Not satisfied with one

[Kateaclysmic]

Hi, I just signed up today, so hi all. :)

I have a problem. I have a boyfriend who I love, and don't want to break up with... ever. He's the perfect guy.

But no guy will ever satisfy my need for a female. And by the same token, no female will ever give me what I crave from a man.

I know it's wrong to cheat (and my boyfriend doesn't consider it cheating if I do stuff with a female anyway), but I can't stand not having a girl. I do love him and I want to be faithful to him, but guys and girls are completely different, they both appeal to me for different reasons, and no matter who I'm with, I'll still crave the other. I feel longings all the time. I don't know what to do.

Can anyone help me, please? I'm completely confused as to what to do. :(

[Bella12]

Hi,
I've only just signed up to the site too. Kateaclysmic, what you said in your post is pretty much exactly how I feel, and I guess quite a common occurence but comforting to hear... I'm engaged and I love my fiance more than anything. He doesn't consider encounters with girls cheating either and I totally understand the urge you feel. I think being with a women provides something so special. But I still feel conflicted and haven't fully acted on anything... Thanks for your post...

[biwoman]

Have either of you considered looking into polyamory? Talk to your mates about a triad relationship and see what he thinks

[Mistya]

Kateaclysmic and Bella12,

Doing the happy dance...I had to stop in and say hello and I think we should be celebrating folks! We have a few great things in common here...being bi, having open-honest communication with our significant others and this site of course :flag1:

If your fiance or boyfriend accepts you for who you are, then it seems to me that you have an opportunity to have the best of both worlds. Alot of couples can be open about there needs or desires for being bi and find commfort in living this way. Some men and women do not consider it cheating if it is a relationship with the same gender, so no harm no foul there.

I don't know if you are talking about seperate affairs or mutual interest in another woman but whatever you and the b/f or fiance agree to as your boundaries...then I think you both will have a fulfilling life together.

My hubby has always known about my bi-ness and I will always have feelings for a woman that I have been intimate with. Yes he knows her and they were friends before I met the both of them at work. We have talked in detail about having a girlfriend in our lives...I say 'ours' since she would be in our daily lives.

My opinion and advice...take your time and since you have your primary partners in your lives...talk talk talk. There has to be communication on both sides. I think there is strength in honesty especially when your feeling and emotions are involved.

Take care of the ones you love....best regards...JJ :bigrin:

[m.in.heels&hose]

hello and welcome to both kateaclysmic, and bella too
i am a married man in a the same situation as you are, my wife does not mind if a i "date" other men, she does not concider this chaeting as i told her that i was bi when we were dating, and iwe do love each other very much and as long as i tell up front when i am going out (no surprises,no secrets) this has worked out very well for us in our 12 years of marriage

good luck to the both of you, and again, welcome to the site
hope to see you both in chat real soon!
m.in.heels&hose (aka mihh) :)

[kcunderwhere]

Welcome everyone! If you've got a few minutes (hours...?), a big cup of coffee and maybe some tylenol - check out the many other threads on this topic.

If I may be so presumptuous - I think the general consensus on the site is that you don't do anything without the express knowledge and understanding of your partner. However, communication is the key - and anything is OK as long as it is understood and agreed upon by everyone.

[Lyon1369]

My heart goes out to both of you. I know how you feel. I too am longing for the company of a same sex partner as well as wanting to hold on to my current partner.
I am married to a wonderful woman who knows all about me. She is supportive and comfortable. The reason it works for us is, like everyone else has said, Open communication.
You love your BF, you want a GF. So sit down and talk to him. tell him your feelings. Tell him your longings. Tell him what you want. (There is nothing that says you can only be with one. You may find someone that both of you get along with and can both enjoy.)
THEN, Listen to him. See where he is comming from. and GO SLOW. There is no rush. Be open to his responses.
Have faith in your relationship.
And if he needs someone to talk to, introduce him to this site. There are lots of spouses/SOs of Bis on here who he can bounce his feelings off if he needs.
I wish you the best of luck, Welcome to the community, and happy hunting.
Bi4now
Lyon :bibounce: :bipride: :bibounce:

[Bella12]

Hi all,
Thanks so much for your responses, it's a big help to have someone to talk to about all this stuff! I guess right now i just feel shit scared because I love my fiance so much and feel like nothing is worth potentially stuffing up our relationship but I guess I have had bisexual feelings since I was about 13, I'm now 20 and they aren't going away :) I guess what scares me most is the fact that I'm not just interested in sex with a woman, I crave the special relationship that we could have but I don't want to betray my fiance. I guess you're right and with talking we might be able to work it out. But what do you guys think about the possible emotional minefield here? How have other people negotiated this? Thanks so much for your input, this site is really supportive... :)

[Kateaclysmic]

Thank you to everyone, you've all helped. :)

Sorry kcunderwhere, I had a bit of a squiz first at the current topics, but didn't see one like this. Forgive me, I'm a n00b :tongue:

The current situation is that as I said, he doesn't mind me kissing girls, and I have discussed a threesome with him and he's possibly agreed (it would depend on the girl, of course!), however just like Bella, I don't even necessarily want to have sex with a girl. If I were going out with a girl then of course, but it's not sex I crave, it's the actual relationship and butterflies in my stomach and, dare I say it, love.

And also like Bella suggested, how do emotions and jealousy fit into all of this? I think it would possibly hurt my boyfriend, but he doesn't seem to think it would, and others here have said that their partners or people they know have no problems.

[DÆMØN]

TRISEXUALITY

Yep, look into Polyamory The Love style that affords the opertunity to Persue and Maintain many relationsips on social, Physical, Mental, Spritual, Sensual and sexual Levels.

There are two or three main forum threads on this topic for further information.

You may also keep your eyes peeled for : The Ethical Slut , Dossie Easton
Catherine A. Liszt. Greenery Press. $25 http://www.polychromatic.com/basic.html

Its a wonderful way to get most if not all of ones needs met on so many different levels.