break it to them gently?

[dafydd]

Hi I have a date with this girl on Friday. I met her on the tube and we were sending messages for about a week. I've only just recently started to be bi-curious (was a fully paid up gay boy for 10 years, although I have dipped in and out of the straight scene).
At what point should i tell her? "Hi I'm Bi" or after dinner or after sex?
Anyone had any crazy reactions?
:eek:
What's up with the blue/purple/pink flag? :flag3: Is it the bi flag?
Am a total newbie.
Anyone else in London?

Thanks

D
BTW the girl is German so she's likely to be more heteropolitan i guess.

[DiamondDog]

Why not just tell before the date?
I usually do that when I'm getting to know someone.

[ForbiddenWindow]

i have found it seems to be an added bonus for adventure, usually they take it pretty well.

[Ophelia]

Perhaps you should tell her straight away? I mean, I guess there are benefits to doing it that way, like if she rejects you, you won't have wasted your time?

I always tell anyone I date within the first few meetings just because if they can't handle it, then I know where I stand.

Or you can just bring up LGBT stuff to feel her out. One way I found out a guy I liked was homophobic was like this:

I go: "So, I'm reading this article about these two women wanting to adopt a child..."
He goes; "Oh, my God! Really! That's just gross. They shouldn't be allowed to adopt a child!"

Maybe if she's receptive to certain things, telling her won't be so difficult.

[JohnnyV]

I was in the same situation as you when I was in my mid-20s and started dating women after about 5 years immersed in the gay world. Usually I wait until we have had a few dates to tell a woman I'm dating, unless she asks, in which I case I give her an honest answer. Bisexuality is so rarely understood by people, that almost anyone needs to be educated on it a little, and that education process might be too much for the first few times you hang out. Get to know each other in all your other dimensions first.

As for whether to tell her before or after sex, that's a different call. You have to be realistic about your situation and acknowledge that most people will have questions and concerns about your sexual situation, not the least of which is whether you're really gay and in denial (yes, that age-old and annoying albatross we all fight.) You may think that telling her before you have sex will be like killing your chances dead in the water. You may think on the other hand that telling her afterward will leave her feeling betrayed.

I lean toward telling her after you have sex. That way you won't get severe performance anxiety when you have sex the first time. While she might feel a little hurt you didn't tell her beforehand, at least the sex itself will strengthen your bond. Telling her before is more likely to cause her not to have sex with you, and to end the whole thing before it can go anywhere.

J

[69Steve]

Why tell her at all. If you were porking another woman you wouldn’t be falling over yourself to tell her so why notify her of your extracurricular activities.
If you want to blow her out just show her the door, if she gives you her blessing then I’d show her the door anyway!
Do has I say, not has I do.

[Azrael]

Why tell her at all. If you were porking another woman you wouldn’t be falling over yourself to tell her so why notify her of your extracurricular activities.
If you want to blow her out just show her the door, if she gives you her blessing then I’d show her the door anyway!
Do has I say, not has I do.
Nice mentality :eek:

[dafydd]

Why tell her at all. If you were porking another woman you wouldn’t be falling over yourself to tell her so why notify her of your extracurricular activities.
If you want to blow her out just show her the door, if she gives you her blessing then I’d show her the door anyway!
Do has I say, not has I do.

I don't want to blow her out. Or just have sex with her.
If I were straight I wouldn't tell her about other woman previously right, but since we live in a heterosexist world (the assumption that everybody is straight until proven otherwise) I think it's something I couldn't hold back on. And besides lots of people *do* take issue with it.
Thanks for everyones comments btw.

d :male:

[PolyLoveTriad]

if youre bi or gay or have been gay or bi then yeah you should tell her.

When youre looking to date someone and make it into a relationship you should always be honest with them up front. You want them to like you for everything you are and its better to know up front if she will stay cuz she truely like syou or run off. Also if I were her Id want to know so I could make the deicision if I wanted to get into this relationship or date or not. SHe has the right to know. Now if it was only a friends thing and you werent going to date her then Id say you wouldnt need to say anything.

[Herbwoman39]

I'd go with what others have said. Tell her before the date that way if she completely gears you know ahead of time and there's no money out of pocket and no wasted time.