Am I Wrong

[Da Doctor]

Am I wrong or shouldn't people tell their significant others about being Bi, Bi-curious or what not before they try the lifestyle. I see a lot of ads about wife or hubby does not know. Personally I don't want to be the other person.

[DiamondDog]

I do happen to think that honesty is the best policy in a relationship and that people should tell their partner if they are bisexual even if they discover this years after they get involved with the person.

As for me I've known that I'm queer ever since I was a teenager and even before then so I tell whoever I get involved with in dating or a relationship.

*sigh* I do wish that the word "lifestyle" would dissapear from queer lexicon.

I hate that word being used for my sexuality, and I hope that it gets banished from describing queer people, and queer sexuality and sex.

It's not like I want a Male/male/female 3 way, a book of Anais Nin's erotic fiction, and an REM CD.

An all male 3 way, a book of Allen Ginsberg's poetry, and the newest Scissor Sisters CD!

Or a trip on a gay cruise, a shopping spree on Ralph Lauren clothing/fragrances/merchandise, tickets to see Madonna, or I want to go to the black party while dancing the night/morning away on MDMA. LMAO

[mouse46]

:bibounce:
Am I wrong or shouldn't people tell their significant others about being Bi, Bi-curious or what not before they try the lifestyle. I see a lot of ads about wife or hubby does not know. Personally I don't want to be the other person.
Well I for one think honesty with your loved one is important. However, for some finding the right way to go about sharing the "Oh by the way I'm bi" does not comes so easily. For whatever reasons they may have , fear, shame losing your loved one in coming out to them.These are valid points but nonetheless you are in fact keeping a secret from someone your sharing your life with. Someone who your supposed to share everything with no matter what it is. it would be scaring at first but something that should come out sooner than later. Anyway thats my :2cents:

[jackies]

Speaking as someone who found out the hard way that her husband was "bicurious"....


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE....BE HONEST!


There is nothing like being lied to, cheated on, and underestimated...


Just my :2cents:

~Jackie

P.S. We are ok now...but still working through all of the above.

[rissababynta]

when i first told my hubby that i was bi, right before we started dating, he was thrilled that i was so open with him. even though everyone else knew he felt special haha. but my being honest with him up front helped him to act upon feelings he had had his whole life without feeling ashamed and that is when he realized that he was bi as well.

or it could have gone the other way, causing him to not want to be with me and then i would have found someone better who could have accepted me for who i am, which is what every person really needs. so in the end, i feel that it is best to be open and honest so you don't hurt the person you love and yourself.

[the mage]

Cheating is hard to over come and even harder when its homosexual.
Not telling is cheating, no escaping that fact.
Given that most hetero couples fall in lust first and become friends later (or break up) the sex is the building block of the relationship. (a mistake by the way) When that trust is violated the relationship is never the same.

Few relationships can survive unless open talk about sex is constant.
We change and our bodies and minds change as we age new desires arise.
( see the BDSM world.. most players are in their 40's and up.)
Talking about things is very tough, in fact the conundrum is that we all talk a big show about sex all the time socially, most of it is complete bullshit. That is what makes it even tougher to talk to the one person its most important to talk to in total honesty .. our life partners.

SO many men are playing while in the closet it is actually daunting to my mind.
So much going on, no one ever getting STD tested, or even asking about history from playmates.
The "dirty kinky" side of gay sex, that being the washroom encounters, the play in parks, the annon sex, is not in fact a gay phenomenon as much as a closeted man thing. Most gay men I know play at home in safety, not some grungy hole.

cheating is ugly.

[arana]

Coming out to someone you love knowing they despise the type of person you are hiding inside is a very difficult thing and I can understand not telling a spouse if you're afraid of losing them. BUT...acting on your desire for other people is something else. Once you cross that line you must be prepared for any consequences that come from your actions and not blame the fact you are bisexual as a reason for doing it. Straight, gay or bisexual, if you choose to be with someone else and your partner doesn't know is cheating pure and simple. Saying it's not because it's the same sex is just trying to make yourself feel better for doing it.

[The Cheshire Cat]

Oh, yes....you probably should tell your significant other before you "try the lifestyle." Bringing home a nasty, weeping, yucky STD to your wife could put a SERIOUS strain on your marriage. :eek:

[arana]

Oh, yes....you probably should tell your significant other before you "try the lifestyle." Bringing home a nasty, weeping, yucky STD to your wife could put a SERIOUS strain on your marriage. :eek:
I've had straight friends find out their spouse was cheating (though they denied it all the while before hand) because they caught something. To say it won't or can't happen because you're safe is just fooling yourself.

[truelove201]

Coming out to someone you love knowing they despise the type of person you are hiding inside is a very difficult thing and I can understand not telling a spouse if you're afraid of losing them. BUT...acting on your desire for other people is something else. Once you cross that line you must be prepared for any consequences that come from your actions and not blame the fact you are bisexual as a reason for doing it. Straight, gay or bisexual, if you choose to be with someone else and your partner doesn't know is cheating pure and simple. Saying it's not because it's the same sex is just trying to make yourself feel better for doing it.

:female: Amen to that!

[Lisa (va)]

I definitely agree that your lover, partner should be made aware of your feelings, both good and bad. It further complicates things in the relationship should one persue (sexual) feelings outside the relationship: cheating is cheating. Understanding that being honest is 'the best policy', no one said that it was an easy policy to adhere to.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[hudson9]

Being "not out" to your spouse, and engaging in real-life extramarital affairs are two separate things. There are some people who are perfectly nice, loving people, but who (for whatever reasons) would be completely unable to deal w/ a bi spouse. There are some bi people who (for whatever reasons) took a long time to come to the slow realization that they had bi "tendancies." There is nothing noble in forcing a person to deal with something they can't handle in the name of "honesty." What you are responsible for in a marriage is the care and well-being of your spouse, and yourself. I am not advocating extramarital affairs (bi or straight), nor saying that they are justified by being with a different gender than your spouse. Neither am I making a blanket condemnation. Life is too complicated for blanket judgements, and I tend to believe the saying: you shouldn't judge someone till you've traveled a mile in their shoes. I do think that fantasy, erotica/porn, even cyber- or phone-sex can provide an outlet for people in difficult situations. But if you're not still doing the care and feeding of your primary relationship, then yes, there's a problem.
:2cents: