Heartbreaking friendship

[Gracy]

I had a friendship that lasted from the summer before 4th grade until mid 11th grade. We were best friends until the summer before 11th grade and were extremely close. The only other relationship I can really compare it to is that of the one between me and my fiance. The main differences are the physical relationship, plans to start a family together, and not seeing other people. Everything else such as the commitment, emotional intimacy, and trust, were all there. This friend of mine was always proud of being weird and different, but by 16, she seemed to just want to fit in so she could make more friends. This led to her being very fake. There were times when she was so fake, I had to walk away from the situation. What kept me being friends with her was that she was herself when around only me, and our relationship was still important to her. But by 11th grade, that all started to change. We spent less time together and I was no longer important to her. In December of that year, we had a sleep over to discuss everything that had happened. This was supposed to fix things, but instead it simply gave us perspective and we went our separate ways. Now at 19, I look back on our relationship and I'm still heart broken. They say you never get over your first love. Perhaps this is true even if your first love was from a platonic friendship.

[DiamondDog]

*hugs*
sorry to hear that but we've all been there.

I had a crush on two of my best male friends growing up and the one I would be sexual with (No, it wasn't molestation or rape or anything at all like that) and they both turned out to be hetero.

As an adult there is a gay male friend of mine who I'm VERY close with and who I love and he knows this.

If he ever wanted a relationship with me I'd want to eventually be his devoted husband or at least be his boyfriend/partner and move in with him.

We just click that well as best friends and besides our queer sexuality. We have the same values, the same type of humor, the same interests, and we connect very well on an intellectual level.

One of us can be having the worst day ever and call the other one up and talk to the other person and change the day from being the worst to being not that bad.

Also we can talk about any subject and it's not that big of a deal.

When I first moved away from him it was hard and I cried a lot because I feared that he wouldn't want to be my friend and that he'd just leave me and stop being friends with me like another now ex friend of mine did.

He's monogamous and completely vanilla and neither of these things bother me. If I were with him I wouldn't need to do BDSM or have other male or female sex partners, and I wouldn't want anyone else except him.

No, we've never had sex or dated, even if everyone thinks that we have, or that we're somehow "together" in a relationship.

I don't see us ever having this type of relationship that I've described with him being my partner/boyfriend/husband but we both know this.

I'm glad that I'm at least friends with him and that he provides a template for people who I'd like to have this sort of relationship with.

I like women at least sexually and I have fallen in love with them but just not as deeply as how I've written about falling in love with my male friend and other men who I'm friends with or who I've dated.

There are other men and a few women who I've felt this way about who I met as an adult; but I don't feel like writing more about them here. :)

[innaminka]

How close can one get to another person in a week?

The friendship I'm thinking of was with a woman my age I met when I was sponsored (by my own company - but don't tell the tax office!!) to participate in a week's Adventure camp. The place companies send executives to to "bond" and "find the inner self" and best of all - become "team players."

Anyway i partnered a Canadian girl (both mid 30's) and over the week the friendship became far more intense than I'd ever known before. (I am a natural "loner.")
At the end we parted and have never seen each other again. At the time I was depressed as I knew that something special had to end. I'd been a bit like the ostrich with its head in the sand. Of course there was no "after."
she was Canadian married with 2, same as me, 'cept melbourne is 10000 km away.
I think I built myself a little bit of a fool's paradise.
Fortunately I got over it quite quickly - but deep down I know, that not only was it a friendship made in Heaven - we would have been the perfect lovers.

[dafydd]

*hugs*
sorry to hear that but we've all been there.

I had a crush on two of my best male friends growing up and the one I would be sexual with (No, it wasn't molestation or rape or anything at all like that) and they both turned out to be hetero.

As an adult there is a gay male friend of mine who I'm VERY close with and who I love and he knows this.

If he ever wanted a relationship with me I'd want to eventually be his devoted husband or at least be his boyfriend/partner and move in with him.

We just click that well as best friends and besides our queer sexuality. We have the same values, the same type of humor, the same interests, and we connect very well on an intellectual level.

One of us can be having the worst day ever and call the other one up and talk to the other person and change the day from being the worst to being not that bad.

Also we can talk about any subject and it's not that big of a deal.

When I first moved away from him it was hard and I cried a lot because I feared that he wouldn't want to be my friend and that he'd just leave me and stop being friends with me like another now ex friend of mine did.

He's monogamous and completely vanilla and neither of these things bother me. If I were with him I wouldn't need to do BDSM or have other male or female sex partners, and I wouldn't want anyone else except him.

No, we've never had sex or dated, even if everyone thinks that we have, or that we're somehow "together" in a relationship.

I don't see us ever having this type of relationship that I've described with him being my partner/boyfriend/husband but we both know this.

I'm glad that I'm at least friends with him and that he provides a template for people who I'd like to have this sort of relationship with.

I like women at least sexually and I have fallen in love with them but just not as deeply as how I've written about falling in love with my male friend and other men who I'm friends with or who I've dated.

There are other men and a few women who I've felt this way about who I met as an adult; but I don't feel like writing more about them here. :)

I'm so glad I don't feel this was about a gay male friend of mine. I don't think I could stand it. I don't fancy any of my gay male friends on any level. What about everyone else? Do we love/lust after our same-sex mates?

d
:three:

[ForbiddenWindow]

I put forward my first serious post in here. Congrats to me.

*insert serious thought*

Sometimes life takes us on different roads, who we hang out with, changes us as a person. Sometimes its just our identity that changes because as humans we adapt. To almost every situation. As humanity we are versatile and want to be included.

Time changes everybody to what they've been through. My first serious relationship lasted 4 years untill my dad moved my family away. It hurt alot.
and I know how hard it is to loose somebody. I feel u on that one.

Its amazing how time does actually change people, it can be for the better or for the worst. I went back to my hometown and didnt even recognize my first girlfriend.

But for now, meet new people and make new friends, you can never have enough right? Trust me there are really cool people out there. Stand strong and you'll get through it. Just dont revert to your inverse self.

Thats all the advice i have, hope things get better.
FW.

[Herbwoman39]

Oh I get this completely. I have a friend (my best friend on the planet) that I've known for 12 years. We've been through everything together and I love her dearly. No, we've never had sex or even kissed. She's the one who coined the phrase "so straight I have trouble turning corners". She's also the one who freaked and stopped talking to me for a while when I came out.

Our relationship wasn't quite the same after that. But after two years we're almost back to where we were. So I know what it's like to lose someone you love. I was just fortunate to be able to get her back over time.

I think there's a grieving process similar to breaking up when things like this happen. It always hurts to lose someone you love, regardless of the relationship.

I think, in reality, the thing that helped the most is that her middle daughter came out as Bi not long before I came out and she saw that her daughter was still the same person. :2cents:

I'm sorry you're mourning. The ache *will* lessen with time. I still occasionally think about someone I loved (and still have affection for) sometimes and wonder where I'd be.

[deletetacount123]

I know how you feel :(

I had a friend in highschool who I met when I was 16 and she was 15.... how we met is my favortie memory. I had a crush on her too and it was clear she had one on me but we never did anything but were comfortable with each other.

We were best of friends... then this new girl came durning our last year of highschool.... I hated her... I thought this new girl was bad influences (she was).... but my friend was getting into the bad influences stage THEN she was playing games.
Like she would hang out with me ONLY CAUSE her other friends were all busy... then when she was with them, she pretended she wasn't my friend.
Finally I had it... I told her we were done, and she COULD contact me again when she grew up if she wanted. lol

2 years go by, I had ran into her brother somewhere and we got to talking.... well, he probably told his sister cause the next thing I knew she had emailed me!! It was loooooooooooong.... she regretted how our friendship ended cause she had realized I was one of her more better friends she needed.

We are now best friends again lol She knows Im out although she said "oh, I already knew that......" hehe (she knew I was a lesbian long before I had realized)

Shes a good friend now, she really has "grown up" from her school days. She doesn't like to talk about her school years much now... I think she still feels badly how she treated me in the last year of school :( But hey.... if your meant to STAY friends.... you will end up staying friends.

-------------------------

Another friend (Heather) of mine, whos now my ex friend.... we had been friends for 18 years but shes always "too busy" these days to bother staying in touch.
She didn't seen to have fun durning the flordia trip she came with me on back in Jan..... She was to into texting her friend back in Ontario. I thought it was rude on her end... we didn't see each other much in person yet she saw her friends back home every day.
Heck, I had my blackberry with me too but I didn't use it!

This trip was also a trip friend above (Andrea) grew jealous of Heather over ..... I reminded Andrea she was going on her own cruise trip with her cousin just before I went on mine and both trips had been planned around the same time)

Anyway the thing with Heather... we just grew apart I guess. She doesn't want to keep in contact so thats ok with me I tired.

Meanwhile, my friendship with Andrea seems stronger....... I think life sometimes has ways of showing who your REAL friends are.... people you're not meant to be friends with will drift away.
Every friendship however will have its troubles.... sometimes its over, other times you're back as friends again.

[deeTM]

My own thought to this...

I don't have too many people that I consider true friends. I know quite a few people that I'm friendly with though. It seems to me that people tend to drift in and out of friendships. I've only had a few friends that I've known for an extremely long time. The few friends I have though, I know that I can love/trust/rely on. I don't think I've had more than about six true friends at any given time. Everyone else, they just drifted away... Or was it me.

Hmmm, maybe I got too serious there but I don't want to erase what I said. Gracy, I feel for you doll. Much love to you.

Dee.