why is it so hard to find a 3som?

[THARAWBAT314]

look me and my wife have been at this 4 about 6 or 7 months any suggestions how to get it poppin?

[spartca]

If you're looking for a man, just place an ad in your local paper. A girlfriend of mine and I did this once, and had 200 responses in the first few days in a metro area of around 100,000. Of course, a quality man can still be hard to find.

If you're looking for a woman, things could be a bit more difficult.

Either way, I would suggest attending bisexual and polyamorous discussion/support groups in your area and getting to know a few of the folks there before you jump into bed with anyone.

[guycurious]

We feel the same way. We have been searching for a while with limited results. Our ultimate desire is to find another couple, married, bisexual, w/ kids around the same ages as ours, down to earth who we can go out to dinner with, maybe go bowling and then come back to our house, climb into the hottub and have fun.

Trying to find a quality bi male is also difficult. We're not even trying to find a bi female who is interested in a bi couple. Those are as rare as a blue eyed cicada.

Alas, the search continues.......

[DiamondDog]

If you're looking for a man, just place an ad in your local paper. A girlfriend of mine and I did this once, and had 200 responses in the first few days in a metro area of around 100,000. Of course, a quality man can still be hard to find.

If you're looking for a woman, things could be a bit more difficult.

Either way, I would suggest attending bisexual and polyamorous discussion/support groups in your area and getting to know a few of the folks there before you jump into bed with anyone.

I once went to a bi discussion group just to meet new people and I didn't like it.

It was very small, very cliquey, very cruisy, and way too political for my tastes. I thought some of the other members there were a bit rude talking openly about who they'd slept with in the group.

I wanted to tell them "so what? Who cares who you've slept with? Why are you telling me, a random stranger? I don't want to have sex with you or your wife if that's what you're hinting at. Gay men have been having open relationships for decades and it's not a big deal and they don't talk about it like this, so why feel the need to talk openly about it to someone who you've never met before?"

A friend of mine also went to the group (at a separate time from when I did) and he also talked about how he thought it was rather cruisy too. We think that if people go to the group just to hook up or only talk about who they've had sex with in the group, or openly gloat/boast about their open relationship, that they should go online to tons of sites devoted to finding people to have sex with, or go to a bar.

I was talking to one guy in the group and asked him a question about himself, it wasn't anything personal or rude, and he didn't answer it and then just walked away in mid conversation/mid sentence to talk to some other guy about digital cameras. I also got bored with the discussion since there's only so much I feel like talking about bisexuality without beating a dead horse.

Also about the politics of the group I thought it was weird how a lot of people wore jewelry with the ick, tacky bisexual flag on it or how some people had tattoos relating to their sexuality or the fact that they're in an open relationship which I thought was rather self defeating.

Needless to say I didn't go back.

As far as 3 ways go I have become friends with men at bars and been introduced to friends of friends at parties (no not orgies/sex parties) and gotten to know people who I became friends with and wound up having 3 way sex with.

[tonguetwistlips]

Most people are not real with themselves and they look to society to judge them if they openly suggests it. For me and my man though, we are in the Farmington, Missouri area, and we are looking for a 3 or 4 party. I am a 35 bi female, and he is a 44 straight male, and we are looking for friends with benefits. We are both disease free, if you think you might be interested then look us up.

[biwords]

look me and my wife have been at this 4 about 6 or 7 months any suggestions how to get it poppin?

Well, your profile indicates that you're looking for someone who wants to be 'eaten and stuck'. While I salute your forthrightness, maybe some people find language like that a turn-off?

[welickit]

We both agree about the profile. We wouldn't reply to it. Rude and crude usually sets off red flares.

[DiamondDog]

We both agree about the profile. We wouldn't reply to it. Rude and crude usually sets off red flares.

What are other red flares for you?

I was telling a friend of mine about how some guy (not from this site. he's on other sites I go on) IM'd me and how he gave me red flag signals so I told him I wasn't interested in meeting him or doing anything at all or even chatting.

My friend asked me what a RED FLAG is to me and I told him this.

The person is too pushy, asks tons about you but doesn't say anything about themselves, is contradictory/sketchy/a liar, wants to meet like either RIGHT NOW or soon when you don't really know them, talks/hints about tina (crystal meth) or sex for pay, asks the typical sex questions (i.e. Top or Bottom?), and the person thinks that we're "compatible" and insists upon it even though we're really not.

I see that the original poster is looking for a woman for a 3 way. Ignore my advice then about how I've gone to bars. The guys I've mostly been sexual with and had relationships with want absolutley nothing to do with a woman sexually. ;) :)

[biwords]

Diamond Dog, congratulations on your 1,000th post!

[the mage]

This strikes a chord with me in a different way.
My Lady is not interested in playing along, but knows I do play with men.
She does not want me to be in a serious relationship with a guy due to her perceived risk of us falling in love. (I won't get into the myriad reason it won't happen here) but it leaves me looking for a part time thing usually in the day 1 on 1 with a man. I do not want a gay man as it would be unfair to him, a guy likely looking for more than I offer in terms of full time attention.
Well, you'd think its would be easy to find a decent Bi guy who wants regular play. Its not. One offs with tricks in the movie houses are really easy to cum by, but the world of Bi men is so hidden, so full of paranoia and fear of being outed that men in desperate need of sex are whats to be found, not rational people willing to talk. Many is the "straight guy" looking for a cocksucker ONLY (no gay labels here thank you) ...
I guess in part its my age, and a wee bit of cynicism, but I can say this, when I go out with my Lady (younger, tall, slim) to the play places the offers are many. All from men. Wanting her, not us. The us is incidental. As a couple we could have our pick of fine specimens of male fun.
Both these factors reduces any one mans odds of finding playmates.

[wanna3somewithafemal]

we would like too know r selves so if any females can help us out plz let us know

[THARAWBAT314]

Sorry if offended anybody, but would rather get str8 to the point & put it out there.
Me, being the female, wouldnt see red flags. I would see them as being blunt & to the point & knowing what they want.

[spartca]

Ah well, different strokes for different folks. I hope you find what you're looking for! :)

[junior8]

It seems to be very hard.I have been trying to find a couple but have had no luck up to this point as well.Best of luck in your search.

[Biboz49]

This strikes a chord with me in a different way.
My Lady is not interested in playing along, but knows I do play with men.
She does not want me to be in a serious relationship with a guy due to her perceived risk of us falling in love. (I won't get into the myriad reason it won't happen here) but it leaves me looking for a part time thing usually in the day 1 on 1 with a man. I do not want a gay man as it would be unfair to him, a guy likely looking for more than I offer in terms of full time attention.
Well, you'd think its would be easy to find a decent Bi guy who wants regular play. Its not. One offs with tricks in the movie houses are really easy to cum by, but the world of Bi men is so hidden, so full of paranoia and fear of being outed that men in desperate need of sex are whats to be found, not rational people willing to talk. Many is the "straight guy" looking for a cocksucker ONLY (no gay labels here thank you) ...
I guess in part its my age, and a wee bit of cynicism, but I can say this, when I go out with my Lady (younger, tall, slim) to the play places the offers are many. All from men. Wanting her, not us. The us is incidental. As a couple we could have our pick of fine specimens of male fun.
Both these factors reduces any one mans odds of finding playmates.

I find the same as the mage. Many times I've been contacted by guys looking for a threesome but it turns out they are mostly interested in my fiance rather than both of us. Fortunately there are many other guys who are mostly interested in 1 on 1 with another guy and I've been lucky to meet a few. Personally, as a guy, I think it's best to look as a bi couple for another bi couple, or to look for a bi guy who is looking for hooking up with another bi guy only.

[hottieam]

We feel the same way. We have been searching for a while with limited results. Our ultimate desire is to find another couple, married, bisexual, w/ kids around the same ages as ours, down to earth who we can go out to dinner with, maybe go bowling and then come back to our house, climb into the hottub and have fun.

Trying to find a quality bi male is also difficult. We're not even trying to find a bi female who is interested in a bi couple. Those are as rare as a blue eyed cicada.

Alas, the search continues.......
I feel you. I'm 26 and my man is 30, I have no idea how to find a women for us. His b-day is coming up and I would love to give this to him. I just don't know where to begin.

[hottieam]

I feel you. I'm 26 and my man is 30, I have no idea how to find a women for us. His b-day is coming up and I would love to give this to him. I just don't know where to begin.

[Bluebiyou]

here is the place to begin....
first of all...
....
release the feminine notion of 'doing it for his birthday'...
you'll probably regret it.
Love... sexual lightning... real intimacy... cannot be confined to timetables we demand.... (birthday, valentines day, new years... etc)
There are wonderful men and women out there... out here...
...but like love, it happens like lightning... you'll know it when (or if) it strikes... you already know(knew) that...
I think... most couples looking for a third are looking for a lover and a friend they can love and trust... someone who WON'T (upon principles) presume upon the original relationship. Someone who would rather walk away, then threaten the relationship of the couple; someone who can walk in with that understanding... and walk out.
Your spirit is nothing shy of beautiful...
I wish every one of God's grace upon you... hottieam :)
Talk to FalconAngel... really sincere and beautiful couple...

[Mrs.F]

I find the same as the mage. Many times I've been contacted by guys looking for a threesome but it turns out they are mostly interested in my fiance rather than both of us. Fortunately there are many other guys who are mostly interested in 1 on 1 with another guy and I've been lucky to meet a few. Personally, as a guy, I think it's best to look as a bi couple for another bi couple, or to look for a bi guy who is looking for hooking up with another bi guy only.

That is so correct! We have found some guys but I have made it clear from the get go that they will be having 1 on 1 with my husband, that I will NOT be included. But my husband want's me there with him when he meets these guys and want's me to know them and be friends with them as well. I didn't have a problem with that at first, but it's become clear that the man seems to want a 3some with me included which was not part of the deal or they want me more than they want him. So, then things never seem to work out at all. The only 3some that we have had was with MY friend from this site. He is the only man besides my husband that I will be with.
It is hard and I have a feeling looking at a dead end road ahead!

[FalconAngel]

There is a ton of good ideas and experiences that have been posted by too many folks here to list.

But, like you, we have been searching for the right Bi guy for us. In our case, as with others here, we are not looking for someone that is just interested in a one-night stand, but someone that we can hang out and socialize with as well as playing with in the bedroom.

Because of that, we have a lot of standards that seem a bit high to too many. We also have been doing this for almost 8 years and have met only 3 guys that we really liked. The rest have either not been quite what we were looking for (they are the majority) or they have been fakers and no-shows for social first-time meeting up.

Of the 3 that we really liked, one had to move away for a job. We really liked him and still stay in touch for when he comes back in the area for visits.
Another that we really liked we had to reject after he told us that he had been lying about his wife knowing about it. we really liked him too, except for that one thing. Pity.
The last guy that we really like is still in the initial stages of meeting and getting to know us. But he is young and dead sexy.
We have also found quite a few guys that seemed perfect, except that they were too far out of our area for our needs. That sucks, too.

You should make it clear what you are interested in for a playmate, but be sensitive to how people will perceive what you post. It's not bad to be blunt, but you should try to avoid being crass about it.

Others have said how difficult it is to find the right Bi guy, and it is true. Finding a guy that is really Bi is difficult.
Since some Bi guys like women more than men and some like men more than women, then you have to be prepared for that.
In our case, we play with the guy together. That makes finding the right Bi guy more difficult.
If you like to watch while he plays and you don't participate, then you can hook up with gay guys as well. It reduces your limitations. But, as we said, finding the right guy can be difficult.
Don't lower your standards for anyone and keep searching.

[fairbankswingers]

here is what my wife and I have found...many folks swing, most will not swing with a BI guy as they think we are all cock crazy, or worse have HIV just becuase we are BI...we love swinging str8 and dont mind and have found some couples are ok with it...to find another bi couple is VERY HARD...we have kids, and lives and want to have a LTR type relationship with another couple - a bi girl is just a dream to us...bi guys....well you can find them all the time, but we will not play with them...we really and truly want to find a COUPLE a BISEXUAL couple that we can trust and - well, become very, very good friends...we have had a couple of couples like that, 2 to be exact, and both times we were tranfered, once from Alaska to California and then from California to Indiana...:flag2:

[Meinbruder]

I’ve had the opposite response. My profile, on another website, specifically states I’m looking for a couple and I have been contacted by cheating men and lonely horny guys looking for a fast blowjob. One of them was willing to travel two hundred miles. The latest one claimed his wife was looking for a boy-friend while he wants an activity partner and wanted to meet for a little one on one fun to plan the big threesome. No Surprise, I haven’t heard from him since insisting I meet both of them publicly before anyone sets foot in my flat.
M


I find the same as the mage. Many times I've been contacted by guys looking for a threesome but it turns out they are mostly interested in my fiance rather than both of us. Fortunately there are many other guys who are mostly interested in 1 on 1 with another guy and I've been lucky to meet a few. Personally, as a guy, I think it's best to look as a bi couple for another bi couple, or to look for a bi guy who is looking for hooking up with another bi guy only.

[truckr221]

Just my 2 cents from the other point of view. I am a single bi male that would prefer a 3 some with a married cpl. I do think my kind has " messed it up" for a lot of cpl's. Guys saying they are bi just to get in the door, or being to pushy in someone else's home, trying to start a side affair with a mans wife after he has opened his very soul to you. All those things and more .

But I think sometimes we all get to caught up in finding our " physical fantasy" and forget to pay attention to the person. Thus leaving some feeling " burned".
Why is it so hard to find a 3 way? My guess is it should be for survival. Unless you are very confident and secure. But like all things worth having, keep at it and you will succeed !

Just my :2cents:

[fairbankswingers]

Just my 2 cents from the other point of view. I am a single bi male that would prefer a 3 some with a married cpl. I do think my kind has " messed it up" for a lot of cpl's. Guys saying they are bi just to get in the door, or being to pushy in someone else's home, trying to start a side affair with a mans wife after he has opened his very soul to you. All those things and more .

But I think sometimes we all get to caught up in finding our " physical fantasy" and forget to pay attention to the person. Thus leaving some feeling " burned".
Why is it so hard to find a 3 way? My guess is it should be for survival. Unless you are very confident and secure. But like all things worth having, keep at it and you will succeed !

Just my :2cents:
The problem is not how great some single bi guys look, trust me on that one...it is thier personnaliity...we look for a partner we are in tune with if you know what we mean...sex with a cock/pussy is just sex...sex with a complete person is WONDERFUL! Complete in our minds is a couple where we all 4 have other connection then just sex...and please add that we have tried and all 3 times met with failures in that one admitted his wife did not know, the other 2 we more interested in being with the wife and asking what she liked, and pretty much took me as a 3rd heel as they say when we all met, and trust me on this the wife was just as upset at thier conduct as me as she is just as interested in my experances as I her's

[lonelygirlintx]

I need some help with that too. Been on here and many other different websites, but still no luck with it. So if anyone on here knows a hot female, plz pm me!

[welickit]

It took us almost two years to find the right bi guy for a long term relationship. Weeding out the fakes and liars takes time. We all enjoyed each other on and off for several years. Changes of jobs and work schedules has resulted in email contact only at this point.
For the record, we contacted him first. He didn't contact us. He had a very complete and honest profile. We emailed back and forth and it seemed right. We met at a public park one afternoon and chatted face to face. Everything kind of felt right and fell in place. We invited him home for pizza and eventually spent several hours sitting around naked getting to know each other. No pressure just relaxed enjoyment. We all had common interests outside sex. Over the next few years we did everything from walking the beach together to going shopping together.
We appreciate an honest UNMARRIED male. Our friend above was divorced 20 years ago.
One of our first questions to an email from a "single male" Do you have a place to meet? Back seat of your car, boat, storage area, hunting camp or alley doesn't qualify. Ask that one question and you will fall on the floor and laugh so hard you will cry when they have the balls to email back their excuses.
I work 80 hours a day and take care of my sick mother 24 hours a day. My room mate wouldn't understand. My wife is seriously sick and I don't want to bother her. Best one yet is, I am 52 years old and a virgin, never had sex and we can't meet here because of my wife and kids.
It takes all kinds to make the world.........they are all here.

