married bi-life....

[littledog]

Hi All,
I have recently come out to my wife who, at first didnt know what to say, then accepted it, and a few weeks later came out to me.
I thought that while the honesty train was still on the tracks that Id tell her about a one night fling with somebody from the past.
At first, this was a problem, cheatings cheating no mater who it is with. This is something we are working through and I am starting from scratch in the trust department, I expected no less.
We are now looking at how we can deal with our own sexualities together and I would like to hear from others that may have been in similar situations......

[jo69guy]

I came out to my ex-wife before we married. She claimed to be bi-curious, and I encouraged her to explore it. She never found a partner though. I think she may have been afraid to take that step.

After I found a steady male partner, she was no longer interested in the "Bi-scene". I guess she just couldn't handle the situation as well as she thought. While this may have been a factor in our divorce, there were several other problems as well.

Communication is the key. Keep the channel open! :2cents:

[biboyfriend?]

You said you found a steady male partner and that your wife was no longer interested in the bi-scene. Did you try to involve her? Cause for me that is what my problem is know. I cant deal with the fact that my boyfriend has another steady male partner. its another relationship to me and to me thats an affair. Even if he does come out with his sexuality to me and he understands that Im okay with it. I would still have a problem with him seeing this other partner without me. Cause thats and emotional affair and he cant expect me to say okay cince your bi you can be with other people no problem. a commetment is a commetment and cheating is cheating. It it were the 3 of us it would be different but I am still jelous of this other guy cause of his long term relationship so we would have to find a new 3rd person and he would still have to break it off with this currant partner! Sorry babe! How would he feel if I had another partner without letting him in!
Willing girlfriend! (see my tread "my boyfriend is bi) I have opened up alot cince exploring this site) thanks! :cool: :tongue:

[hupamone]

I am a 39 y/o straight female with a 43 y/o bi-male partner. I am entirely new to this bi-world. He states he is faithful to me, but has introduced me to m/m/f sex, or m/m/m/f. He states he won't be with anyone else unless I am there to enjoy it. I find it difficult at times to accept the thought that he wouldn't cheat on me if he had the opportunity. It's one thing when you can get jealous because your straight partner is attracted to someone of the opposite sex; but when your bi-partner could potentially be attracted to absolutely ANYONE at all. . . How to deal with that? But I don't tell him of my jealousy issues. I'm honest enough to admit I have enjoyed the m/m/f, but he might not be fully satisfied as I am the one who is having most of the sex, not him. We had been talking about marriage but no longer discuss it. I no longer know where our relationship is going. I do know that he is able to satisfy me in the bedroom, but outside of the bedroom, I don't know what to expect. Anyone have any ideas on how I can talk to him openly and honestly about his sexuality and my ambivalence without causing him to feel rejection? He tells me that I am bi-curious, but I would think I would know it if I were interested in women. I feel no interest in women. There are simply too many good looking men --- including my man --- for me to be interested in women. So again, how can I talk to him about this most difficult subject without sounding prejudiced? I do love him. I was just raised knowing about heterosexual sex and it had never occurred to me that there was such a thing as bisexuality. Now that I'm confronted with it, it seems I must rethink all my past thoughts about sexuality. He wants me to try having sex with a woman, but I really am not interested in it. So how do I say no without him feeling that I don't want to please him? Any thoughts?

[littledog]

The simple fact is if youre not interested in trying sex with a woman then you are straight. I have always been interested in same sex intimacy to some extent, wether or not i chose to deny it to myself.
If your partner truly respects you, it should not be an issue, considering how understanding you have been of his needs.
I have found out the hard way that honesty is the key to a successful relationship. Best of luck.

[jo69guy]

To answer the post by biboyfriend, yes I did involve my ex. It was great at first because after we met with a guy, she and I went home and had some really steamy, hot sex! But then she cooled off, and didn't wantto be involved. :flag1:

[foreverbisexy]

First off I want to give you many kudo's for being here and willing to work through this with your boyfriend, I can only imagine how hard and confusing this must be for you.

