In Search of Opinions

[Toad82]

I have invited a friend to go on vacation with me where I would be paying for everything. Other people (family and friends of mine) have been saying that it is weird and inappropriate for me to put out that kind of money for just a friend. I can easily afford to pay for him and I to have a great 2 week vacation, but it has been bothering me about all of the crap I am getting from the others. My mother and brother have even said that I am just trying to buy him. I don’t think that I am, but I might be subconsciously, I hope that I not. I freely admit I am in love with him, but I know that we will only ever be just friends. I care enough about him to accept that, I am just willing to pay because I can afford it and I really have no other things to spend my money on.

There is a part of me that is thinking that they are nothing more than jealous. They do seemed to be a bit pissed that I would pay for him and not them to go with me. I know that part of the reason I am willing to pay for him is because of how I feel about him, but I also just like him. He is one of the few people I have ever met that I feel comfortable being myself around. Just being around him puts me at ease. I know going with him I would have a lot better time than if he didn‘t go. I have always been the type of person to get more out of any situation if the person I am with is enjoying themselves.

I would also like to say that I have been flown to Las Vegas, Phoenix, and L.A. more than once (for a total of 12 trips) to go on vacation where I wasn’t expected to pay for anything. Although these were with an uncle he usually always had a friend with him that he would pay for as well. To me it is normal to do things like this for people you care about and consider friends. (just a note: my mother, brother and I are nothing alike.)

I suppose my question is it weird or inappropriate for me to do this or want to do this. Or is it jealousy. I am not very knowledge about social situations and I would really like to know if I am wrong to want to do this.

I have been on this site for awhile now and I would like the opinions from the people here. At this point I think it is just making the people in my life mad at me (that know about it) for not taking them with me, so I am hoping that asking here will ease my mind and get me some thoughts from others unaffiliated with situation. Thanks for any answers.

RJ :lokai: :grouphug:

[biwords]

My feeling is that you don't have to justify your choice to your family and friends, and that how you choose to spend your own money is none of their business. Who decides whether it's 'inappropriate' to take a friend on a trip? What rule book provides a one-size-fits-all answer?

That said, in figuring out what you want to do, it's good to consider the possible effects. So if your decision is going to create continuing family friction, you have to weigh the satisfactions of the trip a deux against that. You'd also want to be confident that your friend wouldn't develop that odd resentment that people sometimes show towards their benefactors. And that you truly are comfortable with the relationship remaining 'just friends', assuming that that's what your friend wants.

Will be interested to hear what others here say about this.

[brudegan]

Personally I don't see any problem with footing the bill for this type of thing if that is what you want to do, provided that the gesture is "no strings attached".

What makes me curious is how your family, or any one else for that matter, learned that you would be paying for the trip and your motivation for sharing that information. If you don't want to be hassled with someone else's opinion on something then you have the option to keep that detail to yourself.

I know that isn't always possible, but it's just a thought.

[DiamondDog]

I think it's fine that you want to pay for his vacation and everything, as it's your life and your money. But I'm also curious how your family found this out? Do they know that you love him or can they just pick up on it?

There's nothing wrong with taking him on a vacation but don't expect him to have a relationship or have sex with you simply because you do this for him.

My advice to you, get over him.

Stay friends with him but find someone else to have a relationship with, since you wrote how he doesn't want one with you.

Don't pine and worship someone who doesn't want a relationship with you, and instead find someone who does.

We all see and meet people who we just want to ravage but we know that it will never happen with them.

[MarieDelta]

What's the fun of doing things alone? If you want to go with him & have the money, I say go for it.

Don't expect that he will change his mind once youre on the trip though.

As far as what's appropriate why let that bother you?

[Cerealk]

Maybe you can let him pay part of his own bill? Sounds like a good middle to me. Your family dont need to know you paid the rest, and Im sure he wouldnt mind paying part of his, unless he is completly broken. By doing so, you are just helping him and not fronting all the money to "buy" him. If he is your friend, I dont think he will mind and you can easily explain it to him without having to give the full reason if you feel its inappropriate.

[spartca]

I grew up poor, and when there came a time when I had money, I was generous with it.

After a while though, I realized that I had attracted a lot of "frenemies" and other classes of freeloaders.

The main trouble with the type of arrangement you're talking about is that you might never know if you've got a true friend there, or just someone who finds you convenient.

One friend of mine advises that you should stop buying rounds once in a while, if only to find out who your true friends are ROFL.

[JoyJoyHollywood]

Listen, if it's no hassle financially, why worry about it? Sometimes my friends pay for me when I'm broke. Sometimes I pay when they are broke. We don't worry about who owes who what. Why should you?

It's your money. If you want to roll it up into a ball, jam a firecracker inside and blow it all up to smithereens, you can do it-and nobody has any right to say one word. Although, they might cry a little.

My only opinion other than that is that you should really try to focus on enjoying your vacation and not get too emotional over your friend.

By the way, I also like 12 Angry Men. It's cool.

[csrakate]

The best way to keep loved ones from worrying about what you do with your time and your money is to keep mum about certain details. I see no reason why your family needs to know the details of your arrangement...unless of course you wish for them to play "Devil's Advocate" and give you a reason to doubt your decision to pay for this trip.

Unless this "friend" has repeatedly used you to pay his way, I see no reason why you can't treat him for this trip. I'm sure as in any relationship, the giving goes both ways. Good luck to you!

Hugs,
Kate

[welickit]

Do what I did. Move 1500 miles away from your family and they will learn to mind their own business. Neither of us will comment on your paying the way.......you wouldn't like what we had to say about it.

[rissababynta]

friends do things for their friends. so if you have more than enough money to pay for a vacation so you and your friend can have fun, then why the hell not? i know plenty of friends i would do that for and i know plenty of friends who would to that for me as well. apparently many other people agree, so i guess it's not all that weird.

i must agree with everyone else though, be careful not to go too far with this person. who knows, you may be right and are subconsiously trying to get somewhere with this trip...

overall though...who cares about the money! spend it how you want and have fun! i'm sure you'll forget all about everyones opinions while you're gone anywa ;)

[12voltman59]

I am going to echo what others have said on this thread already--you are an adult---your earned your money and you can do any damn bloody thing with it that you care to do and its really no else's bidnesss what ya do with it--and if you want to take this person and pay his way---by all means do it if that floats your boat!!!!!

It sounds that you just want to be together and have no expectations of anything more than than--I would make it clear to him what your feelings are on the deal---other than you two--it's no else's bidness!!!!

Go on and have fun on your trip with him!!!!

[onewhocares]

For my two cents. I agree with Volty. You have worked hard for your money so it is your perogative to spend it in the manner you see fit. I too have been in your shoes. I have been blessed with some excess cash in the past. When I had it I shared it with others. If was my joy to be able to share my prosperity. There were times when others really needed it and I could help them. I never expected anything back for it. My friends are my friend for who I am and not what I can do for them. I am blessed with many good friends.

[FalconAngel]

Bottom line is this;
It's your money, your decision and no one has any right to tell you what to do with it. Go for it if you can afford it and don't worry about what other people think.
As long as there are no ulterior motives, then who cares if you take your friend or not. It's not their money.

[Toad82]

Thank you to all of those that answered. Seems I am not as weird as I thought I was. :bigrin:

To answer peoples question about how my family and other friends found out about it in the first place, the answer is it was my fault. My so called friends found out by one of them listening in when I was inviting the one I wanted to go with me. From there the one told anyone that would listen.

As for my family I have been depressed for about a year now. On a really bad day my mother noticed and ask me to talk about what was bothering me. Long story short my mother is a trained counselor and she got me to tell her things that she wanted to know, but knew if I was thinking right I never would have told her. Since that day my financials and my personal life have became a favorite for her to talk about with others. I thought that we had a bit better relationship than I know that we now do.

Once again thanks to those that answered. I honestly don’t know why I was letting it bother me so much. I wish I would have found this site years earlier than I did.

RJ :lokai: