What Are You Afraid To Say Out Loud?

[Herbwoman39]

Having been inspired by Marie Delta's post about the web site she found, I wanted to start this thread. What are you afraid to admit out loud? What is it that lurks in your heart that you just can't bring yourself to say?

I'll start.

I'm afraid. Of everything. I'm afraid to fail, to success, of criticism, of being left by those I love, of not being liked, of looking like a total idiot, of making a fool of myself, of being vulnerable and ignored...of so much.

I find bits of courage here and there and I try to challenge myself but the fear curls itself up in the pit of my stomach and stares, unblinking, at me.

[Tingly_Tickles]

Nothing that I know of yet. I'm kinda outspoken about anything and I'm not
afraid to show it I just say whateva might be on my mind and it's all good cuz I
look at it this way.

Never regret anything cuz at one point it was exactly what you wanted in the
first place.

so ask away yea I'll tell you like it is cuz I'm a betch and that's life it's just how
it is.

Love you all enjoy your life you only get one shot at it.

:bipride: :bipride: :color: :color: :color: :color: :bibounce: :bibounce: :color: :color: :color: :color: :bipride: :bipride:

[MarieDelta]

For the longest time I was afraid to say anything.

I was afraid that the words that came out of my mouth would betray my secret to the world (iam trans, I am bi.)

I still have some fear, but by admiting those two things to myself(and the world to a certain extent) I find that once I have "gone over the bridge" if you will, I have lost the fear of losing for what I might or might not say.

I still have somethings that I feel afraid to admit -(I was molested as a child on more than one occasion) and some situations that flat out scare me to death.

Herbwoman, this was a great idea for a thread.

[Danielle B]

I'm afraid that once I tell the world I'm trans, no one will love me.

I'm afraid I'll never find my place in this world.

D

[Skater Boy]

I'm afraid. Of everything. I'm afraid to fail, to success, of criticism, of being left by those I love, of not being liked, of looking like a total idiot, of making a fool of myself, of being vulnerable and ignored...of so much.

I find bits of courage here and there and I try to challenge myself but the fear curls itself up in the pit of my stomach and stares, unblinking, at me.

I'll second that. But add a few more to the list. such as being afraid of loneliness, being afraid of intimacy and even being too afraid to feel the fear itself (now THAT'S cowardice!). Being afraid of my lack of integrity, being afraid of my lack of sanity, being afraid of my inability to relate to those around me and what that might mean. Being afraid that I'm inadequate... in many contexts. Being afraid to even be myself. The list could go on and on... but I'll spare y'all the verbal chloroform.

I'm thinking of buying one of those self-help books called "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway". But I'd probably be too afraid to read it! :bigrin:

[leizy]

I'm afraid people will find out I'm a fraud, and that I'm not as smart or clever as people think I am. Afraid my sexuality will get me in trouble, and I'll lose my job or respect, etc., if people found out about my bisexuality and alternative marriage.

Now - that said - everybody is afraid. As a shrink, people always say to me - don't analyze me, or you could write a paper on me! I've come to realize that everybody is secretly afraid they're more fucked-up, more crazy, more perverted, more dishonest, etc, than everybody else, and that that fear, that state of being, is normal. It's human.

The old saying I'm okay, you're okay, it's really - "I'm pretty fucked-up, and so are you, but that's okay." A friend calls it the human condition, pulling ourselves up by our collective bootstraps.

[Lorrie]

Nothing that I know of yet. I'm kinda outspoken about anything and I'm not
afraid to show it....

I'm pretty much the same way; I'm not afraid to admit anything out loud. Of course--for me anyway--some people know more things about me than others (depending on how close you are to me), but collectively, I really have no secrets and as a whole I've told everything about myself.

[Tingly_Tickles]

I'm afraid people will find out I'm a fraud, and that I'm not as smart or clever as people think I am. Afraid my sexuality will get me in trouble, and I'll lose my job or respect, etc., if people found out about my bisexuality and alternative marriage.

Now - that said - everybody is afraid. As a shrink, people always say to me - don't analyze me, or you could write a paper on me! I've come to realize that everybody is secretly afraid they're more fucked-up, more crazy, more perverted, more dishonest, etc, than everybody else, and that that fear, that state of being, is normal. It's human.

The old saying I'm okay, you're okay, it's really - "I'm pretty fucked-up, and so are you, but that's okay." A friend calls it the human condition, pulling ourselves up by our collective bootstraps.




Sorry I have to quote this but I think that maybe your in need of more schooling on being a shrink.

I however am ok with my life and my decisions that I've made with it I am not
afraid of anything that I know of there are things that I dislike and things that
I don't want to happen but I'm not afraid of anything that I've found that I
cannot overcome now days.

Like I said sorry for the harsh words that you might need more schooling but
that's just how I feel and if you were my shrink I'd want my money back.

Yes I know I'm a Betch shit happens but I still love everyone.

