married but want a woman

[Melissa1982]

hello yall, I am 26 years old and I am married with 2 wonderful kids, but there's more to it. In July of 2006, I met this woman. She was everything I every wanted in life. Her personality was out of this world. our friendship grew and grew. I ask my husband if he would have a threesome. We figured that was the only way of being intimate without cheating! Well he said yes so we did! It was good. so we did it again. We did it 3 times total. Something happened though we feel head over hills in love with each other. So we continued being intimate by our selves. That was so great she blew my mind and I blew hers. I love My husband but not in love anymore. We have been together since I was 15 years old. He is all I know. He has taken care of me all those years, But it just is'nt there anymore. I am very attracted to women, but never said anything, always have been emotionally and especially phisically attracted to them. when I met her it was great. I don't find my husband sexually attractive anymore. I don't want to have sex with him at all! I know that is mean but I can"t help it! I dont want to hurt him at all. help me! I feel like crying all the time. She wants me to her self, and I do her to! What do I do? I know no one can tell me what to do, but maybe some comments that may help!

[someotherguy]

That can happen when you step outside your marriage. I suggest remembering you are married, stay away from that other woman, fall back in love with your husband. It happened once, it can happen again. Stay the course, then after your kids are grown do whatever you want.

[Sarasvati]

Is the answer that you want as follows?

Let go of this woman, be faithful to your decent husband, you chose to marry him.

Then do just that.

The alternative is to betray him, break your marriage vows and cheat him.

And, if you do that, guess what? You won't be any different to millions of others.

[Dagni]

I don't like to repeat myself but i'm in same situation. The first question is what excactly you want?
Ok, your husband is with you since your 15, he take cared of you, and loving you, but i wonder, does that makes you feel complete as a person when you're in this situation now? You said that you don't feel any kind of attraction anymore to him? What's that saying? That you're actually bisexual or even lesbian, and i think it's time for You're own good to take a step forward and become what you really are, and not to be stucked in marriedge where love is just all day habbit and nothing more than that.
Maybe that woman isn't right choice, maybe it's just temperary, who may know that, but for your own good take that step forward to make yourself complete person and just follow your heart, not that habbit.

I'm telling you all this cause i'm in lesbian marriedge, and when i found out that i'm bi, and she didn't wanted to be part of it, she didn't or couldn't accept my bisexuality we decided to separate and plus we have a daughter.
But i wanna be complete person, i don't wanna be unhappy, and that's the only advice i can give to you. Just push forward.

[anne27]

Really, only you can decide what you want to do with your life. You have my sympathies. I've been in love with a woman. I understand the intensity. There's nothing quite like it. But you have to make the decision whether or not to disrupt your life and marriage.

Best of luck to you!

[s_shunpike]

I can understand the sentiment of staying with someone who has been such a large part of your life since you were 15. But saying that you need to stop feeling something and stick around until the kids are older is, in my opinion, not a fair choice for anyone. Kids are smart, they are more aware of what is going on than people give them credit for. Staying together for the kids is truly an insult to their inteliigence.

Yes it sucks that after so long that your feelings for your husband have changed. My suggestion would be to examine your feelings that have waned for your husband and grown for this woman and try and figure out if they are connected or is it just a coincidence that they occured at the same time.

Irregardless - you feel how you feel. You cannot help who you fall and out of love with. Treat the two situations seperately because even if they are connected - they are seperate. Talk to your husband and work out life from there. Talk to the woman and work out life from there. Life does go on, even without the sunshine some days :bigrin:

I wish you luck, peace and happiness.

Shun!

[parkwings]

I sincerely sympathize with you, but this sort of thing is why many "straight" folk won't date bisexuals...I can see thier point. . . but there's no gaurantees in life.(even if both people are straight) I would say take your time and follow your heart.

[deeTM]

At this point I'm going to have to say "are you people kidding?" Being bisexual in no way is an excuse for a person to fall in love with someone and out of love with someone else. We can just as easily fall in love with someone else of the opposite sex. The question is, is she willing to stay with the person she said "I do" to. I've had crushes and felt that I was love with others as well. Love can be a life long thing or a short lived idea. We each as individuals do in fact choose to be in love. We always have to work at it too. Long term love is not easy. The easy thing is to quit one relationship and jump to the next as soon as we feel like we don't feel the same way anymore.

This isn't by any means a warm and fuzzy reply and yes I agree we all deserve to be happy. In the end though, we make our own happiness. If her husband was beating her or abusing her in some fashion then I'd agree, jump ship. Otherwise, she needs to think long and hard before she gives up a marriage that is probably pretty good.

My other thought to this is directed at those of us in this community that feel like they might not be able to commit to a long term relationship with a man or a woman. If you feel that way take a good long look at your feelings on this and don't "marry" anyone until you figure it out. Don't inflict your indecision on anyone else. The pain of losing the one you truly love is hugely damaging and if it sounds like I'm speaking from past experience you might be right. My first wife left because she no longer loved me and she was straight not bi. So please don't lay on the excuse of I can't stay with you Sweetie cause I'm bi. That's just crap.

Melissa, I'm sorry you're in the situation you are in. But my true belief on this matter is that you should do some serious soul searching and get into counseling with your DH. You don't have to love him or want to have sex with him. That's how you feel. However, before you throw away 15 years you should do him the honor of putting some real time into rediscovering what you guys once had. By real time I mean much longer than 6 months. I'm only guessing here but this has probably been coming for you for a long time. If you haven't told him you feel this way (not in love with him/don't want to have sex with him) you should. Start communicating and put it all out on the table. Giving up your marriage is a really big deal and it's not as easy to walk away from as some may say. Real damage will be done to everyones feelings including yours.

If I haven't totally made you mad or even if I did but you feel like talking to someone. I'll be around. Feel free to PM me.

Good luck and much love to you.

[Lorcan]

i've never thought a person should stick to a relationship if they are unhappy in it. I mean really unhappy, not the occassional fight thing, but miserable unhappy. And just because you've been there for so long... does that mean if i'm miserable for 10 years, i should be miserable for another ten years? I think not.

I value my wedding vows, but if our relationship had turned out differently, i believe i would let him go. And i wouldn't just wait for the kid to grow up.

You realize this thing with your girlfriend might not work out in the long run either.

I agree with deeTM. You should tell your husband everything. Try to get a good marriage councilor, and together you'll decide if anythings worth saving.

[the mage]

When the sex dies the marriage is in big trouble.
Your husband probably already knows.
If this can be a peaceful honorable separation for you both it may be worth it.
It does happen, mine was that way.
Love just happens, you must decide what the cost is to pursue it.

[hydropop]

Hard to believe anyone could do this to another person, But hey there are all walks of lives. I wounder when her new love decides that you arent fun anymore, how you will take it when she leaves you for another. Will be your just desert. And when the kids get older how you will get them to respet you.

Your poor husband does need to knowthat you have been cheating on him, so he can more forward too.

I see that some type in how you need to move forward and go with your heart, well there are more involved in thsi than just you. Your kids deserve to be happy as well as your husband. You really need to do some deep soul searching, and know how your going to hurt the ones you love. Because one day it will come back to haunt you, and you may get exactly what you deserve, Cheater.

I say cheater because thats what youve done..... right ?

[cliffml]

Have you ever considered you may have been a lesbian from the start. Society tells us we should marry someone from the opposite sex and everything else is wrong. I think society is wrong, you should be with the person who you love, whether it's male or female or both. I'm sorry your going through this pain, but in the end, if you follow your heart, you might end up with a lifetime of happiness with the person you really love and were meant to be with.

[Melissa1982]

hey, yall its me, Im back, its melissa. I want to tell all of you that I loved all of your coments, they really made me think, so thank yall so much! well I come out and told my husband that I was really attracted to women! he was upset at first. but he supports me in all ways. Which I really appreciate. He also knows about the woman that I am in love with, I mean how could he not find out, that is all i talk about! He is ok with me seeing other women, as long as I can keep our relationship happy. I am alot happier now that it is out in the open. I did tell him that i didnt find him sexually attracted nomore there for a while but, Im comin around. I can say I do prefur pussy over a dick. But I am happy with my husband and 2 kids. Now that he knows I fell so free! I can go out with girlfriends and not be scared and hiding anything, and not feel like im cheating, u know. He said everything is cool as long as we keep comunication between us! He said he would like to join anytime we wanted him too! so everything is going good, thank you!