Beauty

[IanBorthwick]

God...do I hate this countries pre-occupation with appearance as a criteria for valuing ones self. Loathe it! Working in the health industry for 14 years I have seen them all come and go. Your body composition is NOT a measure of your beauty AT ALL! Some of the most angelic women and girls I have ever seen were overweight! They had smiles to break your heart, or make you walk a mile on nails for. Of course, that doesn't mean I found them all attractive. SOme weren't of course and that's just real life.

Trim women...I have seen some who were adorable to look at also...sometimes heartbreakers as well. But there are trim ones who can also point to their low Body Mass Index and I still wouldn't want to be near them.

The point is that beauty is not somthing you can own..it simply occurs because you are or aren't blessed with a certain set of genetic characteristics that makes you pleasing to look at. Hell, on a web site that used to exist where people rate your looks, I was a 1.13 out of 10. Go figure that..it's almost as low as you can go.

1.13..it hurts to know that. Makes you want to SCREAM, doesn't it? Why would people be so cruel? Well fact is I don't care anymore. It doesn't make me any less of a loving person, or dimish me.

My mind is my creation. I filled it with what I thought best, decided what I thought and didn't about things. It was I that spent time thinking on subjects from the Chaos Theory, to spacial dynamics, the validity of Warp drive, Battlemech designs...I thought about philosophy FIRST then went to see if others in the heyday of logic agreed and found oft times I was backed by Socrates, Sun Tzu, Buddha and even Christ...I write poetry and fiction that I've been told sucks you into the story by published authors and everyday people alike.

I've sung professionally on stage with Placido Domingo, at the Hollywood Bowl many times...I know the Dorothy Chandler Pavillion at thge Music Center in LA like the back of my hand...but only in the PERFORMER's areas! My voice in on a soundtrack to a movie called Brainstorm along with the rest of the California Boys' Choir, and I even sang for Queen Elizabeth II and Princes Margaret.

I learned martial arts under a private teacher and won intramurals and competitions all over California, learned to play the flute, the recorder and even self taught on the ocarina.

So my mind is my own by fashion and design. I think it's pretty good, whatever you may think of the face attached to the head it's in. :D That will be one of my measures of self value from now on.

[Azrael]

Dude, fuck what people think. Agonizing over the opinions of others is unhealthy. Just follow your own path. You're the one who has to live with yourself :2cents:

[rissababynta]

sorry, i can't relate...i've always been a hottie :rolleyes:

obviously kidding...


anyway, i must agree with you. too many people have an unrealistic view on the way a woman or man should look. whatever happened to a persons soul?


i must say that since being on this site, i have never had so many people tell me that i was beautiful. i have heard many people here say that they don't care about what a person looks like as long as they are a good person. that is why i feel so good when i come here. i don't have to worry about what people will think of my fat, my awkward looking nose, my plain brown hair, or my droopy boobs! this site has made me realize that there is still SOME hope for the world.


hooray!

[MarieDelta]

In my opinion, I think it's not the size of the brain it's what you do with it that counts.

F*ck societies expectations, we can't all be the hotties. Even the hotties age and that isn't so pretty.

Just be *you*, be the best *you* that you can be. It honestly sounds like this is what you are doing.

Having insecurities is part of being human, whether it's looks, smarts or something else. We all have to fight that battle of self acceptance sooner or later.

[Herbwoman39]

Ian, my dear, with everything you have accomplished so far in your life, why do you allow the opinions of others to affect you so deeply? You've done more with your life so far than MANY people have. You're accomplished and intelligent. So F^CK what other people say about your appearance.

I've seen your pics. Honestly dear, if I was single, I'd be all over you because you're my kind of guy...a talented, creative Renn junkie who likes quantum theory and philosophy. I know that there are other people out there with my same tastes. People that are turned on by the mind and heart of another person.

Please understand that what I am about to say comes from a place of love and caring. You have GOT to stop judging yourself by other people's opinions! It's hurtful to your spirit, dear. Other people don't know you, so how can they judge you? Hell, you don't know these other people who gave you that rating so how can you trust their judgment so implicitly??

[Lisa (va)]

Beauty if in the eye of the beholder. Folks all have particular preferences as to what appeals to them both physically and on an emotional level.

You can take the same person and describe them to someone, but depending on how you describe them can affect how they see the person.

Physically speaking if you compare the 'average' man to the 'average' woman, I will undoubted think the woman is by far more attractive. That doesn't mean I desire women more than men though, a person is much more than their appearance. (might be the reason I will rarely visit profiles).

Take my husband for instance (I have his permission to do this)

Physically: He's 42 years old with a little gray (mostly in his goatee) has a little patch on back of his head where his hair is balding, he's 6 ft plus and weighs about 240 pounds, not so obese, but yes he does have a belly. His 'best' feature is his hazel eyes, they do make me melt.

How I see him: He is about the most loving person I know, he cares for others in his life. He is easy to talk to and listens earnestly. He is a passionate lover, one that knows the difference between making love and just having sex (both are needed and good). He's quite soft spoken, I have yet to hear him raise his voice at anyone. He works in a suit and tie, yet once home he's equally comfortably in his old jeans and doesn't think he's better than anyone. He is wise, yet he doesn't make me feel as if I am dumber than he is. And yes he does have the most wonderful eyes, they speak volumes. And he makes me feel as if I am the most beautiful woman in the world.

Yes I love him dearly!

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[IanBorthwick]

Ian, my dear, with everything you have accomplished so far in your life, why do you allow the opinions of others to affect you so deeply? You've done more with your life so far than MANY people have. You're accomplished and intelligent. So F^CK what other people say about your appearance.

I've seen your pics. Honestly dear, if I was single, I'd be all over you because you're my kind of guy...a talented, creative Renn junkie who likes quantum theory and philosophy. I know that there are other people out there with my same tastes. People that are turned on by the mind and heart of another person.

Please understand that what I am about to say comes from a place of love and caring. You have GOT to stop judging yourself by other people's opinions! It's hurtful to your spirit, dear. Other people don't know you, so how can they judge you? Hell, you don't know these other people who gave you that rating so how can you trust their judgment so implicitly??


The whole reason I wrote this is because I am so sick of being made to feel bad over not having the quirk that is handsomeness, or comeliness. Whatever definition you want to throw on it, I know I am charismatic in real life. In person the one you all have seen of me when I am down is not SEAN. It's not. And what you see may have annoyed you, but that's because yes...I deal with depression badly, but I have to indentify the problem is not always internal. The problem is with those who enforce vain, supercilious definitions of beauty. :)

They hold no sway over me anymore. In fact, one thing that came to mind was how people leapt to be near Cherry, in life and on the net. Yet when I speak, or move, or chat...I hold sway and take your attention. Cherry told me she can't do that, is even scared as hell to try and make the first impression. I, on the other hand, was taught through the Choir and all the acting we had to do for the stage, how to push past it and make the Show Go On.

In fact, once at a Ren Faire, there was a coven of Wiccans I knew the matriarch of. She was chatting with her coven, about maybe 5 of them, and I came to say hello. I told her of my trip to Pennsylvania, the fun I had...and I noticed...they were all staring. I wondered whetehr I had something on my face, but they were entranced by my description of it and the spiritual nature of the forests I walked through. Not going to brag, but I had no idea before that date I could do it. The matriarch knew I was am a solo practicing Thaumaturgist, the girls didin't. When I said my good byes and offered them some free mead I make, the girls erupted into giggles and whispered talk.

I can speculate what they were saying, but I'd rather not. The same is true of some of the Knights who joust at the same tournament. One is very Bi, and he and I have a great rapport(but I'd LOVE to have more!!) and because of my patronage and the jokes we spar with while he jousts loudly, my son now rides with him throughout the grounds, everytime we are there!

No...I can't be ugly if such people like me and find me likable. :)

[the mage]

Ugly is in the mind of the viewer only.
There it resides in its lonely loft.
Nowhere else in nature is there such foolish judgment.

[Herbwoman39]

No...I can't be ugly if such people like me and find me likable. :)

You have no idea how pleased I am to hear you say that. I've been worried about you. :)

[darkeyes]

As they say its in the eye of the beholder....I luff peeps that lpook amazin..but also peeps that have4 beautiful minds r equally yummie...... equally we all c ugly things diff.... an who wantsta b wiv summat ugly!!!

[womandriver]

I see your point I too am sick of a society who puts us all into cubbyholes simply by our income or rpoffession or what we look like or that we are carrying around some extra pounds. Why can we not value human beings for whats inside and then there would be no stares or whispers when someone saw another prson who is so different than themselves

[womandriver]

and by the way ian i too saw your pics and you can eat crackers in my bed anytime as long as you talk to me while you are eating!

[IanBorthwick]

and by the way ian i too saw your pics and you can eat crackers in my bed anytime as long as you talk to me while you are eating!

:bigrin: *blushing* Thanks.

But if I was in anyone's bed, I'd be too nervous to eat. I feel like a total babe in the woods sometimes. LOL

[womandriver]

why do I doubt that you are? But I know the feeling.

[IanBorthwick]

why do I doubt that you are? But I know the feeling.

I don't know why you doubt it...my first sex with anyone was when i was 24, I have had sex with two people total in my life. So yeah, I am very inexperienced. LOL

[JoyJoyHollywood]

and by the way ian i too saw your pics and you can eat crackers in my bed anytime as long as you talk to me while you are eating!

Yeah, I have to agree....you are NOT unattractive, cutie.

[IanBorthwick]

Wow...so much attention all at once. I am all aflutter! *goes to get cold washcloth for red cheeks.*

[elian]

People come in all different sort of packages - I can't help it if some people never take time to look at the whole person. You might want to consider that learning about EVERYONE you meet takes time and puts others in a somewhat vulnerable position when they are doing it right. Some people are just not mature enough to do it, they are in a hurry, don't want to get hurt or me-centric and don't care anyway.

Based on the fact that certain people, total strangers can look so familiar I seriously think that there may be a set number of genetic patterns producing physical bodies with certain 'types" of features - but the soul within each one is quite unique.

Everybody gets tired of playing the game, being poked and prodded sooner or later, you aren't alone Ian.

For the record - I think you look cute in the costumed pic - and the words you've written make it clear that you can be intensely curious about things and disciplined about things when you want to be..not bad qualities to have.

-E

[someotherguy]

Ugly is only a problem if you dislike others for it, because that means when your turn comes, all hope is lost. But if you can accept other people despite their lack of beauty then you see in yourself it's not a problem. You just have to come to terms with the fact of your demotion from hot to not. There is still plenty good about life for people who are not beautiful. It is ugly to snark at others for your own self-loathing, or because you assume that, get this, your life will suck because the people you consider attractive don't return the favor. Just make yourself at home among the vast majority of ugly people, and do not grovel for reassurance from the attractive ones, and do not hate them, either, or make up lies about how they are stupid and shallow.

Being beautiful in looks is one way to be beautiful, and it is nice to see on a person. It deserves admiration when it happens. Being beautiful in spirit and attitude is also good. I think it is pathetic when someone's account of themselves suffers as they realize they can't be as good looking as they want. Then they get over it and find some other thing to take the place of physical beauty, like how far they can spit or if people tend to enjoy their company. You have other gifts.

[Gxozi]

Just by reading your article I think you are a beautiful and most interesting person. ANd your garb picture is awesome , I'd love to spar with you. THough your other pictures aren't bad either ;) i had to look since u mentioned apearances.

I find that even in a community of intellectuals there are few truly beautiful people. Most lack the wisdom to carry it through. I usualy feel lonely because i can't find others as mature. And I'm glad i found this website.

Don't let the world get you down, it has much to learn yet and we can only try and help it along.

-Jossie

[Fresia]

Another excellent topic.
And I miss Ian. Nice fella with an extraordinary singing voice.