situation, wouldn't you?


Cheers,

Marie

[Danielle B]

With all due respect, I disagree. I'm not saying that he needs therapy of anykind, but then I can't say that we're getting the whole story. I'm NOT qualified to diagnose someone based on what they've written on a forum.

Why then would I ask someone to get their bf into a gender therapist?

Because they (gender therapists) *are* qualified to deal with this issue. I would rather spend a bit of money now than have my heart completely broken later, wouldn't you?

Yes, it may be just a fetish, but I can't tell that from here and, with all due respect, neither can you.

I'd rather spend a few bucks and be safe, than get into something that is only going to cause pain for everyone in the situation, wouldn't you?


Cheers,

Marie

If his crossdressing desires impaired his ability to function as a male in the bedroom, or if it seemed to be getting in the way of him being able to function period, then I'd say get him to a gender therapist stat. But it could just be a fetish that goes no further than the bedroom on occasion- but the OP is in a better position to judge that than we are.

As far as him not coming right out and saying he's bi- well, he is. Just not in a verbal way. I can't think of how many more indications that he needs to give before he's practically shouting his bisexuality from the rooftops, so I don't think I'd be putting a great emphasis on getting him to say it.

[MarieDelta]

If his crossdressing desires impaired his ability to function as a male in the bedroom, or if it seemed to be getting in the way of him being able to function period, then I'd say get him to a gender therapist stat. But it could just be a fetish that goes no further than the bedroom on occasion- but the OP is in a better position to judge that than we are.

As far as him not coming right out and saying he's bi- well, he is. Just not in a verbal way. I can't think of how many more indications that he needs to give before he's practically shouting his bisexuality from the rooftops, so I don't think I'd be putting a great emphasis on getting him to say it.

FWIW -I've never had a problem functioning in the bedroom other than the normal ones.

I just think better safe than sorry. Guess that's the engineer in me...

[LoveLion]

I can see your point Marie, Seeing a professional who knows what they are talking about. But I would still be worried about how even the offer might affect the relationship. As unfortunate as it may seem, There is a general view of therapists being only for the extremely mentally sick, emotionally disturbed or being a last resort to a major problem. He might take the offer the wrong way.

Personally I see therapy as kind of an unnecessary scam, it just seems odd to me to pay such large sums of money for someone to make a judgment on your infinitely complex emotional and mental state based on a few things you tell them. I think your own mind and a little self/mental exploration is the only real way to find solutions to these kinds of things. (Just my opinion though)

[MarieDelta]

He might jump at the chance though, especially if it has to do with gender. His reaction will tell you quite a bit either way. Don't you agree?

Within the trans community it is well known that the only way to proceed in your journey is through a therapist. it require one letter from a qualified therapist just to get the hormones from a Dr. 'legally'.

I dunno I see what wrecks have become of peoples marriages who ignored the warning signs that were apparent and I feel that a warning is needed.

I agree that if you truely want to benefit out of therapy you need to have a clear goal in mind. Which means knowing your own mind. But, it also helps sometimes to have an independent third party opinion. That is where a therapist is invaluble IMHO, gives you someone to talk to that isn't invested in your life. Not as a friend, lover or coworker.

There are test to determine whether or not you are transgender. It also helps to know that this isn't something that you chose, just like your sexuality. It isn't a character flaw, as our society would sometimes have it. it simply means that you are differently gendered.

I remember having a lot of those thoughts when I first came into my therapists office. Sitting and thinking about it never helped.

Anyway it is late and I've rambled on enough.

take care all,

Marie

[raistkit]

everyone else has made most of my points for me and far better than i ever could. however for a couple cummunication is vital. if i knew at 19 what i know now, well lets just say we never would have had seperate underwear drawers. i really like the one we have now (helps that we have the same size butts). we were to afraid to tell one another, it's really scary(my words) to know you could loose everything you care about just because you like to crossdress. could be fear that's causing the denial. also very important take some time for yourself, and examine your feelings, you need to know what you want out of this relationship. oh and on a lighter note go shopping for undies together it's a blast, and none gives us weird looks at the checkout they just assume the boxers are for raist.:)

kit

[sweetpea6706]

First, I have to say he would never go to therapy. I cringe at the thought of even bringing it up. He has a temper he cannot control. Before this forum, I joined two others which he found out about. Well, all I can say "it was horrible." When he first told me about his affair, I told him I was going to join a forum to help me understand him better. He was fine with it and told me to do what I had to in order to deal with the situation. When he discovered it on the computer {he snooped} he could not deal with the responses I was getting and FREAKED out. He even got into verbal altercations with some of the posters. In light of this new development in our relationship, I found it necessary to join another one and cover my tracks as best as I can. The new development being him going out to buy himself girls clothing. I wanted to mentioned that for a few months now he has been putting on my underwear {occasionally} and turning it around saying I wanted him to do it. He confused me when he did this because I never said anything about him doing that. I realize now what he was doing. But, when he bought the stockings and outfit for himself I did not know what to think. Recalling that evening: he was in a hurry to put everything on {like he was jonesing for a drug} and after he put the strap-on on me within milliseconds he went down on it. Actually, at this point, it was like I was doing something weird. Don't get me wrong, I am willing to experiment with the toys, but it all happened too fast. After he finished with the dildo, he laid on the bed in his outfit and stockings with his legs spread wide opened and wanted me to use the strap-on. I didn't though. I told him I never did this before. After that he just wanted to try different positions. Him lying on the bed, standing, bent over, and different things with his legs. I never actually used the strap-on, only to rub against his butt. Sorry if this is too graphic, but I just needed to share this with someone. I needed to get it out because I just found it to be really different for me.


As I mentioned before, he likes the gay and tranny porn. There was one time, after he veiwed the porn, I went on the computer to find he only watched the gay and tranny porn. Most of the time he watches all porn.


Just a couple of things I needed to get off my chest! Hope this post makes sense.


Thanks for listening

[MarieDelta]

I will be here for you if you need an ear...

If he has that bad a temper...

There is so much here that just makes me think therapy, but if there isn't any way then you gotta do what you gotta do.

If it were me I'd be outa there, especially after what you just said.
But you must make your own decision on that, I'm not here to judge you or your decisions.

If you get the chance please drop me a line.

I hope things work out for the best for you two.

http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z84/mariesophia66/bearhug_sml.gif

Marie

[MarieDelta]

First, I have to say he would never go to therapy. I cringe at the thought of even bringing it up. He has a temper he cannot control. Before this forum, I joined two others which he found out about. Well, all I can say "it was horrible."



This is a RED FLAG. Go no further with this person, get out as soon as you can.

I know you will do in the end what you see as best, but anyone who cannot control their temper is a danger to be around.



When he first told me about his affair, I told him I was going to join a forum to help me understand him better. He was fine with it and told me to do what I had to in order to deal with the situation. When he discovered it on the computer {he snooped} he could not deal with the responses I was getting and FREAKED out. He even got into verbal altercations with some of the posters. In light of this new development in our relationship, I found it necessary to join another one and cover my tracks as best as I can. The new development being him going out to buy himself girls clothing. I wanted to mentioned that for a few months now he has been putting on my underwear {occasionally} and turning it around saying I wanted him to do it. He confused me when he did this because I never said anything about him doing that. I realize now what he was doing. But, when he bought the stockings and outfit for himself I did not know what to think. Recalling that evening: he was in a hurry to put everything on {like he was jonesing for a drug} and after he put the strap-on on me within milliseconds he went down on it. Actually, at this point, it was like I was doing something weird. Don't get me wrong, I am willing to experiment with the toys, but it all happened too fast. After he finished with the dildo, he laid on the bed in his outfit and stockings with his legs spread wide opened and wanted me to use the strap-on. I didn't though. I told him I never did this before. After that he just wanted to try different positions. Him lying on the bed, standing, bent over, and different things with his legs. I never actually used the strap-on, only to rub against his butt. Sorry if this is too graphic, but I just needed to share this with someone. I needed to get it out because I just found it to be really different for me.



Some of this is pretty classic transvestic/ pre-transexual behavior (old "t" joke -
Q:what's the difference between a crossdresser and a transexual..

A: 2 years.)

This behavior is also indicating that there is more here than meets the eye.

Anyway

Peace --

[sweetpea6706]

Yes, I realize all of that {tears}. I'm trying to do the best for me and my son. At this point, for me, I am just trying to understand. Because it is me in this situation, I need outside help to see things more clearly. What is going on here? What is more here than meets the eye? I'm very confused about this whole thing especially since he denys the Bi thing how will he feel if I bring up the cross-dresser element?

[Azrael]

Whatever you do, approach it gently. He's in a vulnerable state.

[MarieDelta]

First and foremost you have a responsiblity to your child. How is this man with him? Does he have the same anger issues with your boy? I worry that you would let this guy hurt you or your boy(not being there I can't tell).

About the crossdresser thing, he's not going to be real happy with it that is for sure.

He needs to get his head sorted out before he can hope to have any decent relationship.

The whole 'you forced me to wear your panties' thing really is something that a lot of crossdressers fantasize about (especially before they come to terms with being a crossdresser).He wants to be forced into being a woman, that way it isn't his fault that he isn't a man.

The way he sprung the whole strap on play on you is bothersome. Seems like he has been fantasizing about this for some time.

He is in a very vulnerable state right now, but I think maybe you two need to take some time to consider where all this is going.

take care hon

Hugs

Marie

[sweetpea6706]

I would never allow him to hurt my son and my son would never allow him to hurt me. We are very close.

There is no way I can bring up the cross-dresser thing. I think I will just see where things go. As Skater Boy says, if I am gentle and accepting he will show his true colors eventually.

Yes, the strap-on and girls clothing incident was weird for me. I can say he has been talking about getting a strap-on for awhile now. Actually he wanted me to buy one. I told him if he wanted it then he had to buy it and he did within a few days. It was really quick. I was surprised because with his personality he usually takes a long time to get things done. So that tells me, like I said, he was jonesing.

Thank You, Marie, for clarifying the 'force me to wear your panties'. I was thinking something different. I thought he was just getting off. I thought he just wanted to be submissive. He wanted me to take control of the sexual encounter. I did not think of the 'him wanting to be a woman' and being forced into it.

I really, really appreciate you, Marie. Thank You from the bottom of my heart! And I also appreciate everyone else. I am very happy I joined this forum. Hopefully, this will be a lasting relationship, unless my SO finds out about it. LOL

[MarieDelta]

Hon, anything I can do for you, just let me know. OK?

All the best,

Marie

[Skater Boy]

Just a final word of advice: IF he ever becomes abusive or hostile in any way, do NOT hesitate to take the necessary action required. By that I mean, that some relationships deserve to be ended promptly.

Otherwise, good luck to you, amiga... feel free to keep us all informed of how things go, should you wish to.

[Danielle B]

Yes, I realize all of that {tears}. I'm trying to do the best for me and my son. At this point, for me, I am just trying to understand. Because it is me in this situation, I need outside help to see things more clearly. What is going on here? What is more here than meets the eye? I'm very confused about this whole thing especially since he denys the Bi thing how will he feel if I bring up the cross-dresser element?

Oh, wow, MAJOR red flags all over the place here:(

Bad temper, having an affair, his defensiveness about his sexuality, snooping, trying to introduce things in the bedroom that you clearly weren't ready for... not good stuff here. You have to decide first if you are comfortable with this kind of behavior, or if you aren't, if there is a good chance that it will stop and soon. Then, of course, you have to decide whether or not this is someone that you think is good for your son to be around. He sounds like someone, to me, anyway, who has some serious issues to deal with, and he doesn't seem like someone who is capable of functioning in a happy, healthy relationship right now:2cents:

I'm here if you need someone to talk to:)

[parkwings]

No offense, but you are in for an unstable ride, should you remain in that relationship, IMO.

You've only been in the relationship for 2 years....so I would give some serious thought whether you want to invest more years into it, given the issues you're already having.

Good Luck!

[raistkit]

completly ignore my previous post. i know it's hard, but i think you need to put your walking boots on. bad temper, forcing you into situations that justify his needs, not good. run like the wind, take care, i'll keep you in my thoughts.

kit

[JeanClaude]

Pea, I was drawn into your forum like a good miniseries should be, and as more information came to light, we all I think, began to get a decent picture of your bf. Though some of his violent responses could possibly be attributed to being outed, as it were, by you... I don't believe this is the case. I can't help but think that there may be another element involved here that might need to be given some consideration....and if that is the case, and YOU are not involved in it, then my suggestion would be to run like hell. Could he possibly be dabbling abit in oh say......meth? Party favors such as these, tend to increase one's attraction, to say the least, in inexplicable behavior. That's not saying his behavior can't be explained, but if he is smoking chit and trying to find a common ground in which to experience his desires and still stay on a seminormal track so as not to raise red flags with you, its quite possible that some of the things that you are not saying, or havent said yet could be attributed to a chemically overinduced libido. If it were not for that dam violent attitude you brought up, and his responses to some of the posters, Id say you go girl, sounds like you could be in for the ride of your life...but frankly pea... Im a little worried...

[Azrael]

I can't help but think that there may be another element involved here that might need to be given some consideration....and if that is the case, and YOU are not involved in it, then my suggestion would be to run like hell. Could he possibly be dabbling abit in oh say......meth? Party favors such as these, tend to increase one's attraction, to say the least, in inexplicable behavior. That's not saying his behavior can't be explained, but if he is smoking chit and trying to find a common ground in which to experience his desires and still stay on a seminormal track so as not to raise red flags with you, its quite possible that some of the things that you are not saying, or havent said yet could be attributed to a chemically overinduced libido. If it were not for that dam violent attitude you brought up, and his responses to some of the posters, Id say you go girl, sounds like you could be in for the ride of your life...but frankly pea... Im a little worried...
True, this is what I was thinking. I never messed with meth, but coke'll do this kinda stuff to you. Made me paranoid and aggressive as all hell. No bueno.

[LoveLion]

I dont really understand much about the trans gender psyche, so I dont think I can give much more advice as to the going ons of his head.

The only think I would advise is to tread carefully when taking in all this advice. I see alot of people here screaming get out and leave him, etc. It seems to me that alot of people here are focusing only on the smaller picture (ie his aggression, his mixed up feelings atm). unfortunately, its you who has to look at the big picture alone and face the decision. Its easy to say "leave him" when we get such a small snapshot of your life with him. But in reality there are many more things to consider. What about the rest of your relationship? Is the non-sexual side still good? Do you love him? How will leaving him affect the well being of your son compared to staying with him? Job, pets, living arrangements, family, friends, possessions? All these are things that you have to take into account that alot of people on this site may have neglected to consider or take into account. Listen to our advise, but dont make any drastic, hasty decisions just because a bunch of people on a forum told you too. At this point I dont know if theres much more any of us can advise. You really need to look into yourself and decide what to do. If you really care about him, maybe this whole situation is something that you might want to help him through. And is it possible that the reason he is afraid to admit thing to you or open up to you is that he is afraid of your rejection? Could the aggression he has been showing a result of his own self-confusion and frustration?

Again, from what you have told us, the relationship doesnt seem to be a great one at the moment. But we have only seen one part of it and our judgement may not be 100% true to life. Thats all I can think to say. Good luck sweetie, I hope things work out for the best

[Skater Boy]

Crystal Meth??? OK its possible, but I think we're over-analysing the situation here. Sweetpea knows this guy better than us, so I think we should leave it to her judgement... before we write him off as a *complete* crackhead, that is!