easylikesun101
Oct 16, 2005, 1:57 AM
It hasnt been easy!!! 4 years ago I finally stopped beating myself up about dreams or contimplations about haveing an intimate relationship with another guy. At this time I am a Virgin. It was a long struggle to finally free myself sexually. I am so happy I did or at least commited to trying. A few years ago I almost went out to the bars and found a one night stand. I was so uncomfortable. I am so glad that i didnt do anything, for many reasons I want to find a guy who I can be a close friend with first of all. A complete hey im and a virgin first time relationship. IM 35 now and sometimes its so hard to deal with these feelings.
I live in a small community and cant have much involvement about this in my area. I dont think much of online dateing. So I think I should be traveling out of town and checking out some clubs because I am so scared of trying to find someone around here interested in this kind of friendship.
For many reasons I feel like that first man who I have a intimate relationship has to be so many things to me , with conditions and commitments but not anything less than a solid understanding of each other , giving , trust, promise and a indescribable amount of passion for each other. Right now I have about 4 pages of thoughts of how my first time should be and how i have come to desire it. LOL and thats just an outline. I have some feeling that dont make sence at all. Like a first time experience on the edge of love, but unsure how ill handle it. However I can assure myself an offering of somekind of friendship and commitment to this person forever, for certain always someone very special to me. A sincere desire for something magical lives in my mind.....
Being a person with a free mind isnt easy. I suppose I wrote this for everyone else and not so much for myself. I know someday someway Ill find the man im looking for, finally help me understand this new freedom.
Cheers
:flag1: :male:
I live in a small community and cant have much involvement about this in my area. I dont think much of online dateing. So I think I should be traveling out of town and checking out some clubs because I am so scared of trying to find someone around here interested in this kind of friendship.
For many reasons I feel like that first man who I have a intimate relationship has to be so many things to me , with conditions and commitments but not anything less than a solid understanding of each other , giving , trust, promise and a indescribable amount of passion for each other. Right now I have about 4 pages of thoughts of how my first time should be and how i have come to desire it. LOL and thats just an outline. I have some feeling that dont make sence at all. Like a first time experience on the edge of love, but unsure how ill handle it. However I can assure myself an offering of somekind of friendship and commitment to this person forever, for certain always someone very special to me. A sincere desire for something magical lives in my mind.....
Being a person with a free mind isnt easy. I suppose I wrote this for everyone else and not so much for myself. I know someday someway Ill find the man im looking for, finally help me understand this new freedom.
Cheers
:flag1: :male: