Coming out/children

[innaminka]

I'm just wondering how many of you in the community have faced the hurdle of coming out to your children. Parents are hard .... but children???

I feel the time is fast approaching when I am going to have to face that situation. My daughters are 15 and 17.

Any experiences?

[brudegan]

I am looking forward to reading this discussion.

I have been considering coming out to my kids (21 and 25) but Fear is the Mind Killer and I haven't made up my mind.

[dalvo]

Being a person that is just about to become a dad these types of questions have just started to cross my mind. I just think it may be easier to never hide it to begin with. But that is easy to say when I have never been there. We shall see.

[the mage]

If you're sexually active and hiding it from kids it wont take them long to put it together.
I told my son at his age of 13. His finding his way into the toy box led to discussion. He turns out to be curious too.
Your sex life is in fact your own, your love life is a different matter.
No one need know how you play privately but lovers affect the family.

[Herbwoman39]

I've been out to my 17 and 18 year old sons since they were 15 and 16. It was easy. My oldest made a comment about a girl. I made another and within moments it was done.

They have no problems with it as long as I don't noticeably look at women around the elder son. The younger is more adaptable. Basically we just don't talk too much about it. They know. They're okay with it and that's all that matters to me.

[FalconAngel]

I'm fairly certain that my son knows; After all, it is on all of my profiles and he is on my friend's list on my myspace page. My daughter knows and has no issue with it, but then her mom is Gay, so sexual identity was never a subject of controversy for her growing up.

[redheadhoneycat]

Well my wife is out and the children were very accepting of her, we have 3 sons that are 8,16, and 18. The older two know but not the little one. I don't know if I will ever come out to our kids, they are not very accepting of guys being bi, but they think bi women are hot. I am very afraid of their reactions to me coming out, but I could be very wrong, at least I hope that I am. :2cents:

[bohemian69]

For my wife and I, neither one of us has come out to our kids yet; they're 20, 18 and 9. I have a feeling my oldest two know, but I think they are reluctant as we are to bring it up. :rolleyes:
The ironic thing is, is that we are very open with our kids about sex. But when we do come out to them, we will probally have to be a little more honest with them than we probally like to be, ie: having sex with other people. (And of the same sex). :three:
I know it will take time, but we are sure it will all work out fine.

[mouse46]

:flag4: I came out to my children soem time ago except for my youngest which I did recently. She is 14. She said she doesn't care as long as I don't leave out her Dad.My 3 daughters said as long as I am happy they don't care. All are very openminded. I think telling my mother would be harder to do. She has old fashioned values and I know exactly what she would say. So that part of me I will keep to myself! :rolleyes: Its funny how nervous I was about telling my daughters . Come to find out they had done some experimenting of their own. :eek: :bigrin: What a relief!! Whew!! LOL

[rissababynta]

we are not out to our children since they are only 2 and 6 months...but we both fully intend on letting them know once they are old enough to understand.

[the mage]

I would point out that kids in general find parental unit sexuality gross in the extreme. ;)
Until children are sexually aware and educated in social sensitivity to sexual matters your bedroom secrets are best held tight to the chest.

[innaminka]

Thankyou for the "advice" - Varied responses, which shows the wonderful variety of people we have here.

ATM, my bi-ness does not in any way effect my family life (at least with the girls) after being singed, if not burned in that direction some years ago. I'm sure my oldest knows Mummy has a few peccadilos she wants to remain secret, but doesn't let on she knows.
Unfortunately I may not be able to keep my sexuality away from home much longer (long story, won't go into it)

The other factor being that as "the mage" wrote, parent sex lives are just too gross to think about for most children - I can visualise my daughters thoughts about her parents, as I did. :eek: :eek: :eek:

So I may continue to play it by ear. Any more advice v, v, welcome. :)

[brudegan]

After this thread was fist posted I started thinking about whether to come out to my children (both male, 21 and 25). I have been reading responses and doing some additional reading and soul searching.

So far:

My 25 year old is an open, sexually aware, self confident man. He is sexually active and is open about sharing his experiences with me because we have a strong friendship/relationship. When he has a problem he is willing to come to me and talk about it with no holds barred.

The next opportunity I plan on coming out to him If he takes it well, and I believe he will, I think he will be a good source for conversation when I need it.



My 21 year old is not open, not very self confident, and so far as I can tell still a virgin. He and I don't talk about much in general as he is very introverted. When he has a problem he bottles it up and hides out. He has one or two friends but I don't know much about them.

I am tempted to come out to the 21 year old in case his self confidence and introverted nature are because he is hiding something. I am not assuming or insinuating that he is gay or bi, but that he may not feel like he has the trust in me in order to share whatever his secret may be. On the other hand if I come out to him it may destroy what little relationship we do have.


When I mentioned to my wife that I was considering coming out to the kids she seemed disgusted with me. I was surprised. To date, she has been very supportive but her reaction when I mentioned this possibility makes me wonder how she really feels. I know that she is dead set against anyone in her family finding out, but I assumed that was because of how they might react, now I think it is because she is ashamed and worried about how they might treat her.



This question is causing more than a few sleepless nights, but it is helping me to further come into grips with who I am and what I think about myself.