Why change of labido (and sexual orientation) after cumming?

[flynn]

(I know this is similar to an ongoing thread...but my question is a bit different)

I am a bisexual male. I get aroused by men, women and everyone in between. Very aroused. By pretty much any pretty face...and pretty body.

Well, I sometimes try to taste my cum. I used to cum in my hand and try to lick it off. But as soon as I would cum, I would instantly lose the desire. The idea disgusted me...momentarily. I would clean off...and sometimes within minutes change BACK to desiring to eat the cum.

I recently started trying something different. In an effort to suck my own cock, I would lay on my back, throw my legs over my shoulders so my hard cock was directly over my mouth. (I read about the technique on the Internet somewhere)

Well, I quickly discovered that I couldn't wrap my lips around my cock, BUT when I would cum, my ejaculate would go directly into my mouth. Yum, yum, yum, yum, YUM.

At first.

It was so strange...the slight bitterness, the viscous sensation traveling down my throat and into my stomach. The nauseated feeling in the pit of my belly.

After a few times, I would lose the desire so quickly that I would begin to cum and close my mouth leaving myself in need of wiping my own goo off my face with tissue or something.

Let me reiterate that I DID get aroused and eventually cum while thinking about men, women and CD/trans. That much is true.

So, why is it that instantly DURING and just AFTER cumming do I suddenly become straight as an arrow?

Any insight would be wonderful!!!! :2cents:

Cheers,
Flynn

[AdamKadmon43]

I wish that I could give you some insight, but I can't because the same thing happens to me.

Maybe we will both learn something.

Adam

[SilverFox52]

My personal experience is it has to do with the level of sexual desire. It's not about libido or sexual orientation -- it's about how uninhibited we all are as we approach orgasm. So many things in those few moments seem great. We get oh, so horny, we fantasize and are willing to do anything just before that hyper sexual moment. Unfortunately, once orgasm happens, our instilled morality kicks in and usually causes a block in what should be a fun time.

My personal philosophy about tasting my own cum: it's unfair of me to expect or hope that someone else (m or f) is going to take into their mouths what I'm not willing to take into my own mouth. If I want someone to swallow mine, I should be willing to eat it too. A friend from Hawaii came up with a suggestion that has worked for me. It may sound weird, but it's a good way to get into your own juices.

The problem is that cum deteriorates rapidly. It's not something you can save. However, the next time your horny and masturbating, shoot into a ice cube tray and freeze your jiz. (If your married and keeping things private, this might be difficult.) For your next session, take out a sperm cube and let it melt. Go to town and get to that point of no inhibitions, then take your own cum in your mouth. Suddenly having that taste in your mouth at the same time you are having an orgasm becomes a very wonderful thing.

Enjoy!

[DiamondDog]

People lose interest after they ejaculate/cum.

Some men will feel disgusted after sex even if they are heterosexual and having sex with a woman.

This happens to lots of people. A gay friend he and I were talking about how after you cum you lose interest in sex.

As for thinking that you're heterosexual is that the guilt/shame about being non-hetero talking?

[jem_is_bi]

I don’t like eating my own cum.
No interest at all.
My dick would wilt at the thought of doing so.

But, I really like eating my partner’s cum.
I still like women. But, I never feel straight as an arrow.

What happens if you have oral sex with another man.
Do you “lose interest and become instantly heterosexual” or do you savor the taste, smile and lick his balls.

Maybe this test your inner desires would be more definitive.

JEM

[TheThreeOfUs]

I have a friend who has the same feelings as you do and he thinks he has it figured out.

He said that when he thinks of men and sexual situations with men that to him its very kinky. Its kinky for him to taste his own cum too. He says he isnt bi, would never even want to really be with a man, but thinking of it is just so kinky that it turns him on. When he cums, the feeling of sexual desire leaves, therefore the want for thinking of men being with men or tasting his cum also leaves.

Maybe thats it? Are you bisexual or are you bicurious?

[DiamondDog]

I have a friend who has the same feelings as you do and he thinks he has it figured out.

He said that when he thinks of men and sexual situations with men that to him its very kinky. Its kinky for him to taste his own cum too. He says he isnt bi, would never even want to really be with a man, but thinking of it is just so kinky that it turns him on. When he cums, the feeling of sexual desire leaves, therefore the want for thinking of men being with men or tasting his cum also leaves.

Maybe thats it? Are you bisexual or are you bicurious?

That's weird.

Why would your friend only fantasize about men and everything and just see it as being kinky and deny it to himself and say "oh I'd never really have sex with a guy!"?

There gets to be a point where fantasy is maddening and you just HAVE to try actually having sex or else you'll go mad trying to contain it and your desires, or at least that's how I see it.

Also why would you want to go your entire life just thinking about having a certain type of sex/sex act, or sex with a certain gender; but never actually doing it at all?

That reminds me of the song from Rocky Horror Picture show "don't dream it, be it!".

I can see if he's married or partnered and doesn't want to lie/cheat and fuck up his relationship with his partner/signifigant other, but if you want sex with men and women, even if you just think about it, why wouldn't you call yourself bisexual? You're certainly not heterosexual or homosexual even if you think that you are or want to be.

I think someone's taking a vacation in Egypt and swimming in denial!;)

[JeanClaude]

Aha.. This situation has come up in conversation over the years and has to some degree caused problems that could have been circumvented had the issue been addressed prior to its most timely arrival. I refer to this situation as POGUS. Post Orgasmic Guilt Syndrome. It not only pops up in periods of masterbatory bliss, but has been known to rear its ugly head in every situation that your moral basline takes on as derrivative. Examples: Man on business trip calls escort, wife at home, orgasm arrives, he's done and usually ready for her to leave. Now, most escorts are prepared for this to happen, and they have trained themselves that when it's over, it's time to get dressed. POGUS isn't a necessary turn that psyches take, but if it were not for this syndrome, we as humans experiencing "extreme" behavior would eventually find it difficult to return to baseline to deal with our normal life as it were. Most people experience it to some degree if they believe the sexual trist they were just involved in were viewed by someone close to them, whose opinion they respected, would not approve.

I might add, that though POGUS does in fact exist, it can be dealt with. Though most people have never talked about it, they are aware of it and will acknowledge that they have experienced it. Soooo, if this topic is addressed prior to engaging in any activity, and it is put on the table, and should you and your partner(s)? procede with what you are about to do.... just make it known that experiencing that guilt afterwards is not permitted. You will find that this "foretalk" so to speak, will truely enhance the moment. The primary reason that it works so well, is that one of the people whose opinion will matter to you is that of the other particpant(s).

Now, how to deal with it in "solo" experiences. Normally speaking, we as men, know that one of the differences between sex with a partner and by ourselves is the cleanup. I'll bet you can't count the times and get within one thousand, the number of times you have slapped it, dropped your semen on a sheet of typing or notebook paper...wadded it up, bounced it off of 2 walls and made a 3 pointer. Quick, simple, to the point and stress is gone...for a bit. The closer we come (pun intended) to firing off that seed into our own open mouth with that butt up in the air, or dropping it into your hand and slurpin' the big one, our mind realizes how close this situation is to being over, and at the last couple of seconds we think, well the desire for the tangy metal potential of taste may not be there in a couple of seconds and the taste will linger longer than the orgasm.. so hmmmm.... mouth shuts down, or if we dropped it in our hand, it ends up getting rubbed back onto the rag or puterpaper. Then a fleeting thought travels through our cerebral cortex and ya get a vision of your grandmother, may she rest in peace, seeing you catch your first and second shots with your tongue and we back off.

To get around this.... revert back to the foretalk. If you want to do it, have a talk with yourself, and tell you that "Hey, its ok!... It really is. Cuz, it really is. Tell yourself that you are not going to feel guilty at the last second. You really want to do this, and you don't want to hold back. There are alot of other things that you can experience by doing this besides that guilt, and you owe it to yourself to do it. You will find that can have a much closer relationship with you. It might help, or you might want to consider setting up the video camera to experience it all over again. Just watching what you were able to do might be worth having another orgasm over. Good luck, I hope it helps. If any of you have any personal questions or would like a personal response, then message me.

[the mage]

HORMONES!!

and rest...

HORMONES!!


and rest

etc.

[TheThreeOfUs]

That's weird.

Why would your friend only fantasize about men and everything and just see it as being kinky and deny it to himself and say "oh I'd never really have sex with a guy!"?

There gets to be a point where fantasy is maddening and you just HAVE to try actually having sex or else you'll go mad trying to contain it and your desires, or at least that's how I see it.

Also why would you want to go your entire life just thinking about having a certain type of sex/sex act, or sex with a certain gender; but never actually doing it at all?

That reminds me of the song from Rocky Horror Picture show "don't dream it, be it!".

I can see if he's married or partnered and doesn't want to lie/cheat and fuck up his relationship with his partner/signifigant other, but if you want sex with men and women, even if you just think about it, why wouldn't you call yourself bisexual? You're certainly not heterosexual or homosexual even if you think that you are or want to be.

I think someone's taking a vacation in Egypt and swimming in denial!;)

lol Ive known him a very long time. He really doesnt strike me as the kind of guy who would even try anything like that he just says its a kinky turn on, like being taboo, that does it for him. Now who knows maybe one day he will change his mind, but if I had to guess, he is definetly straight lol But you never truely know whats in ones mind do ya

[DiamondDog]

lol Ive known him a very long time. He really doesnt strike me as the kind of guy who would even try anything like that he just says its a kinky turn on, like being taboo, that does it for him. Now who knows maybe one day he will change his mind, but if I had to guess, he is definetly straight lol But you never truely know whats in ones mind do ya

The whole thing reaks of denial to me and it's just like a closeted guy to say that the idea of having homosex is a kinky turn on but how he's really heterosexual since he just thinks about it because even though he gets turned on by it, and he is afraidn to do it since then he wouldn't be "straight" anymore.

It's just like closeted bi/gay guys to engage in homosexual sex like oral sex or jack off and then say that they're still "straight" because they didn't do anal sex, they didn't kiss, or a whole other multitude of reasons that they build up in their minds since they're in denial.

[barchet]

This used to happen to me. I understand all the theories and discussions because I have been there, tried it, and shut down. This used to happen if I was with a male partner and I came before him. Then it is a real guilt trip.

It also happens when I want to lick my cum off of a woman's body. I want to do it, cum on her, then I back off.

Realizing that I am missing something I am now able to bring my male friend off after I have cum. The pleasure is still there and the excitment of satisfying him is gratifying. As far as licking my cum off of a woman, I can and do lick it if she requests it. That way I am still satisfying my partner.

Fun is fun, and safe fun is great. Try not to miss out on anything.

[genera101.2]

Masters and Johnson discussed this stage in the sexual response cycle, which is called the refractory period. This was based on their research on human sexual behavior back in the 1960s. It only happens in men and it is normal. It is a phase where there is decreased sexual excitement, arousal, and stimulation. It’s normal and it’s apart of our physiological makeup. It is “a recovery time where during which further orgasm or ejaculation is physiologically impossible.” (p. 75)

Younger men recover quicker from this period and older men take a little longer. Women do not have a refractory phase; they may be limited in multiple orgasms due to exhaustion and fatigue. Because women do not have a true refractory phase they can have multiple orgasms and men usually cannot.
:flag3:

[Bicuriousity]

That definitely happens. I hate the guilt that occurs after a bi experience but it has happened.

[open2both]

Just one of nature's quirks, love.

[someotherguy]

The factors influencing perception change rapidly during orgasm. Sexual arousal is an appetite. You want something right until you had it. The same thing happens for other appetites. Let yourself get hungry, then eat a big meal. Why aren't you still hungry?

For men, sex is totally a life wrecking proposition. One day you are happy, virile, looking to get laid. The next moment you have impregnated a woman and you become a drone slave to her yawling brood. That is why it take nature drugging us out of our minds to even want to have sex in the first place. Heroin has nothing on testosterone. You get randy, get your sex fix, get high as a kite, and then all of the sudden you come down, the magic gone, and there you are with whatever biological mess you just made. It's like waking up stone cold sober in a crack house. You would never have gone their except for wanting to get high.

Just think of it as a momentary set-back. In no time the allure of sex will return, along with all the strange illusions of desire that are the opium dreams of the very horny male.

[swans]

My personal experience is it has to do with the level of sexual desire. It's not about libido or sexual orientation -- it's about how uninhibited we all are as we approach orgasm. So many things in those few moments seem great. We get oh, so horny, we fantasize and are willing to do anything just before that hyper sexual moment. Unfortunately, once orgasm happens, our instilled morality kicks in and usually causes a block in what should be a fun time.

My personal philosophy about tasting my own cum: it's unfair of me to expect or hope that someone else (m or f) is going to take into their mouths what I'm not willing to take into my own mouth. If I want someone to swallow mine, I should be willing to eat it too. A friend from Hawaii came up with a suggestion that has worked for me. It may sound weird, but it's a good way to get into your own juices.

The problem is that cum deteriorates rapidly. It's not something you can save. However, the next time your horny and masturbating, shoot into a ice cube tray and freeze your jiz. (If your married and keeping things private, this might be difficult.) For your next session, take out a sperm cube and let it melt. Go to town and get to that point of no inhibitions, then take your own cum in your mouth. Suddenly having that taste in your mouth at the same time you are having an orgasm becomes a very wonderful thing.

Enjoy!

Instead of an ice tray try freezing it in a condom and, like you said, when you are at the point of no inhibitions, pour the thawed-out lovely stuff between your lips and/or empty it over your face as you ejaculate.

Until I read your thread I had never thought of freezing my cum "for a rainy day" and tried it out this morning whilst masturbating. It was very horny toying with the cum filled condom, occasionally holding it in my mouth to warm it as I wanked. Although it wasnt as "hot" as I would have liked it was just as tasty and a lot more "gooey". God I love cum!!

[Kitsy]

I'm not sure myself ^_^; I used to do the lie on back and legs over shoulders thing when I was younger... Used to be able to get the end into mouth and I was always happy to swallow it... though I dunno... I don't do it anymore really because I can't be bothered LoL maybe because I'm fatter too... I dunno if that really makes it more difficult, but I'm out of practice anyway ^_^;; stopped when I was 14 and got my first girlfriend I think... Maybe did once or twice later... I forget... But yeah I don't normally eat my cum anymore... Oh well ^_^;;

[GalacticiaActual]

It's the same for me, and I have many times questioned myself after cumming about my bisexual desires. But, in the end I always find the urge returns.
I think part of it is because I have always had to hide my "bi" side from friends and family. In high school I was constantly picked on and accused of being gay which set me off in a total denial frame of mind. The post orgasm guilt somehow keeps me in check because of my fear of someone finding out. I HATE IT!

[al987al]

It's a hormone called prolactin, look it up. Same stuff that makes women lactate and supresses sexual desire while breast feeding. There are drugs you can take to supress it like cabergoline.

Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prolactin

[skyscanning]

I don't think it is a bi/non-bi issue at all.

My GF likes the idea of me licking her after I cum in/on her. The idea sounded sexy and erotic, and I liked the fact that the GF was taking chances and asking to see/experience things with me.

But after cuming, it seems that the desire to lick my own wavered. I simply had no desire to do so, and even when I would "practice" I would drive toward the goal of licking/tasting myself and then I would ejaculate. I was instantly done with the effort, as if a switch was flipped.

I thing there is some kind of "shut off" chemical inside that says: Ok, game over. Sadly, this "shut off" occurs after ejaculation, thus making the lick/suck cum cleanup (or play) a bit more difficult.

I simply worked through it. I shoot on her breasts, and then rub it in (for example). Then, as I rub it in, the scent rises, and my attitide and my sexual desires return.

I might take some of my cum, and paint her lips with it. Then we together would kiss and lick it off... Yummy, sensual, and drives her crazy!

Just work through it guys. In the end (no pun intended, but enjoyed!) it is still just a simple decision.

I have the same attitude of another writer in this thread: How can you expect her/him to do it if you will not. That attitude is how I started bi play. If I want to take his/her ass, my ass should be willing to receive it too. Yum.

For what it's worth...