View Full Version : Q: love without acceptance
MarieDelta
Jul 30, 2007, 12:24 PM
What do you all think - can you have real love without acceptance?
In a partner?
As in " I love you - I just dont care for / accept your sexuality"
m
TaylorMade
Jul 30, 2007, 12:52 PM
No...
Parents can do that... partners... I don't think that's possible.
*Taylor*
biwords
Jul 30, 2007, 3:10 PM
I don't see any essential contradiction in the words "I love you, I just don't accept your sexuality". On the other hand, without acceptance, I wouldn't be confident that love alone would be enough to keep the relationship from breaking down, sooner or later.
the mage
Jul 30, 2007, 4:03 PM
If this is a life mate you have a problem. If it a family member or other person they need never hear another word about it.
CardShark
Jul 30, 2007, 4:11 PM
I agree with TaylorMade. Not sure how that could work. Friends,family yeah....but wife/husband/lover/etc.? Nah i don't see it.
CardShark
Jul 30, 2007, 4:13 PM
Better to be hated for who you really, than loved for who you are not ;)
chulainn2
Jul 30, 2007, 4:25 PM
Sure you can, just don't make any long term (over a month) plans.
Skater Boy
Jul 30, 2007, 4:41 PM
It depends on your definition of "love". Everyone I speak to seems to have a different take on what it means to love someone, so I'm not sure. In a certain way, love without acceptance is definitely possible, but IMO ( :2cents: ) "real love" (in an intimate context) is all about accepting your partner, so I would question just how real the love is if the person does not fully accept you. Or perhaps not how real the love is... but maybe whether they are only loving PART of you, rather than the full package.
Anyway, I'm pretty ignorant on this subject...
kitten
Jul 30, 2007, 6:30 PM
Not with a partner.
Caring? Yes, and a whole other range of emotions but actual complete love needs to include acceptance of the whole partner.
My partner is a straight male and there are some things I don't understand about him but I accept him for his total "package". :)
(pun intended)
DiamondDog
Jul 30, 2007, 7:14 PM
I don't see any essential contradiction in the words "I love you, I just don't accept your sexuality". On the other hand, without acceptance, I wouldn't be confident that love alone would be enough to keep the relationship from breaking down, sooner or later.
Agreed.
People keep all sorts of secrets from their spouse/husband/wife/partner.
That they'll never communicate or discuss about at all.
I'm not just talking about if they're closeted about their sexual orientation either.
Would I want a relationship like that?
Well no I wouldn't.
But there are people who are in relationships like this and who keep a relationship/marriage stable and not falling apart by telling the truth or things that they know that their partner/spouse/wife/husband isn't going to accept, doesn't want to know about at all, and doesn't want to hear.
Anyway you hear this thing all the time from parents who love their kids but don't approve of their kids being bi/gay/trans, or wouldn't want their kids to be bi/gay/trans.
MarieDelta
Jul 30, 2007, 7:31 PM
Agreed.
People keep all sorts of secrets from their spouse/husband/wife/partner..
Keeping secrets from your SO(about major things) can lead to a breach of trust, which can be more devastating to a relationship than having an affair. Partners of transfolk who learn about their partner latter on in the relationship often feel as if their partner has been having an affair.
Sometimes you learn that you can't do things that you thought you could when you were younger.
Sometimes in the act of growing up we learn things about ourselves that we just weren't aware of when we were younger.
FWIW - I have never intentionally kept a secret from my partner. There are things that I once thought were true, but latter discovered were not. We have discussed those as they have arrisen.
Thanks for your responses guys I really appreciate your input.
m
naughty'BI'chick
Jul 30, 2007, 7:58 PM
You can have real love w/o acceptance, but its just not complete love. Love is about loving a person completely, not just bits & pieces.
Love everything about them, even parts they may dislike, but in a weird way they love that part of the person too.
But acceptance is the only way love can stay together, w/o it, love between two people falls apart.
Long Duck Dong
Jul 31, 2007, 2:01 AM
yes, I feel there is real love without acceptance....
you can love a person and not agree with their sexuality, but it is the actions that you and your partner do, that ultimately decide the fate of the relationship
we need to define the original question for a more clearer understanding
could there be real love without acceptance of a persons sexuality
could there be real love without acceptance of a persons sexual activities....
if I loved a person and they said no to knowing about my sexuality.... then I would accept that and not try and make them accept me as a bisexual, i would just let them accept me in the way that works best for them.... cos thats the same damm thing I am doing to them, accepting them as best I can
knowing full well that i would struggle to accept some things about them
coyotedude
Jul 31, 2007, 2:26 AM
What do you all think - can you have real love without acceptance?
In a partner?
As in " I love you - I just dont care for / accept your sexuality"
m
The key word here is not "love," but "partner."
Yes, you can have real love without acceptance. But you can't have a strong and stable partnership.
As someone else pointed out in another thread, it's not just about acceptance. It's about respect. Without mutual respect, a partnership doesn't have much of a chance of succeeding in the long term.
Just my :2cents: ....
Peace