Bi oriented dating sites?

[Lorcan]

What's the best bi oriented dating site? All the dating sites i've been to could use a big dose of bi thought put into them...

I mean where's the check boxes for whether you're a swinger, poly, monogamous, or other. Where's the check boxes for whether you're a kinsey 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, or "I hate the kinsey scale". Where's the check box for if the "spouse/partner doesn't know so don't tell'em." (sad but true) Where the search, for example , for if you're a couple seeking a man whose poly and seeking a couple,.... or anything you could be searching for.

[spartca]

okcupid.com has a lot of bisexual and polyamorous folks on it.

[Mimi]

Nerve.com also allows you to specifiy whether you're looking for men, for women, or both. It seems like more of a casual hook-up site, so don't go there if you're looking for a long-term relationship or life partner.

If you're a woman, grrl2grrl.com allows you to specify whether you're bi, lesbian, or queer woman, and if you're a bi couple or lesbian couple, but the site only has female members. Same thing with girldates.net.

It's sad that more dating sites don't allow more sexual orientation variety. Most only allow a monosexual profile. Eharmony.com doesn't even allow for same-sex matches. boo to that!

Mimi :flag1:

[domill]

bicupid.com

[vices2habits]

bicupid.com

Caution here, folks. BiCupid seems like a decent site at first... the site performs crisply, and it looks very professionally done. However, if you take the time to examine a lot of profiles, it is easy to see that their database is completely corrupt, and they not only have no idea how to fix it, they have no interest in doing so. Customer service replies to inquiries by auto-bot response which says that "we checked and didn't see the same problem... yada, yada, yada."

The problem is near-useless search results. If you, say for example, perform a search with the selection of "Bi Man" searching for "Bi Woman," the result should be just that... a collection of profiles where the subject has selected "bi woman" as her self-descriptor, and has selected "bi man" as her target match.

Instead, the result-set is a collection which includes women seeking women only, couples seeking women only, men impersonating women (either deliberately or through mistake/stupidity in filling out their profile... that is, they choose bi woman by mistake instead of bi man), couples seeking men... and dozens of profiles that MIGHT be women, but it is impossible to tell for sure because there is no other information beyond the most rudimentary basics required to set up the profile... and all of which have "no preference" as their target match (dating sites often create hundreds of fake profiles in order to make it seem like there's a reason to ante up the $$$ to join). And in-between all of this clutter and trash you MIGHT find a profile or two which conforms to the search criteria.

In the case of the search above -- searching the entire United States -- there was a grand total of six.... in seven pages of profiles.

[DiamondDog]

All the men I've dated I've either met online, in bars/pubs, or I was introduced to them by mutual friends.

[spartca]

nerve.com never reached critical mass here in the "Deep South" SF Bay Area... I had an onion personals account - I think they are the same thing? Anyways there are no guys within 10 miles of me who have logged in in the last 3 months, and only 3 women who have done so, one of whom I've already dated rofl.

But I've heard in more dense urban areas nerve.com works pretty well. Most of my friends have moved to okcupid.com though...

[Tx46M]

Been with 3 in my LIFE all met here...no complaints at all...in fact last 3 weekends same guy...too much fun!!
:2cents::male:

[guycurious]

We tried AdultFriendFinder.com. 99% of the couples had a straight male, bi female. We had zero luck.

Outpersonals.com, complete waste of time.

BiCupid, terrible website as stated earlier.

CraigsList.com, plenty of married guys cheating on their wives.

It's very frustrating for me. I am a married male whose wife is totally fine with me being bi yet we can't find anyone. We met a couple once who were both bi but we had one get together and they moved on.

Have met one bi guy to date (my first w/ a guy). Very disappointing.

We are going out this weekend to meet a bi male we met on CraigsList. We'll see, trying not to get my hopes up. Would really like to meet someone who is interested in long term monogomy. There are several things I want to try but they require no condoms.

And so the search continues.......

P.S. To ALL of the guys on this website who are responding to our personals ad, IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND YOUR WIFE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT YOUR BI SIDE, WE WILL NOT TALK TO YOU. WE WILL NOT TOLERATE CHEATERS !!!

It's amazing how many married guys out there are willing to cheat.

[Rant Off]

[shameless agitator]

For your situation guy I would recommend a yahoo group called closed loop. It's for married men who want serious relationships with other men, explicitly with their wives' knowledge. Of course it's also for single men looking for married men. I can't remember the URL off hand. I quit a while ago, cause I honestly don't want to put the effort into a relationship right now. Well I shouldn't say that. I don't want to go into anything with that being the goal. If a friendship winds up there, than so be it, but I'm not actively looking.

[spartca]

Yup, guycurious... when I was in a male/female couple for many years, we dated men together. Scores of them. Eventually I got tired of all the "bicurious" men - basically it came down to having my dick sucked (badly) for 10 minutes and then watching him fuck my girlfriend. Which, in moderation, can be a lot of fun, but I wanted some connection with the guy too, more than just being an appetizer on the way to the main course.

So it turns out that bi men who are really into both men and women for a relationship are pretty rare. Just my two cents worth for you. You should know that a whole lot of the "bi" guys out there are mostly into just sex with other guys. This ended up being the most frustrating part for me, even after we were able to weed through all the cheaters and swingers who didn't want any male-male contact at all.

[vices2habits]

I stumbled across two sites which look interesting... the first being BiCafe (http://www.bicafe.com/), and the second actually advertises on here -- ThreePillows (http://www.threepillows.com/index2.phtml) -- which has a bi personals section.

That said, on to comments. Several points here to address:


Yup, guycurious... when I was in a male/female couple for many years, we dated men together. Scores of them. Eventually I got tired of all the "bicurious" men...

I whole-heartedly second the kabosh on the so-called "curious" as well... while I can appreciate that there is a legitimate and understandable period between when a man realizes his desire and when he actually acts on it, I don't want to share that period with him. The last thing I want is to have another guy freak out on me and get verbally abusive.

Curiosity, IMHO, is just too readily satisfied... for any with a true will and determination to satisfy it. As in most things, the real obstacle is oneself.

I'll spare you the list of possible places and methods here (try CruisingForSex.com (http://www.cruisingforsex.com/home.html) for that) and fast forward to the best, easiest, least-bullshit, and highest potential place to explore your mansex curiosity and put the "curious" behind you once and for all. The easiest way to explore sex with men -- my hindsight, I grant you -- is at a gay bathhouse.

OK, OK... I can hear the clamoring chorus of "no fucking way could I do that!" echoing off the walls of this forum... but hear me out and I'll tell you why.

First of all, you never have to do anything with anyone that you do not want to. Nobody gets raped at these places... nothing even close (though occasionally you could see a consensual role-play acted out on a night designated for BDSM).

They are very much like any other swing club, except that it is all men... and just like swing clubs everywhere, there are a whole lot of guys who may never do anything but watch. And no means no at these places, too.

The company is usually good, and there are usually spaces designated as "no sex" spaces where guys just hang out and talk. There may be a TV showing the news or a non-porn movie, and some guys hanging out -- all ages, shapes, and sizes -- wrapped in towels and shooting the shit. And there are off-nights (Monday & Tuesday... Sunday afternoons) where its not a mob scene, where a newbie can settle himself down a bit, and maybe even witness -- or try -- some man-to-man action live and in-person.

The main advantage over every other method, IMHO, is safety... from a bust, anyway. You do have to play safe -- use condoms!!! -- just like anywhere else. But, at least you do know that everyone else there is there for the same reason, pretty much, as you are... to explore sex with men.

I have met scores of married bisexual men at these places... many traveling on business or even on vacation with their wives and families. Most of the MMF experiences that I've had have begun after having had a great time with the male half of the couple at one of these places.



- basically it came down to having my dick sucked (badly) for 10 minutes and then watching him fuck my girlfriend. Which, in moderation, can be a lot of fun, but I wanted some connection with the guy too, more than just being an appetizer on the way to the main course.

