So, apparently I'm not Heterosexual.

[JoyJoyHollywood]

So, apparently I'm not heterosexual. Imagine my surprise. And to be honest- to a degree, terror.

It has become apparent that I do not have membership in the Heterosexual Club. I have a visitors pass. It's a permanent visitors pass, they wont kick me out, but I'm not a member. I do not belong to this club. I've been hanging around this club for eight years thinking that I knew what the (expletive) was going on, and surprise surprise, I had no idea what reality really was.

I was poking around the Planned Parenthood site and I wandered into their index. And I saw it. The definition of Heterosexual-someone who is sexually attracted to the opposite sex. Period. And I realized, that's not me. I'm not a heterosexual. I'm sexually attracted to the opposite sex AND my own sex. I'm not oversexed, really kinky or really experimental. I love naked women. I love sex with women. I love naked men. I love sex with men. I'm a Bisexual.

What. The. Hell. Is. Happening. Here?

Why didn't I notice this before? It's not like I didn't have the opportunity to notice. I've been there before and I loved it. I've been to the other place and I loved it too. Was there a memo going around that just happened to skip me?

And the surprises don't end there. It seems I happen to have ANOTHER permanent visitors pass to the Homosexual Club. But I'm not a member there either.

Surprise! There's a third club. It's just that no one told be where in the (expletive) it is. And I'm a member. Someone just forgot to send me my notification.

And the biggest surprise of all? Apparently, some people don't like me. Now, this is going to sound really snarky, but everybody likes me. I'm wonderful at my job. I was raised correctly to be polite enough that I can avoid stepping on toes and being hassled. I'm at the top of the academic lists. If you come to me with a problem, I can handle it so that if not all parties are completely satisfied (shouldn't that have been a clue too?), at least they are not all trying to killing each other. And some people don't like me-because I might be thinking about having sex with them. Isn't that a compliment? What kind of retarded reason is that not to like someone?

So, I was sitting around here, in a sort of mild paralysis thinking to myself,"I'm a bisexual, I'm a bisexual, I'm a bisexual, I have to feed the dogs, I'm a bisexual and I'm feeding my dogs, I'm a bisexual."

See, here's the thing y'all-I knew that I adored making love to women, I think that somewhere inside me I knew I was Bi, but I didn't really get that. It didn't quite sink in that I'm not a Heterosexual, because I like the way girls feel too much to not do it, to not think about it. And it finally (expletive) dawned on me. It just hit me. Have you ever been in a car crash? Felt the way that time seemed to slow down so you could see everything coming at you in exquisite detail, feel everything happening with ultra sensitivity-and then BLAM, you've been hit. And you know with finality that you've been hit. This was not a dream, this just happened. It hit me. I'm Bisexual. I like men and women. (Expletive), why didn't I notice this before? I should have understood this before now. I should have had some comprehension of who I was before now. But I didn't-I've been walking around blind for eight years since my first girl.

So I joined. And I like it here. For the most part y'all seem to be some really decent people. And it gave me the chance to say that I am, in fact, a Bisexual. And, it's sounds kinda Hallmark Moment, but I feel happier. Just kinda saying it. I was running errands, and I tell you what, I have never noticed women so much before. I feel like a storm is brewing up for a hurricane. Yoy know-the exitment, the awareness and the fear?

I'm a Bisexual. I love men. I love women. I love humans.

[Azrael]

'I choose not to.
because I can't
because it isn't in me
because I love myself too much
because I love others too much
if there is such a thing.
I don't think there is
because I love people. period.'

something I scrawled in my notebook a long time ago when I was figuring myself out.

Perhaps you should read this:
http://www.amazon.com/Bi-Any-Other-Name-Bisexual/dp/1555831745/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/102-4175401-7692914?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1182877355&sr=8-1
This book was a godsend for me. I found it when I was deep in the throes of confusion.
Good luck and welcome to the family :bibounce:

[biwords]

I love your sense of humour! (or in the US, humor)

[JoyJoyHollywood]

Thank you, both of you. You know what's really weird, I went out and bought that very book about two hours ago. I just feel...I don't know. I just didn't get what was going on. How can you fall into a woman-and a man and feel like it's heaven, and not get what's going on? I think I've just got the annual dumb ass award.

[Azrael]

Thank you, both of you. You know what's really weird, I went out and bought that very book about two hours ago. I just feel...I don't know. I just didn't get what was going on. How can you fall into a woman-and a man and feel like it's heaven, and not get what's going on? I think I've just got the annual dumb ass award.
Nah. My profile should explain where I'm at with all this.
What do you mean not get what's going on?

[dafydd]

I love your sense of humour! (or in the US, humor)


QUOTE]


Are you serious? Candians use the "u" like Brits? This is enlightening!!


Okay how do you spell "colour"?

d

[JoyJoyHollywood]

I should have understood that women are more to me than just exciting, different sex. That when I'm with them it's not just because I want a change. That it's not just temporary amusement. That I'm not just doing it because it's kinky and different, I'm doing it because I want them. I desire them. I think that I've been wrapping myself in a comfort blanket by telling myself that I liked guys, but hey this was fun so why not. But it's not like that. I really desire them. I just didn't really comprehend how much I really want them.

[biwords]

QUOTE] Are you serious? Candians use the "u" like Brits? This is enlightening!! Okay how do you spell "colour"?

"Colour". And "honour". And so on. See, we never fought a Revolution against you!

That said, I personally tend to favour (excuse me, favor) US spellings, just because our traffic with the US is so much greater than with the UK. But if I say this around any of my nationalist acquaintances they turn into spelling-Nazis. It's not pretty.

[subobj]

Well, welcome!

I'm going through a similar what-the-??? experience myself, but from the other side of the fence both in terms of orientation & gender (e.g., I've considered myself an exclusively gay man for the past 15 or so years, despite attractions to women).

Shifting one's terms of self-definition isn't necessarily a trivial or easy thing -- it can be quite a shock to the system and require a great deal of courage.

[Skater Boy]

Sounds like JJH is enjoying the "Bisexual label", which ain't bad. Its always nice to know where you "fit in", so you can say: "I am this" or "I am that". Perhaps its about confirming (or affirming?) your identity in order that you can present a secure internal sense of self to the external world. Or perhaps not.

Anyway, welcome to the forum.

[dafydd]

Sounds like JJH is enjoying the "Bisexual label", which ain't bad. Its always nice to know where you "fit in", so you can say: "I am this" or "I am that". Perhaps its about confirming (or affirming?) your identity in order that you can present a secure internal sense of self to the external world. Or perhaps not.

Anyway, welcome to the forum.

It might be nice to know "where you 'fit in'" but it's not always helpful.
The model would be not to label yourself at all. But at times I think this is impossible.

:2cents:

d

[Skater Boy]

It might be nice to know "where you 'fit in'" but it's not always helpful.
The model would be not to label yourself at all. But at times I think this is impossible.

:2cents:

d

Yup, true... I consider myself "a unique individual" first, and "a Bisexual" second. Because ultimately I am A PERSON and consider my sexuality less important, and try not to let it define who I am.

"Ooooh, he's denouncing Bisexuality again! Stone him!!!" LOL :bigrin:

[JoyJoyHollywood]

Sounds like JJH is enjoying the "Bisexual label", which ain't bad. Its always nice to know where you "fit in", so you can say: "I am this" or "I am that". Perhaps its about confirming (or affirming?) your identity in order that you can present a secure internal sense of self to the external world. Or perhaps not.

Anyway, welcome to the forum.

To me, it's not really about conformation or affirmation. I just suddenly realized that I can't hide it from myself anymore. I have been telling myself for years that it's all just innocent fun, completely harmless, it was just an experiment. But I have not been experimenting. I've been loving it.

And quite frankly, I can't tell or talk to anyone around me besides one friend, who I know won't let the cat out of the bag. And you. So I'm talking to you.

[JoyJoyHollywood]

Oh-and thank you for welcoming me, it was very nice.

[Skater Boy]

Oh-and thank you for welcoming me, it was very nice.

My pleasure. Sounds like you had "an epiphany".

[wanderingrichard]

So, apparently I'm not heterosexual. Imagine my surprise. And to be honest- to a degree, terror.

It has become apparent that I do not have membership in the Heterosexual Club. I have a visitors pass. It's a permanent visitors pass, they wont kick me out, but I'm not a member. I do not belong to this club. I've been hanging around this club for eight years thinking that I knew what the (expletive) was going on, and surprise surprise, I had no idea what reality really was.

I was poking around the Planned Parenthood site and I wandered into their index. And I saw it. The definition of Heterosexual-someone who is sexually attracted to the opposite sex. Period. And I realized, that's not me. I'm not a heterosexual. I'm sexually attracted to the opposite sex AND my own sex. I'm not oversexed, really kinky or really experimental. I love naked women. I love sex with women. I love naked men. I love sex with men. I'm a Bisexual.

What. The. Hell. Is. Happening. Here?

Why didn't I notice this before? It's not like I didn't have the opportunity to notice. I've been there before and I loved it. I've been to the other place and I loved it too. Was there a memo going around that just happened to skip me?

And the surprises don't end there. It seems I happen to have ANOTHER permanent visitors pass to the Homosexual Club. But I'm not a member there either.

Surprise! There's a third club. It's just that no one told be where in the (expletive) it is. And I'm a member. Someone just forgot to send me my notification.

And the biggest surprise of all? Apparently, some people don't like me. Now, this is going to sound really snarky, but everybody likes me. I'm wonderful at my job. I was raised correctly to be polite enough that I can avoid stepping on toes and being hassled. I'm at the top of the academic lists. If you come to me with a problem, I can handle it so that if not all parties are completely satisfied (shouldn't that have been a clue too?), at least they are not all trying to killing each other. And some people don't like me-because I might be thinking about having sex with them. Isn't that a compliment? What kind of retarded reason is that not to like someone?

So, I was sitting around here, in a sort of mild paralysis thinking to myself,"I'm a bisexual, I'm a bisexual, I'm a bisexual, I have to feed the dogs, I'm a bisexual and I'm feeding my dogs, I'm a bisexual."

See, here's the thing y'all-I knew that I adored making love to women, I think that somewhere inside me I knew I was Bi, but I didn't really get that. It didn't quite sink in that I'm not a Heterosexual, because I like the way girls feel too much to not do it, to not think about it. And it finally (expletive) dawned on me. It just hit me. Have you ever been in a car crash? Felt the way that time seemed to slow down so you could see everything coming at you in exquisite detail, feel everything happening with ultra sensitivity-and then BLAM, you've been hit. And you know with finality that you've been hit. This was not a dream, this just happened. It hit me. I'm Bisexual. I like men and women. (Expletive), why didn't I notice this before? I should have understood this before now. I should have had some comprehension of who I was before now. But I didn't-I've been walking around blind for eight years since my first girl.

So I joined. And I like it here. For the most part y'all seem to be some really decent people. And it gave me the chance to say that I am, in fact, a Bisexual. And, it's sounds kinda Hallmark Moment, but I feel happier. Just kinda saying it. I was running errands, and I tell you what, I have never noticed women so much before. I feel like a storm is brewing up for a hurricane. Yoy know-the exitment, the awareness and the fear?

I'm a Bisexual. I love men. I love women. I love humans.

welcome to reality.. nice to have the scales lifted from your eyes, isn't it?

[Herbwoman39]

Been there, had that panic attack. Only difference is that for years I had myself convinced that I was "so straight I had problems turning corners". I'm still a bi virgin :(

You're going to be just fine. Just remember to keep taking deep breaths and come back here whenever you have questions.

Welcome to your new home :)

[FalconAngel]

Never had the panic attack. Just one day had a moment where I suddenly thought "Oh. So that's what it's called".

[rissababynta]

So, I was sitting around here, in a sort of mild paralysis thinking to myself,"I'm a bisexual, I'm a bisexual, I'm a bisexual, I have to feed the dogs, I'm a bisexual and I'm feeding my dogs, I'm a bisexual."

.


this cracked me up haha.


welcome to the dark side...we have cookies :tong:





^joking about the dark side. hope no one gets offended and thinks that i'm calling bisexuality evil or some crap like that...

[Azrael]

welcome to the dark side...we have cookies :tong:

And Tea :bigrin:

[Herbwoman39]

Hmmm...somehow "C'mere little girl and have a cookie" just sounds wrong.

:tong:

BTW, when did we get tea??

[wanderingrichard]

and the finger sandwiches.. that go with it....??? :bigrin:

was kind of in a "morpheus" mood when i wrote that.. actually had picture of morpheus in the room with nemo right after he took the big pill in my mind at the time...

like others have said, welcome , you'll do just fine.. :grouphug:

[darkeyes]

Me either..no biggie! :bigrin:

[anne27]

Welcome and remind someone here to teach you the secret handshake.

[Skater Boy]

and remind someone here to teach you the secret handshake.

Does this "handshake" involve taking your clothes off? 'Cause if not, they've been LYING to me!!! :mad:

[anne27]

Does this "handshake" involve taking your clothes off? 'Cause if not, they've been LYING to me!!! :mad:

Oh absolutely! It's rather a complicated handshake and usually requires full body contact. So much easier without all that cloth in the way ;) .

[Herbwoman39]

Oh absolutely! It's rather a complicated handshake and usually requires full body contact. So much easier without all that cloth in the way ;) .

LOL! It's like naked Twister, only better!

[Nate22]

Glad to hear it JJH. Tbh, I'm kind of jealous of you. I'd love to have that sort of revelation and feel it all sinking in and falling into place, especially while feeding my dogs. But alas no. Anyways, congrats

Also Herbwoman, whats the fascination with naked twister...have you played recently?

[FerSureMaybe]

"Colour". And "honour". And so on. See, we never fought a Revolution against you!

That said, I personally tend to favour (excuse me, favor) US spellings, just because our traffic with the US is so much greater than with the UK. But if I say this around any of my nationalist acquaintances they turn into spelling-Nazis. It's not pretty.


Reminds me of this blog on myspace I read, one of those gripey ones.

"13 year old girls, you're not Canadian so spell "favourite" right."

It was funny at the time. It's really not so much anymore..

That was a pointless post.

[FerSureMaybe]

I think it's kind of hard for all of us to take when we figure it out. I'm not sure what it is.

Maybe is the pure shock of realizing that you're not who you thought you were.
Maybe it's the fact that it's not "normal" in society-in which case I wonder if it would've been easier for us all if people would pull their panties out of their ass and get over shit that isn't their business and just accept it.


No matter what it is, as I tend to say, time really does tend to solve things. That, and you're on a good site to find support. :)

[Herbwoman39]

Also Herbwoman, whats the fascination with naked twister...have you played recently?

Don't I wish! Never played but if there are any willing female volunteers, let me know ;)

[anne27]

LOL! It's like naked Twister, only better!


Yup, yup, yup! No plastic sheet to stick to body parts with this, though! :cool:

[JoyJoyHollywood]

You know what? Y'all are (expletive) cool. Thank you.

Do you really have cookies? And naked handshakes? And tea?

I'm in heaven.

[DiamondDog]

You know what? Y'all are (expletive) cool. Thank you.

Do you really have cookies? And naked handshakes? And tea?

I'm in heaven.

You get a free toaster too! <g>

OK, bad dyke joke. sue me! :P :tongue:

[wanderingrichard]

and the finger sandwiches.. that go with it....??? :bigrin:

was kind of in a "morpheus" mood when i wrote that.. actually had picture of morpheus in the room with nemo right after he took the big pill in my mind at the time...

like others have said, welcome , you'll do just fine.. :grouphug:

doh! meant NEO,,, dammit.... < grumbling to self as walks slowly 'way with head down> darn fat stiff fingers anyways...
:banghead:

[JoyJoyHollywood]

Um, I'm sorry if this sounds a little bit stupid, but-what do toasters have to do with naked women? And thank you for being so nice, it was very generous and it made me feel very welcomed.

[biguymass]

Welcome JJH.

This is a great site with a lot of great people in it.

It's awesome to be able to say "I love all people"

P.S. Don't forget to ask about the Secret Squirrel password..........

[DiamondDog]

Um, I'm sorry if this sounds a little bit stupid, but-what do toasters have to do with naked women? And thank you for being so nice, it was very generous and it made me feel very welcomed.

It's a joke from the TV show Ellen when she came out. :)

[Herbwoman39]

It's a joke from the TV show Ellen when she came out. :)


ROFL! Oh WOW! I'd forgotten all about that episode! Thanks for the reminder DD

BTW, JJH, I hope you find as much of a home here as I have in the past year :)

[JoyJoyHollywood]

Thank you very much! I think I will.

And here I thought you knew some toaster trick that I never learned.

[oznogx]

wow joyjoyhollywood you sound really cool. you actually remind me of someone i used to go out with. your sense of humor and the way you look at things. (and i mean that as a compliment, i thought she was amazingly cool) i think she was bi but didnt want to admit it to herself. it was inevitable that we broke up, after all how long can things last when both people are living a lie that they are telling themselves as well as everyone else, i know your post is old so you may not read this but i feel like i can relate to you. i have come to the realization that i am bi as well. i love sex with women but i have now realized i also love sex with men but it's not all about sex, i love kissing, holding, cuddling and just being with both.unfortunately i don't have anyone i feel i can talk to about it. judgments and all that. back in highschool i was the outcast and was called a fag, a sissy and worse (being gay was the biggest insult as it was used to demean you in a way that is acceptable as it questions your manhood and by society's standards you are a deviant) and it became a matter of survival to constantly deny and repress any thoughts about my feelings. i never became a homophobe in the sense that i never projected my anger or self-hatred on others because i never wanted to be like the people who had caused me so much pain in my younger years. to the contrary, i always had admiration for those who were out as the world we live in always tries to push them down but i have been homophobic in the sense that i was never honest with myself because i was afraid of what it would mean and facing that rejection from family and friends and the discrimination at work and even society as a whole. so for years i have been denying the truth to myself but i recently had an experience that really opened my eyes. funny thing is that it actually took me being drunk and someone who somehow could tell, despite my burying my thoughts, for me to realize it. he took advantage of the situation and i am glad he did because i would have never let things happen if i was in a sober state of mind. we actually started dating for a while but unfortunately he was gay, not bi, and tried to make me turn away from being with women. he became possessive and tried controlling me. he seemed to think that now that i discovered i like guys that i no longer wanted to be with girls. in the end he was as bad as everyone else. i think this explains my history of failed relationships. it seems like i was always looking for more and now that my eyes are open it seems my dilemma is more that i can't see me just being with a woman and i can't see myself just being with a man. i need both and maybe to make the circle complete she needs a woman also. so where do i find that? i think society has forced us into these limited categories and i dont fit so now if i was to come out to the world i would be labeled a pervo freak. idk, i think i will end up in a series of relationships with different men and women all doomed to fail because i want something that fulfills both and everyone is trying to push me into one or the other. so now i'm glad i'm not a heterosexual because a whole new world has opened up for me where i con be honest with myself and accept who i am and i'm glad in the process i found this forum because it feels good to finally open up somewhere about this, i just wish i had someone to talk with for real. just seems too often that the world is crap and i can't deal with peoples judgments on top of everything else.

[Annika L]

Wow.

I have no idea why oznogx dug this up from nearly 3 years ago...but holy crap does it remind me of all the amazingly cool people who have vanished over the years!

We have quite a few wonderful people now too...but what happened to 95% of the posters on this thread (including JoyJoyHollywood herself)? Presumably they're all still bisexual? ;)

Anyway, this was like a very pleasant trip down memory lane for me.