I'm leaving... bye bye to everyone!

[holybane]

Hello,

I'm sure many of you know me and those of you who don't, well, I wish I had gotten to know you. I'm leaving the site, and I won't be coming back. I will stay active for some of today but by 7:00pm tonight I will no longer be associated with this site.

It's not because of anything here, I love this site, the majority of you good folk have been nothing short of kind and supportive and as such have been great to me. My girlfriend found some porn that I had saved. She knows about me, everything about me, and she knew I looked up porn. She knew all this before she found it, but she had asked that she never has to see it and that I NEVER save it on the computer. So we got in a fight (actually she was mad at me and gave me the silent treatment for an hour while I begged her to talk to me), and she almost broke up with me. I realized then just how much I tax her and how close I had come to losing her. I still don't know if we'll be together by tonight, but I'm hoping the things I have done today while she's at work will help her decision.

I love this site, but I can't hurt her anymore, and she's much more important to me than myself or my desires, or even my friends. I'm so sorry to those who enjoyed my company, and if I hurt anyone with this I'm sorry as well. But it's necessary, I want to keep her, and I can't if I don't change who I am. I love you all as friends, even those who I do not know but who suffer the same oppression as we all do sometimes.

If you wish to say anything before I leave, please send me a message or post here. I'll post another right before I officially delete my account so I will check this before then. Other than that, I just have to say farewell, and may your path remain clear and unburdened. Don't ever lose yourself as I have, and try to be as happy as you all can.

"No heart can take this pain for as long as I. The skies may rain fire and the sands boil, the flesh may sear from my bones, but am who i am, and only I can change that."

-Roger

[captslaprock]

HOPING & PRAYING GOOD THINGS YOUR WAY BRO :)

[TaylorMade]

I understand.

Do what you have to do.

Take care. If life brings you back here, we'll leave a spot for you.

*Taylor*

[Herbwoman39]

I'm sorry you've got to go. We'll all miss you. But your relationship *does* have to come first.

If things change and life allows you to meander back this way, we'll leave the light on so you can find your way back.

Be well dear.

[Mrs. Taz]

good luck in everything you do. we will miss you. BIG HUGS




Mrs. Taz

[rissababynta]

so sorry to hear that. you will be missed. good luck

[Gleekybaby]

Hello, i dont think i know you, but i see what you have to do, we all make sacrifices and i say if you have to leave to save a relationship then do it, it comes first, thank you for taking the time to say farewell and i wish you all the best in the future, take care and may your life be full of happiness.

*huggles and wishes you the best*

Gleekybaby

[bohemian69]

Good Bye & Good Luck.
I hope it all works out for you.
Always be true to yourself. :flag2:

[m.in.heels&hose]

its always sad to see good people leave the site, but i do understand

and as taylor has said, "you do what you have to do"

i truly wish you all the best of luck in your situation right now!!!


i think i say this for most of the people from here :grouphug:

good luck, and i'll keep you in my thoughts & prayers that everything will turn out A-OK for you

good luck & best wishes
m.in.jeans&steel toed boots (aka m.in.heels&hose)

[arana]

Wow, this can't possibly be my last Oi Holy! :( I am very sad to see you leave and under these circumstances. I think it's very noble what you are doing for your love and hope that she appreciates that you are giving a part of yourself up for her. When you love someone you make sacrafices and compromises....I hope she is worthy and treats you with the same respect Roger! Good luck to you!!! We'll miss ya.

[rayosytruenos]

[...] My girlfriend found some porn that I had saved. She knows about me, everything about me, and she knew I looked up porn. She knew all this before she found it, but she had asked that she never has to see it and that I NEVER save it on the computer. So we got in a fight (actually she was mad at me and gave me the silent treatment for an hour while I begged her to talk to me), and she almost broke up with me. I realized then just how much I tax her and how close I had come to losing her. I still don't know if we'll be together by tonight, but I'm hoping the things I have done today while she's at work will help her decision.[...]Hi, Holybane!
Sorry if you have to leave, and I REALLY hope she appreciates what you are giving up for her (and I'm not speaking about this site but about your own heart).

I don't want to put any more burden on your back, as it seems that you just had a lot with that fight, but I don't understand her behaviour. I mean, she already knew about you, your feelings and your activities, so what was all that about? She found some porn file from yours... so what? If you trust each other enough, I would have a personal file for me and another one for her, and keep each other's privacy on those, with no need of password, if we really trust each other. You don't want to see what I like? Ok, don't sneak into my personal files... As simple as that. If she really is so understanding as you say, I don't understand her burst up, maybe there is something else boiling up... maybe she was during those days of the months or whatever and she went for you...

Ok, it's not my intention to make things worse, so do what you think it's better for you. No matter how much I could try to be in your shoes, everyone is different. I wish you all the best, but please remember that if you repress your heart's feelings, it can lead you to a depression. I know by experience. If she really loves you, she should try to understand your feelings and not to suppress them.

Once again, all the best in the path you decide to go,

ray

[bigulfcpl]

We don't know you, but, we wish you the best, and hope everything works out for you!

[biwords]

I don't know you either, but I think your gf is pretty lucky and I wish both of you all the best.

[FerociousFeline]

I'm sure I'm way too late for you to see this, but, I will still write it in the event that you do.

I have only spoken with you a few times, and you seem to be a great guy.
I would like to congratulate you on making a decision and doing what you think you need to do in order to "take care of yourself". I specifically wish to address the issue which I see that indicates that you have taken charge of your own desires and made a choice.

I hear all the time from people that they simply must be this way or that because they don't have a choice. It is refreshing to see someone "in their own power" take responsibility for their own sexuality and choose what is best for them. Frankly, I consider it to be part of being bi. So, my hat is off to you for multiple orgasms...er. um I mean reasons. : )

Thanks for taking care of yourself.
Thanks for demonstrating your love of a good woman.
Thanks for sharing yourself with us while you were able.
Thanks for demonstrating to us that we can all make a decision about our sexuality, and that the decision can be one of our own making without being under duress.

If things don't work out in this relationship, PLEASE do return and bring your light back to us.

May the good red road rise to meet you, and may your happiness light your path.

FF

[Trinity-Fl]

You'll regret it.

Many years ago, I was in a very similar situation. At that time I decided to throw away all my antique (as in old dog-eared magazines and poorly printed paper back books) pornograghy. It was in a box in the bottom of a closet under a ton of stuff. Into the garbage it went and I've regretted it ever since! Not that it was that great but I liked it - it was mine - it brought me pleasure - and I was coereced into getting rid of it.

I've always enjoyed porno. I like the erotic feeling and feeling my cock get hard. I like masterbating and long ago got over the guilt associated with it. Now I say, " Wow! That was good!" And, yes, there were times I spent more time on it than I should have.

It's been a long time and the relationship is long gone... but I still feel resentment about the episode. I didn't feel that I should have been forced to meet someone else's standard, but worse, it had no effect on the other person involved.

So... you can leave the site but you can't leave your inner person.

[the mage]

And we wonder why men stay so firmly in the closet...

[AdamKadmon43]

If my girlfriend ever tells me that I can't do the things that make my life complete, then I shall tell her to go fuck her self.... But then, that is just me.... good luck to you. You are a much more noble person than I could ever be. (which probably explains why I am divorced)

Adam

[Azrael]

If my girlfriend ever tells me that I can't do the things that make my life complete, then I shall tell her to go fuck her self.... But then, that is just me.... good luck to you. You are a much more noble person than I could ever be. (which probably explains why I am divorced)

Adam
You and me both buddy. Why I didn't get married :cool:

[DiamondDog]

And we wonder why men stay so firmly in the closet...
Do you ever have anything nice, constructive, or positive to say about other people? :rolleyes:

Just because he is leaving this site it doesn't mean that he's not out to himself/other people, or that he won't eventually come out, or that he's not out to his family and girlfriend.

I don't see you as being out even if you are into swinging, go to orgies/sex parties, or if you post on this site.

[mike9753]

I know this won't help Holybane but I can't help but comment on this situation. First of all, to everyone who were so kind and understanding in wishing him Goodbye and Good Luck - it speaks to the reasons why it was so hard for him to say goodbye - because of the community.

Secondly, a few made the comment that he may come to regret this. And I think the regret will be that:
1. he may try to change who he is for his girlfriend, and fail or,
2. not change enough to suit her, or
3. change but resent having to have changed AND not feel that she accepts him,
4. he may feel he has lost some essential part of himself by becoming who she wants him to be, not who he really is.

I guess we all know that it is extremely hard to change yourself for your own reasons - if you want to change because of some insight you have gained. But changing for someone else, is next to impossible - even if you love that person with all your heart.

I have always felt that when two people are in love, their relationship has the greatest chance of succeeding to be a life long partnership when both people accept each other, with all their pluses and minuses. But when one partner assumes that he or she can change the other, once they are married or once the other commits to the relationship - it is a recipe for disaster. Both people end up feeling bad.

Anyway, I hope things work out for holybane. I hope they end up talking about this issue and getting to a place where they can accept what makes them different, instead of homogenizing themselves into being a mirror image of what one thinks the other should be.

- Mike

[biwords]

A great post, Mike. On my first, quick reading of holybane's initial post I'd somehow not registered the weight of his statement that "I want to keep her, and I can't if I don't change who I am". I'm sure she's a great lady (though the cold-shoulder technique is one I've always despised), but I fear that holybane has it backwards: that you should first figure out who you are, and then find someone to keep who fully accepts that. That said, I hope it works out for them, she certainly has a devoted guy.

[onewhocares]

Roger Roger,

I think there is no one who shall miss you more. I do agree with some of the posts, I too wonder what is next to give up? This has been a haven for all who wish to spend time. It is so not all about sex...no one knows it more that you or I. I shall keep in touch my love.

Belle