Well, my mind is officially blown.

[subobj]

I found my way to a really great pansexual & queer play-party this weekend. Met lots of bi poly people, had a some great conversations, and found myself extremely attracted to one of the women there. The attraction was apparently at least somewhat mutual, as she said she'd enjoy playing with me sometime.

This is a new experience for me. Since I came out of the gay closet 15 or so years ago, I've exclusively dated men. Now that seems to at least have the possibility of changing and I'm both thrilled and terrified. What surprised me most was how genuinely attracted I felt -- like once I allowed myself to feel the attraction, it just flowed, and felt wonderful -- and, ironically, not at all unlike it felt when I first allowed myself to feel same-sex attractions without guilt & shame.

And the real kicker -- a little bit later, I struck up a conversation with a beautifully punked-out and gorgeous person whose gender I couldn't discern. Later she revealed that she's transitioning from male to female -- and I found that surprisingly hot. We then played for a couple of hours and had an absolutely amazing time, both physically and emotionally quite intimate.

So, like, I guess that my suspicions that I might be bi are no longer suspicions -- it's as obvious to me now as my being gay was to me years ago! What a trip! And it feels great to realize this -- but also a little scary, like I've stepped across a threshold into a new world that I don't quite know how to navigate or what to expect.

[arana]

Congratulations on your new journey. May it be a truely rewarding and happy one.

[elian]

Very interesting, I'm glad you found a place where you feel free to be yourself.

I have come to the conclusion that gay people have some of the most tortured souls I have seen.

I've often fantasized about what it might be like not to have to live in a puritanical hell where anything with the least hint of sexuality is always demonized.

Puritanical Hell:

You know what shocks me the most is that men have feelings and emotions too! What IS the world coming to? I mean imagine - a STRAIGHT man could tell another MAN that he cares about him...or tell his WIFE that he is unsure of himself? What sort of sick world would THAT be? People actually expressing emotions without fear of humiliation or retribution?

It's utterly disgusting if you ask me, these depraved individuals should do what every other red-blooded American does - instead of being human they should bottle up all those feelings of insecurity, rage, hurt and fear until they can't possibly stand it anymore, listen to marketers or manufacture impossibly high self standards on their own, fail to meet those goals, recreate the trap of subjecting themselves to unhealthy circumstances and repeat the inappropriate responses to those circumstances five or six times in a row and then go get a shiny new semi-automatic assault rifle to visit with friends.

Being human can be difficult sometimes.

-E

[elian]

Sorry about that - I guess the hormones got all wonky in that last post. It's great that you did find a place to be yourself - keep up the good work..people are very dynamic - labels are convenient but just be yourself eh?

[Herbwoman39]

Congratulations on your new discovery. We're all here to help you down this new path as little or as much as you want.

Yes, it *is* scary, but the freedom of knowing is well worth it.

[wanderingrichard]

I found my way to a really great pansexual & queer play-party this weekend. Met lots of bi poly people, had a some great conversations, and found myself extremely attracted to one of the women there. The attraction was apparently at least somewhat mutual, as she said she'd enjoy playing with me sometime.

This is a new experience for me. Since I came out of the gay closet 15 or so years ago, I've exclusively dated men. Now that seems to at least have the possibility of changing and I'm both thrilled and terrified. What surprised me most was how genuinely attracted I felt -- like once I allowed myself to feel the attraction, it just flowed, and felt wonderful -- and, ironically, not at all unlike it felt when I first allowed myself to feel same-sex attractions without guilt & shame.

And the real kicker -- a little bit later, I struck up a conversation with a beautifully punked-out and gorgeous person whose gender I couldn't discern. Later she revealed that she's transitioning from male to female -- and I found that surprisingly hot. We then played for a couple of hours and had an absolutely amazing time, both physically and emotionally quite intimate.

So, like, I guess that my suspicions that I might be bi are no longer suspicions -- it's as obvious to me now as my being gay was to me years ago! What a trip! And it feels great to realize this -- but also a little scary, like I've stepped across a threshold into a new world that I don't quite know how to navigate or what to expect.

for some reason , i have a slew of songs from doctor hook and the medicine show now running thru my head.. from " the cover of the rolling stone" which i think was triggered by this title, to "mad mountain mary " and "penicillin penny"
:bigrin:

it sounds like you are going to be just fine... have a wonderful time with the new aspects of your life..