Busted bi wife watchin gay porn

[planettm]

yep she has a way of doing that. I shut it down as soon as I realize she's busted me. She turns around and walks away when she see's it. She's not interested in sex or porn and we are pretty much celibate and so on. I just don't know how to discuss this with her that I'm bi and like.... She's pretty straight laced in most respects. Anybody ever run in to this?

[Lorcan]

so what does she do for you? why are you married to her?

[CountryLover]

Lorcan asks some very good questions.

I never did understand the idea of spouses not taking care of each others needs, and enjoying it.

[rayosytruenos]

[..]She's not interested in sex or porn and we are pretty much celibate and so on. I just don't know how to discuss this with her that I'm bi and like.... She's pretty straight laced in most respects. [...]

As others have said, there must be a reason for you two to be married, otherwise there is a solution, to end a relationship that has no reason.

You don't say your age, not even on your profile, neither hers, so I'm not sure if that means that you both have been married for ages and have lost interest in sex with each other or in general, or if you are young and have been married for a short time, but sex life has changed since your honeymoon.

I don't think sex is everything, but I think it's very important as PART of the relationship.

All the best,

ray

[DiamondDog]

People get married or partnered and stay in relationships that they shouldn't be in or stay in for all sorts of reasons.

Sometimes for money, because they think that they have to, because they're ashamed to break up with someone, because they don't want to be single again, because they have kids, or for lots of other reasons.

Sometimes spouses/partners aren't compatible when it comes to sexual things or I've heard from lots of guys who are married to women that some women do become celibate and don't want any sex at all, especially after having children.

Anyway people can change and sometimes it's for the worst.

I don't see anything wrong with a bi married guy watching gay porn. It's not like he's actually cheating by watching it, and it's only porn.

I do know lots of people of all orientations hetero, gay, and bi where both they and their partner don't have sex anymore and haven't for years.

They're monogamous in heart/mind/spirit but they're not sexually monogamous.

Anyway what's all of this about how a spouse/partner HAS to fulfill each and every single sexual expectation/desire of their partner/spouse, or that this one partner/spouse will be able to fulfill and satisfy EVERYTHING that their partner wants sexually?

That's rather a lot to ask of one person, don't you think?

I also don't understand the idea that once you marry/get partnered that everything is perfect or that this one person will fix everything wrong with you.

Personally, I know that if I were to EVER get involved with a woman in a relationship that I would NOT be satisfied with this and that I'd need sex and relationships with men too. I'd feel trapped/depressed and if the relationship started out as being open and then eventually became closed I would probably just end it right there.

[mindfinding]

Celibate? Ouch.

That sounds like an arrangement more than a marriage. No offense bro, you need to sit down with her and ask what the glue is. Re-find your marriage or it may be in deep trouble.

Cheers and all the best ;)

[JoyJoyHollywood]

I'm sorry, no I've never experianced this but you have my sympathies. This must be a very painful period for you. You must love her very much. Perhapes she is afraid of addressing the issue because she is terrified she might not please you ultimatly and you may eventually leave her to explore your curiosites?

[Seth C]

Have you two gotten around to talking about this situation yet?

[thesea]

Yeah. I would try to talk about my sexuality with my partner and talk about the things I want to feel fufilled-maybe not all at once tho she might get a fright :)

[oralplus]

A very sad situation....You must find out what is wrong with her. One other thing ...why do you accept such situation?,is not a matter of bi sexuality is about a couple fullfilling all the aspectes of a marriage/relationship. If this continue in such a manner, your marriage will end, Frankly i would not tolerate such situation. You are tooooooo nice or and forgiveme tooooo weak . Be firm and afront her with the problem and work a solution. My best wishes. :2cents:

[dundeebi_guy]

I'm in a similar situation myself, so I realise how difficult it can be. Personally, I've been avoiding the topic for years since I know it'll upset my wife, but I'm trying to build up to having that talk. She already knows I'm bi, but I there's been a huge question mark over our sexlife for a long time, and as much as I don't want to have that conversation with her, I know I'm going to have to. I feel I've been repressing a huge part of myself just to avoid upsetting her, and I don't think that's something I can or should do much longer.

[the mage]

You are "married" for the wrong reasons if you do not have at the very least, an understanding of your sexual situation.

A mate can lose sex drive to illness, that is to be endured, by both.
If the other NEEDS release it should be the ultimate in discretion and NEVER told to a sole. A pro is useful here as a quality pro is statistically cleaner.

A mate that just loses interest can be endured too, if that person is reasonable enough to recognize the others humanity and allow outside play.
A mate that just stops all play and expects the other to do the same is foolish and cruel and controlling individual that is best left behind.

[hudson9]

Talk about your relationship FIRST. As someone very perceptively mentioned, there may be insecurities or fears (or even her own self-image/identity issues) she may be dealing with. Too much information all at once can overwhelm people. But regardless of your interest in sex with other people or genders, there is something wrong with the 2 of you's relationship. You may even want to get some professional counseling. But, get that sorted out and re-established first, then you'll be in a better place to deal with other issues -- or, you'll find out that there's something that can't be repaired (I hope not!). You may have to be descreet regarding your porn interests in the meantime. Freud said "there are no accidents" -- you can make sure you don't get "busted."

(I can sympathize -- I'm trying to follow my own advice right now!)

Good Luck

[DiamondDog]

You are "married" for the wrong reasons if you do not have at the very least, an understanding of your sexual situation.

A mate can lose sex drive to illness, that is to be endured, by both.
If the other NEEDS release it should be the ultimate in discretion and NEVER told to a sole. A pro is useful here as a quality pro is statistically cleaner.

A mate that just loses interest can be endured too, if that person is reasonable enough to recognize the others humanity and allow outside play.
A mate that just stops all play and expects the other to do the same is foolish and cruel and controlling individual that is best left behind.

Like I wrote before on this thread, why is it one partner/spouse's "job", role, or obligation to please the other partner sexually?

Sure society tells us that and so do movies and how we percieve marriage/relationships to be this way; but in reality they're not.

Why is an escort/prostitute statistically clean? That's not necessarily true and people who do sex for pay do have a higher chance of having HIV or another STD.

the_mage-if your wife stopped having sex with you completely, would you leave?

[planettm]

hmmm thanks for all the feedback. There's a whole lot of food for thought here.

Thanks.

[welickit]

If you have to shut down what you are viewing because your wife walks in, you are in bad shape. We have no sympathy for you, obviously you like to hide what you do. That IS NOT being true to your partner. Cheats and liars are a very low form of life and have nothing to offer others. Grow a pair of balls and communicate with her.

[dans94]

There are times when I wish this site had the capability to vote on comments, but none more than this thread. I appreciate your predicament and your courage for posting.

If I could vote, I'd give DiamondDog a big thumbs up and 'welickit' a big thumbs down. No offense guys, but not everyone wants to hurt their partner unnecessarily. I'm not saying honesty isn't the best policy, just that I sympathize with you problem, planettm.

[Herbwoman39]

I've been in a similar place with my first husband. By the end we were having sex twice in two years. He simply wasn't interested. At least nogh with me as I found out later.

All I can say is, talk to your wife. Have the terrifying conversation. See where it leads. Most of all, be honest. That way if it *does* end you will be able to walk away with your integrity intact.

[Azrael]

If I could vote, I'd give DiamondDog a big thumbs up and 'welickit' a big thumbs down. No offense guys, but not everyone wants to hurt their partner unnecessarily. I'm not saying honesty isn't the best policy, just that I sympathize with you problem, planettm.
I'm not particularly fond of their generally holier than everyone attitude, but I'm a mental patient, what do I know? :tong: Also, yes. DiamondDog for muthafuckin' President!

[Seth C]

I'm not particularly fond of their generally holier than everyone attitude, but I'm a mental patient, what do I know? :tong: Also, yes. DiamondDog for muthafuckin' President!

Azy, I get the feeling you listen to Eric B. and Rakim? :tong:

[Azrael]

Azy, I get the feeling you listen to Eric B. and Rakim? :tong:
Death/Thrash/Black Metal, Punk, Funk, Synth, I'm all over the place.
I've heard a bit of Rakim but not much and I haven't heard of Eric B.
Check this guy out www.myspace.com/knotarapper

[the mage]

Like I wrote before on this thread, why is it one partner/spouse's "job", role, or obligation to please the other partner sexually?

It is not their job.. In traditional marriage it IS an obligation.. It should not be though. It should be a joy experienced by both. If there is not sex there is resentment and frustration.. neither healthy.





Sure society tells us that and so do movies and how we percieve marriage/relationships to be this way; but in reality they're not.



...........I agree. most are not ...it is why I oppose marriage as an institution.
I was married. I speak from life and learning. I opposed marriage all my life but the ex bought into it and to protect the child we wed.

..............You are not the person you were 7 years ago. your entire physical being hes recycled itself, Your mind and life direction change too. If your mate does not go the same way it should end.

Why is an escort/prostitute statistically clean? That's not necessarily true and people who do sex for pay do have a higher chance of having HIV or another STD.
................... No you are wrong. a QUALITY pro is statistically safer to play with than a trick in a bar, and for sure WAY safer that park play, bathhouse play, porn movie play, in the car B/j play....all common in the hidden world of Bi sexual men. A QUALITY pro uses safe sex and gets med checkups...AND knows what an STD looks like on your body.. Do you??

the_mage-if your wife stopped having sex with you completely, would you leave?
....... an arrogant question I will answer...... Due to illness i could not give my Ex sex for 3 years... It did not end us. She ended it after that for different reasons. That real enough for you?

............. If my current woman simply withdrew sex it would be over, however that is not a reality. Not in her person to do that. If in future she did for some reason, then, If it were as it is now and i was still free to man play it would continue. I have not and never will go with a woman without my Lady's express consent.

Sex is a basic human drive, usually only absent from the ill.
Imposing its absence on another person is cruel.

[DiamondDog]

....... an arrogant question I will answer...... Due to illness i could not give my Ex sex for 3 years... It did not end us. She ended it after that for different reasons. That real enough for you?

............. If my current woman simply withdrew sex it would be over, however that is not a reality. Not in her person to do that. If in future she did for some reason, then, If it were as it is now and i was still free to man play it would continue. I have not and never will go with a woman without my Lady's express consent.

Sex is a basic human drive, usually only absent from the ill.
Imposing its absence on another person is cruel.

How is asking if you'd leave your wife if she stopped having sex with you an "arrogant question"?

You're the one that posted this:



A mate that just stops all play and expects the other to do the same is foolish and cruel and controlling individual that is best left behind.

Anyway yes I do know what STDs look like on the human body and I do get tested.

I do use safer sex techniques like condoms/dental dams/gloves. Or I just won't do certain sex acts with certain people, or we'll do sex acts that don't transmit/exchange bodily fluids that easily at all.

I also get to know my partners really well and I won't do certain sex acts if I don't know the person that well.

While I have had a few hook ups and one night stands with strangers I am more careful and sexually conservative, and I'll use barriers for giving oral sex if it happens at all, or I'll do sex that doesn't transmit fluids.

Also I'm personally not into anal sex or all that anal oriented at all but if I were going to do it I'd only want to do it to someone I'm in a relationship with and I'd have us get tested and still use a condom for fucking him, use condoms on toys, or gloves on my fingers if I had cuts/broken skin, and the same goes for giving a man oral sex. No, I don't swallow or let anyone cum in my mouth, and while I'm not HIV+ I don't let people who I love/care for as friends/partners swallow me since if they're in an open relationship I do care for them and I don't want them to get into the habit of swallowing people.

Also I mentioned gloves before for fingering with having cuts/broken skin. If I were going to fist a man's ass or fist a woman's cunt or her ass I most certainly would use a latex glove!

Why not add play parties/orgies to that list of ways to get STDs/HIV?

You've written about those in another thread and those put you at risk for HIV and other STDs and there are orgies/sex parties where people do purposely have bareback anal sex and infect others with HIV.

Have you ever done sex for pay? Or at least had friends that once did it for whatever reason?

If either of those are true then you know that people lie, they don't get tested, some people are into meth or have problems with alcohol and other drugs, many people do unprotected sex with their tricks/clients, and lots of people who do sex for pay (even expensive escorts) do have STDs but don't know it. Even expensive prostitutes/escorts aren't immune from these things and some male and female escorsts are Poz (HIV+) but don't tell their tricks/clients this.

Anyway if you're really that worried about STDs and everything get tested, use safer sex techniques, and educate yourself.

Also get to know your partners' sexual history/if they get tested/the type of sex that they do, talk to them/ask them about themselves, and ask about their friends/people who they've had sex with.

Statistically gay/bisexual men while they do have a higher risk for HIV and other STDs the numbers are going down and queer men on the whole do know A LOT more about HIV/other STDs, their bodies, and disease statuses than heterosexual men and women do as a whole.

Also the numbers for HIV in heterosexual men and women are rising. Lots of hetero women and men are foolish/ignorant and don't use condoms for sex, or see HIV as a "gay" disease or a disease that you get if you IV drugs.

[the mage]

World wide HIV rates are increasing in young women much more quickly than in men now. There is an increase in non white populations in n.A. overall too.
Always play safe.

This will be last comment on this....it is enough to tell you that i am personally acquainted with several people who live on the edge and several more who care for those same people.

[fourwheeler41200]

It's a woman ....thing.....my wife is the same way I know where you're coming from

[cliffml]

My ex-girlfriend caught me masturbating to gay porn. At first, i thought she'd be pissed, but she was turned on by it. We've stayed best friends after we broke up and are still very close. She knows i'm bi and she's proud of me for being who i am. I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand.

[Bluebiyou]

I understand. My gf and I are marginal sexually and I'm very monogamous, but I draw the line at a romantic/passionate kiss and up. Whacking off and sexy chat, even chat on this web site, masturbating, that's MY sexuality and MY penis, I can and will do with it as I please. Any time she gets too old/ indignant/ any other excuse for not being sexual with me, then I will unquestionably terminate the relationship. From that point we can be great friends, I don't care. My relationship is headed in that direction. gf is perfectly willing to have sex any time I want, but it's always my idea and always my imagination. When I am ready to leave, I will. It's always possible something will happen for her to be more interested, but I doubt it, she was hurt many times by men before me... to the point she has a lot of trouble giving head ( I think she was forced once).

[cottoncandy]

yep she has a way of doing that. I shut it down as soon as I realize she's busted me. She turns around and walks away when she see's it. She's not interested in sex or porn and we are pretty much celibate and so on. I just don't know how to discuss this with her that I'm bi and like.... She's pretty straight laced in most respects. Anybody ever run in to this?


Ok now i'm a woman and on that note just sit her down and tell her how you feel as a wife it would be hard to hear but it is also something i could not give you at home .....wrong equipment but if she loves you she will understand. But i'm bi so that may taint my perseption because being bi is a part of me and something that while i can ignore it for awhile is always there. all i can say is be honest about how you feel she may be hurt but will give you a chance to talk about it:flag3:

[HighEnergy]

It's a woman ....thing.....my wife is the same way I know where you're coming from

It's a woman thing? Ha. You'd think from reading this site folks would realize that women do indeed like sex!

I've usually found that men who think women don't like sex suck in bed. :tong:

[dafydd]

[QUOTE=DiamondDog;63454]
Statistically gay/bisexual men while they do have a higher risk for HIV and other STDs the numbers are going down and queer men on the whole do know A LOT more about HIV/other STDs, their bodies, and disease statuses than heterosexual men and women do as a whole.

QUOTE]

I think the numbers of HIV infections are rising for *both* straight and gay populations in the US. Certainly the virus is staging a comeback in gay communities across America.

D

[DiamondDog]

[QUOTE=DiamondDog;63454]
Statistically gay/bisexual men while they do have a higher risk for HIV and other STDs the numbers are going down and queer men on the whole do know A LOT more about HIV/other STDs, their bodies, and disease statuses than heterosexual men and women do as a whole.

QUOTE]

I think the numbers of HIV infections are rising for *both* straight and gay populations in the US. Certainly the virus is staging a comeback in gay communities across America.

D

lots of that has to do with people barebacking, meth/other drug use, people not getting tested (so they don't even know that they are hiv+ and they say that they're not), and the foolish idea that if you do become poz you can just take pills and you'll be fine since the disease is in some people's minds akin to being managable like diabetes which is an absurd comparrison.

At least the numbers in the US/north america, are nothing like Africa or SE Asia.