I like my sexuality to be private.

[Lorcan]

"I like my sexuality to be private."

To that i say that the hets can blare there sexuality across the room without any thought of repercussions from their peers. A man in the midst of men can say "she's hot!...i know she wants me!". A women can say to her girlfriend, "i think he's cute, don't you?" They can talk about their girlfriend/boyfriend or spouses. They can blare it on their radio... on their TV. They can ask a person to married them on the wide screen TV at a football field!

I submit to you that the only reason we feel we need to keep our sexuality private is because the hets (and some of the G & L) don't condone it.



(besides.. if LDD can flame, i can too :rolleyes: )

[biwords]

I submit to you that the only reason we feel we need to keep our sexuality private is because the hets (and some of the G & L) don't condone it.

That's part of the answer, but not all of it. I know plenty of straights who keep their sexual lives and attractions private, and would as soon urinate in public as say (your example) "she's hot....I know she wants me!".

[Long Duck Dong]

roflmao

do you wish to be seen as lorcan the person or as lorcan the bisexual.....

[Lorcan]

roflmao

do you wish to be seen as lorcan the person or as lorcan the bisexual.....


I see the hets as people, and i see the hets as heterosexuals. They are heterosexual people.

I am a person, and i am bisexual. I am a bisexual person. And I will do the same thing as hets do: I will talk about my lovers. I will talk about who's cute.

equally right?

[Lorrie]

Come to Portland Oregon; you can be very open about your sexuality here.

Our city theme: Keep Portland Weird! was changed for Pride Weekend to Keep Portland Queer!

[JoyJoyHollywood]

Well, I can only say that I kept it private because while I was being raised it was made very clear to me that any female who engaged in homosexual activities was "disgusting" and "insane." That if I were to ever have such thoughts, it was never to be spoken of. That if I ever suffered from such delusions I needed therapy. So, I kept my midnight forrays very discreet and I did a very impressive job of telling myself that I was straight and just very kinky. And I did that for about eight years until just recently I figured out that I am in fact not straight at all. And my habits have since slowly begun to slip out into view. So much so in fact that after coming home from a day out with a friend I was welcomed home with lovely greeting of "lesbian" in a very disappointed and disgusted tone.

And then I popped my top like Pompeii. I wrote a manifesto in bright red ink in a very bold font detailing exactly what behaviors were from now on acceptable and not acceptable in regard to how I was to be treated and exactly what was going to happen if such conditions were not met. I then proceeded to duck tape said manifesto to the t.v. that aforementioned family was sleeping in front of. (If you ever want something to be read duck tape it across the television set and make sure it totally blocks the screen-apparently it works rather well.) I think I may have let my little secret out of the bag when I signed it "Your dear Lesbian/Clambaker/Dyke Daughter!!!!!" Yes, I think I may have been a bit indiscreet with that one. Said family suffered temporary memory loss for a few days.

And since then, I've been living in the (expletive) Twilight Zone. Apparently the very behavior that has been the epidomy of disgrace for 25 years is now acceptable. We are "cool." Now, while I'm very happy about this turn of events I can't help feel like this is a trick. Some sneaky form of subterfuge designed to lull me into a false sense of security so Rob Serling can jump out of my closet, pull a bag over my head and send my off to the gay Gauntanamo Bay. I almost wish they still didn't know so I could relax and find my bearings in this very foreign place that I like to call Not Homophobic Bizarro World.

So, I guess this makes me "out." The boss knows. The friends know. The family knows.

That being said I would also like to state that I do not feel comfortable announcing it everyone of my aquaintance, for a few reasons. One being that I don't want the homophobic women that I work with to have any reason to find fault with my job. Or the ignorant (expletive) guys at my job to have any more of a reason to make crude sexual comments.

But another important reason is......it is nobody's business but my own. Yes, it is private. It belongs to me alone. I own it. It is not for public display. It is not for public pleasure or displeasure. It's mine. And I don't like to share.

And I'm just as much "het" as I am a homosexual. Where I lay my lines to catch some fish depends entirely on my mood. So, I guess when one says that the het's do this and that......then you mean me. I guess when it's said that the G's and the L's do so and so......you also mean me.

[the mage]

It takes some life experience to figure out the course of action on this one.
Yes, I agree your sex life should be private. Most people would agree.
however in order to get laid you have to come out to someone, the trick is to correctly judge those you can trust and those you can't.

Work "friends" and acquaintances should know nothing...ever. Outright lies told to protect your financial position in life (regarding your personal stuff that is) are to my mind perfectly acceptable.

You'll find the real friends in life are the ones you can trust with info like this. They are rare. As rare as the lovers we all seek. The ones you can tell, yet not actually play with are people you can be lifelong friends with.
Your family is not necessarily those people.

[miamiuu]

I'm a private person in general. I tell people what I want them to know. I usually find it annoying though when people ask me if im gay out of curiosity. Now if you have possible intentions maybe you will get an honest answer from me, but I'm not gonna tell you stuff to satisfy your curiosity.

[rmorti]

I agree with Mia in a different way, although I still have yet to tell anyone I may be Bi, one thing that would bug me is if I go to a gay bar looking for some action of the same sex variety people would think I am gay. Their is a lot of mist about that barrier inbetween.
Then again I change almost all the time, one min I really want to try being with a guy, next min it almost makes me sick, same in a way with girls, I wanna rip some sexy girls thong off and shag her crazy and sometimes not in the mood at all.
The one thing that I do like to see as "cool" is the idea that we can shag two people on the go one of each gender, whether I will do that I still dont know but its an interesting and new thought.
I know my friends are open minded enough to be down with it all, I am just scared that if I have a relationship with a girl, i'll need to get secret kicks with a guy and although I don't see myself in reltationships with guys (i think it'll just be sex I want them for as i find the rest weird in my opinion) If I did get witha guy properly, i'll need kicks from girls. Thats my biggest fear of being Bi

[FerociousFeline]

[QUOTE=JoyJoyHollywood] So, I guess this makes me "out." The boss knows. The friends know. The family knows.

That being said I would also like to state that I do not feel comfortable announcing it everyone of my aquaintance, for a few reasons. One being that I don't want the homophobic women that I work with to have any reason to find fault with my job. Or the ignorant (expletive) guys at my job to have any more of a reason to make crude sexual comments. QUOTE]


Thank you very much for this post. This has been helpful to me. I am in a situation which because of someone's best intentions, (my best friend) and some work I'm doing inside a mens group, I have seemingly suffered the experience of being "outted" against my will, to an unknown number of people throughout the company I work for. Complicating this is the variable that although I can sense the flying rumors, and have to live daily with the small comments here and there, (like "hello misses feline", or hey seniorita") I have no solid information on who knows what. It's interesting because although it has caused me a great deal of personal stress, the end result is that I am being forced to reconcile with myself about all of this because apparently in my work environment opinions have already been made and it is affecting the way that other employees behave around me. Add to this the situation of my family who have shifted gears from telling me that they want grandchildren to suddenly getting that hurt look on their face and telling me that "I'm sure that you'll find a partner or girlfriend or whatever" which on the surface sounds like acceptance from them, but rings with the energy of them wearing kid gloves and treating me like I'm damaged. Add to this the unknown variable of my ex who has information which she may or may not be spreading through the company about me and I think you will understand why I have been so fricking twitchy these last few months. The irony of course is that I have never actually ever even had a male lover. I have felt cornered and outted against my will, I feel judged and I have no idea what if any impact this has had on my ability to advance in the company. The upside is that I am beginning to relax into it a bit, as, at this point it appears I have nothing to lose by moving forward and engaging in the behavior that I have had the scarlet letter branded me over. Of course, the most interesting aspect of this to me personally, is, after all this crap, what happens if I have an experience and I discover it's not for me? (laughing)

Life is strange.

[dafydd]

[QUOTE=JoyJoyHollywood] So, I guess this makes me "out." The boss knows. The friends know. The family knows.

That being said I would also like to state that I do not feel comfortable announcing it everyone of my aquaintance, for a few reasons. One being that I don't want the homophobic women that I work with to have any reason to find fault with my job. Or the ignorant (expletive) guys at my job to have any more of a reason to make crude sexual comments. QUOTE]


Thank you very much for this post. This has been helpful to me. I am in a situation which because of someone's best intentions, (my best friend) and some work I'm doing inside a mens group, I have seemingly suffered the experience of being "outted" against my will, to an unknown number of people throughout the company I work for. Complicating this is the variable that although I can sense the flying rumors, and have to live daily with the small comments here and there, (like "hello misses feline", or hey seniorita") I have no solid information on who knows what. It's interesting because although it has caused me a great deal of personal stress, the end result is that I am being forced to reconcile with myself about all of this because apparently in my work environment opinions have already been made and it is affecting the way that other employees behave around me. Add to this the situation of my family who have shifted gears from telling me that they want grandchildren to suddenly getting that hurt look on their face and telling me that "I'm sure that you'll find a partner or girlfriend or whatever" which on the surface sounds like acceptance from them, but rings with the energy of them wearing kid gloves and treating me like I'm damaged. Add to this the unknown variable of my ex who has information which she may or may not be spreading through the company about me and I think you will understand why I have been so fricking twitchy these last few months. The irony of course is that I have never actually ever even had a male lover. I have felt cornered and outted against my will, I feel judged and I have no idea what if any impact this has had on my ability to advance in the company. The upside is that I am beginning to relax into it a bit, as, at this point it appears I have nothing to lose by moving forward and engaging in the behavior that I have had the scarlet letter branded me over. Of course, the most interesting aspect of this to me personally, is, after all this crap, what happens if I have an experience and I discover it's not for me? (laughing)

Life is strange.#]

Keep weathering the storm. Your courage will help people. Be yourself. As hard as it might sound, you must forget about the opinions of those against and know that change happens slowly. best wishes ferocious

d

[onewhocares]

Well, I have never really had anyone question my sexuality, well sort of. I am straight, but because of my looks....I am six feet tall, blonde, hazel eyes, and well built like a linebacker for the Jets. I am not the most femine, so on occassion I do get mistaken for a dyke. When I get hit on, I say thank you and move on. I have met lots of really nice women.

I do not think my sexuality is something that I wear on my sleeve. I would not have any problem discussing it if I were asked.

Belle

[rmorti]

I just like to think, whilst sexuality can bring you pain,stress,depression it can also bring you love,happiness,a new beginning and overall is one of the most beautiful things to ever experience or go through, whether it changes/stays the same or is just all over the place.
You only live once, may aswell enjoy everything you can. Who knows, If i get bored I may move onto animals... (yes that was a joke probably a poor one but meh)

[lucky7]

I haven't told anyone because of fear. Fear of not being accepted, kind of, but mostly fear of finding my true identity, and hating myself afterwards. I was wathching a show on bisexuality, and they stated that most women who are bisexual aren't initially physical or sexual about their feelings, but are more so emotional. I always used the excuse that I never had the intention, or want, to sleep with a woman, therefore making me heterosexual. That was, of course, until last night when the show stated that many woman identify with their bisexuality by falling in love with another woman. I actually cried in the moments of the show, because everything began to make sense. I don't know which identity I lean more towards, and I think it will take much more time to figure it out. All that I know is that I am not a very sexual person, in mindset, so this "discovery" as you will is pretttty shocking.

[coyotedude]

Lorcan, I agree with you up to a point. Most straight folks are not comfortable with bis or gays or lesbians or others trumpeting their sexuality. Most of us still do live in societies where there is still little tolerance for sexuality outside the box (and to hell with any notion of acceptance). And it just plain sucks.

But I don't think that's the whole story, either. I think I do see where LDD is coming from, although I don't entirely agree with him, either. I do think his main point -- that we are human beings and that is the only label that ultimately matters -- is spot on. (Where I find myself disagreeing with LDD is that I think he takes his argument too far in criticizing the desire for bisexuals to share a sense of community among themselves. But that discussion is for his thread, not this one.)

As for me, I personally don't feel the need to trumpet my sexuality one way or the other. I don't go out of my way to announce to the masses "I AM BISEXUAL! BWAH HAH HAH HAH!" (DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM). But it's not because I'm ashamed of being bisexual; it's simply because it's no one's business whether I fuck a man or a woman.

But I also believe that saying to a guy friend, "Yeah, that lady has a hot rack!" or "Yeah, I wanna lay that chick" is just flat disrespectful. I just hate it. It's one thing to appreciate, I suppose; but objectifying women (or men, for that matter) as sexual "meat" is one of my personal pet peeves.

Just my :2cents: ....

Peace

[coyotedude]

And for lucky (and everyone else in that situation).... I feel for ya!

Just remember this:

There is nothing wrong with falling in love with someone with the same plumbing as you! There is nothing wrong with lust for the same gender, either.

Just like there is nothing wrong with falling in love with someone with different plumbing from you!

Sex is awesome, of course, but it's not just about sex. It's about love, and partnership, and all that mushy crap.

Good luck!

Peace

[FerociousFeline]

Thanks DafyDD,

I am doing well with the love and support of people like you. You make the world a better place.

oh, and btw, did you happen to see the incredible FOOT on coyotedude? OMG he's so hot! ; )



^..^~
FF

[AdamKadmon43]

Thank you very much for this post. This has been helpful to me. I am in a situation which because of someone's best intentions, (my best friend) and some work I'm doing inside a mens group, I have seemingly suffered the experience of being "outted" against my will
I do not ever volunteer any information to people in general about my sexual procivities because I do not believe that it is any of their business what I do in the privacy of my bedroom. And I do not much appreciate having other people try to help me out, and generally they do not. But sometimes rumors get started, and people that you deal with get curious about you. Most especially if you are in your 40's like me and you do not happen to have a wife and a couple of kids. I used to go to great extremes to deny that I was anything other than totally heterosexual, but anymore I have quit worrying about it. And I am fortunate enough to be in a position where I do not have to worry about it. One of the few (and very few) benefits of owning your own business is that you do not have to give a flying fuck about what your fellow workers think of you in areas that do not relate to the job. If they have any problem with what I do with my private life, then they are perfectly free to seek employment elsewhere.

All that having been said, just try to hang in there and don't let the bastards get to you. And keep in mind that you always have a really great bunch of supportive people in here to listen to you and try to help you out if you need them to.

Adam

[Long Duck Dong]

I keep my sexuality a unguarded *secret *

the main reason is that I confuse people.... I am bisexual but I am not sexually active

to most peoples understanding, to be bisexual means that I sleep with males and females ( actually I sleep with my cat ) and for me to say that I am bisexual but celibate, is something that a lot of people struggle to understand

while I was sexually active, my sexuality, again, was not a secret, but my bedroom habits were a secret......people knew that I was bisexual, they just didn't know about my sexual encounters.... and thats the way I wish to keep it lol

the main reason why I avoid saying I am bisexual ( unless the situation calls for me to tell people ) is that saying I am a celibate bisexual, is hell on earth to explain... and simply is beyond the ability of most people to understand lol

[Lorcan]

Thank you for all your posts.

Actually it's not my "SEX LIFE" that i want everyone to know (although some do :rolleyes: ). It's the simple fact that i've dated boys and girls and i'm attracted to them both.

I don't know of any heterosexual who would keep it a secret that they date the opposite sex and they are attracted to them.

For all things to be equal I should be able to tell people comfortably, in the course of "normal" conversation, that kind of stuff. But all things aren't equal.

[DiamondDog]

I'm out to my family, friends, doctor, and at work environments I've been out to my bosses/managers and co-workers.

It's really not that big of a deal to me and there are laws that protect you from being fired if you're gay/bi, and if anyone does have a problem with it (people don't really and are actually OK and fine with it), it's their problem not mine.

I don't go around telling everyone who I meet at first but most people can figure it out and if they ask then I tell and again it's not a big deal.

If people ask if I'm bi/gay, I don't lie or deny it and stay in the closet, or get evasive and answer their question with a question, or not answer their question at all.

If someone reads me as gay/bi/non-hetero it's seriously not a big deal to me since it's been happening for years. Also some people can tell because they'll see me looking at both men and women who I find attractive or they can read my face when I see a hot man, and again I don't try to deny it if they ask if I'm bi/gay or anything.

I do date and have relationships with men and I don't try to hide it or not take my male dates to places where I could see friends of mine, and of course my family knows I date/have relationships with men.

Yes I do kiss and hold hands with men in public just like I would if I were dating a woman. :)

It's not a big deal to me to tell people which men and women who I think are hot or cute and most people can tell when I am interested in a guy and sometimes they can tell with women even if I don't say anything about it.

Yes you can be out as a bisexual/queer male and not suffer any ill repercussions because of it. I am and so are many of my friends, and so is the first guy I had sex with as an adult.