Poly couples

[lastlaf44]

I have a few questions, but I think some explaination is in order before I ask them. Also, this is a nice way to introduce myself, as I am new to this site and the forums.

A few nights ago, through discussing an episode about polyamorous (sp?) couples on the Showcase or Life Network, I found out that my boyfriend was also bi (I'm 19, he's 23). To tell the truth, I was excited. When I assumed he was straight, I didn't love him more or less, that doesn't matter to me. But when I found out he was bi, I felt closer to him because he told *me* and because now we're both out to each other.

The episode about polyamorous couples also sparked conversation on that topic. Neither of us has been with a member of the same sex, but we would like to. This is an odd situation because we are in a long term relationship. Our relationship is still relatively new (1.5 years), but we are planning to get married in about 5 years. In our discussions, we gradually came to realize what our boundaries were. After all, polyamory can only work for certain couples. From what I've seen, the relationship has to be very close and trusting for things to work properly. You also have to find the right person(s). It sounds odd, but I don't think I could see him with another woman...in fact, I know I would be jealous. On the other hand, I don't think I would have any problem at all seeing him with a man. In fact, I would find it extremely hot! My boyfriend came to the same conclusion about me. He thinks he would get jealous if he saw me with another man, but would be turned on to see me with a girl. We don't want a long term relationship with another couple, just a friendship up to and eventually including sex. We're not ready to post a profile or be with another couple yet...but I want to do the research because it is something we would like to do at some point.

As I get to the part where I want to ask some questions, I realize that I'm really just looking for advice. This is so completely new to him and I. I don't know how to make it work. How to find people that we can get along with, are attracted to, are safe, and discreet but friendly. Good people. How will I know when our relationship has matured enough to start looking for another couple? Any helpful advice is very much welcome. Thank you for reading my incredibly long post!

~Last Laugh~

[his wife]

Seems to me you have most of it thought out. At least you are both open with each other and have a good line of cimmunication, that is a very key factor. Another thing you said was also true, polyamory works for SOME, and also that it is ultimately you and he that sets the boundaries within your relationship. Jealousy can and will play a huge factor if you aren't totatlly comfortable as you approach your boundaries, but love and trust build as the relationship grows.
As far advice, just this, don't look for sex partners, look for friends, sex can always come at a later date. It is safer and will weed out those simply looking for a quick thrill. Being here (the site) is a good opportunity to become friends with someone of similiar interests to your own, just be patient and not rush into things head strong.

Julie

[BonobosRule]

As a poly person for 8 yrs and in a poly relationship for the last 4, I can tell you that jealosy is to be expected. It's not bad or good, it just is. It's how you deal with it that is bad or good. Talking through jealosy is one of the best ways to deepen your relationship. So take it slow and keep talking to each other. Best of luck.

[DÆMØN]

Coupple Poly Threads out there too... peeky thru the forum...


The poly pride flag consists of three equal horizontal colored stripes with a symbol in the center of the flag. The colors of the stripes, from top to bottom, are as follows: blue, representing the openness and honesty among all partners with which we conduct our multiple relationships; red, representing love and passion; and black, representing solidarity with those who, though they are open and honest with all participants of their relationships, must hide those relationships from the outside world due to societal pressures. The symbol in the center of the flag is a gold Greek lowercase letter 'pi', as the first letter of 'polyamory'. The letter's gold color represents the value that we place on the emotional attachment to others, be the relationship friendly or romantic in nature, as opposed to merely primarily physical relationships.

Courtesy of Jim Evans.

[SweetBlackAngel]

Coupple Poly Threads out there too... peeky thru the forum...


The poly pride flag consists of three equal horizontal colored stripes with a symbol in the center of the flag. The colors of the stripes, from top to bottom, are as follows: blue, representing the openness and honesty among all partners with which we conduct our multiple relationships; red, representing love and passion; and black, representing solidarity with those who, though they are open and honest with all participants of their relationships, must hide those relationships from the outside world due to societal pressures. The symbol in the center of the flag is a gold Greek lowercase letter 'pi', as the first letter of 'polyamory'. The letter's gold color represents the value that we place on the emotional attachment to others, be the relationship friendly or romantic in nature, as opposed to merely primarily physical relationships.

Courtesy of Jim Evans.

I'd seen this flag and wondered about its meaning. Very cool. Thanks for sharing this information. :bipride:

[Sex in Words]

There will be an article on poly posted by the end of the month. It is being worked on by the author as we speak!

[lastlaf44]

Thank you all for advice and insight! I think I will really enjoy exploring this site and the forums. :) I'm not "out" yet, but I think that an online community like this is a great way to begin feeling more comfortable with my bisexuality.

~Last Laugh~