When I was reading this what came to mind was just telling him the truth like others have said... truth is best and if you are straight then you are straight... don't compromise yourself no matter how much he wan'ts it... the thing that came to my mind is he going to be satisfied having a straight partner?... since he so badly wants you to "participate" in his bi life... I guess I would ask him that if it were me... because if he is ok with it, then he needs to accept your sexuality like you accept his.

These are just my thoughts
Foreverbisexy~

[emmauk]

Hi Littledog,
I'm on the other side of your situation: the female partner whose male partner is "bi". This is a challenging situation for me, or is it? Some days it is, others it isn't. The most important thing for me is that my partner is honest with me. I can entirely understand that he want's closeness/intimacy with men and that the m/m energy he gets from this interaction is something I could never provide. I'm pretty openminded and accept for myself that I am partly bi, having had a few experiences with girls in the past. I also accept for him that the kind of close friendships that i have had with girlfriends (platonic in principle, but some of them have become very close indeed) are not easily achievable by him with his straight male friends: too many taboos. I can't say I've totally got my head around him physically having sex with other people, but I'm starting too. It helps that we can talk about it. I know what he's really looking for is close m/m friends that he can be himself around - no need to worry about flirting a bit, cuddling up, etc. and the sex, if it happens, is just a case of him being a guy with a strong sex drive (just an ordinary guy, really!) So long as his feelings/needs don't start intefering with our relationship, I feel deep down that everything will be okay.

Good luck to both of you. I really believe, from my experience, everything will work out so long as you are honest with one another at all times. You're both trying to understand yourselves and each other at the same time. That's the situation we're in too. Just ensure you have a good box of tissues handy for any tricky (and sticky) patches and remember to keep a sense of humour at all times.

Emma

[bigregory]

wow i guess i lucked out.
im open with my wife about being bi, and she is bi curious.
we have never had a bi experience together.
i can have fun with other men (always safe)
come home and all is well..
its not perfect no
i would think pefect was to be together
with another couple or single and be able to
let her see how fun being bi can be..
married and bi i dont think there is 1 answer
to fit all . but the main thing is i think be honest with your partner
open up your secret desires then you can live ..free..
bigregory :flag3:

[emmauk]

Hi bigregory,
You say that "i can have fun with other men (always safe)
come home and all is well.." but I'm curious to know whether this has always been your situation or whether it's something the two of you had to work on together. Hope you don't mind me asking.
Emma

[hupamone]

I can't thank you enough for the support you've shown to me in that I am straight. I have found it somehow ironic that my boyfriend has more difficulty accepting that I am straight than what I've had in accepting his bisexuality. His bisexuality came as a complete surprise to me. It seems so strange that he has such difficulty in accepting that I am straight and totally uninterested in women (sorry ladies. . .). I can recognize that some women are attractive, I just don't feel attracted TO them.
I guess the other thing that is so hard for me to wrap my mind around is that I can share a bi experience with him (m/m/f) with my being the center (no puns intended) of attention, but I'm not so sure I could accept it if we were with another bi male and I was the bystander. In fact, I'm pretty sure it'd be too much for me to accept that. Ironic that this website is probably where he's going to find this out as it seems difficult to find time alone together and when we do, this topic isn't always something I feel open to discuss at that particular moment.
We had a long discussion of his previous sex life, but I got a little overwhelmed by the amount of info he gave me and I wasn't able to just flat out tell him "Hey, dude, I'm straight! Accept it!" I know I need to tell him and hope that conversation takes place today. I just hope he will be as accepting of my sexuality after this conversation as what I have been of his. I readily admit that I wish he were straight, but even then, I would probably still feel envious of his previous lovers. I'm just a bit baffled that he doesn't seem jealous of my past. He says the reason that the m/m/f scenarios don't bother him is because we are "sharing" and while I do like sharing, this just isn't the sort of thing I had pictured sharing. I've always been a goody goody two shoes, by my own admission, and this has definitely been quite the experience. I had had an intellectual curiosity about how "this m/m/f thing" worked, and now that I've had experience in it, I still don't get it.
Anyhow, thanks for your support! Good luck to all!