What's the deal with ages

[Tingly_Tickles]

Hey all just curious but what's the deal with the ages that people are coming
out at I don't understand myself as one that has known for my whole life that
I've liked the opposite sex and same sex I guess mainly because I looked at men
first probably.

So that's kinda my question more sorta a statement that I just don't understand
why not express these feelings or thoughts earlier than like 40 I mean for real
you knew there was something different about you a long time ago why not look
into this.

The thing that really urks me is that all the guys that I've talked to or even
come close to getting to know have been like 40 + years old omg I don't want
an older guy coming on to me all the time what about all the young guys like
myself early to mid 20's where are you at damnit.

Come out come out wherever you are is what I say to hell with anyone's just
thoughts as there isn't such a thing as bisexual is that why I'm attracted to
men and women and currently totally married and in love with a woman.

Makes ya think don't it, so anyone that's had theses thoughts early in life but
failed to come around as bi or even curious until your middle aged please feel
free to tell me why the hell not sooner than that, why did you wait so long.

:bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride:

:bibounce: :bibounce: :bibounce: :bibounce: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color:

[TaylorMade]

In the past 30 years, Western culture has done alot of changing regarding sexuality... if you grew up in a certain era, this kind of exploration was not just discouraged, it was marginalized. Many people who knew they were bi to the core either quietly got married, living half-satisfied lives , or tried to find a place or a person that made exploration possible.

Now, with the change in attitude, when those feelings have come back, either through hormonal shift, attitude shift, or life shifting, the feelings aren't being stuffed back down, they're being let out.

I know, it's frustrating if you're young and you prefer to search for bi partners via the internet and you get people outside your age range, but all you can do is politely decline, but encourage them to keep looking.

*Taylor*

[dafydd]

If you were gay it would be a different story. Gay youth is the buzz word. There is even a school in New York that only admits gay students.
Bisexuality is still viewed with suspicion by the straight and gay community.
Why? We live in an either/or world. Black and white. It is easier this way. People who see between the lines are misconstrued as trouble makers. It is 'better' to be straight than gay. It is 'better' to be gay than bisexual. It is 'better' to be bisexual than............The world awaits.

d.

[12voltman59]

Hey all just curious but what's the deal with the ages that people are coming
out at I don't understand myself as one that has known for my whole life that
I've liked the opposite sex and same sex I guess mainly because I looked at men
first probably.

So that's kinda my question more sorta a statement that I just don't understand
why not express these feelings or thoughts earlier than like 40 I mean for real
you knew there was something different about you a long time ago why not look
into this.

The thing that really urks me is that all the guys that I've talked to or even
come close to getting to know have been like 40 + years old omg I don't want
an older guy coming on to me all the time what about all the young guys like
myself early to mid 20's where are you at damnit.

Come out come out wherever you are is what I say to hell with anyone's just
thoughts as there isn't such a thing as bisexual is that why I'm attracted to
men and women and currently totally married and in love with a woman.

Makes ya think don't it, so anyone that's had theses thoughts early in life but
failed to come around as bi or even curious until your middle aged please feel
free to tell me why the hell not sooner than that, why did you wait so long.

:bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride:

:bibounce: :bibounce: :bibounce: :bibounce: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color:


For those of us a bit older--the reason I believe we are late to this party--first and foremost--the attitudes of society about bisexuality--the view was and is by many--if you do anything at all "gay" then you are gay--
Secondly--no internet---if there had been the net "back in the day" with sites like this one--I might have not just pushed the thoughts aside and gone on---

So it is a change in attitudes and access to information that made me finally try to figure things out---

[someotherguy]

Men in their forties go through some changes. It is not at all uncommon for men to relax about sex and develop an interest in other men, especially when you look at what happens to women in their forties.

[Drain]

I agree with 12voltman to a large degree. I think that the availability of resources for bisexuals are SO MUCH better than they used to be. I'm 38 which isn't old but also isn't young. I only admitted to myself that I was Bi when I was around 35. Before that I was either going through a straight or gay period. It was very confusing for a long time until I found out:

a - What bisexual was
b - That I was one.

I suspect that this is true of many men or women my age. When I was at school, I had a massive crush on a male friend. I assumed (because that's what we where told) that I was gay. However, I was confused because I also found women massively attractive as well. As it was he was straight so it went unrequited but my confusion started there. I eventually found out about bisexuality but still didn't recognise myself as that because of the way society portrayed bisexuals (as sex-mad fiends that would shag anything). To be fair, the gay community where getting that as well (and to some degree still are - like us).

Basically what I am trying to say is that we don't suddenly 'become' bisexual at a certain age. More it is that the world has opened up via things like the internet and we realise what we have been all this time.

In some respects I envy you ,Tingles, because you live in an age where you CAN be bisexual openly and freely. Good luck to you and I hope you find happiness soon. As to the rest of us; well at least we finally know where to look for it.

Drain

P.S. - On a side point. I haven't come out of the closet for a very simple reason. It is nobody's business who I sleep with except me and them (obviously providing we are both of a concenting age). I don't shag my friends and so it isn't really an issue. I don't feel like I AM in the closet. I just choose to keep my sex life private. I just wanted to say that last bit.

[Ally Kat]

have to agree with taylor and volty on this one, we of a certain age group grew up in a time when it was not nearly as socially acceptable to be bi or homosexual. I really envy you younger folks for being able to be more open and honest with yourself and others about your sexuality. And the internet has been a big part of opening up things.

[Tingly_Tickles]

Well some good point I never thought of maybe but then again it was like 8 AM
when I wrote that I had just gotten off work and in need of sleep very desperatly,
But I wanted to say ok that works for me and as for finding happiness I've already
found it I've been married to my wife for almost 5 years and WOW is all I can
say about that it's just great.

So I guess I already knew mostly why a lot of people wait as I said I was very
tired and hell I prolly didn't even need to post that it was just one of those
things that seemed a little odd to me that all the guys trying to find a partner
are a bit older.

I'm not one to say that being older matters to awful much but I mean some guys
that tend to try to come on to you are a lot older and it makes it feel a bit odd,
I mean really it's a bit off to me when a 50+ tries to hit on a 20 - 25 year old
guy such as myself it's just a huge age gap for me and I really don't think that
I would be comfy with that sorta thing.

So I know I know well if you don't like it just politely say no thanks yea I just
woke up writing this post so keep in mind I'm still tired again I write a lot of
off the wall crap when I'm tired but hey I'm still participating in the community
right.

Ummm yea well I think that's bout all I've got so far I'll write more useless crap
later as I think of it if no one minds my ramblings of meaningless junk.

As far as me I'm happy as hell being who I am and satisfied with life almost as
much as one human being can be I suppose maybe I'm just weird or something.

:bibounce: :bibounce: :bibounce: :flag2: :flag2: :flag2: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride:

[dafydd]

I'm not one to say that being older matters to awful much but I mean some guys
that tend to try to come on to you are a lot older and it makes it feel a bit odd,
I mean really it's a bit off to me when a 50+ tries to hit on a 20 - 25 year old
guy such as myself it's just a huge age gap for me and I really don't think that
I would be comfy with that sorta thing.



Why is it 'off'? Why can't older guys hit on you? They have sexual rights too. Don't be so ageist. They are people too.."people....people who need people".
I love it when older guys hit on me. Actually I love having sex with older guys, and I'm not talking 40/50, but onwards and upwards. Share the love, spread it around. that's what i say. They could teach me a thing or three.

d
:bipride:

[quiet1fornow]

well....let's see I am the exact guy you sort of developed this thread regarding. I hope I am writing from a slightly different perspective if not please excuse.

If you see my "thanks" thread form this past week, I just embraced my bisexuality. So, I envy your having that piece of knowledge for so long. It has I assume relieved you of years past and future of an internal stress that is difficult to manage at times.

I was of the time that a male being attracted to or desiring of was or just "to" appreciative of was not allowed. Not allowed by family, friends, community anyone. I do not pretend to know what it was to be gay, I do not know it and the unimaginable pressure those men and women suffered.

Now, I did know there was something of me that appreciated men....and I shrank back from conversations that were the opposite of that feeling as I was growing up and in my early adulthood as yourself.

I found a lady at 22 that I fell instantly in love with, blindly so...in my world, from that moment..all other men and women ceased to exist for me regarding sensuality or intimacy. Now life is not fair or a guarantee, that is one of those age things you will understand as you progress.

We were married for over 30 years. Never did I entertain the idea of seeking either type of partner other than my wife. However, during the last 10 years of our lives together a sever clinical depression slowly and methodically consumed her and she left me about 18 months or more ago.

So I have been recovering from that and I for one suddenly found as I slowly came out of the recovery of grief that I had been part of a couple for so long that some large portion of myself had been "coma like!" I suddenly was back in touch with all of my senses....not a couple but mine. This was a major turn around for me.
So during the last 6 months I have had all kinds of re-discoveries that I didn't know I had forgotten or misplaced. I at 55 or just after found this site...I cannot at this writing state how or why exactly; I did. I have found such comfort and suddenly a lot of those parts of me that were ignored, denied forgotten are as one. I wrote of telling a friend of my acceptance and you have no idea how that stress began to drain; it was as if oxygen was flowing to a person in need.

I do not claim that all of the situations you are questioning are like mine. I can tell you that in some of the pvt messages I get I have some younger guy I am guessing thinking I am desperate to chat sexually with them and are rude and impatient. ( Can't tell I might type to much detail, huh?) I actually agree with you that my peers should no more "target" younger men or women for that matter....I am not suggesting I am opposed to a relationship developing...but to again target is wrong no matter the criteria.

I envy you and I can applaud your opinions I hope mine make some sense as well. I never dated because of a specific criteria, blond, tall eye color whatever. This is the same. The great news I posses at this writing is that it seems to me most of the people I have met here are acting on a more mature level regardless of their chronological age. You included. I might apologize for some of my peers but why they may not deserve it anymore than some of any of ours.

I hope this has added insight or some light and just burned time and space. I hope it begins to be corrected at both ends of the spectrum yours and mine. I will try to do my part however small. Enjoy the freedom that our knowledges have given you..that is a great thing.

"If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your
envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears."

-- Glenn Clark
Wouldn't itbe great if we all could have and did?

[TaylorMade]

Why is it 'off'? Why can't older guys hit on you? They have sexual rights too. Don't be so ageist. They are people too.."people....people who need people".
I love it when older guys hit on me. Actually I love having sex with older guys, and I'm not talking 40/50, but onwards and upwards. Share the love, spread it around. that's what i say. They could teach me a thing or three.

d
:bipride:

It's not a mark of prejeduce that someone can't welcome the idea of a certain type of people in their bed. Who one sleeps with is a matter of personal preference...a freedom to choose. There are people on this site who have specified that they don't want to sleep with people of a certain color. I, personally, am okay with that... because I admit I've done the same thing. Age is the same thing too... I don't think TT is discriminating against older people in daily life, he/she just doesn't want to sleep with them.

Shaming someone over who they prefer to sleep with is petty... there are so many other fucked up things in this world that saying... "Whoa, you're too old for me. . ." isn't a big thing in the long view.

*Taylor*

[Tingly_Tickles]

Ok yea wow that's a bad thing to say that I'm prejudice against a certain criteria
of people uhh no I love one and all I just don't prefer to sleep with anyone basically
double my age and as for color hehe yea well I actually prefer the darker guys.

Anywho with that not even needing to have been said, I was just curious as to
why so many guys it seems wait so long to come out of the closet so to speak
I just didn't really get that part I suppose I'm just used to being around guys
that are opened about their sexuality I guess.

The two post that I did make on this topic were made while I was about half
dead asleep and had no sleep for many days in a row but now I'm some what
rested and have read and understand where most of the guys are coming from
as to why they have waited so long and can respect that from anyone.

I just wish it was easier for the younger guys to come out and speak up but
hey maybe in a few more years it'll be easier for everyone to come out and
join in the crowd and be accepted for who and what they are based on love
and common characteristics not stereotypes.

Thanks for all who posted some wasn't what I was looking for but even though
I wasn't looking for remarks such as those doesn't mean that I didn't read them
and understand your point of view on this subject I respect you all just as I'd
expect the same from each and everyone.

:bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bibounce: :bibounce: :bibounce: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color:

[onewhocares]

Men in their forties go through some changes. It is not at all uncommon for men to relax about sex and develop an interest in other men, especially when you look at what happens to women in their forties.

Oh my Someotherguy....I guess you have just not me the right woman in her forties. I know I only speak for myself, but I have really come into my own in the last few years...I am currently 46 and LOVE the woman I have grown into. I guess I am a real believer in the thought that you have to go through some bad times to appreciate the good times.

All the best to you......

Belle

[the mage]

Don't succumb to ageism my young Grasshopper...
You too, if lucky, will have lines on your face one day.
Meantime absorb reality, some people feel older and connect well to older people due to their personal relationships.
We older guys respond to younger cause we often connect successfully.
I've had more than 1 guy in his 20's in the past 5 years

[jamiehue]

Why is it 'off'? Why can't older guys hit on you? They have sexual rights too. Don't be so ageist. They are people too.."people....people who need people".
I love it when older guys hit on me. Actually I love having sex with older guys, and I'm not talking 40/50, but onwards and upwards. Share the love, spread it around. that's what i say. They could teach me a thing or three.

d
:bipride:
heh heh D.

[Tingly_Tickles]

Ok and to clarify the ageism thing I'm not putting anyone in that group nor am I
saying anything like that at all but I just don't find older (people) attractive for
the most part because it just doesn't appeal to myself period not because of it
being that their older and I think about age I just haven't found many people
much older than myself that I find attractive is all.

This has nothing to do with male nor female it's just a personal preference of my
own that I tend to stick around my own age it's just what is attractive to me.

That's it nothing more to add at least I hope I covered everything by now thanks
again for any and everyone that gave this thread some attention and love.

:bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :bibounce: :bibounce: :bibounce:

[csrakate]

Men in their forties go through some changes. It is not at all uncommon for men to relax about sex and develop an interest in other men, especially when you look at what happens to women in their forties.


I really wish you hadn't said that!!! I have to agree with Belle...I came into my own in my forties. Once I was able to move out of "mommy mode", once my kids reached the age where they were ready to move out and move on, I was able to concentrate on what made ME happy...and how I could focus that happiness to enhance my relationship with a man who has been by my side for 27 years. Yes...life and gravity does play a terrible trick on a woman, but nothing can diminish her spirit more than a statement such as yours. I don't think men discover other men because of what happens to women...I think they discover men because they finally discover THEMSELVES!

Hugs,
Kate

[Tingly_Tickles]

Ok yea I just read that one myself wow how could I have missed that one, it's
a really messed up statement and completely untrue.

Why would women suddenly become unattractive at that age just because a
few minor bullshit things like laugh lines or something simple like that I'm sorry
but it comes with age and wisdom.

I hope that when I'm forty that my wife and I are still madly in love more than
what we are now and I know I'll still find her just as beautiful if not more just
because she is so awesome that I'll want to be with her more and more.

[dafydd]

It's not a mark of prejeduce that someone can't welcome the idea of a certain type of people in their bed. Who one sleeps with is a matter of personal preference...a freedom to choose. There are people on this site who have specified that they don't want to sleep with people of a certain color. I, personally, am okay with that... because I admit I've done the same thing. Age is the same thing too... I don't think TT is discriminating against older people in daily life, he/she just doesn't want to sleep with them.

Shaming someone over who they prefer to sleep with is petty... there are so many other fucked up things in this world that saying... "Whoa, you're too old for me. . ." isn't a big thing in the long view.

*Taylor*

He didn't say "Whoa, you're too old for me..."

Am not shaming anyone.
I just thought what TT did say was weird and could bare critiquing

"I mean really it's a bit off to me when a 50+ tries to hit on a 20 - 25 year old
guy such as myself "

I read this as like saying.."who do these old people think they are to hit on me?"
I'm all for freedom to choose, but also for freedom to flirt. In TT's original quote it read as if the older guys had no right to hit on him.

d

[dafydd]

I just wish it was easier for the younger guys to come out and speak up but
hey maybe in a few more years it'll be easier for everyone to come out and
join in the crowd and be accepted for who and what they are based on love
and common characteristics not stereotypes.

:bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bipride: :bibounce: :bibounce: :bibounce: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color: :color:

It's my perception in the UK certainly and also as someone working in education that it is now easier to come out, as a LGBT identified youth than it has ever been. There are so many support networks, LGBT youth clubs, anti-homophobic bullying policies etc. (Although it still isn't walk in the park) This is a great time to be part of gay youth (in the UK). Not sure what the situation is like in the states. I would say that for some young people in UK it is easier (relatively) to come out at 14 than an older person who has built a life on years of denial and ingrained prejudice.
I liked your post. Thanks for opening up the topic. I don't think you're ageist.

D :2cents:

[Ally Kat]

well from my admittedly limited experiences, it is easier here in the states too for younger people to be more open about their sexual orientation....and I dread opening up this can of worms, but the woman that I am dating now is quite a bit younger than me. While I am a bit more sexually experienced with other women than her, she seems a lot more comfortable being a lesbian than I am so far. I just feel that her upbringing and the attitude that she has grown up in has made her more willing to admit to her orientation than the times that I grew up in allowed me to.

[ArtLuvsoral]

Okay as the "elder statesman" in this group let me give you my take both from a personal view and from that of a swingers view, of which I have been part of that lifestyle for 26 years........
First I totally agree that had we had internet and all the technology available back in the 60's and 70's and even 80's that we have today, the changes about bi sexuality would have begun changing long ago.
I grew up at a time where there was no such thing as bisexuality, you were gay or "queer" (the word back then) period! Back in that time you didn't even discuss sex in the home, let alone bisexuality.......If you were curious about it or did it, you snuck around to accomplish your goal of bisexual pleasure and as we grew older repressed those feelings for sexual pleasure with someone of the same sex, again the only way was to sneak around and never say a word to anyone.......
As for the swinging lifestyle and being in it since 1981, having given seminars on the lifestyle and being an active participant with my late wife, my ex wife and as a single, I have seen the evolution of male bisexuality take place.
Up until about 5 years ago, the mention of a bi male, married or single, was frowned upon and not even mentioned, however female bisexuality has always been excepted in the lifestyle......Then all of a sudden, little by little men started becoming more open about either being bi or bi curious and it began to get accepted more and more at swingers clubs and parties....Today you can go to many swingers clubs and parties, including the one I attend and the idea of a bi male or a couple where both are bi is not that big a deal anymore. Fact is in the past few years I have asked many couples where the husband was bi, how the wife first took it and surprisingly most of them have told me it was the wife's idea because it would be a turn on and didn't feel threatened by it.....Things are definitely changing in the male bisexual area and it's long overdue.....Yes many of the new bi males, like me, are older, but regardless of age we are now able to enjoy the best of both worlds in a more open arena without fear or worry.
Art