[NakedInSeattle]

Here in Seattle, we have all the "candidates/applicants" that we can handle. Plenty of bi gis that want to have a 3-sum. Many married, though. Keep looking.

[Meinbruder]

I know exactly what you mean, without a connection other than just organs I’m not interested. I have no interest in a once off or occasional fling. So far, I’ve met nothing but fakes and liars online so I’ll be turning to the local poly community for leads. I tried polymatchmaker online but the only local couple also has their profile on every swinger website imaginable. Good luck finding another couple, if it’s this hard finding a triad it must be a lot harder finding a quad.
M




The problem is not how great some single bi guys look, trust me on that one...it is thier personnaliity...we look for a partner we are in tune with if you know what we mean...sex with a cock/pussy is just sex...sex with a complete person is WONDERFUL! Complete in our minds is a couple where we all 4 have other connection then just sex...and please add that we have tried and all 3 times met with failures in that one admitted his wife did not know, the other 2 we more interested in being with the wife and asking what she liked, and pretty much took me as a 3rd heel as they say when we all met, and trust me on this the wife was just as upset at thier conduct as me as she is just as interested in my experances as I her's

[secretloverisbi]

I wish i could find a threesome

[frikidiki]

Some of this is good reading and advice for us single males looking for couples. For example, I'm on the road most of the time, so I don't actually have a meeting place of my own, though I could arrange for a room.

I also figured being mobile would open up more possibilities, but I think the opposite is true. Most couples are looking for someone from their area that they can see anytime, romantically or otherwise. I'm not saying I couldn't do that, but it sure isn't going to be easy for me to do that now. I figure the best way to increase the chances of success is to figure out and state if a one-time fantasy fulfillment, a friends-with-benefits thing, or a romantic threesome is what is wanted. I'm actually fine with any of these, myself, but realistically cannot expect the latter anytime soon, and, being one who prefers sustainable friendships, wouldn't settle for a one-off if I didn't have to. For just getting off, I'm happy with just masturbating.

So in my mind, a friendship-based, emotionally loose but steady connection with a couple would be the thing to aim for (this could lead to romance, too). But I've been wondering myself, can I actually achieve this while out on the road?

[darkeyes]

Wen yas a girl.. aint difficult 2 go out pik up a cuppla lads an hav a 3some.. easy peasy if they str8 lads.. bi lads an all if ya likes that sorta thing jus they in a lil shorter supply. Not summat me eva went out lookin for cos me selfish enuff 2 wanna b the centre a attracation wud take a dim view if that wos not the case... an 2 guys havin it away has neva appealed.. cupples me found wer always more problematic an genrally let them find me cos neva eva went out lookin for that.. long time since me did ne a that an men r a thinga the past in me life wen it cums 2 sex... 3 somes wiv otha women wer much 2 nice 2 let u lot inta the secret of.. tee hee:tong:

[mariersa]

3 somes wiv otha women wer much 2 nice 2 let u lot inta the secret of.. tee hee:tong:

oh do tell Fran, please, pretty please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:tongue::bigrin::cool:

[darkeyes]

Shhh Marie.. not wen ther boys lissnin.. ya kno wot talk like that dus 2 ther nerves... not 2 mention ther bits...:bigrin:

[guycurious]

We've been searching for two years trying to find another couple or even a bi male who we can find common ground with.

I like the responses that say, "My wife and I are interested but she insists that I meet the two of you alone the first time or two." Maybe I'm cynical but my response is, "If your wife cannot make it neither can we."

I don't think there is a wife.

Since starting our search in June 06 we've had one encounter with a bi male who never contacted us again and one couple. We had high hopes with the couple but they too didn't call back.