Dealing with loved ones in Iraq

[PolyLoveTriad]

We have someone we love in Iraq right now. Everytime I look at the news my stomach ties itself up in knots. If I dont watch the news I worry. Damned if I do damned if I dont.

Im wondering if anyone else has loved ones in Iraq and how you deal with the daily stress and "what if's"?

I keep thinking, he's going to be home soon but Id rather it be today :) He comes home sometime between Dec-Jan we hope! Pray for him and all the others who are there!

[TaylorMade]

My ex boyfriend was over there. While he was "in the rear with the gear", I still got a little crazy everytime I heard " x Marines were killed in y area.", and I'd clog his e-mail box with "Are you okay? SPEAK TO ME, DAMMIT!" notes.

The most I could do is pray and commiserate with other women/men in the same situation.

*Taylor*

[darkeyes]

Most of you know I am not religious, but even if I were I would find it diffcult to pray for the troops in Iraq Afghanistan or elsewhere.. if I were to pray it would be for everyone involved in a conflict, and for the end of war and violence.

Being an opponent of war, not just Iraq or Afghanistan, but any war, I cannot, as so many opponents of wars seem to be able to do, offer support to our troops.... offering support appears to me to be offering tacit support for the war and its continuance, and that I am unable to do... I wish that all who are embroiled in war, be they British, American, Iraqi or any other nationality, of any religion or none, on any side could be spared the suffering of war, and live or be brought home alive, healthy and in one piece, unscarred mentally or physcally by conflict... but thats an unrealistic wish.. its not the nature of the beast...people die, are maimed and suffer horribly in war.. and therefore I can offer no support to our troops, or the combatants of any other side in any conflict..

But I do hope that those of you who have loved ones involved in these crazy wars come home safely and unharmed.. equally I hope they are never put in a position to harm another human being, and while I hate war, my heart goes out to anyone who has been harmed or killed, lost or had a loved one injured by the folly of war....

[Solomon]

We have someone we love in Iraq right now. Everytime I look at the news my stomach ties itself up in knots. If I dont watch the news I worry. Damned if I do damned if I dont.

Im wondering if anyone else has loved ones in Iraq and how you deal with the daily stress and "what if's"?

I keep thinking, he's going to be home soon but Id rather it be today :) He comes home sometime between Dec-Jan we hope! Pray for him and all the others who are there!

all i know is hugs, prayers, faith, a few tears, letters (lot's of'em), and distraction...

[JohnnyV]

I have some cousins over there, who are in a very difficult situation. They enlisted in order to get citizenship (we all immigrated from Latin America.) Non-citizens, including many "illegal aliens," make up a much bigger percentage of the armed forces than most Americans realize. As I understand it, if they die in combat before serving the minimum time to become citizens, their families are not entitled to stay in the United States and have to return to the war-ravaged and impoverished homeland that we fled in the first place (though I am no immigration lawyer).

The first thing I do is not watch the news all the time. I limit myself to only about a half hour a day, since most of the news is a repeat of the same stories several times during the day.

I avoid both extreme left and extreme right inflammatory news sources like Fox News, Lou Dobb's hour on CNN (his anti-immigrant obsession offends me particularly because of my cousins' status in Iraq), Keith Olbermann's hour on CNN, or even Jon Stewart's Daily Show. Anything involving bombast, sarcasm, or smug contempt for a group of people just depresses me so much I can't take it. I try to avoid crossfire or debate formats in shows I watch, because the screaming and yelling and mutual humiliation that characterizes most of our Iraq debate likewise makes me profoundly sad. When I can, I try to get my news by watching CNN at its least incendiary times, typically during the afternoon, or I go online at Google and read foreign newspapers. My favorites come from Brazil, Mexico, Israel, and India.

My approach is to limit the amount of negativity that I carry with me about this war. I protested against it in 2003, and I continue to vote based on my opposition to Bush's foreign policy, but I know that my cousins are stuck there as things stand now, so I don't want to spend many of my waking hours embroiled in fruitless debate or spiraling in despair.

One other thing I do is to show kindness and love to the veterans who have returned from Iraq and are in my life now. At the college where I teach, some students are starting as freshmen at the age of 23-25, after having done very long tours of duty in Iraq and/or Afghanistan. I try to see my cousins in them and make sure to go beyond the call of duty to help them adjust to civilian life. They suffer from a great deal of physical and mental stress, and the war will haunt them for decades. One student told me that the thing he wants the most from America -- and the thing that Americans seem not to want to give him -- is the art of listening. He just wants people in classes and in public spheres to let returning vets talk about what happened in Iraq, aside from all the hype and propaganda.

By going the extra miles for the boys who have come back from serving in the Mideast and Central Asia, I feel like I can do some small goodness for the sake of my own loved ones who are still there, and who I hope will return.

Love,
J

[TaylorMade]

all i know is hugs, prayers, faith, a few tears, letters (lot's of'em), and distraction...

I probably should have said this, but AndyouMake3, my PM box is open anytime you want to vent.

*Taylor*

[dickhand]

My dad went to Viet-Nam when I was 7 y/o . 11/67 to 11/68 . Remember that was the time of the Tet offensive . Unlike todays modern communication options , we had only letters and the occasional reel to reel tape . After Tet there was about a three month period where we didn't get any mail . This was not a good time for my mother as you can imagine . A little rough for me as well . Being an only child didn't help and living here in small town , Maine didn't help either . I believe I was the only kid in my town of 4900 people who's dad was there and no one else in my age group was even aware of the war . This time around , because of military down sizing , many more people are affected like I was then . Reserve and guard units are being used much more this time around . Perhaps this a good thing as far as support for our troops is concerned . Protesting and insulting and berating them is not as easy to do when you know someone who is there . My son just returned from Afghanistan in January . His mom died while he was deployed . That was rough going . It was a sudden illness and and it happened during Thanks Giving week . He was not able to make it to her bed side before she passed because of the huge amount of holiday traffic . The Red Cross did a fantastic job in trying to get him here though . It is not an easy thing to deal with . You must do your best for your family and your deployed loved one as well . Talking helps . Like I said , there are many more regular folks in the same boat this time . Make an effort to get together with some of them . There is alot to be said for mutual support . Good luck and god bless !

[TaylorMade]

My dad went to Viet-Nam when I was 7 y/o . 11/67 to 11/68 . Remember that was the time of the Tet offensive . Unlike todays modern communication options , we had only letters and the occasional reel to reel tape . After Tet there was about a three month period where we didn't get any mail . This was not a good time for my mother as you can imagine . A little rough for me as well . Being an only child didn't help and living here in small town , Maine didn't help either . I believe I was the only kid in my town of 4900 people who's dad was there and no one else in my age group was even aware of the war . This time around , because of military down sizing , many more people are affected like I was then . Reserve and guard units are being used much more this time around . Perhaps this a good thing as far as support for our troops is concerned . Protesting and insulting and berating them is not as easy to do when you know someone who is there . My son just returned from Afghanistan in January . His mom died while he was deployed . That was rough going . It was a sudden illness and and it happened during Thanks Giving week . He was not able to make it to her bed side before she passed because of the huge amount of holiday traffic . The Red Cross did a fantastic job in trying to get him here though . It is not an easy thing to deal with . You must do your best for your family and your deployed loved one as well . Talking helps . Like I said , there are many more regular folks in the same boat this time . Make an effort to get together with some of them . There is alot to be said for mutual support . Good luck and god bless !

That's why I do give to the RedCross and USO and some of the NGO orgs that help out the troops.

(doesn't hurt that the USO has one of my favorite actors as one of its spokes people. :p )

*Taylor*

[PolyLoveTriad]

I probably should have said this, but AndyouMake3, my PM box is open anytime you want to vent.

*Taylor*

Thank you very much, that means a lot to me :)

[onewhocares]

Oh yes, am I not SO familar with this situation. Last July, in the main chat room I met this man from "Washington". For some reason I have connected with this person. Well time goes by and the dating, and writting with this man made he appreciate the women in his life.

THen when hell freezes over you will make it a event.

Now I wish I did not cause progmlems are not so fare here

[anne27]

I had a nephew over there for a while when the war first broke out. He was in the airforce and not in direct front line combat, but the area he was in was bombed more than once. While I wasn't religious at all at the time (struggling with my faith and God still), I did often wish to whatever powers were out there that he remain safe from harm. I avoided watching the news and kept in contact with his mom and tried to keep her spirits up as much as possible.
Thankfully, he's been stationed elsewhere and we're hoping he does not to re-up again when his time is over.

My heart goes out to you and to all the families and friends of soldiers in Iraq. I'll keep a good thought for your loved one.

[PolyLoveTriad]

Well hopefully he will be home sometime between Dec and Jan. I wish it was sooner, I so want him to be home like yesterdy. But hopefully time will pass very quickly.

Its hard though, you want to watch the news, you want to know whats going on, and yet you dont want to know as well. Everytime I hear somethings happend there, Im like one giant knot. Then I can relax when he gets ahold of me :) Til the next day and I watch the news *sigh* lol

[Dagni]

Everyone's religious and inviting other people to pray only when it comes to war? That's stupid. Yes, reliigious people were always hyprocrats.

I completely agree with Fran, and her post is most honest. Why should we prays only for our people who are there, what with the rest of people, with those who are on the other side? Iraqi people are not humans? No, they just defend their way of life and none of troops who are there should go there because it's not defending your own country, and honestly i would never understand those individuals who gone there against their own will.

[TaylorMade]

Thank you very much, that means a lot to me :)

Hey... least I could do, yanno.

*Taylor*

[Solomon]

Everyone's religious and inviting other people to pray only when it comes to war? That's stupid. Yes, reliigious people were always hyprocrats.

I completely agree with Fran, and her post is most honest. Why should we prays only for our people who are there, what with the rest of people, with those who are on the other side? Iraqi people are not humans? No, they just defend their way of life and none of troops who are there should go there because it's not defending your own country, and honestly i would never understand those individuals who gone there against their own will.

sorry..... forgot that if somebody's trying to kill my family that they're just really misunderstood

i will keep the enemy in my prayers.... pray the enemy surrenders or dies quick before they kill more of U.S. soldiers and British soldiers, 'cuz like it or not i don't see any evidence of Bush backing down so far

'course i am still a hypocrite..... so sue me

[flexuality]

We have someone we love in Iraq right now. Everytime I look at the news my stomach ties itself up in knots. If I dont watch the news I worry. Damned if I do damned if I dont.

Im wondering if anyone else has loved ones in Iraq and how you deal with the daily stress and "what if's"?

I keep thinking, he's going to be home soon but Id rather it be today :) He comes home sometime between Dec-Jan we hope! Pray for him and all the others who are there!

Hugs and prayers from me too.

[darkeyes]

sorry..... forgot that if somebody's trying to kill my family that they're just really misunderstood

i will keep the enemy in my prayers.... pray the enemy surrenders or dies quick before they kill more of U.S. soldiers and British soldiers, 'cuz like it or not i don't see any evidence of Bush backing down so far

'course i am still a hypocrite..... so sue me
Shakes head at Sol and grins knowingly... wondering who invaded who's country....

[PolyLoveTriad]

Everyone's religious and inviting other people to pray only when it comes to war? That's stupid. Yes, reliigious people were always hyprocrats.

I completely agree with Fran, and her post is most honest. Why should we prays only for our people who are there, what with the rest of people, with those who are on the other side? Iraqi people are not humans? No, they just defend their way of life and none of troops who are there should go there because it's not defending your own country, and honestly i would never understand those individuals who gone there against their own will.

Well, this just goes to show that not everyone see's the meaning of this thread and needs to be a hypocrite themselves and stereotypical.

Since its apparent this needs clarification with you, this thread was not about praying although thats the only hate word you could pick out of it. Now, on the whole praying subject, since you didnt even see the thread was about having someone you love in Iraq, people "pray" in their own way. People also pray to their own God. You see, showing that you care about someone and praying, wishing, hoping, thinking, whatever you want to do, isnt a bad thing to do as you have tried to make it into.

I say pray for him and the others to come home safely and you pick out of the entire meaning of the thread, the word "pray". Very nice.

I also want to point out to you as you dont know me at all. I dont just pray for just "the war". I pray for almost everything I do in my life. So your determination that it was "just stupid" is incorrect. I pray to MY God all the time. I invite everyone to pray to their OWN God if they have one. If they dont then I ask them to have good thoughts about things they are doing or going through.

Now I dont know why you picked out the word "Pray" and nothing else about the thread. But Im going to tell you just one more time what the thread was about, just to clarify it for you.

This was about the fact that I have someone whom I love so very much a billion miles away in a country where the children would rather pick up a gun and put a bullet in his head than see him come home safely. This was about the fact that I am having a terrible time dealing with knowing theres a chance he may not come home safely and may not come home at all. This was about ME and how I have been feeling, how I have been dealing with watching the damn news everyday hoping I dont hear bad stuff and knowing I will. This was about loving someone so much it feels like your heart is ripped out everyday when you wake up and then you "pray" that not only the man you love comes home safe but his friends, his unit, his army, his brothers in arms comes home safe and not in a damn body bag.

Now, just when you think Im only praying for our men and women to come home safely, theres a shocker for you!!! I DO pray for other people in Iraq. I pray that people who are trying to kill our loved ones to not be able to do so. I pray for the innocent Iraqi's to be safe and for the children to grow up with a new perspective about people than their parents did and learn to not hate. I pray that the world will stop fighting and start learning from each other and be more tolerant of other races, cultures and religions and respect others who chose to pray to whatever god they may be praying to.

So hopefully you can understand what this what about and it was not about praying.

And hopefully you can understand why I am so upset that you tried to make it about praying.

I want him home, I want him home not tomorrow, not next week, not next month or next year, I want him home YESTERDAY. So I will ask people to pray, Ill ask people to let me vent, Ill ask people how they deal with this frustration and Ill politely tell you to take a hike.

[PolyLoveTriad]

Everyone's religious and inviting other people to pray only when it comes to war? That's stupid. Yes, reliigious people were always hyprocrats.



Btw, if you believe that religious people were always hyprocrats, Ill believe you were always a bad speller. Its HYPOCRITES. Ill even pray for you to be able to open your mind and not be a hater.

[darkeyes]

Btw, if you believe that people were always hypocrats, Ill beleive you were always a bad speller. Its HYPOCRITS. Ha, Ill even pray for you too.
How gud is your Finnish spellin then smart arse???? An believe is spelt 'ie'... neva mind 1 outa 2 is ok.... o yea..an there is an apostrophe in I'll...an lastly...won't even mention the apostrophe position in 'its' (tho jus did..tee hee).... leave it up 2 u 2 tell world where..or indeed if..... or is ur 1st language Mandarin????

OO me dus luff me lil bitta fun..... :tong:

[PolyLoveTriad]

How gud is your Finnish spellin then smart arse???? An believe is spelt 'ie'... neva mind 1 outa 2 is ok.... o yea..an there is an apostrophe in I'll...an lastly...won't even mention the apostrophe position in 'its' (tho jus did..tee hee).... leave it up 2 u 2 tell world where..or indeed if..... or is ur 1st language Mandarin????

OO me dus luff me lil bitta fun..... :tong:

Ok, I have to laugh now. lol Youre correcting something I wrote when I was incredibly upset, and you can write hardly at all lol

And I have to ask, do all people from scottland talk like that? If so, how in the world does anyone understand you? Its like a cross between choppy english and drunken town fool.

[Azrael]

'Trainspotting' by Irvine Welsh has a Scottish glossary, highly recommended :cool:

[darkeyes]

Ok, I have to laugh now. lol Youre correcting something I wrote when I was incredibly upset, and you can write hardly at all lol

And I have to ask, do all people from scottland talk like that? If so, how in the world does anyone understand you? Its like a cross between choppy english and drunken town fool.
Sweetheart, let me say this. The one thing I can do is write and spell properly when the mood takes me and if the subject matter is of sufficient gravitas to warrant it.

Many of my posts are in Franspeak and have a style which those who know me are aware of and understand, and with a little perseverance, so can any human being with half a brain. Don't think me a fool for I am anything but. I have a sense of humour which is appreciated or not and understand that. What I do not like is the pettyness of picking up on the spelling of one who's first language is not English and making fun of it. I responded to you as one who presumably has English as his or her first language in a manner I deemed suitable in response to an arrogant and condescending tone pointing out your own faults in punctuation and spelling.

We all make errors in our punctuation and spelling, even the most perfect of us. For your information Scots write English as well as any, and better than most, and grammatically better than their southern cousins. Just a little smart arsed observation you may be interested in.

By the way, there is only a single t in Scotland.

[PolyLoveTriad]

Sweetheart, let me say this. The one thing I can do is write and spell properly when the mood takes me and if the subject matter is of sufficient gravitas to warrant it.

Many of my posts are in Franspeak and have a style which those who know me are aware of and understand, and with a little perseverance, so can any human being with half a brain. Don't think me a fool for I am anything but. I have a sense of humour which is appreciated or not and understand that. What I do not like is the pettyness of picking up on the spelling of one who's first language is not English and making fun of it. I responded to you as one who presumably has English as his or her first language in a manner I deemed suitable in response to an arrogant and condescending tone pointing out your own faults in punctuation and spelling.

We all make errors in our punctuation and spelling, even the most perfect of us. For your information Scots write English as well as any, and better than most, and grammatically better than their southern cousins. Just a little smart arsed observation you may be interested in.

By the way, there is only a single t in Scotland.


Good to know you dont really write like a 2 yr old all the time. Thanks for your response and Ill remember there is only 1 T in Scotland. This is the first post I have ever read from you that I didnt have to decipher, very well done. It was a joy to read this one.

On a side note, I dont mean to offend you nor anyone else. The post I responded to where you didnt like my response I was really ticked off they made it to be something it wasnt. So forgive me if you dont agree or like what I said but its how I feel. Many people have someone they love in Iraq who feel the same way.

[TaylorMade]

Everyone's religious and inviting other people to pray only when it comes to war? That's stupid. Yes, reliigious people were always hyprocrats.

I completely agree with Fran, and her post is most honest. Why should we prays only for our people who are there, what with the rest of people, with those who are on the other side? Iraqi people are not humans? No, they just defend their way of life and none of troops who are there should go there because it's not defending your own country, and honestly i would never understand those individuals who gone there against their own will.

Dagni, start your own thread if you want to vent. This wasn't the time or place... I initially was going to ignore you, but I really thought you knew better.
To others who posted with other things in mind besides support for AndYouMake3 and her situation, I have this to say: There is a time and place to argue the rightness or the wrongness of this conflict, and it wasn't this thread. A member had something on her heart and needed to vent. Even if you disagree with this war, the least you could have done is shut up and start your own topic to speak on that, and allow AndYouMake3 to speak up w/o fear of recimination.

*Taylor*

[welickit]

The chat rooms were becoming bad enough, now look at this thread. One person stumbles and everyone wants to throw daggers and have the last say.
As far as dealing with loved ones in Iraq, I think that was the subject? If you have never been in a combat zone it isn't easy. It isn't easy if you have been but you see things differently if you have been. You need to look at that soldier as a soldier. Not a son or a husband or a lover, a soldier. Have some faith in him and his training. Give him due credit for being qualified to do what he is doing. Someone taught him to drive, do you give him the credit he deserves and ride with him? He could get killed or injured out driving his car. Even through no fault of his own.
It isn't easy but you have to have faith in him. We have two sons in the military, one just getting back from his second tour in Iraq. There are sleepless times and moments of tension but it was the same when they took the car or the truck out alone the first time. Try to have more faith in him and appreciate him. Look to the positive because the negative will make you crazy.
:2cents:

[darkeyes]

Good to know you dont really write like a 2 yr old all the time. Thanks for your response and Ill remember there is only 1 T in Scotland. This is the first post I have ever read from you that I didnt have to decipher, very well done. It was a joy to read this one.

On a side note, I dont mean to offend you nor anyone else. The post I responded to where you didnt like my response I was really ticked off they made it to be something it wasnt. So forgive me if you dont agree or like what I said but its how I feel. Many people have someone they love in Iraq who feel the same way.Naaaa...don rite like a 2 yo all the time...dus act like 1 a lot tho... tee hee

Seriously, Im sorry if I was a bit tetchy and picky, but sometimes we can all be bitchy. But you wrote in a manner which touched a raw nerve...it happens. Just noticed though I have written over 800 posts since joining, and I think while most probably are written in Franspeak, these are usually though not always less serious and jocular posts I think you will find. I'm bloody sure I am not going to through them and count how many are written in proper English, maybe a quarter to a third or so. These are usually, though again not necessarily on more weighty issues about which I can be a right pain the backside (ask Solomon..tee hee) because I believe strongly in what I have said. Hopefully there will be a few more of them before I am done. But don ask me 2 give up Franspeak... cos me jus won... :tong:

[onewhocares]

First of all, I must say that I am sorry for my very poor response yesterday. I started to write and well the emotions overcame me. Just the thoughts of soilders from many nations being in Iraq, has torn my heart.

As I started to say. I met a soilder from Washington on this site. At first I was apprehensive about starting a friendship, then all of a sudden months went by and Steven had become part of our lives. I too would listen with angst to the news. I began to send packages of what ever he needed for he and his buddies. At Thanksgiving I had made a huge banner with outlined letters. All of the 18 guests wrote a story or comment in each of the letter. It was sent to him for Christmas.

There were times when we would not hear from him and worry to no end. I would like to say that now, a year latter the worry and concern is less. Actually I think it has intensified.

Just tonight my daughter and I watched a show on Bravo TV. The comedian Kathy Griffen and guests visited the troops in Iraq. It was humbling and heart wrenching at the same time.

My heart goes out to all, be they spouse, parent, friend, co worker of all who are in Iraq. One day at a time is my guess for the way to handle it all. I hope and pray that for the servicemen and woman feel somewhat comforted knowing that there are so many who pray for their safe return.

Belle

[Solomon]

Dagni, start your own thread if you want to vent. This wasn't the time or place... I initially was going to ignore you, but I really thought you knew better.
To others who posted with other things in mind besides support for AndYouMake3 and her situation, I have this to say: There is a time and place to argue the rightness or the wrongness of this conflict, and it wasn't this thread. A member had something on her heart and needed to vent. Even if you disagree with this war, the least you could have done is shut up and start your own topic to speak on that, and allow AndYouMake3 to speak up w/o fear of recimination.

*Taylor*

for my part, i apologize for responding... i was angry and wasn't thinking straight and should have asked this to taken to another thread or just ignored it.... :(

[PolyLoveTriad]

In the end we are all just people. Everyone isnt going to agree with everyone and thats what makes life so intresting and unique. If we all felt the same way or thought the same way we would merely be lemmings and omg how boring would it be to never disagree?

Anyway, thanks so much to everyone really. Even the ones who disagree'd with me or I had other than nice words for. Things can get very tense even in here.

Thank you all and I honestly have no hard feelings towards anyone. And thanks Taylor for giving me a smile today :)

[JohnnyV]

:)

Hey! I posted a thoughtful message on this thread and threw no daggers. :) I think it's important that we not define every chat conversation or thread on the forums according to the most negative stuff that gets put out there. To do so would be unfair, since some of us put a lot of forethought and consideration into what we write, so we can be supportive and also honest with other people on issues that they care about.

Love,
J


The chat rooms were becoming bad enough, now look at this thread. One person stumbles and everyone wants to throw daggers and have the last say.
As far as dealing with loved ones in Iraq, I think that was the subject? If you have never been in a combat zone it isn't easy. It isn't easy if you have been but you see things differently if you have been. You need to look at that soldier as a soldier. Not a son or a husband or a lover, a soldier. Have some faith in him and his training. Give him due credit for being qualified to do what he is doing. Someone taught him to drive, do you give him the credit he deserves and ride with him? He could get killed or injured out driving his car. Even through no fault of his own.
It isn't easy but you have to have faith in him. We have two sons in the military, one just getting back from his second tour in Iraq. There are sleepless times and moments of tension but it was the same when they took the car or the truck out alone the first time. Try to have more faith in him and appreciate him. Look to the positive because the negative will make you crazy.
:2cents:

[TaylorMade]

In the end we are all just people. Everyone isnt going to agree with everyone and thats what makes life so intresting and unique. If we all felt the same way or thought the same way we would merely be lemmings and omg how boring would it be to never disagree?

Anyway, thanks so much to everyone really. Even the ones who disagree'd with me or I had other than nice words for. Things can get very tense even in here.

Thank you all and I honestly have no hard feelings towards anyone. And thanks Taylor for giving me a smile today :)

Anytime. :)

*Taylor*

[welickit]

Who ever gets the last word.......we hope it is Amen.