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View Full Version : Is this the beginig of BIsexuality?



delylab
Sep 26, 2005, 10:14 PM
i have a had an issue with my sexuality ever since i can remeber becoming a sexual person. When i was 7 years old, i remeber sitting on the bus next to my best friend <female> and just having this incredible overwhelming urge to passionately make out-for a 7yr old this is a shocking concept. I never told anyone this-not even my diary- and just ignored it. Then I aged abit still harboring lingering sexual feelings for this friend. We broke off friendships as children often do and i grew up. At the age of 13-14 i again had strong sexula feeling for women, again attached to a best friend, this time accompanied by intense sexual fantasies and lots of masturbation. I also began to move past the best friend crush and turned toward celebrities, porn stars<jenna jameson i love you!> for another outlet for these sexual desires.
:tongue: Of course i am still a "normal" 14 yr old and have crushes on boys. Though never spent anytime really fantasizing sexually about them. I could see a hot guy but in retrospect relized that they were all femenine in the way the dressed, all had long hair and thin figures, you know the starved artist look. i never have liked a "mans" man.
I became friends with a girl who claimed to be bisexual at age 14. We hung out alot and i still have a huge crush on her to this day. Everyone from middle school knows it except her. we used to massage each other and cuddle but never do ANYTHING more sexual than that, though during the massages i felt like i wanted more. but at 14 what won't turn you on is a shorter list than what does...plus all the pot me smoke together made us both to paranoid to do much else.
but she moved away :( , and i grew up some more. At age 16 i finally had my first sexual intercourse with a boy. I was a victim of rape and still have flashbacks during any given form of sexual contact, masturbation or sex with my current boyfriend. I have never had any healthy relations with men, they are either abusive or users. Or they just ignore the fact they are dating someone. My current boyfriend does care about me but still has a hot temper and no career goals or ambitions except to be a musician. I dated one decent guy in high school later finding out that HE is bisexual. interesting.
but back to me...
I repressed my sexual desires though still fantasize about women, masturbate to porn of women, and NEVER GET with a woman. I grew to the age of legal consent-18. i became a stripper. It was and still is a great job in my eyes. i got to be around decent naked women. Look at lots of naked females, be looked at by females and basically have fun. I do like being the center of attention, and i love to be naked-perfect job plus I LIVE to DRINK! i loved life for that year and a half, but time goes on. i grew up again, my club got shut down and i moved to maryland. i lived in Boonsboro for a while in a sshitty little apartment. i became friends with the girl upstairs. she had 2 kids at the age of 19 and was an open "bisexual" in reality she was a HUGE WHORE. she was an awful person, but she had decent coke, so i snorted alot of her drugs with her
she would always blatantly hit on me-in front of my other friends, in private, in front of my boyfriend. Eventually i think i started to like her for that. the attention was nice and i still hadn't made any friends in the area. i was only 19 and still unable to go to any bars. one night i got way to drunk with her, we kept drinking and drinking, she basically had me pounding shots, never brag about an irish back ground unless you have the liver to back it up. I kept drinking, i went downstairs to my apartment got my boyfriend and one thing led to another, and i was in a :three: threesome. :eek: something happened during it, but since i was wasted i can't remember, i just know that i started crying and not wanting to be there. my boyfriend flipped out started yelling at angie for raping me, and then hit me across my face so hard everything went white. he tried to hug me a few second later but i freaked out and hid behind her couch. i let them yell it out.
i have repressed every sexual urge i have had for females since then. no masturbation at all unless my boyfriend is there. i know in my heart we were all to drunk that night for any good to come.

but the thought and feelings have still been creeping up on me. i fantasize that my bf is another women in bed, but it only lasts up until the part where he penetrates me, then i usually break down and cry -BUT NOT ALL THE TIME- only when i fantasize about him being a chick. sometimes if i do it right i fantasize he is a hot chick wearing a strap on and really enjoy myself. He never knows this. until the other night,

I was very apathetic in bed, i just could not get aroused at all, then he started to massage me, i started to fantasize about how laura would massage me, and i was getting really turned on. he really was doing everything the way laura would, then he wanted to have intercourse like any guy would. i couldn't get into it at all from there. i had to break down and tell him, now he knows everything that who ever reads this knows. he was shocked but not suprised. Everygirl he has ever seriously dated has either gone lesbian or was a bisexual.

I am confused and need someont to talk to that understands because i don't.
Am i a lesbian or bisexual, i never have really thought about it like that. i want feedback please feel free to e-mail me at delyla_blue@yahoo.com or im me at DelylaB @ aim.com :female: :tong:

JohnnyV
Oct 3, 2005, 8:56 AM
Delya,

Your story seems to involve a lot more than bisexuality. It sounds like you have to work through a lot about sex in general.

It's possible that you are bisexual, but you are still in the midst of so many other life issues that it is probably better that you try to work out some basics before concentrating on defining your erotic identity.

1) You need to get healthier. It sounds like you have a drinking problem, and I don't think it's a part of your Irish identity. Combining sex with drinking is dangerous for a lot of reasons, including pregnancy, disease, and the potential for another traumatic experience. It's especially important that you not drink to the point that you can't remember what happened.

2) You have to figure out your livelihood. There's nothing wrong with being a stripper, but you mention that your club closed and you didn't know what to do next. If you don't know where your next meal is coming from, it will be tempting to confuse earning a living with your sexual desires. You might want to live with a man or woman because that person can support you, or you might convince yourself that prostitution is something you really want. The key thing is that you can't fully negotiate your sex life unless you are secure in your finances.

3) Crying after sex points to something very serious happening. The fact that you were raped when you were younger is obviously on your mind and it seems like you have to work through it before you try to define your sexual identity.

Whatever happens, it is important that bisexuality is a way for you to experience pleasure for the fun of it. It should not be a way for you get acceptance because you are scared or feel alone. It should not be a way for you to find a meal or a place to live, because you are broke and/or poor. It should not be a way for you to avoid dealing with sexual pain from your past.

My heart goes out to you. I hope you can find a counselor or someone professionally trained to help you with things. If you can, try to deal with your three main issues separately, perhaps one at a time. For instance, first try to get away from alcohol, by seeing an alcoholism counselor (You can get one perhaps for free at a public clinic.) Then try to find a job and a stable place to live. Then look for a therapist with a sliding scale who can help you understand your past and move on.

You are still very young and have all the time in the world to be a lesbian, bisexual, or straight. For right now you need to be happy and safe.

J

Mistya
Oct 3, 2005, 1:43 PM
Delya,

I just wanna be supportive to you and wish you the best hun. I see you have been going through quite a bit in life and I hope you will take the time to find yourself.

The mommy in me wants to say please find another way of dealing with the feelings or face the feelings you have without the drugs/alcohol. They are numbing you sweetie, not helping. LIfe isn't fair and some times we get dealt a crap load of things leaving you have to weed past the ugly and do best as you can with what you have. You are worth a lot more than a few highs.

The sexual issue of what you might be or not be is something you have a ton of time to figure out. For me, my sexuality is not what defines me...it is just a smaller part of the big picture...and most definately not the fore front of life.

You are already making the steps towards getting better by asking for help and opinions here in this forum and talking with your b/f...I truly commend you for that...takes such courage to ask for others to help. Gawd knows I still have to remind myself that I need help from others some times.

You are strong enough to take the next steps towards your happiness...I hope you find the counselor/therapist, stability in your life and make the change for YOU.

In support of you and your changes....hugs.

delylab
Oct 3, 2005, 11:53 PM
thank you all very much for your information i feel it is very helpful. i do have a job now-definately never turned to prostitution :eek: i work at Rite Aide near my college part time, and go to school full time studying psychology at Shepherd University. It's nice :tong: I enjoy it.
I do think i might have abit of a problem drinking, and i have cut back, I never drink alone-ever. I only drink if there is a "party" and some one pressures me. i try to avoid parties at all costs because hangovers will effect my grade. Right now i am very focused on school. It is my life. I have met a different crowd of people and they are much better influences. I really appreciate all who respond, i really appreciate the help. Thank you. :grouphug: