Do you look queer? [Archive]

Snafu

Apr 14, 2005, 8:24 PM

So today I went to the outlet store and I saw this lady with what seemed to be a shaved head coming in my direction...keep in mind the outlet store is way in the middle of nowhere.. I didn't want to openly check her out in case she was not a lesbian, or bi, but instead maybe a cancer victim or one of those people who don't grow hair...so instead I tried to see if she was carring a purse. She had a wallet on a string and then she totally checked me out as she went by. I think that on a day off you would see me and think, "maybe, possibly" if you were looking for it, but I don't think I am so obvious that most people would notice. Not on most days. Now, on work days I look REALLY straight, which isn't totally on purpose. So, I am just curious, do you all look gay/queer/bi? Do you think people can tell? Is there anything about you that is stereo typically "gay"? Oh, one other thing about me, I think when I am not paying attention my body language looks pretty dykey and that probably speaks louder than what I wear. Well, what about you guys? And do you purposely try to look straight or gay/bi/queer depending on the situation or your mood?
G

jo69guy

Apr 15, 2005, 6:23 AM

I myself have very straight mannerisms, but people truly in touch with their "gaydar' can pick me out. When I outed myself to a dear lesbian friend, she said yeah, that is no suprise.

At work, I act very straight, and in public I do the same. At home or around my immediate family, I can relax more. :2cents: :flag1:

Sex in Words

Apr 15, 2005, 12:11 PM

I find that my outward appearance and mannerisms are very at odds with my queerness...I'm basically a punk, big mohawk, ragged clothes or leather mostly, big boots, piercings and sometimes lots of eye make up. Which basically sets me up as unapproachable in all scenes! But when I go strolling Church Street (the gaybourhood in Toronto), the boys like the look. And when I'm out in straight bars, the girls like this look. Works out well, in my opinion.

Brian

Apr 15, 2005, 1:22 PM

...when I go strolling Church Street (the gaybourhood in Toronto), the boys like the look. And when I'm out in straight bars, the girls like this look. That is what I call an ideal situation!!! :bigrin:

:mohawk:

- Drew :paw:

spamer-man

Apr 15, 2005, 6:37 PM

never realy thought about it b4, ima jeans and t-shirt kinda guy real casual. and im in the closet so except for halloween i look pretty straight lol.

str8biguy38

Apr 15, 2005, 10:06 PM

I have never thought I looked queer, Gay or BI if there is a look. However I do act straight. None of my friends or family know about my fantasies or past experiences.

Some of my friends think I act famine but I think that is because I can out cook and clean most women I know and I like to shop. These are probably flags that I am more BI than I let on to be.

A couple of weeks a go I went to a Gay bar with my sister and another M/F couple. We met a couple F/F’s we knew. They introduced us to their friends. There was a guy that started talking to me. I engaged in small talk for a while and then focused my attention back to my friends. After about my third beer, he says “ So What’s up?” I laugh a little and say “ Nothing, Not a Thing”. He says something like "Damn" If he only knew what I was capble of doing to him. We didn’t say much after that until he commented about our friend singing and patted my leg. Well I didn’t flinch or say anything bad, but I couldn’t let my friends know I wanted take him to the back and bang his brains out. Any way if you look at my photos you might think I look queer but I just like to have a lot of fun during sex….

bigballsbiguy

Apr 16, 2005, 1:29 AM

When I'm out (that's out, not Out) lol, guys never hit on me. Either I look straight or I'm uglier than Quasimodo. Sorry to any hunchbacks out there. I don't "act" gay or straight. In the immortal words of that great philosopher, Popeye, "I yam who I yam". Maybe, unconsciously, I don't act at all feminine because fem guys don't appeal to me. Who knows. Interesting question though.

Nancyboy

Apr 18, 2005, 10:36 PM

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I like to have different looks for different moods. They are all part of who I am, one way or another.

Sometimes, I look very femmey and straight; other times I look like a gender f*ck. Most of the time, I'm my own unique blend. So, I guess whether I look queer or not is in the eye of the beholder. One thing I know is that I rarely get flirted with in the village. Lesbians don't seem to notice me at all, which is strange. I mean, I'm no supermodel but I think I'm kinda cute.

Then again, I've been told I'm a bit naive. . . .

NancyBoy

Sex in Words

Apr 21, 2005, 9:08 AM

Oh, it works out quite well!
And I love this :mohawk:

That is what I call an ideal situation!!! :bigrin:

:mohawk:

- Drew :paw:

Brian

Apr 21, 2005, 10:41 AM

I love this :mohawk: I thought you might! I wish I had one with a red mohawk just for you. :)

james88uk

Apr 27, 2005, 9:03 PM

There does seem to be a total lack of photos of people on this site and pictures do speak 1000 words... however - since I have photos up - do I look queer?

Snafu

Apr 27, 2005, 11:47 PM

From your photos if I was trying to guess if you looked queer I would say that you look queer in some and not in others. You look really straight to me in the one where you are standing on top of the stairs and you look pretty queer to me the one where you are sitting and the table and the one where you are sitting in the grass. The rest seem neutral. Also it makes me wonder how much one pays attention to body language when one is trying to guess if someone is queer or not. Of course for gaydar to work it seems to rely to some degree on stereotypical behavior, looks, and body language. Queer men sometimes have this whole nasal speaking thing, but I don't know of any tonal equivilant for women. Again, I know this is speaking in stereotypes, but to some degree isn't that how we recognise each other? I know when I am being really femme, the queer women don't notice me at all but when I look more "queer" they do notice me. Sometimes being noticed is nice. But I would guess that the majority of queer people don't look so queer that you would immediately notice them, if at all..

sesquipedalis

Apr 28, 2005, 10:32 AM

I'm not sure. Maybe I'll take some pictures soon and put them up and ask you guys.

I'm not "out" but if I were I still wouldn't act very queer. I find the whole effeminate, nasal voice thing pretty annoying.

I doubt my friends would ever guess that I'm bi. As you probably know, gay jokes are quite common in groups of guys, and I do the standard thing where I play along long enough for it to be funny, and then make sure to indicate that I "don't swing that way". It's an interesting social phenomenon, really.

I met a guy last weekend who is extremely hyper and physical with people, and I couldn't tell for sure but I think his dad is gay, so he made even more gay-themed jokes than usual. One of them involved sneaking up behind me as I was eating lunch and massaging my shoulders. It felt really good, so I let him do it for a while (I dunno, 10 seconds or so? It seems like a long time when you're talking to people). I wanted him to keep going, but in the social situation I had to say, "OK, that's enough." I do lean more towards girls than guys, but damn, if you want to massage my shoulders and you're that good at it, please do so...

I also prefer to wear clothes that actually fit, as opposed to the really baggy stuff that seems to be the style currently. Some of my jeans qualify as "tight" (they even have Lycra in them). I bought them before I realized I was bi, hoping they would encourage girls to check out my ass. Now I wear them to encourage anyone to check out my ass. ;)

I still don't think my friends suspect anything, though. If anything they write it off as vaguely metrosexual.

BIGIRLONLINE

Apr 28, 2005, 11:14 AM

Wow.. I could only wish that I could pick a bi-woman out of a crowd. With the gay and lesbian lifestyle being more acceptable- it is becoming more and more easier to determine who is and who is not gay. I wish it were easier for the bi-group to determine who is and isnt. I am totally in the closet while at work and with my closest friends... and when I am out (at the mall, at a club, at the beach) I find it hard to determine if the woman I come in contact with are bi also. I give great eye contact and occasionally check out a woman but have not been able to ever meet anyone by walking up and starting a conversation to determine if we are alike. The only time I have met other bi women in public is events like mardi-gras, fantasy fest or swinger parties. Any idea on how bi-woman meet other bi-woman except for the internet?

foreverbisexy

Apr 28, 2005, 12:03 PM

I really don't look like anything except a mom LOL but I have noticed my "radar" goes up real quick... some don't beleive in that, that has SO got to be real the "radar" because alot of times I am right when I "pick" someone out... LOL But hey when I start wearing my BI shirt, I will let you all know if I get "approached" or not I am eager to find out... LOL

Foreverbisexy~

bigregory

Apr 28, 2005, 11:55 PM

well there is a gaydar and a bidar
the gaydar goes off all the time
the bidar has yet to go off
it was not until i met a few gay folk that my gaydar worked
i guess i need to meet more bi folk to get my bidar working

me living in a small town im joe hetro
but maybe on a saturday night i bet i would blow over on a gaydar
the real question is what% is bi.???
i think 5 %are open
55%in the closet
bigregory :flag3:

Ratchick

May 3, 2005, 8:41 PM

I dunno.
I am pretty tomboy-ish.
I think when I first get my hair cut for one week after I look pretty "Butch". After that it looks pretty much like a normal short haircut.
I have awful GayDar. MY gay/BI friends often laugh at me because I have NO clue.
I guess if you were Looking for it, I could look pretty queer.
-RC

gayle

May 6, 2005, 5:14 AM

Hey, if there IS a definitive answer to who is gay or bi or str8 based on looks alone, would someone please give me the guidelines??? My first personal encounter with a bi person (where I was finally informed they were bi) and I had no clue because he acted so macho, the type to start bar room brawls or end them, or both! Would never have guessed it by mannerisms or appearance. The only thing I can think in retrospect was maybe I should have figured it out because he is so macho and maybe that was meant to cover something else (such as being bi or gay). In any case, I apparently am clueless when a guy or girl is checking me out. I am often told that so and so (whether male or female) was/is checking me out and if I look in their direction, I tend to notice then that "hey, they ARE checking me out!"

I guess I'm disqualified from this topic as I am str8. Depending on what we're doing, where we're going, I like to wear my "jeans a little too tight just to watch the little boys come undone." (in the words of Gretchen Wilson's "Redneck Woman") I might wear a short skirt that barely covers the essentials when standing, and less when sitting! Tight shirts, boots, maybe hose. Bra, while needed, might well be at home in bed while I'm out and about. So guess I'm either a Redneck Woman or just enjoy teasing others. Whatever the case, instead of looking bi or gay or even str8, I probably come across as being a flirt, a tease, and maybe even as a slut. All I know is it is fun to strut one's stuff, and on those occasions when a cute guy is checking me out, it's kinda fun to have noticed their attention and to know I'm the one who is in control at that moment, not them!

So as previously stated, if someone figures out how to recognize someone as being bi, gay or str8 based on appearance alone, please inform me. I'm hopelessly naive at 39. Clueless might be an even better word for it. :angel:

Snafu

May 8, 2005, 2:03 AM

I think that to look queer is to say that to some degree you fit a stereotype enough to be recognizable by those looking for it (thus gaydar/bidar). If you look so queer that straight people recognise you then we wouldn't need gaydar to notice you.

I wonder then how much of looking queer is intentional so that we can recognise each other and how much of it is part of ourselves...just part of our genes?

I remember girls in high school who I could tell were gay, but they weren't even totally aware of it yet. One of them looked gay then, and the other one didn't look gay yet, but she the way she moved, and her body language, and how close and touchy she always was to me must have set me off because to me, they were recognisble and seemed queer to me even then. Another friend before she came out she didn't look gay but she had a deep voice, and sounded gay and also her body language was way more boy like. But for me, I make myself look just a little queer so that other queer people can recognize me, but I can go either way. I do think my body language gives me away to those with gaydar. Any thoughts on nature vs nurture and looking queer? How much do we actually fit the stereotype and how much do we do it just so we can be recognised and have credibility as queer?

Ratchick

May 8, 2005, 4:28 PM

Nature vs. Nurture...Hmmm
This interests me a lot.
See, me like a lot of other young girls in our society were molested by a parent as a child, and exposed to a lot of female porn. Now, am I Bi because of what I was exposed to at my cruicial Sexual Idenity stage in my life? OR was I born this way, and my experiences just solidified it?
I fought with myself for years, more like decades about this.

I thoguht it was a slap in the face to "real" Gay and Bi people for me to think I was Bi if I was "Made" that way and not born that way. I am still fighting with it. Am I Born this way or made.
All I know is that I enjoy realtionships with both men and women, and I enjoy sex with women more.

Any thoguhts?
I was a True tomboy as a kid, and still hate "girly" stuff. I had a huge crush on a girl as far back as 2nd grade. But, I also had crushes on boys in high school and Jr. High. Funny thing is, all the boys I had crushes on turned out to be gay or Bi. Even my ex husband is gay now!
I have such a messed up thoguht process!
lololol
RC

LMAshamaz@hotmail.co

May 8, 2005, 11:57 PM

Most of the time i look straight, but with a little funky edge I guess. Sometimes though I wear big pamts and fishnet sleeves and such, lots of bracelets and jewelery then I look kinda queer. I'd like to look a little more queer but I don't really want to out myself to everyone yet.undefined

LMAshamaz@hotmail.co

May 8, 2005, 11:58 PM

[QUOTE=LMAshamaz@hotmail.co][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Most of the time i look straight, but with a little funky edge I guess. Sometimes though I wear big pamts and fishnet sleeves and such, lots of bracelets and jewelery then I look kinda queer. I'd like to look a little more queer but I don't really want to out myself to everyone yet.

Heartless01

May 9, 2005, 7:08 AM

I dont THINK I do.

However, I know my mannerisms are more aggressive than the average female, so that might be a give a way (or may mean I really AM a bitch).

HAHAHAHAHA

Oh yeah, and the huge tattoo of a naked lady on my upper arm probably would be a little indication .... maybe. :bigrin:

Ratchick

May 9, 2005, 8:43 PM

Hmmm....I wonder if there are any "codes" I dont know about....
Like I know one Gay Biker bar here has the "hankie Code" so guys know what each other is into, I wonder if there is some code I am missing in dress or something...
I am pretty clueless...
RC

katie

May 11, 2005, 10:56 AM

I find this all confusing......is there a uniform?......I have str8 friends who are mistaken for gay and gay friends everyone think of as straight......as a middle aged woman with a bit of weight some people don't see me as sexual at all...little do they know.....(curently with two lovers)......so I am not sure I want to make assumptions...even if a person has the same sexuality as me it doesn't mean they would be interested in that kind of relationship with me...so.....I try to meet people where they are and be open to what may happen..... :compuser: Katie

gayle

May 11, 2005, 3:28 PM

Katie,
Good observations!
BTW, having been quite overweight in the past (270 pounds at 5'4"), and now slim at 130-135 pounds, I can tell you that your weight doesn't necessarily dictate how people see you. My friends now tell me that they never really saw me as being overweight, despite the fact I wore sizes 26-28. I'm now a size 4 or 6. The thing is I never really considered myself to be fat or overweight and I never carried myself that way. I considered myself to be an attractive woman. I still do. My bf and I were going thru photos after we'd been dating for several weeks and he saw pictures of me at my heaviest. He'd known me then too. He was absolutely shocked when he looked at the photos because he had never realized I was that large.
It's funny, but if we think we look good, other people tend to find us attractive. Not that we should be vain, or arrogant or whatever. . . I know that even now when I am feeling particularly attractive, I get lots of attention from both men and women.
If anyone does figure out some "dress code" to indicate whether someone is str8, bi or gay, it would be interesting to see it. I'd just like to look like me, a bit sassy, flirtatious, confident, sexy. It doesn't much matter what others think of me. I know who and what am. As a str8 woman, I have been in situations where other women have expressed an attraction to me and I admit I do find it flattering. I also enjoy it when men notice me. I enjoy flirting and find it makes life so much more exciting.
Anyhow, guess I'm getting off topic. Still, maybe someone could just propose a humorous, fictitious "dress code" to indicate our sexual orientation. It'd probably be good for a laugh. All I know is my bidar & gaydar do not work! I'm not so sure I want it fixed either. I'd rather just see people as being people, not judge them based on their sexuality alone. :grouphug:
Gayle

NewGirl

May 13, 2005, 2:35 AM

Personally, i look like a straight girl. I know what some people are saying when they have to dress a little more stereotypically to get noticed. But my issue, is even when i try, i think i am still dismissed as straight. Maybe i am being too subtle. But then again it is not my style to dress like someone i am not. ahhhh, crap. I guess i am just stuck in that awkward tom-boy-yet-relaxed-cute-girl-that-guy-are-friends-with-then-date-then-don't-date-who-actually-likes-girls phase. You know, that one. everyone's been through it, right?

tigress

May 27, 2005, 8:21 PM

Yes and no.
I've always just worn what is comfortable, which ends up being t-shirts and cargo pants. Girl tees and cargo pants are just too skimpy or tight, so I shop in the guys section all the time.
I wear jewlry.
But, not really like gold or silver or gem stones.
More like my hematite ring and jade pendant.
...and spikes.
I used to have really long hair (over 3ft), but I donated 2ft of it to locks of love because my mom had cancer (she's fine now).
So idk if I look bi, all I know is when I came out to my closest and best friend, she wasn't suprised.
:bipride:

softfruit

May 29, 2005, 12:09 PM

For the last ten years I've lived in a city where a lot of the gay clubs & bars have "gay-only" door policies (some don't even allow bi's in, and one used to allow gay and straight people in but not bisexuals!)

Frustratingly, no matter what my dress sense or hairstyle of the week, not once has a bouncer so much as blinked before letting me in. It'd be fun to think I could pass as straight sometimes, if I wanted to!

jo69guy

Jun 6, 2005, 7:16 AM

Imyself have very"straight" mannerisms. This is partially due to my family's prominence in the area. At work, I act totally straight, but anyone in tune with their gaydar can usually tell.

hypershot

Jun 6, 2005, 7:28 AM

I'm not sure but I'm getting very worried about it.

Most of the time I think I look straight and everything. But my best mate said I'm probably goin to end up a cross dresser, and just recently he's said I'm very Camp. but I don't have a camp voice. And I don't get checked out by anyone...at all *sobs*.

So, I think I act Bi, not gay or straight.

Thanks for listening,

Love Chris

xXx

wild_irish_rose06

Jun 6, 2005, 10:47 PM

(First post so bear with me pls :) )

Well, my straight friends think I'm straight, my bi cousin is positive that I'm bi and my gay friend(guy) thinks I'm a lesbian and that my best straight friend and I are girlfriends. So I guess I act Straight/bi at different times or when I'm around different people.

:flag3:
Mandy

bigregory

Jun 6, 2005, 11:13 PM

omg...................
do i look black
white red gay bi
no i look like joe
blow so does every other bi person
oh yes the GAYDAR goes off all the time OK SO THAT PERSON IS GAY
thats not so much looks as presentation
unlike gay folk we are well mixxed
bi is so unlike hetro or gay/les that we are THE normal ppl.
BITE ME

bigfella

Jun 7, 2005, 3:39 PM

never realy thought about it b4, ima jeans and t-shirt kinda guy real casual. and im in the closet so except for halloween i look pretty straight lol.

hahahaha--totally the same!!! Last Halloween I went out in fishnets and tutu!!

Heartless01

Jun 7, 2005, 4:05 PM

Anyone ever had a person tell them either of these two ??

"You don't look butch enough"
or
"You don't look femme enough"

UGG :banghead:

gayle

Jun 29, 2005, 2:17 AM

So many times I've seen discussion of bidar and gaydar. Mine never worked. I'm not even sure I had gaydar or bidar. In fact, I even said in a previous posting that I wasn't sure I wanted to have a functioning gaydar or bidar. Ironically, my bidar started functioning for the first time on Saturday night. It does seem that my bidar only functions in certain settings. In this case, it started functioning in Balanca's where I correctly identified 4 women as being bi and identified one man as being bi. It apparently does not function when I am at Wal-Mart. The thing that I really noticed was that I didn't like having a functioning bidar. It subtly affected how I related to people because I had more of an awareness of their sexual preferences and having that awareness was a bit distracting. I much prefer relating to people just as people, not really giving consideration to their sexual preferences. (It's not as though I wish to have sex with every person on the face of the planet!) Even though I only felt like it subtly affected my interactions, I didn't like it. My bf, who is bi, on the other hand was delighted that my bidar was functioning. Apparently his doesn't function all that well. Of course, I do wonder as a straight woman, what need do I have for bidar? And if my bidar is functioning intermittently, then is my gaydar also functioning? Now that my bidar is beginning to function, does anyone know where I can go to have it disabled? I really do prefer interacting with people without this awareness of their sexual orientation. I never felt the need to know someone was straight, so why would I need to know if they were gay, lesbian or bi? The only time I feel like I need that information is if I want to play with them in the bedroom. Otherwise, it's none of my business! :2cents:

garik

Jun 29, 2005, 7:36 AM

Not really, no.

I'm not especially camp. One or two people have suspected I'm not straight, but not that many. I went through a phase of being a little camper, but it was a bit put-on. Generally I think most straight men are a little gareth-acting...

Either way, the important thing is to dress and act as you feel comfortable. I don't feel comfortable being especially effeminate (well, apart from when I'm in drag...) or especially butch. Be yourself.

codybear3

Jun 29, 2005, 11:24 PM

There does seem to be a total lack of photos of people on this site and pictures do speak 1000 words... however - since I have photos up - do I look queer?

Nice picture. You look like a fine looking babe. Pictures do speak 1000 words, but sometimes, those words can be false or misinterpreted....

Bum_Ditty

Jun 30, 2005, 1:36 AM

...do you all look gay/queer/bi? Do you think people can tell? Is there anything about you that is stereo typically "gay"? Oh, one other thing about me, I think when I am not paying attention my body language looks pretty dykey and that probably speaks louder than what I wear. Well, what about you guys? And do you purposely try to look straight or gay/bi/queer depending on the situation or your mood?

I don't go around consciously trying to look "queer" or "bi," but throughout my teen and adult years right up to the present day (I'm 44 now) people have often commented/accused/threatened me because of the way that I move. I have also been assured that my movements are not "gay" or "queer" in any way that can be singled out and examined, and in fact the people who have commented on my supposedly "queer" body language have almost always turned out at some later time to be "gay" or "bi" themselves -- especially those who became belligerent! :eek:

As far as looking queer or bi, I do sort of fall into the (ridiculous) local stereotype of a closeted or partially-out gay male, that being a male who trims up his facial and cranial hair in an artful way and always tries to dress as neatly as the situation demands or allows, rather than just be a sloppily-goateed slob, which is (again ridiculously, in my opinion) the local standard for "straightness."
:banghead:

I do so mainly because I feel better when I look presentable, and in fact am rather frumpy, which means that even dressing down just a bit tends to result in my appearing like a television-stereotypical homeless person/wino. (no joke, there doesn't seem to be much middle ground for me personally) :(

In short, yes, I do believe that people can tell who is or is not LesBiGay. No, I do not think it involves a completely quantifiable set of traits, and no, I do not consciously try to to look or act LBG, it just sort of happens.

Just my two cents, sorry about the length of it. :2cents:

--Bum_Ditty

Shiraz

Aug 1, 2005, 3:15 PM

Great thread..

Until recently I had very long hair, and it still reaches the tops of my shoulders. I rarely wear makeup but I do use tinted moisturisers that give me a natural healthy look, especially in the summer. I prefer to take care of my skin with good skincare products, not have to cover up bad skin with makeup ! I wear trousers of some description most of the time, because they are more practical for my own life. I carry a handbag or bag of some description most of the time & I wear scent.

I don't look bi/lesbian, even when I have tried to BUT I have been guessed correctly by gay men.

Body language.. evidently mine is just that bit too positive not all girly, and I stride lol

cutiepie

Aug 2, 2005, 7:53 PM

Well, I hope i don't look queer. :rolleyes: It is really hard for me to tell what women are : bi or gay or straight. I am still "coming out", so for me; i try not to show my bi-curious tendancies when i am around my friends and family. It is really hard though, not to let my eyes wander when i am in a public place. :tongue:

codybear3

Aug 2, 2005, 9:09 PM

I don't think I look the "queer" part, but female friends have told me I let my more "gay" side surface in thier company. But take a look at my profile pic and you tell me.... :cool:

mike9753

Aug 3, 2005, 9:31 AM

I have not had the chance to do any more than skim this thread, but that has never stopped before from offering my $.02.

