Was a little speechless

[Mrs.F]

Today at work I was just sitting talking to a male co-worker of mine and he brings up this friend of him and his wife (woman) and how she has been with this new boyfriend for 3 weeks now. Apparently he told her after 3 weeks of dating and sex 2 times that he is bisexual and has a boyfriend. He wanted to know if she would like to have a 3some... :eek: 1st) she had NO clue he was bisexual, 2nd) he never told her he was involved with anyone else. 3) she had unprotected sex with him twice.

So my co-worker says to me........"What would you do if your husband told you he was bisexual after you had been with him for awhile and had sex?" :yikes2: :yikes2:

I wasn't quite sure what to say...mainly because, that is exactly what happened to me. I found out after 10 yrs. of marriage that Flounder was bisexual and had some experiences under his belt (no pun intended).

I basically answered him by saying...I have been married to my husband for over 10 yrs. now, I hope I would know if that was the case. Then I mentioned that this friend should not be having unprotected sex with someone she has only known 3 weeks. I also mentioned that sex with another guy does not always mean "anal" because I know that's what he thinks. He just looked at me funny like he didn't understand. I have had conversations before with this guy and he is extremely homophobic.

Is there more I should have said or said it differently....without making it known that my husband is bisexual. I feel if I say too much he will question me!

btw--the friend dumped the guy immediately...end of relationship!

[tinkslite]

My goodness, I'm glad my husband didn't take this attitude! Mind you, when he found out I liked other girls, we had been together (monogomously) for years. I had had only one girl/girl experience (some years earlier) and so it was a little different. But when I read about this kind of thing it freaks me out.
I understand not everyone wants to be with someone who has relationships on both sides of the garden fence (as its seen as noncommital I guess). That is everyones right.
I do think it is sexually irresponsible to sleep w/anyone without protection in a brand new relationship, or to have sex with someone with whom you have not been candid re. the risks of being intimate with you. I don't think you have to go into graphic detail right away, just say that protection is not optional. Nuff said. As the relationship grows you can fill in more blanks.

[ghytifrdnr]

Mrs. F,
I think you handled the situation correctly. If the guy is a homophobe there is no way to convince him otherwise, and 'coming out' to him would only cause you untold trouble. :2cents:

[arana]

Wow, talk about something hitting close to home. I think you did what you could do in that circumstance. I think his female friend is the one that should have handled things differently. She had unprotected sex with him THEN was shocked because he was bi and had a bf on the side. I'm shocked she would have unprotected sex with anyone to begin with. She just proved right there you don't know the background of your partners, regardless of what you "think" you might know. And what if he hadn't have had the bf on the side but told her as they got closer that he was bisexual...would she have still left him? I'm not saying the guy was right in what he did, he's just as irresponsible...but it takes two to tango.

[jem_is_bi]

Unless you want to score “in your face” points for the bisexual cause by trying to educate and/or slap down a homophobic person at the risk of personal harm. DO NOT LINK YOUR GOOD RELATIONSHIP to this girl’s dysfunctional relationship. She and her bisexual bf will succeed or fail without your input and she is not the one seeking your help. As for your homophobic workmate, his is negative input to her may be good or may be bad but it is not your problem. It is unlikely your homophobic workmate wants your advice to pass on to the woman. Rather, I suspect he wants you to agree with him that the bf’s bisexuality is the problem.
Congratulations, for your successes in life, caring thoughts for others, and courage to consider confrontation for what you believe is right. (But, this is just not important enough for that.)

JEM

[Mrs.F]

Wow, talk about something hitting close to home. I think you did what you could do in that circumstance. I think his female friend is the one that should have handled things differently. She had unprotected sex with him THEN was shocked because he was bi and had a bf on the side. I'm shocked she would have unprotected sex with anyone to begin with. She just proved right there you don't know the background of your partners, regardless of what you "think" you might know. And what if he hadn't have had the bf on the side but told her as they got closer that he was bisexual...would she have still left him? I'm not saying the guy was right in what he did, he's just as irresponsible...but it takes two to tango.

Exactly what I thought too arana......I was drinking at the time and damn near spewed in his face. You hear about gay/lesbian's all the time, but I've NEVER heard anyone talk about anyone bisexual and then to ask ME.....I was litterally speechless. And as Jem said...it was not the time or person to try education skills on. Next thing you know they are asking you why and how you know so much. But trust me...there are times I do want to lecture people who are so ignorant!
I must say he seemed VERY concerned that she had unprotected sex more then the fact the guy was bi. She was irresponsible and it does take 2 to tango. :rolleyes:
thank you for your responses! :)

[wanderingrichard]

Exactly what I thought too arana......I was drinking at the time and damn near spewed in his face. You hear about gay/lesbian's all the time, but I've NEVER heard anyone talk about anyone bisexual and then to ask ME.....I was litterally speechless. And as Jem said...it was not the time or person to try education skills on. Next thing you know they are asking you why and how you know so much. But trust me...there are times I do want to lecture people who are so ignorant!
I must say he seemed VERY concerned that she had unprotected sex more then the fact the guy was bi. She was irresponsible and it does take 2 to tango. :rolleyes:
thank you for your responses! :)

ok 2 parts to my comments here;

1st, you did real good mrs. F.. perfectly tactful and non self incriminating.. just the way it should have been handled considering who you knew you were with.

2nd;
am wondering, based on what i've read from between the lines, if there wasn't also some concern about the unprotected sex because of a hidden personal involvement between the man you were talking to and the lady he was talking about?? :eek:

[texasman6172003]

Hi Mrs F. I am very glad we heard from you again :) !!! All i want to say is BLESS YOU Mrs F. for wanting to inform ignorant people when they speak of things they know very little about such as Bisexuality... And you handled things great as far as i am concerend,Thanks Mrs F. :bipride:

[mn freak]

I have to agree with wanderingrichard. It's always "a friend" with a problem, never the person talking. I'm guessing it him & not his friend. Some of the biggest homophobes have been closet cases.

:2cents:

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:bibounce: