i am very confused....

[rissababynta]

ok. i have been openly bisexual for about 10 years now and have never been with a woman more than just kissing. i was talking about this to a friend and she said (being the sweet person that she is haha) "well, maybe it's because you are pudgy and maybe none of the women want a pudgy chick. or maybe they just don't think you are that pretty." now, i have had a lot of female friends tell me that they have had crushes on me before and i have a lot strangers tell me that they think i am beautiful and would love to be with me, including people on this site. but nothing ever happens.

this is a question more for the women but guys are welcome to share their input as well. my question is...what could possibly be going on with this situation? how could all these women say these things but i still haven't been able to get anywhere? are women pickier than i thought? because if my friend is right, i'm not changing myself just to get a girlfriend. so if i need to start preparing myself now to never be with a female then so be it lol.

[innaminka]

Personally, the way someone looks has about .001% of whether I want to chat, talk, relate, whatever with someone. Maybe the very first appearance helps an intro along, but after meeting someone, physicality goes out the window.
- And personally again, pudgy is fabulous. The only physical turn-off for me is a guy with a huge belly or lots of tatts. - Women? - no physical turn-off at all.
Once they open their mouth, that can be a different story, but we all know that.

As to why something does or does not happen - well, I guess that's the magic and agony of the dating/encounter game.

Believe me, your lack of "hits" has almost nothing to do with the way you look.

[anne27]

I agree with 'minka. God knows i'm pudgy as hell, always have been, but that hasn't stopped me from having a wonderfully full sex life with both sexes. I tend to think that women, more than most men, tend to look past the imperfections we all have and try and see the person inside.

That being said, confidence is a HUGE turn on for me. Ignore your friend and get on with your life. Be the person YOU want to be and the rest will fall into place. :2cents:

Editted to add: Checked your profile pics. You're cute, hon and you have a wonderful smile. Seriously ignore the daft friend.

[rissababynta]

thanks for the encouragement haha. i can always rely on people here to be very nice and very honest...

[BreeIsMe]

for me personality is 9/10ths

Bree

[poke_m]

ok. i have been openly bisexual for about 10 years now and have never been with a woman more than just kissing. i was talking about this to a friend and she said (being the sweet person that she is haha) "well, maybe it's because you are pudgy and maybe none of the women want a pudgy chick. or maybe they just don't think you are that pretty." now, i have had a lot of female friends tell me that they have had crushes on me before and i have a lot strangers tell me that they think i am beautiful and would love to be with me, including people on this site. but nothing ever happens.

this is a question more for the women but guys are welcome to share their input as well. my question is...what could possibly be going on with this situation? how could all these women say these things but i still haven't been able to get anywhere? are women pickier than i thought? because if my friend is right, i'm not changing myself just to get a girlfriend. so if i need to start preparing myself now to never be with a female then so be it lol.

I'm not a bisexual woman but here's my hunch. One, the straight leaning bisexual ladies you meet are too afraid of being outed to pursue it. The more pure bisexuals and lesbians are turned off by the fact that you're in a committed relationship with a man and realize they'll never have your full attention. The "polyamorous" fling types whittle down on account of the children which cut your time for such things anyhow. Moreover, it sounds like you're more in it for the experience than specific people. Not saying thats bad but it means you'd have to do a tad more work then you likely have time to do. So I suggest just waiting until some hot bi or gay chick that you like comes around rather than looking for "someone" to have a hot gay/bi experience with...MAybe I'm jumping to conclusions...

PS: I don't think its looks.

[rissababynta]

actually i have turned down a lot of women because all they were looking for was an "experience" and i am not interested in just jumping in the sack and that's the end of it.

[Da Doctor]

If people can't accept you for the goddess that you are then they don't deserve your time or energy.

[jem_is_bi]

Waiting for the perfect woman to contact you will likely take more time than enjoying the pleasures of the moment with one of the many who desire an “experience” with you. Consider rating them on the likelihood that a single experience will not be enough for them and that a friendship/relationship will happen. Consider saying yes to a woman that you would otherwise want as a friend/lover.
Personally, I am unable to have an ongoing sexual relationship without developing an emotional/friendship bond as well. On the other hand, when I first integrate someone as a friend, the dynamics of the relationship are wrong from the start for sexual intimacy to happen. Maybe, my approach to sex, love and friendship is not the norm. Maybe, the dynamics of relationships are different for women. But, maybe a shared “experience” more often one might expect leads to a deeper relationship.

JEM

[TheThreeOfUs]

First off you need to tell your friend to get a good pair of glasses and rethink what they said to you. Youre not only very pretty, youre beautiful. Someone called you a goddess and I would agree. You got it goin on girl!

I wouldnt try to put your finger on any reason and say well thats why I havent had any experiences. It could the area you live in, it could be some bi or les women simply dont know youre also bi. I would try to make myself a couple of good bi women friends. Most of the time other bi chicks, know more bi chicks and heh single bi chick friends :) Got myself a hookup that way myself!

You seem very nice, friendly and fun. You have great qualities and theres nothing wrong with what I saw! Id hang in there, sometimes it just takes time and even a long time to find the one person you want to be with and sometimes it takes time for them to find you too!

Im sure itll happen for a fox like you, just hang in there :)

[tink1978]

ok. i have been openly bisexual for about 10 years now and have never been with a woman more than just kissing. i was talking about this to a friend and she said (being the sweet person that she is haha) "well, maybe it's because you are pudgy and maybe none of the women want a pudgy chick. or maybe they just don't think you are that pretty." now, i have had a lot of female friends tell me that they have had crushes on me before and i have a lot strangers tell me that they think i am beautiful and would love to be with me, including people on this site. but nothing ever happens.

this is a question more for the women but guys are welcome to share their input as well. my question is...what could possibly be going on with this situation? how could all these women say these things but i still haven't been able to get anywhere? are women pickier than i thought? because if my friend is right, i'm not changing myself just to get a girlfriend. so if i need to start preparing myself now to never be with a female then so be it lol.

ok rissa babe here is my opinion on this matter. If you were a little farther south we would have no issues you are just way to far north. With that said I personally like my women to eat and eat as much as they want till they are full.

Just wait there is someone out there that wants the same stuff you do. Give it time.

Tink

[rissababynta]

Consider rating them on the likelihood that a single experience will not be enough for them and that a friendship/relationship will happen.

JEM


you know, you kind of have a point...maybe it's ME being a little too picky. i just don't want to be slutty about it.


and thanks for thinking i'm somethin special everyone! lol

[jem_is_bi]

Slutty, is all about your intentions for the future and the best way to attain your goal. I just suggested that sexual experience with the right woman may lead to a relationship, thus, attainment of your goal. You cannot be considered slutty because of their intentions for getting together with you. As soon as you establish an ongoing relationship you are not going to be looking for more sex partners. That is not being slutty. Of course, I understand why you want to avoid any possibility of being labeled a slut. Your proud of who you are and value your reputation.

JEM

[Tygress75]

Rissa,

I have to mirrow Tink's reply... as far as I'm concerned, the only issue I'm seeing is "location, location, location!" You're in PA & I'm in IL. You're hot stuff, girl! And like you, I've got some serious curves goin' on. I like to cook & I like to eat... and I don't think a salad & water will do it -- unless that is one huge salad! <Pause while I take a sip from my microbrewed amber ale, and no it's NOT lite!>

Be open to love, and don't spend a lot of time looking for it... often, my experiences are such that when you stop looking, it jumps up & bites you in the ass. I've got no experience with a lady, myself, but I'm not interested in any "one night stands" either. I need to know someone on a personal level before I'll even think about being intimate.

[rissababynta]

thanks for thinking i'm hot stuff haha. i definitely think i will take your advice about just leaving myself open for love instead of looking for it tygress.



i've noticed a lot of people saying they like my curves. i do appreciate people liking the heavier women but, some people seem to think that i'm curvy because i like to eat. i'm actually heavy because of a metabolism problem i developed from a previous eating disorder. so, please people, don't think that i'm fat because i sit on my ass all day eating donuts haha.

[GreenEyedLady(GEL)]

Your a beautiful and vivacious young lady. And I think ya rock sista !

[spartca]

I've heard some version of this story a hundred times. It's not your appearance. The deal is that women are socialized by our heteronormative society to make themselves "available" and then let the men approach them. Two high femmes trying to date each other can be rather comical - they will both sit on the couch for hours staring longingly into each other's eyes and then go home frustrated at the end of the night, because neither one of them knew how to make the first move. I know it may not be too much consolation, but you're not alone. From what a lot of queer women have told me, the best thing you can do for your love life is to learn how to make the first move.