Starting To Recycle People! A dating vent

[Herbwoman39]

I'm on two different dating site now. This morning when I checked my mail I saw that I had a profile view from a woman that I'd had lunch with about six months ago. She kept making excuses not to get together again, so I dropped it.

The other message was from someone telling me basically thanks but no thanks.

I'm starting to move over into Ian's camp when it comes to looks. I'm overweight by much more than I would like though I work out regularly and eat relatively well. In today's society it seems that unless you're tiny and have at least a D cup, you're spending Saturday nights at home with a pint of ice cream and the latest Dr. Who episode.

It sucks :(

[Skater Boy]

Mmm, I don't mind Chubby Chicks... they have good "Bounce Factor". Plus they're kinda cuddly. Apparently there are special events in the US of A where guys seeking out that type of woman, and women of a certain stature can hook up. Sounds like a good idea.

Believe it or not, personality DOES count for a lot... I was at a party once, and this Chubby Chick was all over me... whispering sweet nothings in my ear, trying to drag me onto the dancefloor (and beyond, I suspect). Had I not been in the process of throwing up at the time, she woulda had me that night. Easily.

What some people lack in the conventional sense of beauty they make up for in other ways. and a "beautiful soul" is The Holy Grail of Dating, IMO.

There! Thats my good natured rant outta the way! Now where are the dumb, busty blonde models at?! :bigrin:

[DiamondDog]

Do you write in your personal ads that you're married to a man?

That could be what's keeping people away.

Not too many people, even if they are homosexual/bisexual want to be involved with other people who are married/partnered for dating, or a serious relationship.

Some people don't want to get hurt and most people don't enjoy being a 3rd wheel to someone's spouse when it comes to dating/being in a relationship with someone else.

[Fire Lotus]

Do you write in your personal ads that you're married to a man?

That could be what's keeping people away.

Not too many people, even if they are homosexual/bisexual want to be involved with other people who are married/partnered for dating, or a serious relationship.

Some people don't want to get hurt and most people don't enjoy being a 3rd wheel to someone's spouse when it comes to dating/being in a relationship with someone else.

A lot of what you say is true. This does make it hard for a bi married woman to find another woman to have a relationship with. But at the same time, I'm not going to omit that information about me. I'm not going to come of looking like lying or pretending to be single, to send out the wrong impressions. I do let them know in my ads though, that this is just for me. My husband and I are not a package deal. True, there is still the sharing of time and affections. This is why I steer more toward poly women. They seem to be more understanding of this.

As for being an over weight woman, I am one too. Yes I probably get passed up more by being one than if I wasn't. It does get me down sometimes too. But I try to think, I wouldn't want someone that shallow in my life, who doesn't want to get to know me, anyway. So they can just keep on passing.

[Herbwoman39]

Do you write in your personal ads that you're married to a man? That could be what's keeping people away.

Yeah...that could be. But you know me. I always advocate for honesty. That's a nasty surprise that I wouldn't want to just spring on someone. It's just not worth it.

I *know* I'm well worth getting to know. It's just depressing that I'm throwing myself out there and no one's taking the bait yet. I mean really, I've been advertising somewhere for almost a year and all i have to show for it is one ex girlfriend who wouldn't even let me kiss her. :(

[rissababynta]

like i said in a thread that i started a while back...i've been openly bi for about 10 years now and STILL have not had a woman in my life. i definitely understand what you are talking about. but ya know what? i truly believe that when it is meant to happen it will. hopefully you will find someone soon.


i also get what you mean with the whole weight thing. i have thought that could be a problem with my luck before, but apparently so many people here say that weight does not matter. you are a wonderful person and your luck will turn around. anyone who doesn't want you is crazy.

[CHOCOLATECITY32]

i agree with others but dating 2 me sucks ass a lot b/c 4 starters when u r on a date if that person is lying then it's no fun from the start plus i met a girl a few weeks ago and she told me she was divorced but she still had on here wedding rings come 2 find out she lied plus dating 2 me is like leftovers it's always the same shit then u have 2 types of ppl the ones that enjoy themselves and the ones that don't have a life so they used ppl 2 get what they want within that day and besides dating someone that is messed up and abused is like piece of clothing it makes no sense

[IanBorthwick]

Mine is a lonely camp, HW. I wouldn't mind the company if it weren't for the fact the real estate sucks and the only view is ME. So I'd keep the hop ealive and realize that those places are "Hook Up" spots. They want to get it on and are looking for fantasies.

Real life...I don't like skinny women. If you are plump, wear a size 14-22, you are my ideal. Skinny women, I feel especially on those sites, love themselves WAY more than you ever could love them. They take the place to be a popularity contest and bolster their emotional wonkiness with shooting down people who chase them. It's a psychological game I refuse to play anymore...and I mean that, ANYMORE. My troubles stem from me not feeling good about myself because of people saying I am less than they are...but they hate THEMSELVES or LOVE themselves too much. Is this a good criteria for me to look in the in the mirror and continue to dislike what I see? Is it good for you?

Hell no!

As long as no one here treats me like crap for not having the hook up with a guy I love, then why should you worry too much about missing out on a lady to love? We're still good people and not any less bisexual for not making that hookup. Plus, just because it's not right now doesn't mean it's never going to happen.

Yeah, it sucks...I know it better than most, I think. But I've been in that god damn pit staring up at the light so long I realize it's not worth wrecking myself to get out.

So if you want to camp out with me in the lonely sector, we can commiserate a bit and laugh while we toast marshmallows. :)

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol I hear ya, Girlfriend. We women of size, or BBW's as we are commonly know, face alot of time home alone, or being cut down for said size. And yes, there Are places where we are loved and admired, and this to is a very cool thing.
So the key is to hold your head up, and be you no matter What other shallow minded folks may think. You are You, and that makes you (And me, and millions of others) who we are.
And at my age, I guess I have the attitude of 'Hey, if you cant handle me for me, tough chit. You may miss a friend, you may miss a lover"..lol
Have a great weekend Ya'll. ;] ^..^
Minx

[JoyJoyHollywood]

I'm on two different dating site now. This morning when I checked my mail I saw that I had a profile view from a woman that I'd had lunch with about six months ago. She kept making excuses not to get together again, so I dropped it.

The other message was from someone telling me basically thanks but no thanks.

I'm starting to move over into Ian's camp when it comes to looks. I'm overweight by much more than I would like though I work out regularly and eat relatively well. In today's society it seems that unless you're tiny and have at least a D cup, you're spending Saturday nights at home with a pint of ice cream and the latest Dr. Who episode.

It sucks :(

Listen, Herbwoman, I've got to be honest with you here-your rockin' it. Okay? I mean, hey-your hot.

Listen-I don't like girls that are skinny. Why? I have a morbid fear of taking some bony (expletive)'s elbow right in my eye. And if I want to feel muscle I would go after a guy.

Hey, I'll tell you the truth. When I see a skinny girl that I'm thinking about pursuing-I just stare at her chest. Which, is fine, until she starts talking and breaks my concentration. Then-it's lost. Can't get into it. Might as well rest your beer in my lap-cause it's going to get real frosty.

And, if I'm going to devour any woman, it's going to be something really nice, like a creampuff or a really rich California roll. I'm not going to gnaw on a chicken bone.

Listen, if I had the basic ability to overcome my wonderful state of chronic laziness (that I really, really enjoy) or didn't have a panic attack every five minutes when I think about my academic and professional career, I would be after you like a gator on a redneck's leg. Or arm.

And, I'd be wearing my cowgirl hat. Now, that's a statement.

(As long as you didn't try and feed me any herbs.)

So, just relax. Your not "overweight." Your nice, soft, perfectly made just the way a woman should be and I'm sure that anyone you've had touch you can say the same thing.

In fact, there are a lot of girls on this site that would tell you the very same thing.

Anyone who doesn't, well, I've got to say-maybe they are looking for a girl that they can bring home to their boyfriends like a HappyMeal from Mcdonalds. And trust me-it happens, a lot more than it's fair that it should. Because, they have sure never touched a real woman before.

And hey, I'm skinny and I have double on that cup size you mentioned and you know where I am?

I'm at home watching Dr. Who! And I'm loving it!

Because I have, unfortunately, reached that point in my life where I need more than hotness to be able to be with someone. Now, when I see a really hot nitwit, I can't just say to inner JoyJoy, "Fetch girl."

Now I say, "Dear lord, that is a nitwit with a capital N. Their poor, poor spouses. I wonder what they do when they aren't in bed." I know, it's boring. But, I get to watch a lot of really interesting tv.

So just relax. Trust me, when the time is right for you to be pursued by a woman (and women aren't like men-they fight real dirty and get inside your head gestapo style) your going to have more women after you than you know what to do with. And it may not be as pleasent as you think it would.

So take your time Herbwoman-because you are going to need all the energy you can get.

[bhg08054]

.... spending Saturday nights at home with a pint of ice cream and the latest Dr. Who episode.
...
I'm pretty sure you're not looking for a guy right now, but that sounds like a mighty fine evening to me!

Perhaps we need to start a new dating site, based entirely on that activity!

[Herbwoman39]

LOL! Okay so ice cream and Dr. Who are good things. I like his new companion. She's smokin hot!

JoyJoy...wow. I really wish I knew what to say. So I'll just say what my genteel southern parents taught me to say when someone gives me such a phenomenal compliment. "Why thank you very much! How sweet of you to say so ." Of course this is greatly understated as I can't seem to formulate words to express the depth of gratitude. So my inarticulate ramblings will simply have to sufice for the time being.

[Doggie_Wood]

LOL! Okay so ice cream and Dr. Who are good things.....
What flavor ice cream HW (home made vanilla I hope)?? And is it Blue Bell ... "the best tasting Ice Cream in the country ..... it'ld run a freight train right off a dirt road :bigrin:

:doggie:

[Herbwoman39]

What flavor ice cream HW (home made vanilla I hope)?? And is it Blue Bell ... "the best tasting Ice Cream in the country ..... it'ld run a freight train right off a dirt road :bigrin:

:doggie:

LOL! I agree that home made vanilla has it's charms. I'm actually a really big fan of Ben and Jerry's Black and Tan. Since I don't drink, that and guiness gravy is as close as I get these days to a good Stout.
:bigrin:

[m.in.heels&hose]

Hello Herbwoman

Just recently i found myself perusing personal ads
I was hoping to find an understanding "BBW" to possibly start a relationship with

i have always been attracted to larger woman ever since i can remember

i can see how you feel the need to "rant" i would too

but in my humble opinion, i feel you have nothing to worry about, you are a very pretty lady
and if someone cant get past this, then you are better off to keep looking
:2cents:

good luck, and keep your chin up :grouphug:

m.in.heels&hose

[Icecreamcone69]

Ok.. and so I read the entire thread and did what everyone else, who hasn't seen Herbwoman would do, and I checked out the profile..lol I think anyone who wouldn't date you is nuts..lol You have a very friendly face and a nice smile.. in my opinion.

I am married, hubby KNOWS this is just for me too. I have had little to no luck with it. I also check out Craigslist and I have posted an ad or two myself. I was in a LTR with my best friend for 12 years and she moved out of state. I have been in a state of loneliness ever since :( I TRY.. I start chatting with someone and they disappear. I am not one to jump into bed.. cause someone "wants to get licked now".. I have to do the friends first and see if there is a connection. Sex for sex sake, for me just isn't something I can do. I keep trying to figure out what I am doing "wrong". These dating sites seem to be as a previous poster said, for quickie sex, nothing long term. I am what is considered a BBW I guess because I am between a 14/16 depending on the time of the month..lol Hubby says he sees me as average. I love BBW women. I have nothing whatsoever against skinny women, but I have never been with one, the ex is a bbw. She had the WLS and lost alot of weight, but she also almost died. She came back last weekend, I hadn't seen her in over a year, for a visit. She gained some of the weight back and looks more "like herself" now..

I am SO READY to find someone new to spend time with, to get to know and to have as a special part of my life!

I think that anyone who is so caught up in what someone looks like that they aren't willing to even take a chance to make a friend.. is really losing out. I believe there is someone out there for everyone.. it just takes time... you know what they say about kissing alot of frogs..lol I assume that it is also that way when searching for a woman..lol

Keep the faith.. it will happen when its meant to happen.. at least thats what keeps me going.

Take care all.. and at least I am not alone in my lonely quest! :tong:

[JoyJoyHollywood]

LOL! Okay so ice cream and Dr. Who are good things. I like his new companion. She's smokin hot!

JoyJoy...wow. I really wish I knew what to say. So I'll just say what my genteel southern parents taught me to say when someone gives me such a phenomenal compliment. "Why thank you very much! How sweet of you to say so ." Of course this is greatly understated as I can't seem to formulate words to express the depth of gratitude. So my inarticulate ramblings will simply have to sufice for the time being.

You don't have to be greatful for anything, chere.

[biwords]

Skinny women, I feel especially on those sites, love themselves WAY more than you ever could love them. They take the place to be a popularity contest and bolster their emotional wonkiness with shooting down people who chase them.

A perfect description of an abortive relationship I had late last year. Wow.

It's great to see you bouncing back, Ian!

[anne27]

I know ya probably don't need any ego stroking, but I have found your posts to be interesting and intelligent and think you'd be a lot of fun to hang around. Pity the people who don't see what a unique individual you are!

:2cents:

[TashaSW]

Do you write in your personal ads that you're married to a man?

That could be what's keeping people away.

Not too many people, even if they are homosexual/bisexual want to be involved with other people who are married/partnered for dating, or a serious relationship.

Some people don't want to get hurt and most people don't enjoy being a 3rd wheel to someone's spouse when it comes to dating/being in a relationship with someone else.

I admit I stay away from married couples or people in serious relationships cause I don't want to be the 3rd wheel.... to me, if I love someone, I want them to myself! Im greedy :) I don't wanna share. AND most importantly, If I know they are having sex with someone else, I would feel jealous and think that person loves the other one more than me. lol
I think when you know you'll get jealous, its a clear sign to just stay away from that kind of relationship.

I have thought of threesomes (me and 2 girls) but that would only happen if I have known and trust both girls for a long long time and trust them both and things go slowly. (not suddenly)

I often wonder why people don't response to MY ad... Im as honest as I can be.... but after some thinking, I think it may be my location thats more to blame :) I mean... I get these messages:
"Ah, too bad you're in Penticton... Im in (city/town/prov/state) and If you lived closed we would get along GREAT"
"Where the heck is Penticton?!?!" lol "Oh, never heard of it" (after I explain where it is)

So maybe its location even tho I do state in some profiles I am willing to relocate for the right person.

A lot of people may just like dating locally or nearby areas.

Tasha

[kitten]

If you don't try, then you know the answer. NO.

So, good for you putting it out there and keeping your chin up!
You are special to all of us here and the right person will click when you least expect it. In the meantime, have some fun and keep chattin' and postin'!

love and hugs,