subobj
Jun 25, 2007, 4:29 PM
I found my way to a really great pansexual & queer play-party this weekend. Met lots of bi poly people, had a some great conversations, and found myself extremely attracted to one of the women there. The attraction was apparently at least somewhat mutual, as she said she'd enjoy playing with me sometime.
This is a new experience for me. Since I came out of the gay closet 15 or so years ago, I've exclusively dated men. Now that seems to at least have the possibility of changing and I'm both thrilled and terrified. What surprised me most was how genuinely attracted I felt -- like once I allowed myself to feel the attraction, it just flowed, and felt wonderful -- and, ironically, not at all unlike it felt when I first allowed myself to feel same-sex attractions without guilt & shame.
And the real kicker -- a little bit later, I struck up a conversation with a beautifully punked-out and gorgeous person whose gender I couldn't discern. Later she revealed that she's transitioning from male to female -- and I found that surprisingly hot. We then played for a couple of hours and had an absolutely amazing time, both physically and emotionally quite intimate.
So, like, I guess that my suspicions that I might be bi are no longer suspicions -- it's as obvious to me now as my being gay was to me years ago! What a trip! And it feels great to realize this -- but also a little scary, like I've stepped across a threshold into a new world that I don't quite know how to navigate or what to expect.
This is a new experience for me. Since I came out of the gay closet 15 or so years ago, I've exclusively dated men. Now that seems to at least have the possibility of changing and I'm both thrilled and terrified. What surprised me most was how genuinely attracted I felt -- like once I allowed myself to feel the attraction, it just flowed, and felt wonderful -- and, ironically, not at all unlike it felt when I first allowed myself to feel same-sex attractions without guilt & shame.
And the real kicker -- a little bit later, I struck up a conversation with a beautifully punked-out and gorgeous person whose gender I couldn't discern. Later she revealed that she's transitioning from male to female -- and I found that surprisingly hot. We then played for a couple of hours and had an absolutely amazing time, both physically and emotionally quite intimate.
So, like, I guess that my suspicions that I might be bi are no longer suspicions -- it's as obvious to me now as my being gay was to me years ago! What a trip! And it feels great to realize this -- but also a little scary, like I've stepped across a threshold into a new world that I don't quite know how to navigate or what to expect.