Are you out? [Archive] - Bisexual.com

dafydd

Aug 9, 2007, 6:13 PM

I'm just curious to know whether people on this forum are out, and who to.

Does it make a difference if you're male/female and the degree of your bisexuality e.g. are members who define themselves with a higher Kinsey score (I hate the system but for simplicity am using it here) more likely to be out i.e. the gays and lesbians amoungst us who are only incidentilly straight.

I am out to everyone and would say I am a Kinsey 5.

d

Fire Lotus

Aug 9, 2007, 6:33 PM

I'm out to my husband, friends, close family members. (The part of family that doesn't know, are distant. Both in the geography sense and relationship sense. So I haven't hid it from them. They just don't know.)

I don't have a job right now, so there are no co-workers to speak of.

As for anybody else, I don't wear a sign around my neck saying I'm bisexual. But I don't hide it either. If the subject comes up, I'm honest.

I don't think my Kinsey rating has anything to do with it.At least to me. I forget what number I am. Maybe a 3. But I don't pay attention to it anyway. My sexuality is fluid. I go from being evenly bi to leaning more towards women and back again often. Whoever that knows I'm bisexual, knows because that is just part of who I am. I cannot, nor would I want to be anything else but me. The whole me :)

biwords

Aug 9, 2007, 6:43 PM

I also can't remember which Kinsey rating I am -- anyway, I lean towards women but enjoy sex with a man just as much, so go figure. And I'm out to my wife, my gay cousin, my therapist (doesn't count, I know) and to a former co-worker. Since you're curious.

Toad82

Aug 9, 2007, 6:44 PM

I am out to anyone that pays attention and has the balls to ask. As for family, my mother felt she should tell everyone else in the family so she did. She outed me about a week after I told her. Since then everyone, family wise knows. As for others if they know, the type of things I like to do for fun should be able to figure it out.

RJ :lokai:

jem_is_bi

Aug 9, 2007, 6:55 PM

I am not out to anybody!
Well, I am out to my present sex partner.
I wanted sex so I had to tell him. :bigrin:

JEM

innaminka

Aug 9, 2007, 7:00 PM

I am out, like Fire Lotus, to those who "need to know."
My husband, certainly; my sister (she was 1st) but not my Mum and not my children (girls 14 & 17) - tho the children thing is starting to be a work in progress.
A number of close friends are aware as are the people I work with who need to know. (Certainly my Business partner: - she thinks its neat!!!)
There are certainly other people who are aware, but i tend not to announce it, tho I won't ever deny if directly asked.

As far as Kinsey ratings go --- who gives a fiddler's???
All i know is if i wasn't married and frantically in love with my husband, there would be little chance for another man in my life. I am very strongly veering towards female relationships.

DiamondDog

Aug 9, 2007, 7:02 PM

leizy

Aug 9, 2007, 7:27 PM

Generally, more out than in. Like about, oh, three quarters of the way through the "Hokey-Pokey" song, where legs and butt are out but head is still in - ha-ha.

I'm out to sister, but not mom or dad. out to bro-and sis-in-law, wife of course. most friends. even a few coworkers.

i've generally found the process of being out, or coming out, to be pretty benign for me. now, i'm still a pretty private guy - i don't wear a t-shirt that says "i love to suck dick and eat pussy" - but if asked, i don't deny it...

Skater Boy

Aug 9, 2007, 7:51 PM

I'm "out" with some of my friends and "in" with others. Well, perhaps not really "in", its just not something I usually discuss with some of them. Most casual acquaintances and colleagues are kept in the dark (unless they guess for themselves). My parents are pretty certain that I'm not 100% straight, but they don't know exactly where my preferences lie, and tbh, nor do I.

cliffml

Aug 9, 2007, 8:05 PM

I'm only out with my one ex girlfriend who is also my best friend. She is proud of me for exploring my sexuality. I probably won't tell my family, because I know they wouldn't understand.

A is for flower

Aug 9, 2007, 11:36 PM

I'm out to who ever asks but i would want to tell everyone and just be open about it. it all depends how the person im telling is. I wouldn't tell a born again christian who goes to church and thinks anything is a sin...but it all depends. im being a little more open as time goes on.

FLapple

Aug 9, 2007, 11:48 PM

I am out to my close friends, my sister and my mom and with anyone who I am intimate. It is not something I'm ashamed of at all...but my sexuality is not everyone's business either. I have come to realize I am extremely blessed with having loving, accepting people in my life.

:doggie::grouphug:

Azrael

Aug 10, 2007, 1:14 AM

To pretty much everyone. All my friends, and the few family members who "get it". Older I get, the more I grow apart from my family and find solace in my real family. My friends. All of you. I'm out at work. That helps. So on a day to day level I'm not in the closet, which a few years of made me hopelessly insane for a period.

dafydd

Aug 10, 2007, 1:58 AM

I'm out to everyone.

Parents, friends, other family members, medical doctor, bosses/ex-bosses/co-workers, and I've talked about myself to people in bars too.

I don't go by the Kinsey scale at all since IMO it's pointless, outdated, and I have no idea how I'd rate myself on it as I don't see it as being something that you can personally rate yourself on.

What does being homosexual but "incidentally straight" mean?

Does that mean that a gay man wakes up and a woman is sucking his cock? :)

I know i hated the kinsey rating, and as i said i was using it for simplicity but mainly I was trying to assertain whether the people who had more straight sex were in any way less out, or bisexuality seen as more of a taboo than for those who mainly engaged in gay sex.
'incidentally straight/heterosexual' is the kinsey 5 definition. not mine.
if you go on a gay forum like rainbownetwork.com you're generally more likely to find that gay people are out to everyone. I wanted to see how this compared in the bisexual community.

Thanks for your responses.
as always i learn something everyday from you guys
d

miamiuu

Aug 10, 2007, 3:09 AM

I dont like to get into the topic with people I dont know. I'm not really out i have said to a few people kind of vaguely that i wasnt completely straight. Thing is when the topic is brought up I dont really want to go into it cus then i feel i need to explain it lol. Right now im like 98% straight and 2% gay and the only reason I leave the 2 % is there are times in the past where I did meet guys that I developed loving feelings for. The relationships didnt go far, but figured better not to limit myself. I have no problem making out with a guy i get to know a lot. Anal right now is a no go as well as sucking dick.

the mage

Aug 10, 2007, 9:42 AM

I am out to any one who knows me well enough to be called a friend.

You need not be out to any one other than your play mates and lovers.
It is your life, your choice.

Johnny Reb

Aug 10, 2007, 12:39 PM

With two of my friends yes, everyone else no. I am out to those who I know will accept me for who I am.

paukenplayer

Aug 14, 2007, 12:40 PM

I am only "out" to my current play partners. On this subject I operate on a "need to know" basis.

I live in a small, conservative town in the bible belt. As a result of my work I am rather visible in the community. So, to prevent unecessary problems I only tell of my orientation to those who need to know.

Perhaps someday society will get to the point where one's sexuality will have as much importance as one's eye color - but I don't look for that to happen in my lifetime. There is a rather sizeable (for the population) bi/gay/swinger community in my area, but it flies very much under the radar.

krystalstarr

Aug 14, 2007, 1:05 PM

I am out to people I am close to in my family except my grandmother who I fear would have a heart attack. I will tell her though if I commit myself to a serious relationship with a woman.
I just about a month or two ago came out to most of my friends and posted it for the world to see on MySpace. I feel better now that I've came out and I've found out who my true friends are.
When asked about it I am very open and honest even to those who I know do not agree/approve. This has been a gradual process for me to get here but I am here!
I have went from Very Straight, to Bi and denial, to bi and committed on both sides but not telling anyone, to Bi and committed on one side and telling everyone! Now I just need to be sure the Bi part is still there because I find myself more and more attracted and interested in Women.. I love sex with a man.. But I think i've just been to hurt to want to pursue anything else with a man. I am currently married to a man. I know that it wont work though sadly after coming this far because I kinda just wanna be with a women committed and a guy once n a while. In anyway I owe it to myself and everyone involved to make sure this is the case and do what needs to be done.
My little girls do not know they are 5 and 2. I think they are to young to realize though and I will work at not hiding it from them at the start so that they will grow up being slowly introduced and comfortable I hope. I in the same token don't want to influence their sexual orientation.. but I am their mom.. so I don't know thats a hard one for me..
Lately I am more towards women, but more than circumstansually Straight.

Herbwoman39

Aug 14, 2007, 3:54 PM

I'm out to my husband and kids. I'm out to my friends and I'm openly bi if asked. But due to a series of occurrences and just plain bad timing, I am not out to either of my parents. I'm also not out to my fundamentalist Christian half-sisters because I *really* don't want to put myself through that.

I'm a Kinsey 4.

NakedInSeattle

Aug 15, 2007, 12:51 AM

"Out" to wife and anyone I/we want to play with. Also to anyone who asks. I won't lie to anyone, even to a casual friend.

Tingly_Tickles

Aug 15, 2007, 1:06 AM

Yep out n proud don't care who knows don't care who asks what's the point in
hiding something that anyone can already tell, due to the fact that I wear wrist
bands of both gay pride and bi pride because I feel like it.

:rainbow::rainbow::color::color::color::color: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :color::color::color::color::rainbow::rainbow:

shameless agitator

Aug 15, 2007, 1:37 AM

I'm completely out. Even make a point of coming out to casual aquaintances and am trying to find bi-pride pins etc because I believe the more out we are the easier it is for others to come out as well. For what it's worth I'd say I'm a 3 or 4 on the Kinsey scale

case_126

Aug 15, 2007, 2:13 AM

Hey,

I am out to my girlfriend, my therapist and my boss. The whole thing has been a little problematic for me so I have been extremely lucky in that both my boss and my GF are very understanding. As for my family well, my folks are old school and I dont think they will take my bi-sexuality to well so I dont intend telling them. I will get around to telling my brother and sisters when the time is right.

I, like many of you feel that Kinsey doesnt allow for the fluidity that many of us subscribe to. I truly believe that using a Kinsey rating to describe one's self is merely placing ourselves in a little box (which society wants). We need to free ourselves from the 'kinsey' type ratings and remember that what we do behind closed doors (or infact public places :-) does not define who we are.

My 2,3 cents

Case
:cool:

scubaman

Aug 15, 2007, 4:46 AM

Am out to my wife, the men I have slept with and the people on this site. Like an earlier post, it is a need to know basis.

Audioslave

Aug 15, 2007, 7:27 AM

Ive only told a few people I felt most comfortable with, and anyone else can guess!! I dont describe myself as Bisexual, but just sexual. I like some men and women,but not all.;)

Mr chadw

Aug 15, 2007, 5:26 PM

I resently came out to about a dosen frends, befor that I was out to about 3 people. The girls I am out to think it is cool:love: but I am not sher about the boys.
My parents have some idea that I am bi but I am not going to tell them yet. My step-dads family are mosly orthodox jews so i am not teling them unles worst comes to worst.
I dont rmber which # I am but im equal both ways:three:
o ya and any one who knows smoe of the anime i wach should beabel to tell (go yaoi!)

elctrogirl

Aug 16, 2007, 11:02 AM

audioslave, i completely agree, 'sexual' describes me a lot better than bi.
and i'm attracted to very metro guys, and not the guys my straight girlfriends are attracted to, so what does that mean?

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/images/smilies/cool_shades.gif

funny thing is, i've tried to come out several times to my friends and family, and nobody believes me! just because i've dated a lot of guys in the past, and 'fell in love', they think it automatically excludes me from falling in love with a woman, or that its just a "phase" or reaction to a bad relationship.

Ive only told a few people I felt most comfortable with, and anyone else can guess!! I dont describe myself as Bisexual, but just sexual. I like some men and women,but not all.

Cocoa

Aug 16, 2007, 12:45 PM

Hey,

I am pretty new here, I think it is my 1st post in a long while. But I am not out to anyone yet except my current sex partner. The subject has never really come up but I honestly don't think I would tell anyone unless I really trusted them. Not yet anyways. One day I hope to be brave enough and have the great feeling of being completely transparent about who I am. I admire people capable of that. It takes courage!

I'm not sure of my Kinsey rating but I also feel like it depends on the day. I can go from equally both ways to leaning allot more towards women. Depends on my mood I guess!

-Nicole

brunette

Aug 20, 2007, 7:34 PM

I'm out only to my husband and three closest friends. Discretion is the game because my husband is a youth minister, and my "sins" could potentially cost him his job.

He loves me and lets me have girlfriends on the side, but I would like to be completely out of the closet. Unfortunately, being a youth minister is what my husband loves, so I'm just gonna stay in the closet.

The scariest experience was coming out to my best friend, believe it or not. I knew she would accept me and not care, but it was just a topic that we had grazed and not really delved into. I told her this weekend, and it felt great to get it off my shoulders. I don't have feelings for her in that way, so we were able to talk very freely about my sexuality. I recommend coming out if possible.

LoveLion

Aug 20, 2007, 11:04 PM

I am.. kinda.

I came out a while ago as Bi to my close friends, parents and sister. After a few months I moved more to the gay end of the spectrum, and I re-came out to my close friends and my sister (told them I am not 100% sure if Im gay or Bi, but I am feeling alot more gay lately). I didnt have them strength to come out to my parents again, as last time was hard enough, but I figure them thinking Im at least bi is good enough. My brother and my extended family all think I am still straight. It was to hard to tell my bro as we have always had such a macho broherly rivalry thing going on, and I really dont feel the need to come out to my extended family. I figure when I get a Boyfriend they will all find out anyways, so whats the rush?

shameless agitator

Aug 21, 2007, 5:02 AM

Audioslave

Aug 21, 2007, 6:39 AM

audioslave, i completely agree, 'sexual' describes me a lot better than bi.
and i'm attracted to very metro guys, and not the guys my straight girlfriends are attracted to, so what does that mean?

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/images/smilies/cool_shades.gif

funny thing is, i've tried to come out several times to my friends and family, and nobody believes me! just because i've dated a lot of guys in the past, and 'fell in love', they think it automatically excludes me from falling in love with a woman, or that its just a "phase" or reaction to a bad relationship.

Hi elctrogirl, my view on this is: If i tell anyone Im Bi they automatically assume I fancy all men and women, and thats just not the case. I fancy people who turn me on, who make me feel alive, and that can be either sex cant it hun? I once told a girl who I got close to, and her reaction was to back off. Shame!!

Duneman69

Aug 24, 2007, 11:18 AM

This will seem weird but I guess you can say my wife stuffed me back into the closet.

When we first met she was very much into group sex with bi guys. There's a long story that seems like it should start off "I never thought it could happen to me...". Short version, we had a very sexually open marriage for the first seven years, then a year after our first son was born, she suddenly wanted to be Mrs. Respectable Prude.

Not only did she insist we BOTH become monogamous (admittedly, she gave up a LOT more extramarital sex than I did) but that we relocate to another state and that we no longer communicate with our old friends.

MarieDelta

Aug 24, 2007, 11:20 AM

I am out to everyone that matters...

Not my parents, not work, just at home and around friends.

:)

miss_alexis_js

Aug 27, 2007, 1:16 AM

Here's a question about that... I haven't told anybody and I have a "secret" girlfriend...:love: I know (since she is a librarian and open lesbian) that my parents will found out anyway...

When is the best time to tell my parents and sisters? My parents have gay friends, but I'm not sure when to tell them that thier own daughter is bisexual...

HELP?

(BTW, if you read the message closely you will find my answer.)

shameless agitator

Aug 27, 2007, 3:09 AM

Figured I would just repost this.

The problem with waiting til you have a partner is that it's not really about you anymore. It becomes all about them and they will forever be the person who "broke" you. It also makes it a lot more of a shock. If you plan to ever come out to your family I would recommend doing it while you're still single. Obviously since you're in a relationship now, it changes things, but I still say it's better if they hear it directly from you rather than just finding out because of your relationship. I would also make coming out & introducing them to your new partner two seperate events well spaced out.

midtnbi8669

Aug 27, 2007, 12:48 PM

I'm not out generally, but I am out to a few friends and, of course, lovers.
Only 1 friend had a problem with it, but I hope he comes around in the future and accepts my way of life. I'm currently single because I decided to let any potential partner know up front and it really seems to freak women out...here in Tennessee anyway. Its strange that women can be bi and its cool, but the ones I've met have a problem with a man who is bi. Whats the deal with THAT shit??????

swag85

Aug 27, 2007, 4:51 PM

im out to almost everyone, except my father, grandfather, and a couple of my guy friends who are ignorant pricks. but still my friends........ other than that everyone knows. and for the most part suportave. mom dosnt understand how but still ok with it LOL

Sparkyz

Aug 27, 2007, 8:40 PM

I'm out to my wife.

Abbey Road

Sep 10, 2007, 1:54 PM

I`m out to my close friends,also out to those on my ward at work.
I`m not out to anyone in my family as they wouldn`t take to it.

Abbey Road.:bibounce::wiggle2::paw:

alisbi

Sep 11, 2007, 9:27 AM

Out? I was never in! From the time I was a small boy, my six(yes 6) sisters knew there was something different about me. Now my (Bi)Sexuality is a so easily a part of my everyday conversation with everybody, there wasno,is no, will never be an "in" for me!:flag4:

roses259

Sep 11, 2007, 9:58 AM

Most importantly, I am out to my husband and have been since before we were married.

I'm also out to about half a dozen long time friends.

It's been a long time since I've told anyone new, but when I make a new friend that I feel a real connection with, I usually feel compelled to tell them. I'm getting to that point with another friend now and think I may tell her the next time our conversation steers towards sex.

Oddly enough, more often than not, when I've told female friends they have turned out to be bisexual, or at least bi-curious, too. But I guess that's a whole different discussion. :)

Cesca

Sep 11, 2007, 10:24 AM

I came out eventually before my parents found out. Where I lived wasnt the largest city and has a large gay and lesbian scene which I began to play my part in. So it would have got back to them. My dad was fine if a bit rueful. Mum was, and is very condemnatory and appalled by it all. She has kind of become used to it but she hopes its a boy I fall for not a girl. My older sister is her favourite daughter and I dont know how it would play if my mother found out about her recently discovered bisexuality. It may not come to pass because at the moment she is in love. With a man.

Howardmoon

Sep 11, 2007, 3:12 PM

I am not out, but I'm not really "in," either. I don't advertise my sexuality either way to most people. I realize that most people will assume that I'm straight, but I don't put up a facade of being ultra-straight, and if someone asks me if I find, say, Johnny Depp attractive, I don't lie about it. (Although a blind person would find Johnny Depp attractive) I realize that this is kind of cowardly, but it's where I'm at right now.

naive

Sep 11, 2007, 8:16 PM

i'm out to everyone in this forum, but not to anybody i really know :(

folk2punk

Sep 12, 2007, 9:00 PM

I am out to most of the family, all my friend, and my loving bi-wife. And i think most of the office knows, whether i told them or not. I think coming is a continuing process, corny as that sounds. its like waves in the ocean. it just keeps going, and bouncing around. and you need to brave enough, lest you get pulled down by the undercurrent.

Germanicus

Sep 13, 2007, 3:11 PM

My Mum and sister know I'm Bi, but my Dad doesnt. I'm on the cusp of coming out to him, though I have my doubts about whether I should do, even though I'm going to take the circuitous route to the destination

Remetan

Sep 13, 2007, 4:25 PM

I've been openly bi to my friends forever, but have always been in het relationships, so it never really mattered. When I started leaning heavily toward women several years ago, in my own head, I guess I had to come out to myself first. Then my husband. Then I left him, and actually came out to friends and immediate family. So, I am out. I don't lie about it, I'm kinda obviously dyke-y if you are paying attention.

I let people assume what they want. If they ask, I tell them. I even openly talk about dates and crushes with women at work and with casual acquaintances. Yeah. I'm out.

jamiehue

Sep 13, 2007, 8:15 PM

yes, but my gay friends dont know abt the bi side easier that way it seems too bad.

Taeris

Sep 16, 2007, 5:07 PM

My friends have known that I'm bi at around the same time that I discovered it as well. I came out about six months ago to my parents. I think my sister knows, but I haven't told her.

My new friends know I think. Some of them do anyway. The first question one of them asked me was whether I was gay. I guess discretion about that side of me isn't so strong.

My distant family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents etc) don't know. Unless my parents told them. I'm not sure if I want to come out to them just yet.

Sweet59

Sep 16, 2007, 7:18 PM

My husband knows and has always known since we first met.

A few old friends, some ex coworkers and anyone who pay attention when I talk about relationships.

cakehead

Sep 16, 2007, 8:25 PM

Haha am an impulsive bissexual. Some may call that an attention bi, but its complete the opposite. Cause I feel its better for me having discrete partners, cause am generally phobic at the thought of people labeling me as such. So altho the public may not no my prefference I can make it known when I am interested in their preferences.....

IF that made any sense to you, you deserve a million bucks!