A question on Inclusion

[MarieDelta]

Here I am, one of a few transwomen on this site.

Sometimes I get the feeling I am the only one.

So here's the problem - Do I fit in here?

Or do I just make everyone uncomfortable?

If you'd rather not answer here, please pm me.

Thanks so much for your time.

Marie

[TaylorMade]

<shrug>

We've had transmen here before, and they (I feel) were instrumental in expanding understanding, so why should we push away transwomen?

*Taylor*

[anne27]

You fit in as much as the rest of us, hon. None of us are 'main stream'. I know you don't make me uncomfortable, not at all. I am betting the rest of the folks feel the same way. We may not be the Brady Bunch here, but we're all 'family'. I, for one, as glad were a diverse group. Don't go thinking you're anything but welcome!

:2cents:

[Skater Boy]

lol, I guess we're ALL a bunch of "freaks" on this website by mainstream society's definition. So you fit in as much as anyone else. And you certainly don't make me feel uncomfortable... I like to think that EVERYONE is welcome here.

That said, I sometimes don't know how to act around TransGendered people in real life... its hard to explain, and I don't even know why I'm like that. Its not a disrespectful thing, because I really do have plenty of respect for these people.

But its like, when there's a noticeably TransGendered person on a busy train or bus over here, everyone gets weird... half of the people can't stop staring at him/her and the other half stare intensely out of the window or ANYWHERE apart from in the direction of the TG person. Some people even get pretty uncomfortable.

I guess "social tension" is the best way to describe it. Maybe part of it comes from ignorance. Although in many cases I doubt that there is any serious dislike for the TG person.

Anyway, I'm all for inclusion... I like the idea of meeting/speaking to a variety of interesting people.

[kneadingtom]

I say you are as welcome here as anyone else!! We are all different in one way or another. Though I do have to say I am personally confused about TG/TS. Not because I am critical, just a lack of understanding I guess.

[MarieDelta]

If I can answer any questions, you are welcome to ask and I will do my best to answer.

I don't know everything, but I have studied this fairly in depth.

[domill]

[QUOTE=Skater Boy]lol, I guess we're ALL a bunch of "freaks" on this website by mainstream society's definition. So you fit in as much as anyone else. And you certainly don't make me feel uncomfortable... I like to think that EVERYONE is welcome here.

we're all freaks indeed, acording to "normal" moral standards.

There's a room here for the most closeted people, for political activists, for bicurious shy people, for pansexual polyamourous people, sex-addicted swingers, etc. So I REALLY don't see why a transgendered person wouldn't fit in. We all have different "sexual identities", and I don't think any of us made the choice to be or become straight, bi or gay. Or being a woman in a man's body.

And that's why everybody is welcome here.

What Skater Boy says is true. Whenever I'm around a transgendered person, let's say in a bus, I kind of look away, simply because I don't want the person to feel uncomfortable (being stared at). It's a matter of empathy rather than awkwardness.

From a personal point of view, I've always accepted people for what they were (human beings).

But I believe most people don't know how to "deal" with transgendered people, because they challenge the most basic certainties about human identity: male or female. It's all about being educated/informed about how it feels like to be different.

I'd be happy to learn more about transgenderism.

[AdamKadmon43]

Considering all the crap that I have had to put up with in my life for being bisexual, I am not about to start extending those same sorts of dis-courtesies to others just because they are what they are.....

You do not make me uncomfortable at all.

And I think that you are very welcome here.... It they put up with me in here, they will put up with anybody.

Adam

[Danielle B]

I haven't posted here as much I'd have liked, but one thing that drew and kept me here was the level of acceptance here, and that everyone I noticed here agrees that "normal" is boring :)

We are all what we are, and there's no point in even trying to be anything else. People here get that to judge people because they might be somehow different from themselves is just stupid.

And BTW- you're not the only one here ;)

[Tygress75]

Welcome to the family... we put the FUN in dysFUNctional! ;)

:bigrin:

[Lorcan]

i don't have a problem with you. I can certainly see why a person would want to change genders. It's just too bad that there is no way to change into what you would have been, had you been born in the gender you prefer. If there was i would have done it.

I've found less inclusativity towards swingers and cheaters in these forums than transgendered people.

[FerociousFeline]

Marie, please hon, just relax. (wait a minute, I'll need a soapbox to stand on for this so I look extra important or something......ok...there. How's THIS?)

The reason I hang here is because by my own personal definition of my sexuality, I don't really fit into ANY of the nice neatly labeled boxes that have been provided for us to jump into. I'm different than het, different than hom and sometimes I think I'm different than bi. I have come to the conclusion that I'm just plain "sexual". If I could only make you understand how hard it has been for me to get to where I am now, then I think somehow you might feel comfort in knowing that a LOT of people have all sorts of insecurities regarding being accepted (especially regarding their sexual expression)....but that's IT now isn't it? Sexual EXPRESSION. That's really ALL it is. So look in the mirror, love yourself, become comfortable with yourself and train yourself not to need external validation at all. YOU are the only person that matters when it comes needing validation, and beyond that, who cares what anyone else thinks? One thing is for certain. As we all learn to accept and love ourselves and become comfortable with ourselves, others become comfortable with us. Make sense? So, relax, kick your feet up and join in. Drew has created an environment here where all of us can learn about others, and therefore ourselves, and the sharing of our knowledge and our pain gives us strength, courage to be who we are, and understanding that it's all good. Okay?

(((HUGS)))

FF

[AdamKadmon43]

... So look in the mirror, love yourself, become comfortable with yourself and train yourself not to need external validation at all. YOU are the only person that matters when it comes needing validation, and beyond that, who cares what anyone else thinks? One thing is for certain. As we all learn to accept and love ourselves and become comfortable with ourselves, others become comfortable with us.
FF
THANKS A LOT....I took your advice and now I have managed to become madly and passionately in love with my self. I can not sleep at night for thinking about myself, and my days have become pre-occupied with visions of how happy me and myself would be together. I have even gone so far as to try to find some state or municipality that would allow me to marry my self.

My friends have all abandoned me, and they think that I have become very odd and it is all your fault.

Adam

[Herbwoman39]

Marie, as far as I'm concerned you're a person just like everybody else. You're sweet, funny and make intelligent comments on the forum. *I* think you fit in just fine here.

We're all, at one time, fearful and apprehensive about where we fit in. Thank Drew (I'd say thank God, but Drew's responsible for giving us all a home) for creating this safe haven where everyone regardless of (fill in the blank) is welcome.

Yourself included.

[JoyJoyHollywood]

Here I am, one of a few transwomen on this site.

Sometimes I get the feeling I am the only one.

So here's the problem - Do I fit in here?

Or do I just make everyone uncomfortable?

If you'd rather not answer here, please pm me.

Thanks so much for your time.

Marie

Of course you fit in! You have some of the best posts in all the forums! Your smart, interesting and cool! Hey-I think you fit in great! Your one of the people that I look for in response to any post.

Make me feel uncomfortable? HA! I love your poetry and responses. You have a really deep mind.

Of course I'll aswer you-I think your great.

Please don't feel alone. I think your fabulous.

And I'll have you know that I love transwomen. Almost every single one that I've ever know has been a pleasure to be around. In fact, I even was a girlfriend to one for a while. And I think that most of them were prettier and more well behaved than most of the biologically born women I've known. Some of my best behavior was learned form them.

Don't listen to any scrut about how any one would be uncomfortable around you. They aren't uncomfortable around you-they are uncomfortable because your new, different and cool. Your just making them feel shy because they are curious about you and want to ask you a thousand questions and they feel like they are being rude. Your like a (expletive) iPhone. Their all are very interested in you. Not because your a "freak," but because your special and unique to them.

Your fine and you make the world a better place with your presence.

[onewhocares]

Well Marie, I may be biased, but I welcome you as a smart, whitty, compassionate woman. You are a woman and I am proud to have you as my sister. I have the pleasure of being anamoured with man who is in transition to become a woman. I feel blessed with her company. I see her as a person. Others may feel uneasy, and I do believe it is because they do not know how to act. They need to grow and be accepting.

Belle

[dafydd]

Well Marie, I may be biased, but I welcome you as a smart, whitty, compassionate woman. You are a woman and I am proud to have you as my sister. I have the pleasure of being anamoured with man who is in transition to become a woman. I feel blessed with her company. I see her as a person. Others may feel uneasy, and I do believe it is because they do not know how to act. They need to grow and be accepting.

Belle


In the 1990's transpeople were struggling to get a foot hold or even recognition as part of the LGBT label. Now they're flying in the UK in employment law, Transyouth, partner rights, and not just in legislation but also society's recognition of them. Funnily enough it is the B that is constantly missing from the LGBT umbrella. Now it's time to fight for the Bs. :)
don't worry Marie, I enjoy your posts and presence here.

D

[Skater Boy]

What Skater Boy says is true. Whenever I'm around a transgendered person, let's say in a bus, I kind of look away, simply because I don't want the person to feel uncomfortable (being stared at). It's a matter of empathy rather than awkwardness.

Yeah, exactly. I'm not one of those people who stares and points, like some of the straight folk. Or worse, when they start whispering to eachother and giggling.

But everyone is welcome on this website.

[MarieDelta]

Thank you all so much for your responses.

You've made me feel very welcome here, and I appreciate that.

Why did I bring this up in the first place? Let's just say that I've recently run into nontrans women (lesbian, bi, and straight) who were less than accepting and one very bitter trans woman who cautioned everyone to beware of reading too much into people's casual acceptance . All of which made me feel very anxious about inclusion in any space that was non trans.

So again thank you for you time and your responses. you have set my mind at ease about this place.

Love you all,

Marie

[12voltman59]

I say too that you are more than welcome here MD--

I do have to admit--I really don't know much at all about this subject--on a related subject---it was probably ten years back or so--I saw this great documentary-I believe it was on HBO about people who when they were adults decided to declare for themselves---what gender they identify themselves as and this choice related to what took place when they were children and how the doctors arbitrarily "decided" which sex they should be since as children---their gender was largely indeterminate physically.

They had "men" who decided they were women and vice-versa---

It really made me think about that whole issue and the way doctors sometimes do "play God."

[case_126]

Welcome to the family... we put the FUN in dysFUNctional! ;)

:bigrin:


LOL, thats really put a smile on my face.

I feel secure and toasty warm when I load up bisexual.com, you should feel the same way.

:-)