This connection that you want, it seems to me, is only possible when the wife/girlfriend is not part of the equation at first. I think the reason that my current "fuck friends" invited me home to meet & play with the wife in the first place was because we had that "connection" going on already. We also knew already that we had a strong sexual compatibility as well. The first of these I've known for six years now, the second for two (but he's been deployed again and out of the picture).



So it turns out that bi men who are really into both men and women for a relationship are pretty rare. Just my two cents worth for you. You should know that a whole lot of the "bi" guys out there are mostly into just sex with other guys. This ended up being the most frustrating part for me, even after we were able to weed through all the cheaters and swingers who didn't want any male-male contact at all.

True... for some, it is an occasional spice, the desire for which only bangs on the door -- sometimes quite loudly! -- once in a while. I call it a "meat phase" (the other, naturally, would be the "sushi phase").

What you are talking about is the true bisexual polyamorous relationship... which, while it does exist, is exceedingly rare.

You may want to take a look at the website of the World Polyamory Association (http://www.worldpolyamoryassociation.org/) for more info on this "lovestyle," as they call it.

Cheers, all.

[spartca]

Yeah BiCafe is a nice site! Its membership seems to be concentrated in certain regional areas though. For example I've noticed a lot of folks and events listed there in San Diego and Florida. I'm wondering what certain bisexual organizers could have had to do with the origin or promotion of the site?

[the mage]

Online hookups are statistically likely to fail. Its a big planet and its easy to hide behind the computer.

I agree completely about the "bisexual" men who are just using it to get to the women. It is for that reason I tell men, ALL of whom want to meet my woman, that theres no way its not happening ever. Many then assume I'm lieing about being out to my Lady, and many stop the hookup after they know its only ever going to be with me.


The best way to meet real people is in real life. Get out the door.

Sex is indeed easy to find, but in the nasty hidden world of the Bi man its often risky, and dirty, and frankly not good for anything but pressure release to the men.

It could be so much better....

[dancechic17]

I recently came across a site www.bisexualpassions.com that is similar to this one and 100% free. Just signed up so no luck yet but hopefully this will help someone out! :)

[spartca]

Um no offense but I checked out bisexualpassions.com and there is only one member in my area. Only 4 members listed in San Jose between the ages of 18-55. San Jose is a nearby area where you can find 50 men on gay.com chat in the middle of the day, and as many as 300 in the evening. Is that a newer site or something?

[biecnal]

Um no offense but I checked out bisexualpassions.com and there is only one member in my area. Only 4 members listed in San Jose between the ages of 18-55. San Jose is a nearby area where you can find 50 men on gay.com chat in the middle of the day, and as many as 300 in the evening. Is that a newer site or something?

All startup websites will have very few members in any given area at first. The website is free, why not sign-up and help it grow?

:-)

[Lorcan]

Online hookups are statistically likely to fail. Its a big planet and its easy to hide behind the computer...

true, true... but i found my soul mate of 13 years thru the computer, so it's not impossible.

Thanks for all of your replies. This thread started out slow, but i find the info it accumulated very good. Least i know were not too waste my time.

[purpletoes]

P.S. To ALL of the guys on this website who are responding to our personals ad, IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND YOUR WIFE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT YOUR BI SIDE, WE WILL NOT TALK TO YOU. WE WILL NOT TOLERATE CHEATERS !!!

Just a word in my own defense...

My wife knows I'm bi but would no more accept a boyfriend than she would a girlfriend. I don't need a girlfriend...I have a wife...but with regard to male companionship it's more tricky. Sure I could go the rest of my life without a man but if you're truly bi like me that is really a tall order. It's a dilema for sure. So i usually behave myself as long as i can stand it and then find a boyfriend until the guilt gets to me and then try to be good for a while again.

I'm sure I'm not the only one in this situation. And of course I'm not suggesting you should feel any need to hook up with a guy in my situation. That's up to you. But try to be understanding. this is not an easy life. Those of you who have open minded spouses are very lucky indeed.

[FalconAngel]

We are right there with whoever it was that you just quoted, PT.

My wife knows what is going on because she is a part of it just as whatever male I take into the bedroom is.
Our reasoning for that is simple. She isn't looking for a second male to play with, but I need one to play with. We both have similar tastes in men and I won't leave her out in the cold without getting any as long as I am. It isn't fair to her.
If SHE chooses not to play with both of us, then that is her choice and then it's okay, but she is always there to join in as she sees fit to.

A lot of guys are in situations where their s/o doesn't know. As far as many couples see it, it's cheating. But then, if the s/o knows and lets one go out and play, or knows and plays along as well, then think of the possibilities.
But, then there is any number of reasons to not come out to your s/o and they are as varied as the people who are in these relationships. Sometimes the reasons make sense (to a degree), but many times they don't survive scrutiny.

We look at it this way; if one is in a committed relationship, then the s/o has a right to know.
If one is in a committed relationship, then both people should be able to trust each other completely, even with their deepest, darkest secrets. That's what makes a relationship, whether it be a m/m, f/f, m/f or any other pairing or grouping that you can think of.
Without that trust, there isn't really a good relationship and if one is sneaking around behind the other's back, then just be ready for the fallout when it all blows up; and it eventually will.

Just throwing in a viewpoint to consider.

[bitony14]

Yup, guycurious... when I was in a male/female couple for many years, we dated men together. Scores of them. Eventually I got tired of all the "bicurious" men - basically it came down to having my dick sucked (badly) for 10 minutes and then watching him fuck my girlfriend. Which, in moderation, can be a lot of fun, but I wanted some connection with the guy too, more than just being an appetizer on the way to the main course.



OMG I thought we were the only ones to experience this! Must say that changed when we stopped using swinger sites as a way of meeting bi men. We found that bi-men on gay sites like Gaydar.co.uk had men who were far more in tune with relating to us as a couple than the "I'll suck his cock to keep him quiet for a while" guys.
:bibounce:

[guycurious]

Just a word in my own defense...

My wife knows I'm bi but would no more accept a boyfriend than she would a girlfriend. I don't need a girlfriend...I have a wife...but with regard to male companionship it's more tricky. Sure I could go the rest of my life without a man but if you're truly bi like me that is really a tall order. It's a dilema for sure. So i usually behave myself as long as i can stand it and then find a boyfriend until the guilt gets to me and then try to be good for a while again.

I'm sure I'm not the only one in this situation. And of course I'm not suggesting you should feel any need to hook up with a guy in my situation. That's up to you. But try to be understanding. this is not an easy life. Those of you who have open minded spouses are very lucky indeed.


Yes, I agree with you that those of us who are bi and have wives that are understanding are truly blessed. However, marriage is a commitment to another person for life. The way we see it, if your spouse is unaccepting of your bi side than you have two choices:

1) Divorce
2) You live with the fact that your spouse will not accept your bi side and you bury it.

Both are rough choices but if you found out that your wife has been sleeping around with other men how would you deal with it ? Would you say, "That's okay. I've been sleeping around with other men too. What's for dinner ?"

I agonized for a long time dealing with my bi feelings. I often thought about arranging an anonymous get together in a motel w/ another male. I couldn't do it. My wife is my partner for life so I took a gamble and confessed my bisexuality and life has been better since.

You say I should try to be understanding. Understanding of what ? The fact that you are cheating on your wife because she cannot accept your bisexuality ? Does your wife's lack of acceptance justify your cheating ? It seems to in your mind.

[ErosUrge]

It's really interesting how those involved and already in long term relations are so ready to say who's cheating and who isn't....and yes, it's true, it does happen and I don't agree with it either...cheating is cheating regardless of what your sexuality. However, with that said, it's much more complicated...and though I don't like deception at all, I understand the dilemma of certain married males who have found themselves married but cannot reveal their hunger for male sex and can't be open about it. That's why I know that the next situation I am involved in will be either that I have decided to let go of the interactions sexually with men (which is highly improbable but not impossible) or to be open about it and be allowed by that significant other to explore and experience my desires that are purely sexual. Yes, I know all the arguments against this...and I also know some that are accepting of this.
I also agree about the sites too....very difficult to make real connections of any kind at all. I will check out some of those mentioned and see how it goes...but it does seem to be the case that meeting people away from the internet is usually the best way to go as it's rare that anything significant comes to pass through online connections....when it comes time to getting together with people online, there's a lot of flakiness. It's the nature of the beast....I have had some real things happen, but very very few. It's mostly a thing of play and even those that say they want to play often don't come through... C'est la vie

[DiamondDog]

We tried AdultFriendFinder.com. 99% of the couples had a straight male, bi female. We had zero luck.

Outpersonals.com, complete waste of time.

BiCupid, terrible website as stated earlier.

CraigsList.com, plenty of married guys cheating on their wives.

It's very frustrating for me. I am a married male whose wife is totally fine with me being bi yet we can't find anyone. We met a couple once who were both bi but we had one get together and they moved on.

Have met one bi guy to date (my first w/ a guy). Very disappointing.

We are going out this weekend to meet a bi male we met on CraigsList. We'll see, trying not to get my hopes up. Would really like to meet someone who is interested in long term monogomy. There are several things I want to try but they require no condoms.

And so the search continues.......

P.S. To ALL of the guys on this website who are responding to our personals ad, IF YOU ARE MARRIED AND YOUR WIFE DOES NOT KNOW ABOUT YOUR BI SIDE, WE WILL NOT TALK TO YOU. WE WILL NOT TOLERATE CHEATERS !!!

It's amazing how many married guys out there are willing to cheat.

[Rant Off]

What is defined/considered to be cheating by people in a relationship is determined by the people in a relationship, and not by outsiders.

Sometimes what seems like cheating really isn't.

I know this Dusty Springfield/Pet shop boys song is not about bi married men/women but it reminds me of them and it's one of the reasons why I don't get involved with people who are married or anyone who is already in a relationship with someone else even if they do have an open relationship.


Where you lie
I realise
That we've been found out this time

We should stay together
If we can
But what you've planned
Means there's a difference between

What you're gonna say
In private
You still want my love
We're in this together
And what you're gonna do
In public
Say you were never in love
That you can remember

So discreet
I never tried to meet
Your friends or interfere
I took a back seat between

And what you gonna say
In private?
You still want my love
We're in this together
And what you're gonna do
In public
Say you were never in love
That you can remember

What you gonna say, ay
When you run back to your wife?
I guess it's just the story of my life
What you gonna say?

So take your time
And tell me
Where did you learn
Oh, I may publicise
That there's a difference between

What you're gonna say
In private?
You still want my love
We're in this together
And what you're gonna do
In public
Say you were never in love
That you can remember
Tell me what you gonna say
In private?, ooh, ooh, ooh
What you gonna say?
What you gonna do?
Baby, what you gonna say?

[guycurious]

What is defined/considered to be cheating by people in a relationship is determined by the people in a relationship, and not by outsiders.

Sometimes what seems like cheating really isn't.

I know this Dusty Springfield/Pet shop boys song is not about bi married men/women but it reminds me of them and it's one of the reasons why I don't get involved with people who are married or anyone who is already in a relationship with someone else even if they do have an open relationship.


So, when a married person is carrying on sexual relations with another person without the knowledge/consent of their spouse that may or maynot be considered cheating ?

I guess my wife and I have a very narrow, close-minded concept of what fidelity is.

[DiamondDog]

So, when a married person is carrying on sexual relations with another person without the knowledge/consent of their spouse that may or maynot be considered cheating ?

I guess my wife and I have a very narrow, close-minded concept of what fidelity is.

Like I wrote before, some people think that their spouse has no idea but it's obvious and out in the open and their spouse knows all about it and either allows it to go on, does not care, or has someone else on the side too.

I know couples who have had this happen, done all of the above, and they're still in a relationship together it did not end the relationship and they've stayed together, and in some cases it brought them closer together and they talked about issues that were not discussed before.

You really can't say what is defined as cheating between people in a relationship together, or is not cheating between people in a relationship unless you're one of the people that's in a relationship with that person/people, and you've negociated what is and is not allowed in the boundaries of the relationship that you have with that person/people.

[hanalee]

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