:bipride: :bipride: :rainbow: :rainbow: :rainbow: :bibounce: :bibounce: :rainbow: :rainbow: :rainbow: :bipride: :bipride:

[DiamondDog]

I'm pretty much the same way; I'm not afraid to admit anything out loud. Of course--for me anyway--some people know more things about me than others (depending on how close you are to me), but collectively, I really have no secrets and as a whole I've told everything about myself.

I'm the same way.

[Lorcan]

I am afraid to not be believed. As a result i tell the truth 99.9996% of the time. And when i lie it is infinatesmal.

"The truth" and "honesty" are two different things. I think honesty is how you tell the truth. You can tell the whole truth, or just part. But when it's just part, people do not think your being honest...they dismiss eveything you say, and hence you are not believed.

I hate that.

Of course it must go back to my childhood....doesn't everything.

[Long Duck Dong]

I am not afraid to speak out loud.... but what scares me is that one day I will speak out loud and then realise that what I have said, is no longer what I truly believe lol

[TheThreeOfUs]

Im afriad of thunderstorms. Im afraid of getting too close to people because in one way or another they always end up leaving. Im afraid that no one will remember me or who I was after Im dead and gone.

[julie]

even being too afraid to feel the fear itself (now THAT'S cowardice!).

....or maybe that is just very, very human skater boy?

julie x

[ForbiddenWindow]

wow, major toughie.

I feel like I wont fit in if I decide to become open, I feel like I would loose everything in an instant If I did. I am afraid to loose, to not take any risks. I am afraid to become a failure or become disliked. I am afraid to open up my mind sometimes when it comes to self realization of my sexuality and I end up just repressing it more.

I am afraid that I wont fit in. And loose my sense of belonging.

[kitten]

All of my elders died at an early age, due to various conditions which are genetic. I am afraid that my life will be interrupted by one of these conditions
before I am through with all that I want to do. Therefeor each day is a blessing and a small victory for me.

In the meantime, I continue to have all the appropriate cancer tests and treat my lung condition very aggressively to get as much time out of this world as I can get.

What's that quote about dying peacefuly or like you are sliding into home plate? I hope to be doing something so fantastic that I die with a look of sheer joy on my face!

[Tygress75]

"Hi Mom & Dad... just wanted to let you know that I'm not a happily married heterosexual woman like you thought. I'm actually bisexual. Happy Holidays!" :eek:

[alisbi]

Abso-fucking-lutely nothing!!

[texasman6172003]

Hi Herb. Well there is one thing im definately afraid of. I am afraid to tell my wife or anyone in my imiediate family that i am bisexual. I would lose everyone in my family. How do i know this? I have an uncle that is gay and they have not botherd seeing him or tried to find out how he is even doing for several years. So that is what i am afraid to do.. They would have nothing to do with me. And being alone is one of the worst thing's in the world there is... :bipride:

[Skater Boy]

Hi Herb. Well there is one thing im definately afraid of. I am afraid to tell my wife or anyone in my imiediate family that i am bisexual. I would lose everyone in my family. How do i know this? I have an uncle that is gay and they have not botherd seeing him or tried to find out how he is even doing for several years. So that is what i am afraid to do.. They would have nothing to do with me. And being alone is one of the worst thing's in the world there is... :bipride:

Nice post. Especially with the "Bipride" symbol at the end. Makes me wonder if being "proud to be bi/gay" isn't as simplistic as some people make it out to be.

Good luck in your situation!

[Foxxy-bexs]

I'm afraid. Of everything. I'm afraid to fail, of criticism, of being left by those I love, of not being liked, of looking like a total idiot, of making a fool of myself...

I find bits of courage here and there and I try to challenge myself but the fear curls itself up in the pit of my stomach and i back down or change my mind....

[wildgal70]

I'm afraid to admit I'm bi. For the longest time, I thought I was just wild and exploring a new form of sex, and that it would pass and be forgotton about. Well here we are 4 years later since my 1st experience, and I cannot quit fantacizing about sex with my friend Jennifer. I've been with 6 females, but Jen is the best. She tells me I'm the best :)
I also have begun to check out women in general. I notice hair and legs at first, then I look at body shapes and if I get to know her, I pry into the personality type she is.
Today at work, myself and some female co workers were discussing sex (with men) Someone said something about oral sex, and somehow they got onto the topic of how gross two women making out is to them. I said out loud "don't knock it till you try it", then played it off as 'that's what they say' when the girls all looked at me astonished. How embarassing.
I started to think about Jennifer. Driving home I remembered our last encouter with our boyfriends, and got just a little hot and wet reliving the part where she and I gave each other oral sex. I called her when I got home and she immediately seemed to know what was on my mind. All I had to say after she answered was "I want you." She said I can be there alone or with b/f, and I said leave him at home.

What the hell is happening to me? I'm not gay. I like men. Especially dark headed ones with big brown eyes, lol. I even have celebrity crushes on two Nascar drivers, lol. Why am I wanting sex from Jen so much, and why does she want it from me? Oh my God and why is sex with her so good? This woman makes me squrm and sqeal more than any man has. I mean, I love a nice penis, trust me, my man has one, but man I just cannot get past that kick ass female genitals! Am I crazy or just sick, confused, or both?

[Skater Boy]

Am I crazy or just sick, confused, or both?

Probably ALL of the above, depending on who you ask! ;) But welcome to the club! :)

[Azrael]

What am I afraid to say? Not a damn thing. This is my best and worst feature all rolled into one.

[darkeyes]

Not much..if me thinks it shud b sed..it tends 2 get sed!!! :bigrin:

Sumtimes it can rebound on me but thats the penance ya pay wen ya hav a big gob!

[Herbwoman39]

What I'd like to know from those who have answered "nothing" to my original question is this: How did you cultivate such a cavalier "I don't give a flying rats ass WHAT you think!" attitude? Where did that come from? Have you had it from the time you were a child? Did something happen to push you to that place?

BTW I'm dyeing my hair cupcake pink as soon as the dyes get here. Yes...my whole head.

AND on September 13th I'm having a breast lift and enhancement done. So I'm working on facing fears.

[deeTM]

I'm scared to say it. Even here. How pitiful is that, lol.

Dee.

[jem_is_bi]

Hi Herb. Well there is one thing im definately afraid of. I am afraid to tell my wife or anyone in my imiediate family that i am bisexual. I would lose everyone in my family. How do i know this? I have an uncle that is gay and they have not botherd seeing him or tried to find out how he is even doing for several years. So that is what i am afraid to do.. They would have nothing to do with me. And being alone is one of the worst thing's in the world there is... :bipride:

I definitely understand your situation. If my family found out that I am bisexual, I would lose contact with much of my family. However, I do not know why, but I feel as much ambivalence as fear about this possibility. Perhaps, after 59 years of the good and bad in life and facing the very real possibility of death more than once, the fear part just is not as strong as it once was. I really love life, So it is kind of weird, but I feel the same mixture of fear and ambivalence about facing death again (hopefully many, many years from now).

I think I am most fearful of the prospect that I will eventually not always have such an intellectually challenging life as I presently have. It can be truly wonderful sometimes.

JEM

[alisbi]

What I'd like to know from those who have answered "nothing" to my original question is this: How did you cultivate such a cavalier "I don't give a flying rats ass WHAT you think!" attitude? Where did that come from? Have you had it from the time you were a child? Did something happen to push you to that place?

BTW I'm dyeing my hair cupcake pink as soon as the dyes get here. Yes...my whole head.

AND on September 13th I'm having a breast lift and enhancement done. So I'm working on facing fears.

hey Herbwoman
Can't speak for everyone , but near as I can say I came out of the womb with this attitude. And this is not coming from just me,but my whole family(14 of us!), and yes each and everyone of them know I am bisexual and all say the same thing,"That's Al". So yeah, it's cool being me! :bipride: :bigrin:

[JoyJoyHollywood]

I afraid of saying........that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing when I'm working on something.

[purplespider]

I'm afraid that once I tell the world I'm trans, no one will love me.

I'm afraid I'll never find my place in this world.

D
ok, i know, ill never truly under what it is to be trans..but i feel for ya..i really do...thats my one horror... to fight with who you truly are..finally come to terms and you cant tell anyone!


dreadfull!

hugs,

all i can do..

and every chance i get i tell my children to accept people for who they truly are..and dont judge cause of there sexual orientation..life is a very complicated thingy

[purplespider]

im afraid to say:

i would really LOVE to kiss you right now!

ya know..across the room this cute chick is eyeing(sp) you..and your afraid to say anything..and you just want to blurt out..i could just smother you with kisses, right this minute...but somehow you chicken out..and walk away..


sad isnt it?


ok..that what happens when you log on whilst sipping sherry! You respond to post when normally you would lerk...

gasp..brand new full time job...brand new fears..and THANKS the heavens for my bi friends online..cause sometimes you gotta vent!

hugs to ya all!

spida

[Fresia]

I'm scared this country won't exist in the future.

[elian]

I was put in an abusive situation growing up, and I liked being the female/submissive half of the relationship. It is/was really hard to admit that given the gender role I am supposed to fulfil. It has taken longer than it should to be comfortable with the idea that "being a man" is not what you see on TV..for a long time I didn't want to be one AT ALL because the male role models in my life growing up seemed like drunk, abusive assholes. They hurt people I cared about and I was too young to do anything about it.

I used to have a nasty habit of defining my own self worth by the number of good deeds I could perform. The truth is, if you aren't failing then you aren't human or you are probably setting the bar too low..but the important thing to remember is that whether you succeed or fail, the experience taught you something; and whether you succeed or fail you are still as worthy as any other part of creation.

The corallary to the drunk abusive assholes statement - It has taken me a long time to realize that there is no such thing as a knight in shining armor - at some point even knights have to take their armor off and there are often scars underneath. It's okay - because none of us are perfect, we take turns caring for each other - and that is a truly powerful, loving thing to know..that you are loved...even though you may feel lonely, you are never truly alone.

Learn to forgive, and be greatful - it can be hard.