I know from my work that research has shown that we communicate mostly by non-verbal cues. It's not our words that tell people about us but subtle mannerisms, looks, glances, gestures, etc. I also know, as a dog lover, that dogs learn non-verbal commands more easily than verbal commands. So non-verbals are rich with information - whether we intentionally want to communicate or not - we do.

I am also very aware that any communication invloves both the sender of the message and the receiver of the message.

Now that I have established these points, let me make some assumptions.

1. If you have familiarity with bisexual people, you will become aware of the non-verbals that they use in their everyday life. Bisexual people are not as well known a group and have (for good or bad) not been stereo-typed by the str8 community as has gay men (effeminent, limp wristed men - totally wrong, and prejorative, I might add ). In other words, I would guess, if you have some experience knowing and observing bi men and women, you are much more likely to pick up on the non-verbals and be able to make an educated guess.

2. The same holds true for being able to make educated guesses about the orientation of people who are gay or others who are heterosexual.

3. The str8 community, many of which would like to deny that anything but heterosexuality exists, will often deny the cues even if they are flagrantly presented to them. And will often misread cues to suit their own comfort level.

4. To some extent we all do this. How often have we become infatuated with another person, thinking the attraction is mutual, only to be dissappointed to find out that the object of our affection does not know we exist? :(

5. We do communicate things about ourselves, whether we try to or not. We may think we are in the closet, but an educated and astute observer may be able to tell which closet we are in, depending on their frame of reference.

6. I did not include Transgendered people here, because in this case I think that it is not their dress that is at issue, but their orientation to the gender they are attracted to that generates the non-verbal cues. Altho honestly I am not sure how to think about what non-verbals they do communicate. Any thoughts? :confused:

I hope I added to the discussion.
Mike ;)

chook

Aug 3, 2005, 5:48 PM

Well its got me buggered, I didnt know you had to fit some special mold in the looks dept to be straight gay or bi I have met both men and women that fit all of the above and to tell the truth some of the gays acted straighter than me. And then there's been times I was dead set certain that a person was gay or bi only to find out I was wrong. So I ask the question what does one look for please enlighten me :)

Chook

SweetBlackAngel

Aug 3, 2005, 8:22 PM

twosides

Aug 3, 2005, 8:29 PM

To answer the question, _I_ don't think so.

But... I've had my share of gay guys who have hit on me. That was nice, but it was usually at a time that I wasn't interested in that side of my sexuality. I've thought that probably was generated more by the fantasy that I know some gays have about str8 guys. Lately, I had a good gay friend of mine tell me that he thought I wasn't "gay". Though I haven't had the chance in the last couple of conversations with him to tell him about my bidentity. I, too, am much more comfortable just being myself, wearing mostly jeans and t-shirts, or the occasional button down. If I went the metrosexual route, trying to look my best at all times, then it might be more of a situation where people pegged me as gay, even though they would be wrong.

I'm interested in knowing what triggers the bi-dar as well. I certainly can't tell. But as I said earlier, it's a good bet that if I am attracted to a woman, she's more likely than not to be a lesbian, lipstick or androgynous.

someone3

Aug 4, 2005, 10:55 AM

this is my first time on such a web site, and makes me happy to know people fourm in which to truely exprese themselfs with out public ridicul from people that don't except difference in the world. :)

in reply to this topic...

I don't think you can really tell until you actually talk to some one, I don't think I look bi or hetro, but while at school this past year at a new school I made a friend that everyone thought was gay and everyone said he dressed like it but no one asked him and when I made a pass at him he freaked out and it turned out he was straigt and he thought I was too, we are still friends but not that close.

so if there is a uniform for your sexuality, I think there was a mix up during delivery.

so in closing a quote from an old episode of "The man show",

"Here's how to find out if your girlfriend is a liesbian, check her tounge.
if it's in another girl's vgna then chances are she is."

or if your lucky she's bi! :bipride: