To everyone

[lilbitsva]

To everyone that knows me or for those that don't know me. I would like to say that i'm going thou a divorce right now and i wanted to tell everyone to let them know that this is the reason why i'm not on the site as much as i would like to be. I really enjoy this site and most of the people on this site. I really miss this site and talking to all the people but seeing that i do not live with my hubby no more i do not have the access that i once had to the internet. I know that what i'm doing is for the best. The reason for me saying this is because my hubby tried to hit me with a car. No i wish that i was playing about it. I just couldn't take it any more i can't take the yelling at me in front of our friends and everything like that. It hurts me so much to leave him because i really do love him because he is the father of one of my children. I don't want to do it but i feel as thou if i don't do this now that i'm going to regret it because it's only going to get worst. Because i kept telling myself that it wasn't going to get worst and the only thing that it has done is get worst. I should have seen the signs. One day while we where having sex he put his hands on my thoat and i couldn't get no air. I was so scared that he was trying to kill me. I told some of my friends and they told me "Oh no dubbey would never do that, he would never mean to harm you, thats not him." those where the friends that knew him first and then meet me and became some of my friends. I couldn't believe what they where telling me. So i was just wondering do ya'll think that it's past time for me to leave? What do ya'll think of the whole situation? I know that this is a bisexual website and everything like that i'm bi i just wanted to know what everyone thought. thanks for everyone taking time out and reading this. I'm sorry that its so long really didn't mean for it to be this long. lil bit

[arana]

Good luck to you lil...you definitely needed to leave that situation. It sounds like your husband really has some problems and once he got physical with you, you needed to be away from him. I hope all goes well with you from here on!

[JoyJoyHollywood]

You need to get out of there, with your children, now. No-not when he calms down, not when it's easier, not when it becomes apparent that your marriage is unsalvagable....NOW.

Sweety, you already know that it's time to leave. In your heart, deep down, you do. I'm not going to be an annoying fly buzzing statistics in your ear about violence in the home and the rate of murder in marriages. You already know them.

Listen, this is going to be pretty hard, but you and I both know that when someone tries to run you over and chokes you the situation is no longer a game. It's a warning of what's to come. And it will come.

The question you have to ask yourself is, do you want to be alive to see the outcome? If you want to be alive, then leave. If you want to take the chance of dying and leaving your family without you-then stay. But you can't have both. You have to decide if you want to live, or die. It's really that simple.

And quite frankly young lady, you need to go to the police. Yes, you heard me-you have to do it. Now. This is no laughing matter, this is not a "family situation" this is a potential homicide. Homicide-remember that word. That is what could happen to you.

Your not helping anyone by not telling the authorities what is going on. Your dragging your feet. Tell them, get a restraining order-yes, I know it's embarrasing and it seems hard-but you have to make yourself get out and do it. And then, you need to kick him out. And your restraining order will do that. If you can't-then you have to bury your pride, pack up your furry babies and find a place to go.

When your judge sees your order, sees the police investigation and begins to understand that you are being threatened by your spouse-then you just might begin to see some action.

You cannot allow yourself to let fond memories and emotions stand in the way of having a happy life, one in which you are not hit by automobiles, or a chance at a new begining.

Many women have drug their feet when their spouses became abusive to them. They have no chance of a second begining. Because they waited until it was too late.

You should not be one of those women.

And, one more thing? You can just go tell those friends that said it would be "okay, he would never hurt you, to give it more time" to kiss your (expletive). And if you don't feel comfortable telling them that...then go ahead and tell them to kiss mine. They aren't the ones getting choked.

[kitten]

Best wishes to you! I am glad that you are away from him and getting control of your own situation.
Please call 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) it is the National Domestic Violence Hotline, sponsored by the Texas Council on Family Violence.
If you have any questions or doubts about your situation, please call this number and ask for what you need - even if it is just for a listening ear.

And of course keep us posted and let us know if we can help any further.
Mondo hugs to you!

[lilbitsva]

hey there i wanted to tell everyone thank you so much for your advice and everything that you have offered me. I went today to try and fill out the separation papers with him. I told him that i wanted to go to a public area to fill them out that i would feel alot better doing it that way. But then he makes me feel bad and everything like that telling me that he won't hurt me and everything like that so i went over to the house like a dumbass. I know i shouldn't have went. Because the whole time that i was there he was like i can't believe that you are leaving me and what did i ever do to you. I told him about everything and told him that i didnt' have to take it. he told me that you don't know what you are talking about i didn't treat you that bad. I just hate it when he makes me feel like that. he wants me to come back but i'm like no i'm sorry i can't do that. I know that it's going to be better for me now. I told him that he needs to get help and he told me that i'm the one that needs to get the help and everything like that. So we started to fight and i told him you know what i just left. I couldn't believe that i was standing up for myself. I couldn't have done it with the help from all my friends. I hope that everyone is doing well. But i'm in the process of getting a job. I moved back into the house with my grandmother who told me that if i needed anythign to let her know that she would get it for me. Well i have to go i hope that everyone is doing well thou. lil bit

[kitten]

Hugs and hugs and hugs!

I am so glad that you are safe and sound. Please tell your grandmother thank you from all of us. Good luck with the job hunt!

Keep your chin up and know that you are doing the right thing. No question about it.

and hugs again,

[Herbwoman39]

Congratulations on taking those steps to get away from a man who is obviously a sociopath. It takes courage to leave a bad relationship. Remember that there is NOTHING wrong with you. That's what abusers do. They put you in a position where you feel as though their behavior is your fault.

You are NEVER responsible for another adults actions. EVER!

[onewhocares]

Congratulations on your courage to see the best solution is to leave. NEVER stay in a relationship where your safety is compromised. Know that you have a safe harbour here. Always an ear to listen. Wishing you the best in strength and courage.

Belle

[deletetacount123]

Hi Litbits :)

You're doing the right thing. HE has something wrong with him if he doesn't realize hes abusing you.

He does not deserve to have a sweet nice girl like you. Ya, I know you were hoping he'll change, and its harder when you have kids but like others mentioned... if you stay with him, will you still be alive to see the kids grow up? See them go off to college, married and so on ??

Hes trying to make you feel bad cause if you let him, he'll be winning... he knows the more he makes you feel bad the more you'll stay.
You have to show you don't care what he thinks and leave him. NO ONE should make someone feel bad like that. DO NOT let him control you. thats what abusers do.

A lot of women die due to abuseive husbands, many get seriously injuried that they end up never walking again (or some other injury thats permit)
Some women these days even snap.... they end up making a stupid mistake that could have been avoided but they felt that was the only way to stop..... Im talking about women who kill thier husbands... judge may not care it was done in self-defense (sp?)

So just divorce.. leave him. Know you're doing the smartest thing for a woman in an abusive marriage. Show him he has no control over you.

Good luck on your job search :) and I hope you meet someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated... with love and care. :)

If you were closer we could do some fun things and you'll be a much happier person. I would shower you with so many things an romantic person can give.

:) :) :) :) :)



Tasha

[NWMtnHawk]

Lilbit, I've been directly involved in my life with more than one abusive man against a woman, (my mom with a stepdad, and my current gal with her ex to name just two), and the fact is they are a direct threat to you, your safety, and the health and safety of your children, . . . please, please, please, listen very carefully to what JoyJoy and Kitten have told you. . . I can't begin to tell you how important this is.

The 1-800 number is a great sugestion as well as the police and the restraining order. It sucks big time, but here's the reality. . . you obviously didn't want this situation, but here it is, and you are in it. You may not have control over his actions, but you DO have control over yours. If I'm reading your post correctly, he's already made two threatning actions against you, one choking, and one attempted run down with a vehicle. If you don't make the police aware of these incidents now, later when/if he attempts more and you go to report it and mention these first two incidents the first thing they'll ask is, "Did you report these incidents and if not, why didn't you?" GET IT ALL ON RECORD NOW GIRL!

It is common, predictable operating proceedure for an abusive spouse to try to get you alone where they can control you and the situation. Notice I used the word "predictable", it's a recurring behavior in abusive spouses. Don't let him pull that! Smart move going to your family/grandma for support and help. Right on girl!

I know that I sound melodramatic, and maybe it seems like I'm over-reacting somewhat, but my experience with these bullying, cowardly destructive personalities has shown me I'm not being melodramtic and I'm not over-reacting. I've spent too many nights at the emergency room, and had to physically defend a person more than once, this is as real as it gets.

Please think smart, and very carefully with this guy, remember, you are strong and you can deal with this, I just know you can and will!

[jamiehue]

run forrest run.Abusers NEVER change they manipulate their tactics and go on destroying (if u let them)such miserable souls.

[lilbitsva]

I wanted to thank everyone for everything they have said. I have taken in everything that you have said. I know that it has been past time that I have left him. I just can't help myself with it I can't make me stop loving him. I know that that doesn't stop him from doing the stupid stuff and that is why I have left him. I look at it like everyone says I need to. If I don't deal with this now it's going to end up killing me. I know in my heart that I have done the right thing the only thing now is to make myself feel better about myself. Because after being married three years to him there is alot of things that I never had to do or even think about and everything is just falling into my lap now. I just have to take my time and everything will fall like it's suppost to. I know that what I done was the right thing no matter what he might say or do to me I know that I did love him at one point but I have to draw the line. Because if he had hit me with the car I don't think that I would be hear now. And now that I look at it there where alot of signs that I didn't want to see. But one thing that I do know is that I'm going to take care of my kids and me and forget about him. Because everything he did to me will come back to get him. karma will get him in the end. No matter what he might do. Well i thank everyone for there comments and I hope that everyone is having a wonderful day. It's been okay hear i'm really lonely but i'm going to have to get use to sleeping alone. Right now I know that it's not the best thing but i sleep with one or the other one of my kids because it gives me something to do at night. So that I dont walk the floors. My kids are loving it. They love it so much when i sleep with them. well I will have to talk to ya'll later lil bit

[Herbwoman39]

Lilbit, I haven't been exactly where you are. My first husband never tried to physically harm me because i told him from the beginning that if he ever hit me he'd better never f-in sleep again and he knew I meant it. But he *did* emotionally abuse me and on the last night I was with him before moving out, he anally raped me.

Here's where karma comes into play. After I left him he moved in with his mother because *I* was the one paying the bills. Eventually she became too ill to live on her own even with his help and she revoked his power of attorney and moved into a hospice center. He had no place to live and ended up homeless living in his car.

Karma *does* get them back in the end one wa or another.

[deletetacount123]

Like Herbwoman,

My ex emotionally abused me too.

He had nothing but horrible mean things to say about my body.
Yes, Im well aware my bad spine makes my body look "weird"... Im well aware I don't have full A cup boobs lol But he made me feel bad about that.

There were so many other things he said that hurt.
When I tried to tell him, he acted as if I was putting words in his mouth and I was just being stupid.

He cared greatly about his computer games more than me... he didn't want to spent any time with me. Bedroom life was like 2 second quickies when HE felt like it which was rarely..

I saw him recently while he was walking and I was driving for the first time in a year. He looked AWFUL.... and I glanced at myself in the mirror and while I was in my crappy work uniform, I actually felt very pretty :) lol

Im really happy now and much happier than I was in the 3 years I was with him.

Tasha

[grayhound]

Young lady, you are doing the best thing you can for your own benifit and for the children. They are what you need to focus on from now on. You and the children are the most presious things you have right now. My prayers go out to you every day. God Bless you with the strength to improve your life and the lives of the children.

[meteast chick]

Lil, you best not be walkin hun, you best be runnin!!!

I know we don't know each other, but if you read any of my posts a year ago you'd know I too was and still am going through a divorce. He's stalling even though he tells me its me...whatever. At least he didn't try to run me over! Yikes!

There's one thing in having role play or fantasy play in sex, but to do that if you've never talked about it or expressed any interest is just scary. It's not right in the least. I whole-heartedy support you and know what it's like to have to go without internet access during the hard times. Even though the papers aren't quite signed yet, I have my own house and my own internet access now and as far as I'm concerned, what he don't know isn't hurting a damn thing.

Okay then, take care please.

My parting words...Get yourself a kick ass attorney and bleed the fucker dry!

luv and kisses,
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
meteast